Jealous

[Guest Party Girl]

Okay,

I have been lurking for a while because I was too lazy to register.

I have had my bipolar band (that's my nickname for it since it has major mood swings) since 10/18/04. I do like it and appreciate it for it keeping me in line. I choose the band for one reason, and that was because I already had thin hair and I didn't want it to end up like my sister's hair after bi-pass (she had her surgery two months ahead of me). Well, I have a bald spot now and this is after a hair transplant (I am getting everything in, I go to a specialist and I use rogain adn yada yada.) Well, after all this I wish I had just had the bi-pass. The ONLY reason I am having this feeling is because my sister had it and we started at the same weight and now she has lost 100lbs and I am still at 42. I am super jealous...like super super jealous. She looks great and I am stuck at 212. My only revenge came at Easter--it was soooo funny (I am evil, :devious did I mention that??). My sister's fav. food before bipass was Cadbury eggs. So I went and had one-- right in front of her. Yeah, it was my Easter treat but also my Easter revenge.

How do you deal with people you know who have had bipass and melt away well before you?

Thanks!

Party Girl--

[katerzz 4]

Wait until 3 years from now.. when yours is still effective and can be adjusted and hers cant. or.. do the noble thing and be proud of her and thank your lucky stars she hasnt had any problems with the bypass.

My 2 sisters are overweight also, but I am by far the worse. My oldest sister couldnt do either surgery because she doesnt have the commitment it takes. (she drinks soda like Water for #1) and My other sister wants to have the surgery but shes being sneaky and wont tell anyone else. My thought is she wants to "appear" as though she just did it on her own. I am open and honest and tell everyone.. even people in a game me and my husband play together online.

I guess it comes down to why you want to loose weight. Is it a competition? My thought is my sisters and I have always been competitve its just how the world works but I would *never* do anything to sabatoge their progress (like eating something they couldnt in front of them) I am going to be so happy when I loose 42 pounds and even more when I reach my goal.

So anyway to answer your question:

How do you deal with people you know who have had bipass and melt away well before you?

You support them and praise them in their accomplishment because you should know how hard it is to be fat and what emotions we all go through in this hard battle. You do everything in your power to be supportive and realize that one day the favor will be returned. It may not be the answer your looking for but god forbid if something went wrong with your sister and you had to deal with the guilt afterwards.

Travel this journey for yourself otherwise you may find yourself all alone.

[Guest Party Girl]

Oh, I forgot to mention that we have hated each other since we were young. She has been evil to me since then so we have perpetuated this throughout our adult lives. She is seven years older then me and she was abusive to me as a kid. We don't talk know, only at holiday parties.

I actually didn't know she got the bipass and we were looking into our surgeries at the same time-- I just scheduled mine for a bit later. She didn't tell any of us but we figured it out pretty quickly. It isn't a competition but I am just super jealous.

[New Hope 37]

Party, I have a friend who had the bypass 3 years ago. She quickly lost a lot of weight and I hadn't seen her in a year. But I saw her right before I went into the o.r. She had gained most of her weight back. That reassured me that I had made the right decision getting the band. I also like that my insides are intact and if for any reason the band has to be removed, all will be the same inside. I don't have the "dumping syndrome" like a BP patient. I like that I'm losing the weight slowly. It has helped me adjust physically and mentally to this change. Do you take any Vitamins for your hair? I take multi-vitamins, viactiv calcium chews, flaxseed oil, Vitamin E, Vitamin C and have had no problem with Hair loss. Are you eating enough Protein (in the form of lean, moist meats)? Others have said Nexium Treatment Shampoo is good for thinning hair. Hopefully you and your sister losing weight can draw you closer together and help you have a better relationship. If you live close enough, you can walk together, ride bikes, go swimming, to the gym, etc. 42 pounds forever gone is a great weight loss! Have you tried using www.fitday.com to log your intake, calories, break down of food types, and exercise? It's free and very helpful. Best of luck to both of you on regaining your health!

[Alexandra 55]

Is the only reason you decided on the band over bypass the possibility of lesser hair loss? You really didn't think at all about the other factors of the two surgeries? I'm sure that in your research you also discovered that the speed of weight loss does not compare between the two surgeries. Katerzz is right--look again in three years.

I don't have any specific advice to dealing with your jealousy. It's sad when sisters or even friends can't be supportive of one another, whether it's WLS or anything else.

[paula 4]

How do you deal with people you know who have had bipass and melt away well before you?

I am genuinely happy for them! Everyone's journey is different. Their journey is fast, mine is slow.

About your hair loss... I think Marie gave great advice on treating that particular problem, so Im not going to comment on that thought.

And how sad that you and your sister are so jealous over each other. God bless you both. I had a sister 6 years older then me, and when I was 17 (we didnt get along either) she was tragically killed in a car accident... you know the saying, hindsight is 20/20???

[vinesqueen 2]

hey Party Girl, I think some level of envy/jelousy is normal. We see someone get what we want, and so we pout or throw a hissy fit at some level. Sometimes we pout in public, sometimes we pout in private. How we deal with this envy/jelousy refects our level of maturaty. (I'm firmly convinced that my mother is a three-year-old in the body of a 70 year old.)

How do I deal with it? I first acknowledge the feelings. On their own, feelings and emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are, and they need to be recognized for what they are. After you acknowledge them, you have to deside wether you want to be the bigger person (pun intended) or not. I show compassion to those who've chosen the by-pass because they have chosen a much more dangerous and ardous journy than I.

The band is completely different than the different by-pass WLSs. Your weight will definately be slower, and I have to think this is a good thing. It will give your skin a better chance of shrinking, but probably most important for me, it gives your head a chance to catch up with your weight-loss. It will give you a better opportunity to deal with all the various issues that have conspired to make you fat, keep you fat. Or, keep me fat, as the case is. I don't believe the by-pass patients have that opportunity we do.

I have a very strained relationship with most of my sibs as well. Probably an offshoot of being raised by wolves. My younger sister is very mad at me because all our adult lives I've always been mistaken for the younger sister. With a 5 year difference, this just chaffs her something terribly. I have to admit that I am THRILLED that I look younger than her, but I never throw it up in her face. I'm sad that I don't have the kind of relationship with her that I do with our oldest sister. However, I didn't even invite my younger brother to my wedding because I didn't want to deal with him stealing my wedding gifts. Very sad, but he grew up to be a wolf too. (no offence intended to true four-legged wolves intended.)

Hope this helps, or at least gives you something else to chew on.