And yet another newbie with a problem

[Rosie_in_Texas 0]

Hi everyone,

I've been looking up information slowly for the past few weeks about getting a Lap Band and finally joined here. I really like everything I've been reading about the Lap Band and am seriously considering it.

The problem is that I brought it up with my serious boyfriend last night to see what he thought about me getting it and he totally doesnt like the idea. He thinks that any type of weight loss sugery is pointless and that anyone can lose weight just through serious diet and exercise. So he is not supportive of my wanting to get a Lap Band and I have no idea what to do.

[Abby Normal 0]

My boyfriend isnt all that supportive either. He says he is, but he's brought it up more than once. Im not banded, and the thought of having to go through all of this without any support from him is not appealing. Is your boyfriend over weight as well? Mine is, and I think he's just affraid I will not want to be with him anymore after I lose weight.

I dont have a ton of advice, because Im sort of in the same boat....however, I know that its going to be ten times harder without my man on board with all of this.

[sil 0]

hi it should only be about bettering yourself an how well it,s going to benefit your well being. i got the same reply from my friend i told him it,s not about him.

[MerryHearted 20]

You need to attend a seminar, and ask him to come with you.

1) It sounds like he is thin and has never struggled with morbid obesity, so he doesn't know that it's not that easy. [presumably you have already tried losing weight on your own and not succeeded, or you wouldn't be looking at banding, right?]

2) He may have fears that he's not expressing here: fear that you'll change and not want to be with him anymore; fear that you'll get sick or die having the surgery; fear that other men will pay attention to you if they aren't already, etc

All you can do is assure him that this is a safe surgery and that you are committed to him. Try to get him to express what his fears are so you can address them. If he won't budge on this then you will ultimately need to decide:

a) I'm going to have the surgery anyway, for my own health and well-being. If he really loves me, he'll stick by my side and support me.

:thumbup: We'll have to go our separate ways; I can't stay with someone who won't be supportive of my choices.

c) I will do my best to lose the weight on my own without the band, so that I can stay with my boyfriend.

d) I'm willing to give up being healthy and slender so I can stay with my boyfriend. [if losing the weight on your own doesn't work]

[Rosie_in_Texas 0]

I feel the same way. I know my mom would be supportive, and my dad is the one who suggested I look at Lap Bands, even though I had been looking at them before. But just like you said, I really dont want to get the lap band without him behind me all the way. As to if he is overweight, he is maybe 25 pounds over what he is supposed to weigh, I think. But that only means he has a slight gut, which he normally loses over the summer because of his job.

But hearing all of this from my boyfriend over the phone I just started crying and couldnt stop. I felt like he couldnt understand that I've tried diet and excercise, for over six months at a time, and only lost about 20 pounds. But when I stopped I gained that all back plus more. Hearing his opinion I just felt crushed and slightly betrayed. He doesnt know what it's like to be close to 300 pounds, and all the things that come with that. He just thinks that if I work really hard at diet and excercise and never quit I will lose it all. I dont know what to do. I didnt eat anything yesterday because of how upset I was.

[FireDust 0]

My boyfriend is also not supportive of my desire to have the lapband. I've made peace with the fact that our relationship will probably come to an end if I make the decision to have the surgery.

As difficult as it is, you have to remember that this is your life, your future and your health that is as stake.

[bama_belle 0]

My suggestion is get the LapBand and then get a new boyfriend. If you have thought about this seriously and have weighed all the options available to you and have decided that this is important to you - and he isn't supportive, guess what he'll be like when you lose the weight.

[KelinTx 1]

When i first approached discussing the idea of a weight loss surgery with my husband he just scoffed at the idea. Then low an behold his entire attitude changed when i presented him with the statistics. That being i had such a LARGE amount of weight to lose that statistically doing it on my own i was not going to succeed, as i had failed so often before. BUT with a Weight loss surgery aiding my attempts i had a very good chance of getting within a normal weight range in a reasonable amount of time. Now this far into the journey we are both glad i took the plunge and i could not of asked for a more supportive husband through this whole ordeal.

[joycita17 0]

This is your life! If he isn't supportive of you bettering yourself he doesn't love you as much as you thought he did. If you think that he might feel insecure later -- that's his deal. Let him deal with his insecurities on his own, but you need to take care of your life right now.

I'm sorry but diet and excersise might be the best for some people, but I tried and failed at just about every diet out there. Some of us just aren't cut out to eat a carrot and be happy. Not everyone is made out of the same mold.

Personally I don't have time to be in the gym 2 hours a day 7 days a week. I want a life outside a gym... where I could walk 30 minutes a day, eat well, and be able to control myself better. So, what if we need a little help. Right now you have made the realization that you can't do it on your own. That's already hard enough of a conclusion to come to.

"YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!"--waterboy

[gregvd 0]

From a mans point of view and being around the block a few times. If the spouse is not 110% in for the long haul, it will NOT work. It takes every bit of our own energy and emotions to make this work. Having a lap-band is hard work and takes discipline. Planed meals, no more, "hey lets go here or there". Remember you are willing to make this change, not to live to eat, but rather eat to live. Is it worth the lap-band? H#ll YES. You loose the weight and la-bing, it's back on and more. No more with lap-band, as long has you are focus and have support all around and see your lap-band doctor regularly. So bottom line is, I'm sorry, he has to go. And please go to a free lap-band seminar in your area, and you will learn that being over weight is a disease, and this just the tool that works. Go to Lapband.com and click to find a seminar in your area. Good Luck. One final thought. A quote. "Love makes you blind". So true. If you fear that no one is as good as your current boyfriend or you won't find another. Remember, you will be a new improve you. It's all about You, You & You.:thumbup:

[jnbwilds 0]

There were a number of people in my life who felt similarly. However, after my surgery, as the weight starting coming off (and I got healthier, happier, skinnier, more active, and more social) - suddenly they all changed their tunes. It's hard for them not to notice that the most I ever lost when I was just trying to lose weight on my own was 20 lbs and I've already lost 60 with the band.

I might suggest this strategy.....Ask your boyfriend if he can at least support you through the research stage. Tell him you love him and need him with you while you attend the informational meetings (men need to be needed). Have him read information about the band and ask his opinion often (men need to be heard) It is highly likely that just becoming informed and feeling important to your process will change his mind.

If after all the research, you still think it is the right decision, and he doesn't....you'll need to make a choice between living with obesity and a boyfriend, or living thin and healthy with a new boyfriend.

Best of luck to you!!