whats wrong with me?

[want_so_bad 0]

why do i still have times i completely tank it? and then i have guilt and remorse and beat myself up. i dont know whats wrong with me!

last night i had a horrible night! got stuck on some chicken, hurt like hell, pb'ed and slimed for what seemed like hours. so, what do i do when i feel better? gee, i am hungry so i try eating something else. which gets stuck. pb and slime all over again. i know i am super tight because it is about that time of the month. so why do i do this to myself? when i woke up w/ the baby i ate a little bit of Cereal, which finally went down. but that was at like 2 in the morning! and i dont even think i was really hungry!, i was more tired then anything! why the hell did i eat?

and that was just the topping on a bad choice filled day! i had a few chips at work that were sitting there for a birthday party. i have been doing good passing on that stuff. i keep healthy Snacks in my desk and in the fridge for such occasions. a few to start, and then a few later...well hello stupid, a few here and there adds up! i know even with what i did eat, i still didnt eat what i would have eight months ago. so why am i beating myself up? why do i feel so guilty?

i dont even know what the point of my post is. i am not seeking some back patting its ok. its not that. i know i screwed up. i know i need to just continue on my way and make better choices today and tomorrow....

i just wonder why i tank it like this occassionaly.

Edited May 7, 2008 by want_so_bad

[Ang1982 4]

last night i had a horrible night! got stuck on some chicken, hurt like hell, pb'ed and slimed for what seemed like hours. so, what do i do when i feel better? gee, i am hungry so i try eating something else. which gets stuck. pb and slime all over again. i know i am super tight because it is about that time of the month. so why do i do this to myself? when i woke up w/ the baby i ate a little bit of cereal, which finally went down. but that was at like 2 in the morning! and i dont even think i was really hungry!, i was more tired then anything! why the hell did i eat?

and that was just the topping on a bad choice filled day! i had a few chips at work that were sitting there for a birthday party. i have been doing good passing on that stuff. i keep healthy Snacks in my desk and in the fridge so such occasions. a few to start, and then a few later...well hello stupid, a few here and there adds up! i know even with what i did eat, i still didnt eat what i would have eight months ago. so why am i beating myself up? why do i feel so guilty?

i dont even know what the point of my post is. i am not seeking some back patting its ok. its not that. i know i screwed up. i know i need to just continue on my way and make better choices today and tomorrow....

i just wonder why i tank it like this occassionaly.

Well personally I have never PB'd so I don't know what that's like but I'd imagine not having anything else to eat after a PB especially if you are still hungry is probably a tough thing to do.

As for the few chips you had - why beat yourself up about that? It is probably healthier mentally to have small indulgances once and a while to avoid a binge down the road. You did say only a 'few' which I assume is just that - you didn't say "I ate the whole damn bag" don't be so hard on yourself hon. And yes I know that is easier said than done - I beat myself up all the time because I have "indulgence" problems, I FULLY believe that you should allow yourself some of the yummy things in life IN moderation - my issue is that moderation not working so well these days!

The beauty about the band and about life is that each day is another day and you can use your mistakes and learn from them and embrace the new day and all the new challenges with the lessons you've learned in the past.

Hang in there *HUG*

[Lana24 10]

Sounds like you just need a hug after a hard day...

[newimage 2]

Noboby is perfect. Quit beating yourself up over nothing. You are trying the best you can. Remember to chew, chew, chew. I too would take another bite once the horrible pain was over. Good Luck!

[Lana24 10]

Noboby is perfect. Quit beating yourself up over nothing. You are trying the best you can. Remember to chew, chew, chew. I too would take another bite once the horrible pain was over. Good Luck!

I totally agree with NewImage,

There is a reason why we are all here, mostly we can't control the volume of what we eat... eyes always bigger than stomache... Don't worry so much. This is the time when you are learning about your band (the do's and don'ts). It will take a few meals before your brain makes the connection between pain and eating too fast or gulping. Don't worry.

Lana

[Marimaru 7]

I wouldn't say there's anything "wrong" with you. The lab band is around your stomach and controls the quantity of solids you eat... that doesn't do anything for the head issues, so unfortunately the hard part is still up to us. I struggle with it as well, but at least when I lose it the band keeps me from going way too far...

[MerryHearted 20]

i just wonder why i tank it like this occassionaly.

Because you're human and we all do. Nothing we can do but just keep on going.