Come out of the band failure closet!

[anonemouse 1]

Bingo, Wasa. No one here is saying that all slow losers or people who have problems being banded are horrible, lazy people. But the simple fact is that Brandy has openly admitted that she's non-compliant with a lot of the necessary behavioral changes that come along with banding. And I'm sorry, but it isn't at all supportive, IMO, to basically just tell her, "I'm so sorry that you're having trouble, just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be a success."

To put it simply, being banded takes work and it takes making CHANGES to what you are doing. If what you are doing is what made you fat in the first place, what makes you think that you'll suddenly start losing weight if you continue to do it? Yeah, there's a few people here who have lost a lot of weight while not restricting what they eat or not exercising. They are the extreme minority, though. And if you read through their posts, you'll see that many of them have just exchanged one eating disorder for another, because the only way they've been able to succeed is by basically starving themselves on extremely tiny portions and yacking it back up. The fact is, for Brandy to become a successful bandster, she is going to have to make some changes. No one said that she suddenly has to become a marathon-runner or an aerobics instructor or a nutritionist, but she has to do SOMETHING.

And yes, if she had made this thread in one of the support forums, I can guarantee that no one would have confronted her as harshly as they did in this forum. But she didn't make it in one of those forums. If someone makes a thread in Rants and Raves, they should be prepared for what they get.

[Kat817 19]

Sometimes when I post, writing my thoughts can be tricky. I certainly didn't intend to crush anyone's happiness. Or say, be careful this might be you someday. Sorry for any inference if I did :teeth_smile:

I came to this particular posting area to vent my feelings being so many years out and my struggle.

I sure wouldn't do this to the other areas of the site. I am thinking I might have posted on the wrong area.

Anyway, I wish everyone great success.

Failure is in the mind of the (band) beholder. Most look at me and tell me I look great. But, they are probably remembering what I used to look like!

I still need to lose the twenty pounds I put back on after my plastic surgeries. And that is a real struggle with horrible horrible reflux. So my band is basically NOT filled at all. I am using the old eat/feel like crap/try to diet/and exercise routine. HA

Think: pre band, no restriction

However I am grateful that I am still in a size 12 and not the 22 I used to be.

Cookie

Cookie, you have made an excellent point.....typing in a forum such as this, it is more than difficult to make ones point without it coming out sounding harsher or even sounding flip ---not what you intended when typing it. It has happened to me often. When you cannot make eye contact, or see body language, it is much harder to make a point in the way you meant it to be.

I hope that you make some progress finding out what the problem is that is causing your reflux even unfilled. I know my own situation, is that I had serious reflux prior, to surgery, and a hiatal hernia was repaired during surgery--and that last a few months, but returned. We did the swallow studies, and my band is working, it does not seem to affect the reflux....meaning, my diet does not make a difference, nothing does. Ends up I have herniated again. This does not surprise me! Both of my parents have the hiatal hernias, neither are banded, nor any other WLS in their history. My Mom has had surgery on hers, only to do just as I did, and it happen again. If I take my Prilosec, and sleep on a wedge pillow, on my side, and avoid evening food--I do ok. The thing is, I fully believe with all my heart----it would be this way even without my band. It was this way before it!

So.....hoping they find a cause and a help for you, and that you can begin working your band again since it has proved to be successful for you.

I personally know I am guilty of lumping people and posts together...a comment here and a comment there, and I lump them together unfairly. Sorry if I did this to you.....

I believe when a thread is something that makes you uncomfortable, then ignore it. I would not leave anyplace that brought me pleasure and happiness, because of one section, or one person. This is a big site, plenty of room for everyone.

Kat

[Gone4Now 4]

BII,

I thought I'd jump in with my advice, too. I know you are still here, and even if you don't post - that's cool. I just wanted to let you know that I understand where you're coming from.

I'm going through that right now. I've stopped exercising and am having a hard time gearing up for it. I need another fill, but haven't called. I am eating slider foods, junk food and not getting my Protein in...which makes me more hungry and more tired.

I haven't lost weight in weeks and I'm hating myself right now.

But, it's not the band. The band is 100% doing it's job. I'm the one failing me right now. My mental resolve is in the toilet and I'm struggling to get it back.

And, yeah - it's nice to hear, "Oh, don't worry - it'll be okay." But, I know it won't. This pattern and these eating habits are what got me to almost 300 pounds. I have tricks: I have a picture of me at work - I just flip it. I set my alarm really loud in the morning - I just hit snooze. I put the tennis rackets against the door - I just end up moving them.

It's me. I totally suck right now. I've wanted to not come back to LBT, but the threads I'm registered on keep emailing me, and I know if I leave here I'll really be gone. Reading LBT, even if I'm not there right now helps me remember I'm a bandster. Like it or not - I'm a part of it.

But, what helps me the most and motivates me the most are reading posts like Wasa's. I know they're harsh, but they're RIGHT. Like a small child who says, "You're fat." Yeah, you want to squash the little booger, but only because we're trying to ignore the truth.

We don't want to be fat, but we are.

We don't want it to be our fault, but it is.

I had a rough childhood, and I know being fat at 10 was my mother's fault. I was her food-buddy, and she was always bringing bad stuff into the house. She was fat, I was fat - we all were fat.

But, is she why I don't drag my ass out of bed and take my walks? No.

I am an adult and nothing that happened in my past can stop me from taking a freaking walk. But, it's a comfy excuse to use...for me.

I'm hoping by staying in touch with LBT, and reading the wake up calls, I'll get it. And, hopefully I'll get it sooner than I did, pre-band. I know that motivation is in me, I just have to find it. I know it's in you, too!

What do you want more? To sit in that chair, with your comfort food and be fat? or to take a walk and be fit and healthy?

We can get there, BrandyII! Just stay with LBT! At least you know they don't blow smoke up where the sun don't shine! Who wants to be patronized, anyway, right?

Plus...Midnight night mass for the Great pumpkin is coming up and who will go with me???

[December 0]

I'm a complete failure. I had surgery in December and lost 40 pounds. Now I have gained back all 40 plus a few more. I had a fill in March and could tell no difference. I don't know what to do. Are there people who lap band just don't work for? I though I was the only one. December

[Gone4Now 4]

December,

Have you only had one fill?

Can you talk to your doctor about it?

I know I've read that people are embarrassed to go back to the doctor, or if they "just lose 10 pounds first" but I encourage doctor visits, if possible.

I'm stuck at one weight, but if I started gaining, I'd go back. Right now I know exercising will push me over, but I'm lazy.

How are you doing with exercise?

[Numbrgirl 0]

It is sad when so many suggestions, valuable feedback and valid responses to a myriad of excuses (legitimate or not) is ultimately met with a decison to just disregard it all, make reference to being brought to "tears" and abruptly leave the discussion.

I have learned so much by reading through the thread - where every negative has been counteracted with a positive - should I ever find myself on this lap band journey looking for "outs" to destructive behavior that tries to creep in, I can use these interactions as a reference. Thanks to all who stepped up and were willing to tell it like it is.

[Jesusislove 26]

Hi, BrandyII, it is going to be alright. I know you had the surgery in hopes that you would lose weight the way you wanted to. The bible says "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick, but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life", that means when we do not see that which we hope for we become discouraged. Then that leads you to eating more of the things you should not eat. It is okay to say the band is not working for you, that is your personal experience with the band. When the desire cometh means that you will and you can lose the weight, and when you see that, it will give you more hope and you are going to be one thin and healthy chick. Whether it be another method or with the band. I was a sweet eater too, but I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me" You can do this! I will pray for you that God will direct you in what to do from here. Be blessed and be encouraged.

Edited June 12, 2008 by LLPlady3

[brandyII 9]

It's hard to leave when you keep getting emails from really great people!

I appreciate it and you all are great and I just need to leave because I have issues that may not benefit others here and I need to get better myself.

I'll just say I found a really good book called "Self Esteem Comes in All Sizes" by Carol A. Johnson, MA. It's a great book if you struggling, if you're not, if you've ever had self esteem issues because of your weight whether your thin, obese or somewhere in the middle. Anyway thanks again, I'm OK, and it did make me cry because I felt like you guys were my friends and still do!! So that's why it's sad to leave but I have to and I think most of you understand why.

Anyway take care and :rolleyes2: to all!! brandyII

[Keywestgirl 0]

Take a vacation for a while Brandy. We all need a break from things sometimes (esp significant others, but that is a whole other thread LOL) especially if those things are toxic to our success. If you need strength we are here. My prayers go out to you and your daughter. I have thought about putting down the laptop myself, I should be moving around more instead of sitting here typing. I can get lost for hours on here sometime. Best Wishes Brandy.

[tommaney 0]

BrandyII, I think this step back can be a healthy decision for you. But please don't feel like you can't come back. If you ever need to talk, even complain, please PM me here or search for me by this name on OH if you will be around there.

[plain 12]

I know this is Rants and Raves so that's why I'm putting this topic here because I'm sure I will be ranted upon which isn't my point actually. Why are people made to feel afraid to come to this forum and discuss their band failures? When someone is searching out whys and what ifs they need a safe haven and I've gotten the impression the only way you can get people to talk about their personal problems with the band is by private messaging because they're too afraid to "come out of the my band is now working closet"

Would love to have them come out so I don't feel I'm alone here, thanks brandyII.:rolleyes2:

Very first post of the thread. Uh, I think she made her point. Wasa and Laurend I do agree with you on some points you make. But here's where I differ.Most of the time, I don't feel like I'm the one who should dole out the "tough love" on an internet message board. There's a huge difference between telling your child what to do and telling a stranger what to do. I have taken the "tough love" approach a couple of times, but it's usually been limited to posters that specifically ask to be motivated. Anyway, what I think here is that BII knows that she has, in the past (hell, maybe even in the present) made the wrong choices concerning the band. She knows that already. She doesn't need to be told. If she wants to rant about the wrong things she's done, or how her doc neglected to instruct her adequately in the aftercare, or that she feels "gyped"......go for it. Yes, she put this in R&R, but if you read back, this was before she got this topic organized into the social groups.

Maybe it's personality differences. I just don't feel the need to militantly defend the lapband. There are 2 quasi - exceptions to this: 1) Somebody asks me how the lapband is working for me (fan-freakin'-tastic) or 2) somebody asks "Will the lapband work for me" ( I try to spell out explicitly what's required, since I realized a while ago that not all docs tell their patients what they need to do to succeed).

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I have a friend that very badly wants the band. I have told her over and over again that the band won't work for her. She is not a good candidate.

She eats chips and Cookies from morning to night. I have told her having the band is not magically going to make you desire chicken instead of chips and cookies. She says "I hate chicken. In fact I hate all meat"

So, she will probably get the band and complain that it didn't work for her. She seems to think that because it has worked for me, it will work for her. I struggle not to eat junk food but the difference is, I give in once in awhile and I can see her giving in to it every day.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Very first post of the thread. Uh, I think she made her point. Wasa and Laurend I do agree with you on some points you make. But here's where I differ.Most of the time, I don't feel like I'm the one who should dole out the "tough love" on an internet message board. There's a huge difference between telling your child what to do and telling a stranger what to do. I have taken the "tough love" approach a couple of times, but it's usually been limited to posters that specifically ask to be motivated. Anyway, what I think here is that BII knows that she has, in the past (hell, maybe even in the present) made the wrong choices concerning the band. She knows that already. She doesn't need to be told. If she wants to rant about the wrong things she's done, or how her doc neglected to instruct her adequately in the aftercare, or that she feels "gyped"......go for it. Yes, she put this in R&R, but if you read back, this was before she got this topic organized into the social groups.

Maybe it's personality differences. I just don't feel the need to militantly defend the lapband. There are 2 quasi - exceptions to this: 1) Somebody asks me how the lapband is working for me (fan-freakin'-tastic) or 2) somebody asks "Will the lapband work for me" ( I try to spell out explicitly what's required, since I realized a while ago that not all docs tell their patients what they need to do to succeed).

I don't know that I can agree with you. First of all I'm pretty sure I, of ALL people am not militantly defending lap bands considering I just spent over $12K to get rid of mine. ;o)

Support vs. ranting... One could go either way. Either this is a support board where we motivate one another or this is a rant board since we are in R&R. Either way, our opinions are acceptable here.

If someone is going to claim to be a lap band failure, we are going to point out why that is. If B was talking about being unable to maintain a fill, unable to chew food enough to get it through the band, unable to control reflux... the answers would have been a world of difference. But "I don't exercise because I don't want to," or "I refuse to diet anymore but I want to lose weight," you are going to see people doling out a dose of reality.

[Jachut 487]

I think a step back can be healthy too and I'm glad you're still here BII because hopefully at some point, all this "tough love" WILL be useful for you. People wouldnt give it if they really didnt care, remember that.

[plain 12]

Support vs. ranting... One could go either way. Either this is a support board where we motivate one another or this is a rant board since we are in R&R. Either way, our opinions are acceptable

I agree. That's why I spend most of my browsing time in the R&R section. It's the most interesting section here (but I do try and welcome / explain things to the noobs. Especially those with 0 or 1 reply to their post)

I tend to post things here in between trips tending to my patients, so I sometimes (most of the time) have massive sentence run-on! I wasn't referring to you or Laurend with the "militant" part. I haven't seen very many truly militant bandsters on here (but I have seen a few). There are a lot of militants on OH, though. I still don't really get it. It seems like for some people the lapband defines who they are, and if you say something negative about the band, you're saying something negative about them.