please read and if you hear me i need your input

[KimInMD 1]

Hairband,

First of all, give up worrying about other's reactions to obesity. You can't control their feelings, you can only control your own. It's true that making all your changes won't solve any great life "mysteries". The same emotions, insecurities and hang-ups that were there before you lost the weight will still be there after the weight is gone. For one year now you have worked on changing your "outside you". Now it's time to take a deep breath and start to look at the "inside you". If you can't yet love the new skin you are in, at least learn to like it and start to work with it. It can be so scary to step outside the box we were comfortable in. Not that it was great to be in there, just comfortable and predictable. It's hard to maneuver in a new world where the standards on the bar have been raised or lowered from what you've known and are use to.

Happiness is a by-product of inner contentment. Write down the things in life you are content with. Examples might be- I am happy with my exercise program, and content to be walking 3 miles each day. I am content with my decision to give up smoking, etc. Write down the things in life you are not personally content with. Now pick one of the things on the list and start to work on it. It might be small like - I am not content with the way my hair has been looking lately, or big like - I am not content feeling lonely much of the time. What is one thing you can do to change the situation? Perhaps it would be joining a hobby that involves other like minded people. Don't forget to acknowledge all the things in your life that you ARE contented with. In fact, Celebrate those things! Don't be fooled into thinking that you have lost yourself. You have not lost yourself. You have lost the security and comfort of moving in your "old predictable world". Even the pain and poor treatment of that old world were predictable. You haven't lost you. You are just entering a new "season" in your life. You've been given a shot at a new life that millions out there only dream about. You used to be one of those people! You have been given a gift. What are you going to do with that gift? To whom much is given, much is required. Can you uplift and encourage others who are struggling to stay on track? Can you you start a group here and offer help and encouragement to new members, or to those who are doing this without any support? Your 151 pound loss will uplift and inspire hundreds here! You can be a role model for so many others! They would love to know your weight loss secrets and inspiration.

Think about it. Be gentle with yourself. The inner and outer changes will take time to adjust to. Don't fear, but celebrate this new season in your life. The old season had lots of "roots". Now it's time to put on the "wings". Best wishes to you! :confused_smile:

[JRT Mom 919]

Hairband-

sorry to hear of your troubles...please stick around here on the forums...you are going to be a BIG inspiration here to lots of us!:confused_smile:

You are still the same person on the inside even though the exterior packaging probably looks vastly different...try use the things in your life that HAVEN'T changed since your weight loss to help connect yourself to the "old" you... Counseling is a very good idea, but just come here also--there's people here who really care about you and you will learn from them and they will learn from you....

[catzintj 1]

sounds like you are doing some grieving. when my boyfriend died i was 38. his name was jake and he had the coolest dog named jack. they were both shot on our new boat, a wedding to be present from his dad. life was so good for us. he was a federal agent. i lost my best friend , then i found out i was pregnant and felt so happy to know i would have a piece of him forever. then i lost the baby. i had to fight everyday to get out of bed . nothing helped. i gained 100lbs and never went out for almost a year, except work. i used the weight as protection. i was never going to let anyone in again. never gonna get hurt again. later when i recovered from the grief and depression, i wanted to lose the weight and feel good again. well i did lose the weight but it is still a struggle to let people back in. i had to force myself to get involved... mostly i work with microfinancing for the poor. i still dont let people close to me like i want to , but change is hard and it takes time. you have this new body and maybe have yet to find your own style and sense of self in it. i think we all realize that the weight loss makes us feel better physically and we look better. but the insides take time to adjust and to heal. the important thing is to try to focus on the good things and how far we have come. i think each person has a unique factor involved along with the common factors. i hope you can enjoy your success. its like you moved to a new house in a new town and nothing seems familiar ..... but one day you wake up and you realize you are home. i may not know how you feel, but i can relate to pain and suffering and isolation. hope its all uphill from here.

[edieparks 2]

Yes Yes Yes

I know what you are feeling. Men who pay attention to me because I am a different size , sales clerks who are more than happy to wait on me because I am a normal size person.....

I realized I could dwell on that and feel all that hate and anger or I could realize I am a healthy person now and have a CHANCE at living longer. We never really know.

I don't sweat like I used too. I use to have a fan on me at every chance I could because I FELT HOT all the time.

Clothes . I just look at it like the choices are wonderful. I buy my clothes for me not for how I look to someone else.

I feel like you are thinking about all the negative.

I went for a lap band for health not looks.

If I do feel better for looking normal and not feeling like the elephant everywhere I went ... it is just a bonus for me.

Maybe you could volunteer at your local humane society or your charity of choice and get something else going with your new body that your old body would not have had the energy to do.

I guess I am saying I do understand and have felt what you are feeling I really have , I just knew I could let it get to me or get over it and past it.

Put you BIG girl panties on. LOL

And by the way I am perfect . Ha Ha.

I'm a mess in a lot of ways but I am really just trying to put my two cents in and help you.

edie

Edited May 22, 2008 by edieparks

[KimInMD 1]

You see, Hairband, you are not alone in your feelings. Many of us have had similar feelings at some point during this process. I bet if you peeked deep inside the heart of most people here, you would see that they too have had a personal fight to find their way. Our experiences may all be different, but many of the feelings are the same. You can have a big family, lots of friends and co-workers, and still be lonely inside. You can have family and friends support you in your weight loss, but still be alone in your day to day struggle to make good food choices and stick to the exercise program. The same determination and inner strength that saw you through the weight loss and giving up smoking is what will now guide you through these new challenges. Really, I think you have so much you can share with so many here on the boards. I believe you to be a woman with incredible inner strength.

Catzintj- I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for being transparent and sharing your painful story. You've given us all things to think about and learn from. I liked your analogy about moving to a new house in a new town, and then finally realizing you are home. That's so very, very true! I just never heard it put that way. That is some great wisdom! Thanks for sharing with us.

[Guest JuicyPrincess]

I just read your post because it said can anyone hear me. I have not yet been banded but doing all the leg work to "get'r done". I do have a different persective on weight though. I was that girl, the cute, fit girl with curves. I had to work hard to keep weight off but i did (terrific mom and PE teacher and baseball coach). I was a snot and would have never imagines letting "this" happen to me, letting myself get this fat. I still LONG for the days when i was a real head turner. It is really about loving yourself because they you want to "show yourself" to the world...not just your exterior but yourself...your brains, your braun, your humor your soul...you will know how great you are and that is a good thing. Its not all about the weight, because i still sometimes forget i am fat, i honestly feel liek someone put me in a fat suit, its not a part of me and i reject it. I try to look at it like an illness that needs some medical attention and then once that rollercoaster gets going i can get really phyisically active.

I also have a LONG history of intermitten depression. I will call this kettle black. Honey, its hard to admit sometimes but you are experiencing a little depression...most of us do. If its not your thing to see a doctor and be on meds, the tricks i have picked up (they are not gonna make me popular but hey they keep me off prozac sometimes) Tan...yep go tanning. I live in WA and its hardly ever sunny hear so i get myself a dose of the sun. I leave feeling better but it takes about a week to work, i also dont let myself oversleep, 8 is great if i am in a funk (9 otherwise), I make dates with my friends, I also AVOID anything that makes me sad or feeds it, listne to upbeat music, watch romantic or other comedies. I get massages (they feel heavenly). Pedicures make my day. I love "body treatments" because i still love me, and want to pamper me" and i think maybe a dose of that might help?

I will say that volunteering sounded like another GREAT idea. Gets you out of the isolation, and lets you help. So find a cause that speaks to your heart (seniors, children, homeless, enviornmental, HIV, animal rescue or like the dog pound, etc) and then do walks to raise money, donate your time...

I just wish i could reach right in and give you a big hug. You deserve it, you need it and you need to know your worth it. You earned it. GOD loves you and so do we.

"Keep your head up"!

xoxoxo:wink:

[KimInMD 1]

Juicy Princess,

I appreciate your post, and agree with much of what you were saying, but your situation is a little bit different. You came from a thin world originally and long to be back there again. I guess that's because you feel the most comfortable in your old world. Basically, you think like a thin person who has been temporarily placed in a fat suit. Going back to thin isn't scary because you know what to expect once you return to that world. You know you're going to like what awaits you back there. It is much different for someone who has been obese their entire life and now finds themselves in a thin world. Imagine suddenly waking up and finding yourself alone in Shanghai, or New Delhi, or Baghdad. Eventually, the experience could be wonderful and exciting, but initially it would be scary and intimidating until you learned to understand the culture, language, food, and money system. I think you understand what I am saying. My very, very best to you on your impending journey. I wish you much success.