So Mad!

[Chaucer's Wench 0]

Hi, everyone. I'm new to this site - getting banded on May 7 (yay!). I'm sorry for my intro post to be a rant, but I'm so pissed right now. I asked my husband not to tell Anyone about my band, specifically his mother. I wanted to avoid negative comments (like the ones I've read about on this board), judgements, and expectations from Anyone - particullarly my MIL as she is hyper-negative. I just really think this is a personal and private matter and I should decide when, how and if people are told. This morning I overheard my husband on the phone to MIL say "...when Nya get's back on solid food..." :wink2: GRR. I asked him about it and he said he forgot. Now, this is entirely possible so I can't get too mad at him - my husband has MS and it can cause cognitive issues, but I really emphasized how important this was to me when I first asked him not to disclose my surgery to others. I feel really betrayed and alone right now. Sorry about the ironically negative rant about trying to avoid negativity:unsure:

[Kat817 19]

Sorry it was revealed without you wanting it to be-----I too have a MIL who loves to make negative comments to me. My SIL and I went to be banded together, so how she reacts to me with my band, is all dependent upon how my SIL is doing. One week the band is going to kill us both---and the next she is doing so much better than I am she wonders why mine is not so successful....it is a no win situation. I remind myself she is 80----and do my best to ignore her!!!

One advantage is not having to remember who knows or what you can say to who.....I am not good at remembering those kind of things, so I just told everyone!

Welcome to LBT---and around here, we let ya whine about whining, and be mad because someone is mad at you----it is all about support!!! Besides on one level or another, most of relate to some part of it!!

Welcome!!!

Kat

[busdrivinmom 0]

WOW sounds like my sister yep went through the same thing seems everyone is only interested in the number you lose not how are you really feeling-- don't let it get to you better days are ahead

[ld0008 0]

Kat,

you are such an inspiration to me. You've done so well with the band. I am 8 weeks post op and am struggling. Have you ever had bad days and how did you get past them?

thanks for sharing. Dolores

[Kat817 19]

I've had many a bad day!!! Bad weeks----had a few months that were questionable!!

Seriously though--to be very honest, when I was going through the time you are now, I was very distracted, and cannot tell you how I managed on a day to day basis.

I was banded the end of April---and a few weeks later, mid May, my DH was diagnosed with a bad heart valve and scheduled for open heart surgery. During the angiogram to check his arteries-so they could bypass at the same time if needed, he got a blood clot. We spent the next several weeks monitoring his blood, and hoping the heart valve would hang in there, until the clot resolved. By the time it did, 8 weeks had passed, and he was not in great shape. They did his valve surgery....and had to reduce the overall size of the heart---it has enlarged so in the weeks we had to wait. So we got him home from that, and I had been so busy caring, and worrying, I did not focus on my band so much. I had gone for a couple of fills, and was losing well....but the little nuances of difference I was too preoccupied to seriously notice. I probably would have skipped the fills to be honest, but my SIL and I were banded together, and she made the appointments, and drove us to them!

When my DH come home from heart surgery, he had orders to walk--so together we began walking and exercising. I changed how I cooked seriously then----HIS health was involved. How ironic is it, that I could do it for him, but never for my own health??

He continued to be on blood thinners....due to the valve. 2 days before he was due to go back to work, the antibiotics he was taking had been making him nauseated. Well he ended up vomitting. They had not properly monitored his blood thinner (coumadin) levels, and he was way too thin. When he vomitted, he tore his esophagus loose on both sides from the stomach. The Dr. come out of the ER where they were working on him, and told me he would likely expire in the next 10-15 minutes, as he was bleeding so freely, they could not keep blood in him. Even the fresh units they were putting in, as it passed through the liver, the clotting agents were removed, as he had too much coumadin in his system. Through some experimental measures, awesome Dr. and surgeon, and lots and lots of prayers, he pulled through-----he spent over a week in ICU----and then several days on the medical floor before coming home again, and trying to regain his strength. When he finally did, then they realized, the clotting agents they gave him, had destroyed the internal work they had done on his heart, so it was back to more surgery for that.

By the time we got all of this behind us----months and months had passed. I had managed to lose quite a bit of weight---I had some decent restriction from my 2 fills, but mostly my band has eliminated my hunger with those fills. So I would have to remind myself to eat. And as I say with his health I began cooking in better ways---less food being the biggie!!! We also walked together, and slowly built up to more exercise. I joined Curves when he come home----sounds pretty mean, but it got me out of the house, and somewhere I could seriously work off some tension. There is not a real gym in my small town, and I could not leave for long periods.....

So overall, much of the early time, passed in a blur! I have plateaud, and not lost an ounce for a month at a time, but when I do that, the inches still drop.

LBT was a true life saver-----I could log on, and vent! Get away from heart problems, and focus on ME and my band! I could feel a little selfish, without hurting anyone!

I wish I had words of wisdom----and if I do, they would be, that when it gets hard, get busy--do something besides think about it! Get a hobby--hit the gym---something to occupy your mind. Take a walk when you want to snack....or open a bottle of Water, and drink it. Many times thirst presents itself as hunger.

Good Luck--You CAN do this---I am proof positive!!

Kat

[EricaLyn 0]

Hi, everyone. I'm new to this site - getting banded on May 7 (yay!). I'm sorry for my intro post to be a rant, but I'm so pissed right now. I asked my husband not to tell Anyone about my band, specifically his mother. I wanted to avoid negative comments (like the ones I've read about on this board), judgements, and expectations from Anyone - particullarly my MIL as she is hyper-negative. I just really think this is a personal and private matter and I should decide when, how and if people are told. This morning I overheard my husband on the phone to MIL say "...when Nya get's back on solid food..." :wink2: GRR. I asked him about it and he said he forgot. Now, this is entirely possible so I can't get too mad at him - my husband has MS and it can cause cognitive issues, but I really emphasized how important this was to me when I first asked him not to disclose my surgery to others. I feel really betrayed and alone right now. Sorry about the ironically negative rant about trying to avoid negativity:unsure:

First of all, welcome to the LapBand website! And it's perfectly okay to rant! We all need to do it at one point or another!

I'm also sorry your husband spilled the Beans. The more I'm around men (and live with my husband) the more I realize that they're not intentionally forgetful, they just don't think about the words that come out of their mouths.

I'm sure your husband feels just awful about saying something to his Mother, especially knowing the relationship you and his Mom have together.

Did he go into details on why you'd be getting back on "solid foods". If he didn't, you can still save this (if you still want to keep it to yourself). There are many reasons why you'd be off of solids - many different types of procedures, heck, even a colonoscopy.

If your MIL does know now you can always say to her (if she brings the surgery up), "No offense, but I don't want to talk about it". Period. End of story. It's your personal health, your personal decision. It's not anyone's business.

OR...if she brings it up you can say, "Yes, I'm having weight loss surgery. Right now I need support and encouragement. If you're not able to give me that then let's not discuss it".

My Dad has Parkinson's and I understand the cognitive issues. He blabs stuff all the time and my poor Mom wants to strangle him half the time. Hang in there. Know that you're not alone in any of this.

Just concentrate on the fact that soon you'll be a new woman and nothing beats being healthier and happier!

[QuilterLaura 0]

Nya,

I, too, have a MIL issue and I also opted not to tell anyone. Mostly because if anyone knew, she would find out...she has powers, lol! I am so sorry that your request was forgotten and now it's too late to keep it to yourself. I can only hope that your success will speak for itself soon and she'll just be able to marvel at you! Good luck, Laura

[Chaucer's Wench 0]

Thank you all for your encouragement and advice! My husband feels really bad about this situation. He just said he was so sorry and that when he was diagnosed with MS he felt the only thing he could control was who he told so he understands why I'm so upset. Ah, well. I guess you can't unring a bell and I'll just have to deal differently than i had planned. Who knows, maybe she'll surprize me and be positive and supportive and maybe monkeys will fly out of my soon to be smaller butt.

[Elisabethsew 50]

I can understand your frustration. I only told 2 people and that's how it remains. For me, that was the right decision. What's done can't be undone so try and ignore your MIL as much as possible and keep positive thoughts knowing you're on your way to a healthier and happier you.

[sandee 0]

Hey, old ppl are very critical about ppl. My mother is 90 and she has been horrible to me all my life and worst now that shes is 90 and she doesn't even know that I am having the band. She is just mean. Thats just old ppl. When you are thin and beautiful, then lets hear what your MIL has to say.