New to this..and getting all the negative remarks

[IndioGirl55 32]

I paused a little when I read this. I don't know, something struck me... I recognize I may lose a friend or two throughout life, but the losing a husband. I've had to pause and think about that for awhile. Luckily, my husband is the best thing I've got going for me. :crying: But I pondered this for a little while. If it was a matter divorce because of my band or no band... I would choose no band.

I think about what she meant by divorce is due to the changes that people go thru - some fat ppl just settle for anyone who will accept them as a fat - they really aren't in a happy relationship or happy with themselves.

Like transfer addictions - ie shopping - alcohol - sex addicts etc

I really don't think if you have a good solid marriage now that losing weight is going to cause a divorce. IMHO if it does result in divorce it really wasn't cuz of the wls but some other issue.

[mpope 1]

I guess I felt like I needed to tell people b/c the weight might come off really fast and obviously since they've known me overweight for so long, they would KNOW something happened.

I guess if it's fairly slow or not at warp speed, then I can get by not telling everyone.

[Enchanted 2]

If people who are clinically depressed would just cheer up. Sounds ridiculous, hm?

People need help. All of us here have the courage to ask for (and in some cases demand) help with a problem we've been facing, largely alone, for years.

We're to be applauded! Go us!!!

[IndioGirl55 32]

I guess I felt like I needed to tell people b/c the weight might come off really fast and obviously since they've known me overweight for so long, they would KNOW something happened.

I guess if it's fairly slow or not at warp speed, then I can get by not telling everyone.

A lady downstairs in another office in my building complemented me on my weight loss - "How did you do it" answer "by eating healthy and exercising" this is the truth - the band doesn't make you lose the weight you do by your choices...

[beckn 2]

I have had negative comments from my friends in the past when I just mentioned that I was thinking about having Lap band surgery. My surgery date is May 12th and I have only told my husband and my sister who are both very supportive of my decision. When my weight starts to drop and people notice I will say yeah, I had lap band surgery and it was a very personal decision that I have chosen to keep to myself. That is the way I am going to handle it. Becky

[grammylew 0]

You know what - your friend is absolutely right! Not about the quick fix, but about being able to lose weight with just diet and exercise. I am living proof! I have lost 500 pounds (off and on) over the last 40 years through diet and exercise alone. Unfortunately, I also gained back 600 pounds (off and on) when I STOPPED the diet and exercise. I'm sure every person on here has lost weight through diet and exercise, and personally know 10 more who have, as well. PLEASE, show me 4 people who have lost over 100 pounds through diet and exercise alone and KEPT it off for 5 years! I want to shake their hand. I DO know folks who maintain healthy weights by healthy living. God Bless Them! BUT - These people have never been overweight to begin with! I don't know if they were just taught better by their parents, or it is a metabolism thing. Whatever it was, they are very lucky! But in the real world, with normal people, who have everyday lives, we need all the help we can get! To me WLS is a tool to control a disease, just like prescription meds are tools to control other diseases. If you want to control a disease and live longer you take whatever actions your doc rocommends - whether it is pills or surgery! Good luck. Remember - this is YOUR body, YOUR decision and YOUR quality of life.

[Pix 4]

I had someone tell me that just yesterday that I was taking the easy way out, and that if I just blah blah blah (we all know the rest of it). I popped off saying wow .. major surgery, having to watch what I eat and portion sizes for the rest of my life is easy. huh ... glad to know you have your medical degree you just saved my life.

He shut up and apologized.

[beckn 2]

Great reply....I'll have to remember that one!! Becky

[kathystrick 3]

I think about what she meant by divorce is due to the changes that people go thru - some fat ppl just settle for anyone who will accept them as a fat - they really aren't in a happy relationship or happy with themselves.

Like transfer addictions - ie shopping - alcohol - sex addicts etc

I really don't think if you have a good solid marriage now that losing weight is going to cause a divorce. IMHO if it does result in divorce it really wasn't cuz of the wls but some other issue.

Exactly. A lot of men who are insecure themselves marry overweight women because they are easier to control and insult because they don't fight back.

Once they have WLS and lose their own insecurities, the women realize how much better they deserve to be treated and won't take the BS off their husbands anymore.

She said if you already have a solid relationship, it will most likely only improve as you lose weight because so many aspects of the marriage and you as a partner will improve.

[MacMadame 81]

I have a 3 pronged approach. First, I have lost tons of weight in my life. So when they say if you just eat right and exercise, you'll lose weight, I say "oh, losing weight isn't the problem. It's keeping it off."

Then I blind them with science.... I tell them about the studies that show that yo-yo dieting changes your body so it fights to keep you fat by telling you that you're hungry all the time. I also tell them about the study where they measured the brain waves in the part of the brain that recognizes satiety and how morbidly obese people have weaker brain waves and so often don't feel "full". Then I explain how the lap band works to combat these things so that once you lose the weight, you have a fighting chance to keep it off.

If that doesn't work (and it works 99.9% of the time), I say "then I guess you still are driving a horse and buggy to work and cooking your dinner on a wood stove" ... doing things in an easier way is SMART, if you ask me. Doing it the "hard" way just to say you did seems pretty pointless.

[beckn 2]

Hey, I like the way you think.....that's progress!!

[SanDiegoSusan 1]

I have discussed this with my hubby and he is supportive of me either way I decide and in the end, that's all that really matters.

But I've mentioned "wanting" to have this procedure to my best friend, who is fairly open minded, and she calls it a quick fix. She says if "you'd just eat right and exercise you'd lose weight". Wow, if it was JUST that easy...would any of us be HERE? :confused2:

I love my BF, but she's really into natural foods and says I'm too "acidic" and I should drink barley grass or some junk. I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather not.

How do/did you get over the it's a quick fix remarks? :smile2:

6% of overweight people will lose weight AND keep it off through diet and exercise. 6%. More people will quit smoking. More people will quit heroin. 6%. There is so much that is just being discovered about weight and eating responses and the chemical make-up of the overweight. Yes, the chemistry of an obese person is different than the chemistry of a non-compulsive eater. People who do not research this subject can't understand it. Heck, some of us can't.

Would your friend tell an alcoholic that not drinking is a quick fix? Would she tell a gambling addict that they can just play a few hands at a casino and then walk away? Would she tell a heroin user that avoiding the old neighborhood and druggy friends was a cop-out? Maybe SHE needs to do a little research on addiction before determining your needs. And I'm sorry but how are major surgery and drastic changes in eating habits a "quick fix" compared to downing barley grass juice?

I've been lucky. Only four people know I am planning this (three are thin) and they have all been incredibly supportive. But if they weren't, well I'm the only one who knows how hard I've tried, how many diets have failed, how much the unmoving scale torments me as I starve, and how many people have been cruel to me because of my weight. If they want to exchange bodies with me then they can have some say in making this choice. Otherwise we would have to agree not to discuss it or I would have to cut them out of my life. I'm at the point where this is a life or death decision and a true friend would not try to force their ignorance into sabotaging my life changing decision. And a part of me has to ask: Does she really want you to lose weight?

[rnmom80 0]

I've tried reasoning with people who say "all you have to do is eat less" by telling them I agree, that's why I had the procedure so I can "eat less" It usually doesnt' work though. Don't you just want to say MYOB!

[lenore1890 0]

This is a common problem for everyone approaching their weight with surgery. This"quick fix" mentality of others has really got to end. Its not a "quick fix" by any means. Every diet plan out there says that you will average 2lbs a week lost if u follow it correctly and exercise. So there is no difference, with the band you will lose an average of 2lbs a week if you diet and exercise. Someone on this site said something I found to be profound "who cares if it's a 'quick fix' or a slow one, its a FIX." You are trying to get healthy. this is something that works, no matter what anyone says it WORKS. How could anyone who is a friend not see that it is in the best interest for your health? I dont think you would lose a true friend over this. If you do how true were they to begin with? You didn't disown your friend because she started drinking whaet grass shakes and eating granola she shouldnt disown you for your choices either. Kudos for you losing weight and doing what needs to be de for YOUR health and sanity. I personally dont tell the people who may doubt my decisions. I dont lie, but I adopt the military philosophy "dont ask, dont tell." if they ask I simply say. "yes weight loss surgerywas my choice and it is the best choice for me. I dont need to justify myself only I live in my body. therefore i get to decide what to do with/to it." ITS YOUR BODY ITS YOUR CHOICE. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, DONT LET ANYONE STOP OR THREATEN YOU!!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO AND EVEN MORE THAN THAT!

[beckn 2]

I have decided not to tell my BF's, only my hubby and sister who are both supportive of my decision. After a few months I may tell my BF's if they ask how i have lost all the weight. I would just say that i have cut back and am exercising but I work in the hospital where I am having surgery and I am sure that it is going to get out about my surgery. For now I am going to limit who i tell. Becky