Come out of the band failure closet!

[brandyII 9]

Brandy: My heart bleeds for all of us who are frustrated and discouraged and disappointed. It's too bad that no one seems to know what will help us without suggesting another surgery of some sort.

Susan: I burst into tears one day in the dietician's office. Her door is often open during our bi-weekly (usually) visits. The entire office can hear what both the dietician and I have to say. The dietician was asking question after question trying to figure out why I had gained weight. She was being very direct and I just fell apart. I couldn't stop crying. She did suggest that I see this psychologist she works with, but I didn't. I just kept trying to handle it myself. I know everyone felt sorry for me on one hand, but I couldn't help but wonder if they thought I was one of those people who eats super high calorie foods and doesn't realize they're sabbotaging the band. I KNEW why I gained weight, I just didn't know what to do to stop it.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on. I kept reading stuff here at LBT and listening to what everyone (other patients) were saying in the doc's office. With their help, I finally realized that I must be over-filled. So he removed some of the restriction and sure enough I was less hungry and started losing weight again. None of the experts that I know have an answer for this but I do know that my doctor's office is finally realizing that this is what happens to many of their patients.

When you stop to think about it, this is a relatively new procedure in the U.S. It's bound to take some time for all the stats to get sorted out and for there to be clear parameters published for patients to determine whether they are good candidates for LB.

Before the surgery I was interviewed and evaluated by my doctor's psychologist which included taking some psychological tests. Obviously they did not reveal that I'm probably not the right kind of person for getting the band. Oh well. That's the proverbial Water under the bridge at this point. I intend to continue to work at this and hope that I can continue to take off weight - and I also plan to be happy with a very slow losing process. I do know that I need to stop beating myself up and I'm pretty sure that we all do if we're going to succeed. Easy to admit, harder to do though.

BJean,

It seems that the first reaction my surgeon's team of people would have when you weren't losing weight was to put more fill in you like that was going to be the answer. That happened to me and I didn't question it. Then that one terrible day when I was filled with a cc more than they had recorded and then that 10 hour day of puking my own saliva and after that I knew there was something screwing going on when it came to fills. Hence why I had to beg my surgeon to take out the two to keep me from compensating the lack of regular food with softer/slider foods because whatever you want to call it and I think it's more of a physiological hunger not just psychological my body was telling me to eat whether it was crap or what my body wanted food.< /p>

The really rotten part is you will go to a site where someone has a problem with the band and they're told to get a different surgery. You look at that surgery and someone has a problem with that and they're told to get a band on top of it and so on and on and on. I don't know how they can specifically find the exact treatment for each of us as individuals.

I know it wasn't done through the psych eval, that was a waste of time! Anyone could pass that, at least the one I had and my daughter too.

The hardest part is not beating ourselves up and we tend to over focus on our faults, weight being the major one. I know we all are good people I can tell by what we've written before on thread. I was a fat kid out of five the only one, I was never abused, not in the sense that most people think a lot of obese children are but I was always very sensitive and probably had a hard time expressing my hurt or anger or whatever and still today during certain circumstance I go back in that little girl who just wants to crawl up in a ball and not deal with whatever is hurting or attacking me. I know I've posted in many threads and some were about self love and that was because it was so difficult for me to love myself as a fat person and a lot of people took it the wrong way as I'm advocating it's great to be fat and hate all thin people, well some of it got that crazy. Anyway sometimes I think that gets in the way of me progressing, I don't know if you all feel that way too but it's such a complicated issue for a lot of us.

Especially hard when you have lost a big chunk and have gained it back. Now I know a lot of you have done that on the band. I never got to that point but I have prior to the band and felt horrible. Took off 100 put back 100 twice and I think I've never felt more horrible about myself and was extremely sensitive to the "few" people that would happen to comment on it. Of course I still carry that in my heart like a wound of many. I think it was much harder to deal with the weight gain than to deal with never having lost it in the first place.

Anyway I could go on forever but I think there are a group of us that need extra support because we're not the "just eat less and work out people and you'll lose weight". It's so much more complicated and even with our similarities we are very different. I know I have to live more in the moment and quit focusing on the past mistakes or the future failures or whatever and pat myself on the back once in a while because that's the pat I need the most.

I told my "therapist" not really but she's better than anyone I've ever had, that I was concerned as my mother n law was coming up next week for a visit with her eldest son, my bro n law and I was nervous because she's always been kind of critical of me and is one of those people that points out to me that I'm fat, thank God, never knew I was. Anyway she asked me how I would respond to her if she were to do so on this trip. I told her that I'd just sort of walk away, not say anything but bitch to my husband that he has a bitch for a mother. She told me that I need to tell her straight away that it hurts my feelings when she says these things and that I have a major struggle with my weight and this does nothing to help me with it. It wasn't that big of a deal but to me it was because I tend to be over focused on what people think of me.

Anyway, I've gone on too long but I felt like sharing and hope I didn't bore you to tears, I think we need a name for our group so someone come up with a suggestion hugs to all, Nancy:thumbup:

[susansilver 0]

I am serious that your post has been very good for me!

I went to a fat farm once and their motto was: one brownie doesn't make you fat...

As are all of these posts - we need to work together to figure this stuff out. You are all such intelligent people, it is clear that it is not through lack of trying that we are stuggling with this band!

[susansilver 0]

Hey Brandy,

I relate to everything you have written! I would love to write more right now but have to leave work - so perhaps tonight or tomorrow, but I just wanted to reach out and hug you - hug all of us. Yes - we need to start a little group on here and a thread where we feel safe sharing our feelings and experiences.

[brandyII 9]

Hey Brandy,

I relate to everything you have written! I would love to write more right now but have to leave work - so perhaps tonight or tomorrow, but I just wanted to reach out and hug you - hug all of us. Yes - we need to start a little group on here and a thread where we feel safe sharing our feelings and experiences.

Thanks Susan and hugs to you too, I'm glad I posted this I was affraid it was going to end up with more bashing but it's turned into something that I was hoping it would and that was HOPE for us all Hugs and Hope Nancy.:smile:

[brandyII 9]

One brownie can make me fat, if you cut them really big!!!!:smile:

No joking aside, I did ask my nurse practitioner if she could send me to one of those fat farms, spas or whatever they are for a few months, I think I could handle that but I don't know if my insurance would cover it. Wouldn't that be nice, especially before my mother in law came up! Nancy

[Jachut 487]

Do you know I really believe the DIET that doctors prescribe can be problematic too - along with the overfill issue. What people are saying above is quite correct.

People are so afraid of carbs. Yet I really truly do NOT believe that carbs make everyone fat. Of course we dont need sugar, and processed carbs. I just thank goodness I live somewhere where the high Protein thing is not done becuase if I hadnt happened upon the fact that it is wholegrain carbs like bread and oatmeal and fruit and veg and NOT Protein that sits in my pouch and makes my band work like it should, completely quells my hunger and my cravings, then I'm quite able to see myself being in the position of the band not working.

I really mean that. I would highly encourage anyone to unfill a bit, be looser and try a more NORMAL diet that includes all food groups. See how the head hunger and the cravings and the inability to stick to something goes with that.

I could not live on protein and vegetables, I can say that with complete conviction. I have ONLY Been able to do this because I was allowed to eat bread, cereals, Pasta and rice as well and was encouraged to view this as nothign more than a normal diet, less quantity, treats occasionally included.

No, I didnt lose 4lb a week, it took me two and half years to lose this 90lb. But I did it and I really think that's why. That and the running.

I'm definitely not suggesting everyone here is on the "wrong" diet. Not by a long shot. I think some people are high carbers by metabolic nature and some are not. But perhaps its worth a try, less restriction more variety of food?

I also think it pays to remember in such a large group of obese people, there WILL be some who have genuine medical problems that cause them to be obese. 99.9% of the time obesity is caused by user error, but sometimes its not.

[taz 2]

Brandy, I wish you the best in whatever you choose. Keep in mind that a little guilt is okay. At times it helps us do things we should do. A lot of guilt only eats away at us until we can no longer function. It is useless. You will figure out what you think is best and act on it. It may be with the band or something else. Give yourself some time and know people at LBT care about you.:smile:

[*JASMINE* 1]

Brandy,

Thanks so much for starting this thread. I feel your pain. I just had to get an unfill because I was living off of crap for 5 months, and haven't lost a pound. I have been banded for 3 years. I was very successful at first. I got down to 133lbs, and am now back up to 165lbs. It's as if something in my head just turned off after that first year. I can't believe I have gained back the weight, even after WLS. It really is a head thing. I can really relate with what you and BJean have been talking about. And I really do believe that this is an issue that so many of us are privately dealing with. I'm so glad to see that I am not alone in dealing with this.

[brandyII 9]

Jachut,

Thanks I think a lot of what you have said here is true. Here in the US we're shoved different diets left and right, you get a comerical on TV for a diet and right afterwards for chocolate cake, it can be a little crazy.

All Atkins did was make me feel nauseous especially in the morning, I'm not an egg sausage as soon as you get up person. I know it works for a lot of people but it a whole different world when that's all you eat.

I think being able to get in good whole grains would possible help me. even the Weight Watchers frozen dinners aren't much into whole grains they're mostly Proteins and veg and keep me craving for more.

I was raised where we only ate whole wheat bread, brown rice and very little processed foods. A lot of it was health but also money, raising five kids on my dad's salary. I had never eaten "wonder bread" until we all went to the Wonder Bread factory in grade school and they gave everyone a free loaf and I think we all ate them on the bus on the way back to school! That's the truth. Anyway I think getting back to basics and cooking again, I'm one that had a lot of the fill taken out so I only have 2ccs out of 10 there now and should be able to tolerate some brown rice and whole grain bread again. I haven't been focusing in the right direction and need to focus on healthy choices and not necessarily "diet" foods and I think that's kind of what you're saying. And getting back on the treadmill too.

I appreciate your support, brandyII.

[brandyII 9]

Brandy,

Thanks so much for starting this thread. I feel your pain. I just had to get an unfill because I was living off of crap for 5 months, and haven't lost a pound. I have been banded for 3 years. I was very successful at first. I got down to 133lbs, and am now back up to 165lbs. It's as if something in my head just turned off after that first year. I can't believe I have gained back the weight, even after WLS. It really is a head thing. I can really relate with what you and BJean have been talking about. And I really do believe that this is an issue that so many of us are privately dealing with. I'm so glad to see that I am not alone in dealing with this.

Hi Jasmine,

I know it's really awful especially after you've gotten down so far and felt the "high" you get at being at that weight. Sometimes it's hard to know what weight you should be at, is it clothes size, scale number, how you feel, what. Then you get down low and it comes back again sometimes you know it's all coming back (the weight) and you don't know how to stop it! I remember the times when it started coming back on and I felt like it was a fricken train, I just knew it would all come back on and I couldn't stop it.

You need to find out how to stop it from coming back. I think together we can support each other in many ways. Maybe talking with us can help you stop the weight come back even more and then turn it around again like I'm sure you want to! I know how embarrassing it is and sometimes feeling the pressure to lose or whatever makes you put it on and works against you. That's why we have to stop beating ourselves up and stop for a minute and try to figure out what it is that's making this happen to us. It's hard to figure out but I know I put so much pressure on myself that I end up sabotaging any efforts I make sometimes. Plus there maybe old messages you still have in your head that can do it too.

We'll all try to support each other okay, we're not perfect and things go wrong and we don't always know why or can control it, keep in touch, Nancy.:smile:

[brandyII 9]

Brandy, I wish you the best in whatever you choose. Keep in mind that a little guilt is okay. At times it helps us do things we should do. A lot of guilt only eats away at us until we can no longer function. It is useless. You will figure out what you think is best and act on it. It may be with the band or something else. Give yourself some time and know people at LBT care about you.:smile:

I do thanks. I just want to share my experience that seems to be a lot different from the people that have succeeded with the band to help me and others. As you can see there are a lot of us out there and we don't necessarily want to go through another surgery but get to the point where we can lose the weight or stop gaining the weight back. It's very difficult for many of us for so many reasons and if we knew the magic button it took we'd each buy one and push it, thanks brandyII

[BJean 16]

So true, Brandy!!

As for carbs vs. Protein, I am one of those people who if I have carbs first thing in the morning, I am starving the rest of the day. My regular doctor said for some people (especially women) that complex carbs, like oatmeal and whole grain breads, can actually deplete B Vitamins and that can cause the hunger. It's weird - we're eating B Vitamins but it is depleting our B vitamins. Now if that isn't a complex situation, I don't know what is.

And when it comes to now having the band, I can't eat rice, especially brown rice, it just causes the worst problems! And I love PF Chang's food and sushi. Baw! I can't eat bread. I love hamburgers and haven't been able to eat one in over a year. I tried to eat a bran muffin once and it was the first really painful PB I experienced I had - and it was after one small bite!

So after reading Jachut's post and knowing how carbs react in my body, it is more confirmation of this not being an easy fix. I think it is up to us to figure it out for ourselves and use the dang doctors and the band however we can to make them work for us. One size does not fit all and one answer is not the only answer.

Let's do think up a cool name and let's stick together! For those who have sailed through the banding process and are happy as can be, I salute them. But for those who are struggling, like I am, I respect them for trying to find the answers and not giving up!! Yea me. And you!

[brandyII 9]

I guess "The Fritos Banditos" is out but the first one to come to mind! Nancy

[brandyII 9]

We just got PF Changs up here about a year ago and I still haven't gone. I went to one once in MD and it was very "hip". Here when they open up a new chain it's always so swamped that it takes a year to let the novelty wear down so you can actually go.

Muffins were the first bread-like item I tried after surgery and could eat part of the muffin top. Donuts wouldn't go down either, which is a good thing. Now that I've taken out half my fill I can eat some of the bread products that I used to not be able to eat but not a lot of it. Just a normal amount. But it's the other stuff that's still a prob for me like crispy or fatty or sugary non-doughy foods.

[Fanny Adams 7]

BrandyII, I have to agree with everything Jachut has said and I really hope this is the answer for you. Now that you've had a little unfill, and are able to eat more normally, maybe this will be the turning point for you. I'd also like to add some suggestions of my own, and a couple from my doctor:

From my doctor:

* If you aren't hungry in the mornings, don't eat! Don't try sticking to the "must eat breakfast" thing - save those calories for when you are hungry in the afternoons or evenings.

* Use a child sized plate to measure your portions. Don't pile anything up, but if it fits on the plate without piling up, you can eat it guilt free.

* Eat only until you are not hungry any more. Stop after each bite and assess - when you stop feeling hungry, not when you think you are full, stop eating and take the plate away. You can always go back and have the other half of your child sized plate later when you feel hungry again.

From me:

* If you have a sweet tooth, plan for it. Buy bags of those sugarfree sweets or mints; you can snack on those all day without taking in calories.

* Plan to have a dessert or sweet treat every night, but make it a sugar free and/or low fat one. My favourites are the fat free chocolate drinks like Chocolatte from Jarrah (60 cal, 1.5g fat) and the Diet Creme Caramel from Nestles. When you know you can look forward to a sweet treat all day, it is not as hard to forego the unplanned ones.

* Don't buy icecream or Cookies in large quantities. Those are way too easy to overindulge in when they're in the house. Look for low fat options in single serves and factor the calories/fat into your allowance for the day.

Above all, include fibrous foods into each meal, such as fresh salads, vegetables and whole grains.

Good luck with everything and I hope that you will soon feel you are back on track and will see the results on the scale.