Why do we sabotage ourselves?

[Wyld Blu 0]

Sigh...I have lost 80 lbs....went from a size 22-24 (just before surgery) to a 6-8 right now...so WTF? It seems the closer I am to goal, the harder I try to sabotage myself. My sweet cravings are OUT OF CONTROL. AND, even worse, I am back to eating just to eat...not out of hunger...not an emotional response...just to eat. Luckily, I have NOT regained anything...But this has GOT to stop. I am not sure how to do that though. I am GREAT at justifing stuff to myself. I think I have decent restriction, because even though I just eat....it isn't alot. BUT, I am really not sure anymore...oh, this is just depressing and stupid.

-Paula-

[the best me 6]

Nope, not stupid. The eating just to eat is always more than that, and now is the time to discover it. After 80lbs gone (well done!) you have the luxury and the time to just manage your way through it. You have a band and good restriction, you can only go overboard by so far, so experience what you are feeling and learn from it. Are you testing the band to make sure it's really true? Maybe it's not even that deep. Maybe you just want to dadgum eat! Go with the flow. Allow your body and mind to rest at your current weight for a moment. Live here for just a minute. It's not going anywhere. Your band will wait for you.

[babsyintx 0]

Hi Wyld,

You are asking a question that will have lots of answers but probably not a definitive one. I know why I sabotage. I still like food too much!!!!!! LOL

Even though I can eat less and my conscience mind knows that eating chocolate is bad, I still will eat it anyway. I know that tortilla chips are bad for me, but I still eat 8 or 9 chips a day. I cant seem to break the habit and I am still 10-15 pounds from goal. I guess it boils down to priorities. Am I at a weight where I now have my health back? Yes. Can I do all the things I want to do now? Mostly.. (no bikini modeling in my future) Do I feel the same level of drive to lose the rest of the weight? Probably not....So the question becomes, what was so important at the beginning of the journey that kept you motivated and what motivates you now? Make a list of all the reasons you feel compelled to get to whatever set goal you have defined. If you make the list and it turns out that the motivation is not there to lose more, then drop it for a while and start again when the motivation is there.

I find that sabateurs are not really sabateurs at all some of the time. Sometimes you just need a break from the regimented eating plan. food is meant to be enjoyed, but it is not your friend unless it is meant to fuel your body. But occasionally, you should be able to enjoy it without worrying about consequences or feeling guilty.

Babs in TX

334/180/170

-154

[Banded&Happy 0]

Outstanding Reply Bab

Thanks you for your reply , it is just what I needed to hear as I strugle to get these last few lbs off. Iam going to take your advice

[babsyintx 0]

Hi Wyld,

I just had another thought. Most obese people are programmed to feel really bad and experience lots of guilt when they know they are eating foods that are less than healthy. I know that Donali here on this board went through extensive therapy to help her with dealing with food demons and look at food in a new way. Perhaps some therapy is in order? Sometimes we lose faster than our brains are willing to accept. This leads to body dysmorphia, self sabotage etc... It couldnt hurt to talk to someone about what you are thinking...

Babs in TX

[Wyld Blu 0]

Well, I probably wouldn't mind that were it not for the total lack of funds. I think I will give myself until Monday to get back on track. My mind is on vacation and it left without me...not the first time. LOL. But, it has happened before. I think I just need time to get over this fight I am having with the 2 yr old in my head. I have this wonderful community of bandsters and 2 others as well. My friends and family are also very supportive...so, I just got to get it together.

[Lioness81970 0]

Actually - this is something that I have struggled with over the last 3 months....and it took ME awhile to realize why I was doing what I was doing to myself. Do you know what I finally realized? I was doing it cause I was scared. Believe it or not that was the reason. I don't know if I can exxlain it but I will try. When I was fat - things were comfortable. I blended in or was barely noticed. I had a husband but no friends and everyone accepted me the way that I was - but me. That was the reason that I chose to have the surgery. I may have seemed happy but deep down I wasn't. I couldn't get in and out of bed without my knees hurting and I couldn't go into was what perceived as a "normal" person's store to go buy clothes and my social life was nonexsistant! Then after I had the surgery and I started loosing weight people started noticing me. I wasn't the wallflower that I used to be. I started getting asked to go places and all of a sudden people wanted to be my friend. I developed newfound confidence that I guess I always had but was buried under all the layers of fat that I had. I was getting everything that I wanted........and it scared me!!! I started eating and grazing and snacking and I was doing it subconciously and it wasn't until one of my kids pointed it out to me that I had realized I was changing back to the old me, the comfortable me. I've lost 98 pounds and still have between 40 and 50 to be at goal but loosing 100 pounds is like loosing a person and I got scared that I would loose myself. I know that all of this may sound crazy - especially to someone who hasn't had surgery or ever had a weight problem but I'm hoping I explained myself to all of you that you all understand. I am finally back on track and I know it my heart that I WANT to loose the rest of the weight. I just had to get past that roadbump to realize it!!

[flower 2]

I lost weight before many times and they say the hardest weight to lose is the last 20 -15 pounds your body just doesn't want to get down and it really takes a long time to lose that final weight hang in there you did so well so far.

[donali 57]

We all have to remember that the closer to goal we get, the slower the weight comes off, because the difference in the number of calories we are eating and the number of calories we need to maintain our weight get closer and closer. For example, the number of calories to maintain a weight of 300 pounds may be 3,000 per day, while the number calories we are eating may be 1,500 per day, so the discrepancy each day is 1,500, so the weightloss goes pretty quickly. If a pound = 3000, it only takes two days to lose a pound.

However, as we lose weight, the number of calories we need to maintain our new lower weight drops - so, let's say for example that at 200 pounds we need 2,000 calories a day to maintain that weight. If we are still eating 1,500 per day, we're only negative 500 calories each day, so now it takes six days to lose a pound instead of two.

When the weight seems to stop melting off, the scale stops being a very good motivator. If someone has been relying on feedback from the scale to continue with their healthy lifestyle they are going to stop getting that positive feedback, and maybe subconsciously they start to get discouraged, and then they figure since they're not losing weight anyway, the might as well eat whatever they want...

In your case, you really have to sit and think about why you may be on a carb binge. Are you frustrated/dissatisfied with your new lifestyle? Have you been feeling deprived? That will result in bingeing. Do you have some low grade worry/stress that you're not acknowledging? You could be turning to food to help numb that discomfort. Are you secretly uncomfortable in your new body, or with the new benefits/attention you are getting from it? That could lead you to your present condition as well.

Instead of focusing on what you are doing, see if you can tune in to how you are feeling when you want to turn to food - not with the intent of denying yourself your "fix", but with the intent of being honest with yourself and really examining the bigger picture. What you are doing isn't "bad" or "wrong", but is a symptom of something that probably has nothing to do with food.

Good luck in figuring out what that "something" is, and you may want to try some other behaviours before turning for your next "fix" - don't say "instead of", say "before" - and then if you still want your fix, have it.

xxoo

[I'llsucceed 1]

In your case, you really have to sit and think about why you may be on a carb binge. Are you frustrated/dissatisfied with your new lifestyle? Have you been feeling deprived? That will result in bingeing. Do you have some low grade worry/stress that you're not acknowledging? You could be turning to food to help numb that discomfort. Are you secretly uncomfortable in your new body, or with the new benefits/attention you are getting from it? That could lead you to your present condition as well.

I was thinking this very thing. It could be the smallest or the largest detail that sets us over the top. We may not even ever know why. Its so important just to sit & meditate over what has maybe changed recently in our lives or maybe our surroundings.

Either way it sounds like you are all ready back on track- I so look froward to your day of meeting your goal- We all look forward to celebrating with you. BTW -JOB WELL DONE!!! 80 PDS!!!!!!!!!!

[vinesqueen 2]

bumping thread

[maygoddess 53]

Gosh...all I can say is "Me too'! I am total self saboteur...always have been.

I have lost almost 95lbs..so far..and have at least another 40+ to go...I have NEVER been at a goal weight in my life..so I really don't know what I will end up..just a guess..but getting just below 200 has been a challenge. My body has not been below 200 in like 20 years...I WANT to get this last amount off..but I will grab crap on occasion..

Can't really say why..could be stress, boredom, happiness or just that I really like food and if I crave Peanut Butter M&M's, I wantthem darnit! Whenever I set a goal for myself, I tend to sabotago even more as I get closer to a deadline or the goal. I am also dealing with content of where I am now..I am in 12/14's..I can shop just about anywhere for clothes and feel healthy..I hate my belly and want a Tummy Tuck so I can better fit in bottoms., but otherwise I am happy about where I am at the moment.

I also can relate to a previous post about dealing with a new smaller you..losing that much weight really is a person(hmm..I think I lost the equivelant of a Paris Hilton!!) and you do become more "visible" as you are smaller. It is amazing how invisible you become, ironically, as a larger person in society. More people say hello or smile at you when you walk aroun dthe grocery store even! I am amazed. I was never a wallflower who woudl look down and never smile at anyone, but just amazed how many people now actually SEE ME and acknowledge me! This can be wierd. I forget about my accomplishments now when people tell me I look amazing..I forgot the other day when some other homeowners saw me at our board meeting and asked what I have done to lose weight..it has been almost three years since I was banded and I have lost so slowly, I forget that I perhaps dropped another 5-10lbs since someone might have seen me and now it looks more noticable to them..

There are also days when I cannot get the "fat goggles" off and I look in the mirror and look just as fat as I did 95+ lbs ago..even as I am slipping on my size 12 skirt. I held that skirt up and thought..."wow, this is enormous"...but I cannot even remember what my size 28 skirt looked like! Where I am now seems enormous some days..other days, I feel these bones emerging all over my body and think how wierd it is to feel thes ebones that were buried under flesh and think" do skinny people marvel at their bones like this?"

ANyway...this is all part of the process...I am glad, in a way, I have lost so slowly because my brain has had more time than usual to keep up with my physical changes..though it is such a strange and trippy ride most of the time..

okay..my 10 cents..sorry for the free flow..this one really just struck home.

Patty

8/13/02

Dr Kuri

-95 with about 40 to go?