Who are you after the weight is gone?

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

This may be a surprise to many, but I feel lost lately. I feel like I have no idea who I am. Much like a mid-life crisis, but I think on a larger level.

I was the fat girl, who made everyone laugh (self defense of course) and was the center of attention. But the fat is gone, and now I feel lost.

So who are you once you loose the weight? I do not define myself as "skinny" but before I defined myself as fat. Nothing seems appropriate anymore!

[shortgal 5]

I don't feel different, yet. I am still Mom to my kids and my husband does not treat me differently. My friends seem to react the same way towards me and I still feel I have the same sense of humor and not just the "funny fat girl" kind of humor.

But I do think it takes time to get our head to match our new body. I am just getting into the "regular" department stores, so sometimes I think someone is going to tell me, I am shopping in the wrong place, so I can be afraid to enter certain stores ( like Victoria's secret)thinking they don't have sizes to fit me. But I know they don't really care, either way, it's really me that has the problem.

Do we need to define ourselves with one word, such as fat? You could also be tall or short, blond or brunette, kind, generous, cute or perky.

I have a friend that has always been thin. she does not like to wear shorts and she told me because she has a lot of veins. Well, I NEVER noticed any veins, I only noticed her nice, thin legs! And with her legs would never worry about wearing shorts! We can be our own worse critics.

I hope you find a way to get over this "lost" feeling and find a new inner you to match your new outer you.

[4evrwild 0]

Strange as it may seem, I've been lost for nearly a decade each year gaining more and more weight. I just can't wait to get back to the old me and I don't have to be perfect. I feel more like myself every time I get on the scale at the Dr's office and find I've lost some more weight The old me is still in there somewhere just waiting to come out and live life to it's fullest again.

I understand for some people who have been heavy all their lives it's a major adjustment. I think it might be a good idea to talk to a professional. I think we all have issues to resolve, it kinda comes with the territory. In my support group there is a beautiful girl, now 140 lbs. lighter and she is having the very same issue. She's doing everything she can to overcome these still negative feelings and I commend her journey. She just doesn't see herself the way I and others see her and I truly hope one day this is possible. Wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how special you are, how funny you are, that you are worthy etc., maybe you'll start to believe it :thumbup: I sure wish this for you!

[Fran 1]

I can totally relate. I do not think of myself as the new me yet after loosing 115 pounds and going from a size 24 to a size 12. I think in our minds we are so used to loosing and then regaining the weight that we are paranoid to allow ourselves the luxury of thinking thin. It is a whole new person we have created and we have to take time to rekindle a relationship. I wish you well and you have had much success.

Fran

[HarleyGirl 1]

I've thought about that, too.......being fat has been a part of who I am for so long.

I've talked before about the fact that "normal" changes in our lives quite often....I guess it's all about finding the "new normal".

The fat is sort of like the candy coating on an M&M....we all know the good stuff is INSIDE!

[jjsmiles 3]

You know Boo Boo you have worked so hard and achieved so much that I don't think its surprising that you are feeling a little lost. You used to know where you fit into the world, and then your focus became losing weight and getting healthy.

I am in the middle of the process and I was talking to an acquaintance last week (funny that it wasn't with someone I am close to ) and I said that in some ways I feel like a new born. I don't know quite what is happening and what to expect next. It can be very exciting, but then it can be terrifying as well. Sometimes I feel really down and dissatisfied and that scares me, because for the most part I have been really focused and I wonder how I will feel and how I will handle it when the weight loss part of my journey is over.

You've done such a fabulous job and been such an inspiration to so many, maybe you need to take some time to get to the know you. Not as others see you, but who you really are. Your outside is now as beautiful as your inside always was, but what does that mean? You used to be able to define yourself by the labels (the fat, funny girl) that helped you cope and survive. Now they don't fully apply (I'm sure you are still funny), so how to define yourself?

You are so much more than those labels of fat or skinny - now you just need to convince yourself that the complex person you are (the good and bad) is ok to let loose on the world! :thumbup: I think many of us are afraid to let others see us, beyond our labels, so we don't have to risk rejection.

Our labels give us some strength and power and confidence in a world that can be hostile. After all, if someone calls me fat - so what? - I know that is what I am and you can't really damage me for calling me something that I call myself (meantime my inside voice is saying "besides which I am also funny - what are you other than mean and ugly?")

What kind of activities do you enjoy? Do you have some dreams that you haven't quite had the courage to vocalise because of other things in your life (including your weight holding you down?). Have you talked to your close friends about how they see you now?

Now that you don't have to focus on losing weight - What do you want to focus on? What is your new goal and what do you need to do to achieve it? You have shown yourself to be phenomenally successful at achieving your goals, now you need to find a new one that satisfies you in a different way!

I am so proud of the way you have approached this journey, and the courage you have shown by revealing yourself, in so many ways. You have helped so many people on this forum, whether they have just "lurked" or whether they have actually responded to your posts. You are one of the people who I would consider to be most inspirational and I smile whenever I log in and see your beautiful new look at the top of the page.

:thumbup:

[josephine 1]

Boo Boo Kitty,I am going through the exact same thing that you are right now. I don't know who I am either even though I know I am not obese anymore. I do see myself as thin now, healthier than I have ever been, and I am ready to paint the town red, so to speak.I have hidden for so many years with my weight going up and down, up and down and now that I am beginning to accept who I am , I believe I have poisoned my husband with being and introvert as I was. I have fallen into a depression and I don't know EXACTLY what is wrong. I even hate my work. I never used to. I enjoy my dog, and my GYM time. I am still alone and more lonely than ever.It is still very hard for people not to make comment on how I eat, what I eat, what I choose to eat that it makes everyone very uncomfortable to eat with me. I am filling my belly, I am not filling their belly nor are they filling my belly. They still say I am dieting and this is not dieting, it is a life change for me in which I have made that change and they have not. I have chosen this life for myself but they are still living from Nov. 2005. I don't want anyone to adjust themselves for me.I hopefully will be seeking help but I have a few things to take care of first. I have to go for an EGD to look at my band to be sure there is no erosion. My doctor didn't want to take any chances since one of his patients started getting erosion but it healed itself, she didn't have any problems either. She was two years out and I am that as well, actually longer with no problems. Now, I have a hernia in my groin area in which I have to take care of too. The sooner the better because if I can't do my normal routine of exercise (weight lifting) at the gym I will fall into further depression.I had a Tummy Tuck and a breast lift May 9, 2007 and I believe all is well. You will feel better once that is done too. I wish you well and good luck to you.Josephine

[blahblahblah 4]

BooBoo,

I completely get it. I'm not at goal yet, but I have a feeling that I will feel the same when I get there. I was always the fat sister/friend. I was the fat funny sister/friend. Now I am the overweight sister...overweight is closer to thin than fat (well, the fat I was...)...but I still feel like the fat sister. But then sometimes I don't and then something brings me right back to it. Like not fitting in clothing, or someone telling me to choose a different chair because the one I was about to sit it is relegated to children.

I feel different around my husband...for many reasons...mostly they are good changes...but not always.

I can't put it into words...but I get it!

Rain

[rharriet62 0]

Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? I'm not really close to my goal, but I'm a 16-18 now and was a 34-36. I am getting used to thinking of buying clothes smaller now (that took a while!) but lately, I've been getting compliments about how I look and it's not very comforting! I cringe, frankly. The other night, I'll bet 4-6 different people came up to me to purposely say how great and "gorgeous" I looked when we were out for dinner. That sort of attention is really weird for me. I used to be noticed because I was loud, funny, witty, and drinking. Now, I'm actually pretty quiet, softer, and not drinking! I've changed a lot and so far (luckily) my husband has been keeping up with it and being supportive. But, I'm definitely not the party girl I used to be! I think it takes a while to adjust to a new body that is constantly changing, people's reactions, and all the other elements of WLS. So, I understand how you feel and I AM a therapist!!! It's hard to adjust!!!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Thanks, I am glad I am not alone in this land of confusion.

Jj--I think you are on spot! I need to spend time finding out who I am myself. I spent my life as someone else I don't want to be anymore!

rharriet--that is me exactly. I used to drink alot when out. Now not so important to me. It confuses my friends.

[ingyrob 1]

This is going to sound really strange, but in a way I miss my fat,and although I still have a long way to go I feel somehow diminished, small and insignificant. However I would not like my fat back. Crazy or what?

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

This is going to sound really strange, but in a way I miss my fat,and although I still have a long way to go I feel somehow diminished, small and insignificant. However I would not like my fat back. Crazy or what?

Maybe that is what I feel....hmmmm....

[crimlawchick 0]

I was banded on 2-22-08 and have lost 21 pounds ( I though't I'd lose weight a little faster) It feels great to be 222 pounds and I am not complaining as I've never lost 21 pounds in 8 weeks before. However, I have been an attorney for 2 years a mom for 3 (I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 21 month old) and a wife for 6 years (but going on 13 together). All of the sudden, I have decided that maybe being an attorney isn't for me. I feel the same way I did when I had a touch of postpartum. I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis at 28, second-guessing one of the biggest decisions in my life, being an attorney. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel like this?

[betttybboop 1]

I know this will sound crazy, but it's what works for me. My name is Elizabeth and since it has so many nicknames, I go by a different name depending on the stages of my life... I was Beth as a child, Lizzy when I played sports, Liz when I was partying in high school /university and Elizabeth when I started my career.

It's just a name, but for some reason, when I conciously introduced myself as something different, the person I wanted to be at the time would automatically attach to the name. It allowed me to be who I wanted at the time....

My plan is, when I loose all of the weight, I'll start going by Betty and start fresh again. I'm saving that as my skinny name. Again, I know it sounds crazy, but for some reason, it works for me!

[travelinsnorkel 0]

Hi there...thanks for posting! I haven't been banded yet, but what you are going through is something I am worried about. Who will I be when I lose the weight? I have always been the fun and funny fat friend. I am very social and like to go out with my friends...this usually revolves around eating and or drinking. I realize that I don't have to do much of either, but I wonder what it will feel like not to? I can see how it will be a very big change to be the newly thin girl in the group and trying to find who you really are after having been hiding behind the fat. I wish you luck!