Confessions

[AllisAngels428 0]

Hey Everyone- I check these boards all the time. It has become my new addiction. Today was my first day back after being gone for 8 days. I was still dreading going back to work because I fear that everyone knows that I had my surgery done. I know I shouldnt worry about it, but deep down I do. Mentally I think this has been more taxing on me than I thought it was. I was on a huge emotional roller coaster today. I did good eating wise today until I got home. I ate more than 4oz and I know I did. I know I will also pay for it. Im less than 2 weeks post op and I guess I thought my transition would be easier. I dont know what I was thinking, nothing happens over night. Except gray hair. Im just trying to make sense of this all and why I feel so blue. Some say it the anesthia, some says its a period of mourning. I dont know what it is. I havent felt this way since my best friend of 24 years died last year. I even tried talking to myself to understand why I over ate, and what made me want to. food has been my best friend for so long, and its so hard to let go of it. I know that I overate tonight, but what I ate wasnt bad it was just how much I ate of it. Im still trying to figure this all out. I know food cant fix it, but what will fill that void all of us desire to fill?? Im just trying to figure this all out.... any advice from the old timers?

[ThinMinnie 0]

I am not an "old timer" but I thought I would bump this thread for you. I was banded on 4/2/08 and while I do not feel the sadness you are feeling I am feeling very irritated right now. I am wandering if I wasted money (self pay) and wishing I had not told anyone about the surgery. I feel like when I see the people who know they are thinking "surgery sure didnt help her". I know I need to be patient but it is so hard. I am so hungry all the time and can basically eat anything. I get my first fill on 4/30 and am hoping this will make a difference, but from all I have read the first fill usually does nothing. I hope a year from now I can look back and laugh at the feeling I am having now. :tongue_smilie:

[AlisaH 1]

I totally can relate to what you are feeling, I am feeling it too, but am reminding myself that banding is a slower weight loss progress than bypass, but we chose this route for a lot of really important reasons (at least I did). I didn't like the idea of my insides being rearranged, so even though this is slower (and I dare say, maybe harder?) I am still focused on being committed to the process.

I didn't tell many people before my surgery, but I have been open with many since then. I sometimes wonder if I should have waited until I had significant weight loss to tell others, but I think I am harder on myself than anyone else will be (thinking that others are thinking "well that didn't work for her". In reality, they are probably not thinking about it at all. To us this is our life, not so to many others outside).

Besides, when I do get to that sweet spot it will be ON! I've had two fills so far and another scheduled for a few weeks from now. I have gotten some restriction, but not much so far, but it's a process, the last thing you want is for them to crank it up and then you can't eat anything and always feel terrible.

In my opinion, we all will grieve the loss of our former selves, this is a life-changing surgery, and like you said, life changes are not instant. Have faith in yourself and in the strength you found to make the decision to have the surgery, you can do it, I know you can, and so can I!

Alisa

[HarleyNana 10]

LOL, I am an old timer, at least 3.5 years banded. I haven't had a fill in over a year and I have recently started having small bouts of ...hmmm, I'm hungry, that's odd, so I may need a tweaking as Dr. Terracina calls it. I so enjoy where I am now, that I'm going to resist on my own, but if I start to gain, I'll be making that dreaded fill appointment.

Alisa, what size band do you have? I have a 4cc with a little over 2.5, so I've still got lots of room in mine, LOL. Also, who said you'd only eat 4oz, that sounds like someone who has gastric bypass.

Sounds like you've got your head on straight now, as for telling others, I'd shout it from the mountain tops, I love my band and the new me!

You can do it and anytime you need someone to lean on, let me know...

Hugs!