Betrayal is a BITCH

[SuzanneG 1]

Mumof2Boys, Hang in there. How old are your boys? My kids were 3 and 5 when I split from their dad and I had many of the same emotions that you are feeling now.

Be prepared, it's very lonely at first. It was hard and back before unlimited long distance, I was calling everyone I knew to occupy my time. Eventually, I learned to enjoy my own company and to be OK, just being with me.

Once you jump that hurdle, it's all downhill from there. Enjoy your own space, your own schedule, your own destiny. You can do this!

In the end, this could turn out to be one of the best things that has happened to you. It could be a blessing in disguise.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. Do you have a good support network? Clearly you're close with your brother and thats a good thing. Enjoy yourself and take care of YOU. Don't accept anything less than you deserve and the rest will work itself out!

[tapshoes 2]

Tina

I too wonder if your drink had been tampered with; it is too late to check for any substances now, but I would be very careful in future.

Re: husband moving out. It will be difficult, lonely, exhilarating etc. But without him there, I do think you will be better able to focus on yourself and the kids first and begin to stabilize things at home. My thoughts are with you

[mumof2boys 71]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I am starting to freak a bit but I think it's because I'm worried about him. He's a guy so guy's usually don't talk to one another about these types of things...he is in need of a good friend right now who he can talk to. I don't want him to hurt and I know that he is. I'm going to take the boys and go visit my brother this weekend while he moves out. I don't think it's a good idea for us to be there. It will be too difficult for everyone. I just have to stay strong.

I'm really worried about my surgery coming up. I won't have anyone there with me 24/7. I will be in a lot of pain and needs lots of help. My parents are right next door and I know they will help but what if I need something or someone in the middle of the night?

I need to stop stressing and just stay strong and continue on with what I'm doing. Everything will work its way out, right?

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Mumof2boys - I would certainly consider a visiting nurse for a few days while you get back on your feet. Is there anyone else (friend, relative) who could stay with you for a few days or a week to help out? I know money will be a concern for you...

You CAN do this! I pray that it will be an easy time for you and for your husband. It's not going to be easy, but at least you are not seperating with a lot of venom being expressed on both sides.

Stay strong, girlfriend! You are stronger than you imagine and it will be okay...

[Donna113 2]

Tina, I know it's hard to watch the man who is the father of your children and your husband of many years in pain, but remember, he brought this on himself and you owe him no sympathy. You're not rubbing it in his face; just trying to move on to your new future.

As for surgery - remember, worry is going to do you no good. You are fortunate in that you have your parents next door to help you. If you can't afford a visiting nurse or have someone stay with you, then may I suggest you get a strong signal baby monitor and have it in your bedroom and your parents bedroom? You can turn it on and off as you need to use it.

[mumof2boys 71]

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I don't know what to think right now. All that keeps going through my mind is that this time last year I was in Las Vegas while my husband was at home planning his next sexual encounter at a hotel with HER. Man...I have such a headache today. This stress is starting already. I have been doing alright until I got a text from him this morning saying, "Are you sure this is what you want". What I really want is a damn time machine so I can go back in time and change my life (all except my kids and the lapband :laugh:).

The kids seem to be doing fine. In fact, I told them that we (me and them) were going to go to my brothers house on Saturday. My oldest said, "Is that when daddy is moving". It will all be different...my life is about to change like I never ever thought that it would.

[BethFromVA 5]

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I don't know what to think right now. All that keeps going through my mind is that this time last year I was in Las Vegas while my husband was at home planning his next sexual encounter at a hotel with HER. Man...I have such a headache today. This stress is starting already. I have been doing alright until I got a text from him this morning saying, "Are you sure this is what you want". What I really want is a damn time machine so I can go back in time and change my life (all except my kids and the lapband :laugh:).

The kids seem to be doing fine. In fact, I told them that we (me and them) were going to go to my brothers house on Saturday. My oldest said, "Is that when daddy is moving". It will all be different...my life is about to change like I never ever thought that it would.

You know what really galls me? And I know I don't live your life, and this is for real for you -- but -- "Are you sure this is what you want?" WHAT?? It's as if he's putting this on YOU. HE made the decision to carry on a lengthy affair with another woman, not you!! HE made the decision to ruin your marriage, not you!! HE made the decision to destroy your life and the lives of your children, not you!! But the way he is saying this, it's as if YOU are driving the stake through the heart of this marriage instead of the fact that he did it himself many, many months ago!

That infuriates me.... I don't know if it just infuriates me just cuz, or if it infuriates me for you and your children. I'm sorry if what I'm saying is upsetting to you, but this just hits me in a very angry place.

[mumof2boys 71]

You're not upsetting me at all. I couldn't agree with you more. I guess it's just that I could never intentionally hurt someone and I feel like that's what I am doing right now. I know deep down that I'm not but that's just how I am. I guess I have let people walk all over me for so long because of my insecurities that I have just accepted things in the past.

This is totally unlike me...to finally take a stand and this is one tough stand to take. Don't get me wrong...it would have been over a long time ago if we didn't have children. I must say that aside from all of this, I truly am loving my life. I have never in my life gotten more attention that I get right now. I know it's probably not the right way to look at it but the attention that I am getting makes me feel so good about myself. If I were still almost 300 pounds I guarantee that I would just accept this and move on. I would probably have thought that I deserved it and it was all my fault. Luckily that's not me anymore. I have become a completely different person. In fact, two nights ago I met up with two gals from my area who had lap band (one I met on here). While we were at the restaurant I was flirting with the waiter. My friend made the comment that I was totally different than I was a year ago. I used to be shy and conservative and now I don't hesitate to talk to people.

I know that I shouldn't but I really do feel bad for my husband. I know that he wants nothing more than to be able to see his children every day. You're right though...he did this...he wasn't thinking about me or them when he was screwing her or the other one(s)...so...I just have to stay strong. I think that I'll go out tonight since it will basically be my last night with someone in the house who can watch the kids. I'll have to take advantage of it...not to mention I don't want him to try to talk me into letting him stay.

I really do appreciate everyone on here. You guys have been helping me with for almost an entire year. I really can't believe it's been that long. Now...my focus is on my kids, me and my upcoming surgery. Woo Hoo

Tina

[BethFromVA 5]

I know where you're coming from, Tina. You're a generous, kind-hearted person, and I know what you mean. Being on the outside, I certainly don't feel anything for him but disgust and disdain, but if I was in your shoes I might feel the same.

I'm glad you're not giving in to those feelings, though. I know I've read your story here and I didn't remember that there were numerous. Even worse.

You WILL succeed. Hell, you already ARE succeeding. He made his choices, and now you are making yours. Imagine what he could have brought home to you and your boys!! STDs, AIDS, all sorts of nasties.

Sorry, but that's a loser.

[SuzanneG 1]

Tina,

Enjoy yourself tonight and stay strong. Your life is about to take another momumental turn for the better!

You'll be amazed at how happy and good you are without him. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and appreciate you for who you are. Eventually, after you're finished getting to know yourself again, he'll come along and you'll live happily ever after.

Make sure you have a DD tonight and ENJOY!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I don't know what to think right now. All that keeps going through my mind is that this time last year I was in Las Vegas while my husband was at home planning his next sexual encounter at a hotel with HER.

Tina - when those thoughts hit your head, say something else, something positive, OUT LOUD...you can't have a negative thought and a positive one at the same time. Get that mess out of your head - you've got your entire future in front of you and the past has no place there except for the lesson it taught you.

I have been doing alright until I got a text from him this morning saying, "Are you sure this is what you want".

Ok, I'm with Beth here...WTF???? :laugh:

You know what really galls me? And I know I don't live your life, and this is for real for you -- but -- "Are you sure this is what you want?" WHAT?? It's as if he's putting this on YOU. HE made the decision to carry on a lengthy affair with another woman, not you!! HE made the decision to ruin your marriage, not you!! HE made the decision to destroy your life and the lives of your children, not you!! But the way he is saying this, it's as if YOU are driving the stake through the heart of this marriage instead of the fact that he did it himself many, many months ago!

What Beth said...in spades and exponentially more angry!

That infuriates me.... I don't know if it just infuriates me just cuz, or if it infuriates me for you and your children. I'm sorry if what I'm saying is upsetting to you, but this just hits me in a very angry place.

You're not in that angry place by yourself, Beth - HOW DARE HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I guess it's just that I could never intentionally hurt someone and I feel like that's what I am doing right now. I know deep down that I'm not but that's just how I am.

Tina - you are NOT intentionally hurting him - HE intentionally hurt YOU when he CHOSE to have an affair! :cool2:

This is totally unlike me...to finally take a stand and this is one tough stand to take.

Yay for the new, strong Tina!

I know that I shouldn't but I really do feel bad for my husband.

You're human, girlfriend...nothing wrong with that - but don't let him avoid responsibility or paying for what he did. His separation from his family is what HE brought on himself.

I think that I'll go out tonight since it will basically be my last night with someone in the house who can watch the kids.

Go - and have a TERRIFIC time! :tt2:

I know where you're coming from, Tina. You're a generous, kind-hearted person

Beth is exactly right...hang on to that!

You WILL succeed. Hell, you already ARE succeeding. He made his choices, and now you are making yours. Imagine what he could have brought home to you and your boys!! STDs, AIDS, all sorts of nasties.

Sorry, but that's a loser.

Have I told you yet Beth, how much we think alike? You are definately my banded-sister-from-another-mother!

[BethFromVA 5]

Awww, Ebony! I <heart> you! :laugh:

Sorry, Tina, we're having a moment.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Awww, Ebony! I <heart> you!

Sorry, Tina, we're having a moment. :laugh:

I just laughed Diet Coke all over my keyboard...

Watch out - Plain will be asking to join in shortly! :cool2:

[BethFromVA 5]

I just laughed Diet Coke all over my keyboard...

Watch out - Plain will be asking to join in shortly!

Ew, gawd, didn't think about that!

Then again, we're not dressed up poodles or gerbils, so I think we're safe. :laugh:

[mumof2boys 71]

What a minute here ladies...I thought this thread was mine. lol....I'm glad that you guys can make me laugh...I really need it, but don't forget to send some love this way!!!!