Don't mother's hold their babies anymore?

[gingerbug 3]

I am so over the mommy wars. Just because you see a mom at the store using a bassinet instead of a sling or mamas arms does not mean mama does not make up for it other times.

[OH Juli 15]

Amen to an end to the mommy wars.

My child is a wild one who never liked to be held if there was something more intersting than soft music and dark room. A carrier kept her from being dropped and kicked by me out of frustration. I've pushed her down in a parking lot at age 2 because she was running away from me and I couldn't grab her. It seemed like the lesser of two dangers either she goes down and gets a scrape or a car hits her.

I'll pick up any child that will sit on my hip and hold them now, because she so didn't let me do it. However at 6 she's all over me when I'm on the couch cuddling all the time.

Don't judge the momma, you don't know the child.

[Katgirl 0]

I don't think it's fair to judge. People may feel it is safer having a baby in a carrier rather than holding in your arms, especially when distracted doing other things, ie. grocery shopping. I'm sure there is lots of cuddling going on at home, etc.

Also, it is near impossible to be a stay at home parent now with the cost of living and mortgages, etc. How did you manage to stay home with your children 24/7 that allows you to judge others that need to go to work? The only way I know someone can stay home is if they are "rich" or on some kind of government subsidy that is paid for by people that "go to work".

My 2 cents

Fairy, I understand what you are saying. However, I did those things, usually with a baby in my arms; it can be done. As I stated, I carried my babies while grocery shopping. I did that alone (don't get me started on thier deadbeat dad). Also, my boys were 14 months apart, so there were times when I held the baby and with the free arm, would pick up the toddler to put into the shopping cart.

One of the things i've also noticed is: the baby is in a seat in the grocery cart, mom cant hold the baby, however, she has an extra hand to hold a cell phone. She can sign her name with one hand while talking on the phone.

Dear West Coast, i feel so sorry for you. I adored my time as a mother of young children (and still now of course). I loved my babies, I was with them almost constantly until they began school (another thing i believe is that a mother should be with her children until they start school). Its so sad to know there are people who consider their children a burden, and here you are desiring to be what those children deserve.

Snuffy, that is awful. And kinda helps prove my point that people rely on those things too much-like its considered a portable babysitter.

Edited April 13, 2008 by Katgirl

[newhope4me 0]

I do not judge others that must work; as i had to when my daughter was about 18 months old. Which is why i so strongly believe a mother should be with her children until they start school. I see the differences in my boys, whom i did get to stay home and care for until they started school.

No, we weren't rich (extremely far from it) nor were we on gov't asst. We rearranged our priorities. It was not a priority to go out to eat, order in, have a second car, I sewed a lot at that time, had a garden for fresh veggies, wore no makeup, didnt visit a salon for my hair, etc. My sister in law and I had a talk a few years after i had gone to work. She said that our mother in law would compare her to me, as my sister in law worked and i stayed home with the kids. But our mother in law also would compare me to my sister in law because of the material possessions they had. We both felt inferior to the other.

As i said, i believe a mother should be with her children until they start school, I believe children would get a better start in life. But I realize that is not always possible. Just as, yes, i don't believe the carrier should be a portable babysitter, but i understand there are exceptions. But I have been in dr. offices were the baby will begin to fuss, get hungry, etc, and mom just rocks the carrier with her foot or props a bottle in the babys mouth. If i see this, i'm not going to think that the baby gets any more attention at home.

[gingerbug 3]

As i said, i believe a mother should be with her children until they start school, I believe children would get a better start in life. But I realize that is not always possible. Just as, yes, i don't believe the carrier should be a portable babysitter, but i understand there are exceptions. But I have been in dr. offices were the baby will begin to fuss, get hungry, etc, and mom just rocks the carrier with her foot or props a bottle in the babys mouth. If i see this, i'm not going to think that the baby gets any more attention at home.

Not always possible to give your child a 'better start'? This comment leads me to believe that you feel there is only one way to give a child a happy and healthy home and future. I feel this is a judgment. I dont care if a mother births her children, it does not matter if the child was fed via breast or bottle. I dont care if you use a sling or a stroller or a bassinet. I don't care if you home school or send your kid off to public schools. All I care about is that you feed your child, hug your child, talk to your child, read to your child. I care that you tell them you love them and remind them that they are good people. I care that you raise considerate and emotionally healthy members of society who wont beat their wives or spread diseases or hurt their own kids or someone else's. How you get to that point is of no practical importance to me. It is non of my business the hows and whys people choose to parent and raise their kids as long as they strive to be better parents today than they were yesterday. I dont need to compare myself with other mothers to feel as though the job *I* did was good or good enough.

[Wheetsin 714]

i believe a mother should be with her children until they start school

I'm going to use a carrier. We could make it on just one of our incomes but I'll be returning to work. I love my job and have no intentions of giving it up. But I'm also a weirdo who thinks a FATHER can do as good of a job raising a child as a mother, and if one of us did stay home, it would probably be DH.

[georgia girl 35]

I don't think it's fair to judge. People may feel it is safer having a baby in a carrier rather than holding in your arms, especially when distracted doing other things, ie. grocery shopping. I'm sure there is lots of cuddling going on at home, etc.

Also, it is near impossible to be a stay at home parent now with the cost of living and mortgages, etc. How did you manage to stay home with your children 24/7 that allows you to judge others that need to go to work? The only way I know someone can stay home is if they are "rich" or on some kind of government subsidy that is paid for by people that "go to work".

My 2 cents

Isn't that being judgemental?

My DH works his a$$ off so I can stay at home with our son. There are some weeks, financially, we cut it very close. We've made a lot of sacrifices to make this work. And No, we do not get any kind of government subsidy that is paid for by you or anyone else.

However, I don't agree that every mother/father should stay home with their child until they start school. For some parents, it's just not possible and I totally respect that. Being a stay at home mom or dad, isn't for everyone.

You know, when I was in school and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I "grew up", my answer was "a stay a home mom". It's always been my dream, I never really had any other career goals for myself. After High School, I worked with children at the YMCA and I always knew that being a SAHM was for me. Just as college isn't for everyone, being a stay at home parent isn't for everyone either. Ultimately, it's a personal choice that involves a lot of factors.

[Pix 4]

I don't think it's fair to judge. People may feel it is safer having a baby in a carrier rather than holding in your arms, especially when distracted doing other things, ie. grocery shopping. I'm sure there is lots of cuddling going on at home, etc.

Also, it is near impossible to be a stay at home parent now with the cost of living and mortgages, etc. How did you manage to stay home with your children 24/7 that allows you to judge others that need to go to work? The only way I know someone can stay home is if they are "rich" or on some kind of government subsidy that is paid for by people that "go to work".

My 2 cents

What??? Excuse me?? I am sorry to inform you we are NOT on government subsidy, nor are we rich. FFS you talk about how wrong it is to judge and then turn right around and close out your well thought out argument judging stay at home parents!!!!!!! I am a stay at home mom, and let me tell you something dear its a struggle in a military salary staying home with my kids. We cut it close way more times then I care to count, but by god we are doing it on our own no one helps us, no one gives us a leg up now and then. But by damned we are surviving and ya know what? I wouldn't change a damned thing.

So you can take that and stuff it up your judgmental craw, I am NOT on welfare never will be, not food stamps not nothing just my hubbies pay.

[blahblahblah 4]

Also a sahm who is neither rich nor on subsidy. My husband is a teacher and we are in the process of selling our very nice home so we can rent a small cottage for a few years. This will ease our monthly bills and allow me to stay home.

Please consider what you are saying before you post such judgemental crap!

Rain

[Chickie 15]

Personally, I don't carry my baby. My arms get sore, I don't carry him "right" and we both end up grumpy.

[Chickie 15]

The only way I know someone can stay home is if they are "rich" or on some kind of government subsidy that is paid for by people that "go to work".

My 2 cents

Or maybe the husband works 6 days a week, and close on 80 hours a week to support is family so the Mum can stay at home??

[georgia girl 35]

Also a sahm who is neither rich nor on subsidy. My husband is a teacher and we are in the process of selling our very nice home so we can rent a small cottage for a few years. This will ease our monthly bills and allow me to stay home.

Please consider what you are saying before you post such judgemental crap!

Rain

We also rent a small cottage-like home. We chose that route because it is much more affordable for us to rent right now. It used to really bother me that we were living somewhere that wasn't really "ours", but I have since overcome that feeling and I'm very content with where we are. It will probably be many years before we are able to buy or build our own home.

Anyway, good luck with selling your house!

[blahblahblah 4]

Georgia Girl...

I'm so nervous about living in a 2 bedroom home with my three kids, but we'll be able to live off of dh's salary alone...and we'll pack away whatever extra money we make (I tutor a few nights a week after they go to bed and he teaches adult ed courses and writes grants). It's stressful...but the girls are all little and we'll hopefully be able to find our way in this tiny house. There is, blessedly, a basement...so we will have a room to use as a playroom thereby eliminating the toys from the whole little tiny house.

Any tips to share?

Thanks,

Rain

[georgia girl 35]

Georgia Girl...

I'm so nervous about living in a 2 bedroom home with my three kids, but we'll be able to live off of dh's salary alone...and we'll pack away whatever extra money we make (I tutor a few nights a week after they go to bed and he teaches adult ed courses and writes grants). It's stressful...but the girls are all little and we'll hopefully be able to find our way in this tiny house. There is, blessedly, a basement...so we will have a room to use as a playroom thereby eliminating the toys from the whole little tiny house.

Any tips to share?

Thanks,

Rain

DH and I are trying as hard as we can to put back money each month so we can pay off our bills early and start saving for a house. I am currently taking some online classes to be a medical transcriptionist, so I can work from home. It will be a while before I finish, but I look forward to the extra income.

Hmmmm....tips to share? I would have to say hidden storage has been a life saver. We do have a little shed in the backyard that we can store our big items in but it's all the little junk that I have trouble storing. I have several decorative trunk-like items that I have collected over the years that I use for hidden storage. It's great for things like baby toys, arts and craft supplies, or any other decorative items that I don't have room to display right now. I've even seen storage ottomans.

In our laundry room, I have a very inexpensive fold-out table. I filled up all the big plastic totes that I've accumulated through the years (with my son's clothes that he has outgrown and other stuff too) and put them underneath the table and hid them by putting an inexpensive table cloth over the table. It hides all the totes and gives me more room for storage. Hidden storage really does help make my house "look" like I have more room than I actually do.

The worst thing I have trouble with is my kitchen. It is really tiny and I don't have much cabinet space for dishes, pots and pans, and food items. I am thinking of getting one of those pot racks that hang from the ceiling. Then I could hang my pots on that and have more room for the other stuff. I've had trouble finding one in my price range though, so maybe I'll come across one that's affordable soon.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'll keep thinking on it and see what else I can come up with. I wish you and your family the best during your move. It can be frustrating at times, but I've learned how to make it work over the years and I'm sure you will too.

[Kat817 19]

Over 25 years ago, finding myself a newly divorced, single Mom, with no child support, and my degree yet unfinished---I struggled! I struggled financially for sure---but my real struggle was leaving my DD!

I was in school to become a teacher, but trying to do that, AND hold down a job so I could feed us, left me zero time with my year old child.

Not to mention, day care ate up almost my entire paycheck!

So.....I quit school for awhile---and began taking in other children, allowing me to be with my own. I eventually got my degree----a class here and a class there. And I took the small day care in my home to an independent, licensed, multi-aged, day care center. I provided day care for others for over 20 years. There are still days I miss it!

As for the original issue at hand----the carriers are life savers! I agree there are some who I think over use them, but I really have no way of knowing, what the reasons behind them using it so much are----many reasons have been pointed out for us.

My DD used a sling, as well as the car seat/carrier. Her child is 3 now, and well adjusted. My grandson would have been a situation the OP would have approved of. Seldom was he ever anywhere but in Moms arms. He did not play on the floor, in a playpen---nowhere, she held him. He is now 32 pounds, 2 years old, and refuses to walk, he wants carried EVERYWHERE!!!! He just goes limp if you try to put him down. He is no dummy---he knows how to get exactly what he wants----and grins ear to ear to show you he knows!!!! Little imp!

Kat