Don't mother's hold their babies anymore?

[Angie4b1g 1]

This fight seems to have gotten out of hand :smile2:

Everyone does the best they can under the circumstances that they are presented with. I'm a SAHM now (mostly, although I do photography - I can sort of set my own hours with that) because my dh works 80 hours a week to make that happen. When that wasn't possible, I worked.

My neighbor home schools, and believes that is best for her and her family. That doesn't mean she thinks I'm failing my kids because they go to public school. Just like I don't think mothers who work are failing their kids because they aren't staying home with them, because that's what I do.

Everyone has a different situation, and we are only in our own, not in anyone else's. And we're doing the best we can with what we have.

[OH Juli 15]

"I love my child more than you love yours."

Oh, that's not what is being said exactly but that's what I keep seeing. And it's a bunch of tripe. We all love our babies, doesn't matter if they are 3 or 30. All reasonable people do the best that they can for their children, don't you think?

Just saying...

[Daisalana 33]

I think I'm lucky.. I'm in sales, and though I work in the office Mon-Fri 9-5.. I talked to the owner (a woman!) and asked about flexibility when I have kids. There is no paid maternity leave, but she said if I set up a home office, I can work from home till the kids start kindergarten. I'm the only sales that works full time in the office, all the rest have kids and work from home, but come in a couple times a week. I plan to do that, I think I'd go nuts staying at home all the time, so I plan to come in a couple times a week for a little while.

[Wheetsin 714]

I can work from home, and usually do at least half the time, but I will still be taking our kid to daycare. I have to do conference calls, webinars, etc. and can't have lots of noise coming out on the other end. And there's no way I would trust myself to actually get work done with an infant/baby around. We considered a nanny or au pair, but eevn then the noise is still in the house, and I think I'd still be inclined to want to take care of things if I heard noise/crying.

I will be taking off 3 months. We get 8 wks paid off, and I'll either use vacation or go unpaid for the last month.

[Kat817 19]

"I love my child more than you love yours."

Oh, that's not what is being said exactly but that's what I keep seeing. And it's a bunch of tripe. We all love our babies, doesn't matter if they are 3 or 30. All reasonable people do the best that they can for their children, don't you think?

Just saying...

I think you are totally right----we all bend with whatever life throws at us. And while some would love to stay home with their kids, that is not an option, while others find a way to make it work.

A persons choice in parenting, leads to children becoming stronger in differing areas---we would live in a pretty dull world if we all thought the same about everything, and had the same experiences, and strengths and weaknesses.

Each of us has a different view of normal---because we too were all raised by people with views of their own.

Working is not a sign of not loving your children! Through the years of providing day care---I found kids to be very proud of whatever it is their parents did for a living. You know---before they turn into teens that are horrified by EVERYTHING their parents do!!!!:rolleyes2:

Kat

[heartfire 4]

Laura, that's great! I was able to take my DD with me to the office. I was working 25 hours a week as our church's secretary. Been there 9 1/2 yrs and they didn't want to lose me. Worked out great her first year, then started getting harder. She wanted to run around or "help" now that she was bigger. :rolleyes2: When DH was home, she would stay home with him. Got to the point though that I wanted out of the office so we hired in behind me and I dropped to doing only the books/payroll and now do that from home. Took a huge pay cut as I'm down to 5 hours now, but it is so worth it.

I think all of us are just doing the best we possibly can and that's all anyone can ever do. Unless you ask, and it's really not your place to, you don't know why any one person does what they're doing when you happen to see them in a brief moment of their lives with their kids. I have a friend who MUST use some sort of stroller or carrier b/c she has nerve damage in her neck and isn't allowed by her doctor to carry her infant daughter in arms or a car seat for any length of time. She's a preemie and they almost lost her several times, all mom wants to do is hold her baby all the time.

I do know that some of us were only relaying what we did when our babies were little® (mine's still pretty little). I don't like some of the generalizations that some are making. We are taking a huge hit for me to be able to stay home with our daughter. It would cost us as much as I make for daycare if I went back to the office. My DH works his tail off as a fireman for our state (don't even go there, he doesn't make what some people might think and he could make twice as much and we'd be cruisin' if he worked for a city dept out here) BUT we are both home with our DD as much as possible and b/c of where DH works, he's home for 4 days in a row (3 days on, 4 days off) and works 10 minutes from our home in the mountains so we get to see him all the time. (How cool is it for a little kid to have a fire station as her second home?!)

And again, I'm running off at the mouth. I talk too much! My point again, is unless you really know someone, you don't know what the whole picture is in the small amount of time you are seeing them in public.

Have a beautiful day!!

[babygrl1234 6]

Damn. I can't believe that my working has affected my children's lives in such a poor way. My poor 1st grader who is reading at a 4th grade level and is on her 9's in multiplication. And my preK son who is reading himself. Crap maybe they would be at high school levels had I stayed home with them. And the fact that I used a child carrier with both of them? Oh dear. I am sure all the hugging and cuddling and rocking them to sleep was just not enough.

I am a horrible parent.

[OH Juli 15]

I am a horrible parent.

I told you I love my child more than you love your children. I thought I made that clear.

[Pix 4]

I told you I love my child more than you love your children. I thought I made that clear.

No I love my children more then you love yours!!!! get it right ... eeshe

*ducks and runs*

[Kat817 19]

Wrong, wrong, wrong!!! I love mine the most---I allowed them and enabled them to grow up, and they are even procreating!!!

So.....as much as I loved those kids.........don't even get me started on how wonderful my grandkids are----OR how much I love THEM!!!! LOL

Kat

[georgia girl 35]

You're all wrong........I love mine the mostest (don't you love how I make up words)

[Gone4Now 4]

I did both...I used the carrier and I held her. I got yelled at by my friends for holding her too much! But, if I went shopping or needed hands, I'd take the carrier.

I was able to stay at home (on my parent's dime) as a single mom for 18 months. I walked to the store every day, came home, did laundry and had dinner for my parents each night. They weren't rich - they just did it.

I started work, I think, at a good time. I probably should have put DD in daycare a little sooner, because she was so attached to me that it was tough. When they don't know better, it's just a daily routine. As long as their caregivers are happy and loving, I don't think it makes a difference.

My daughter is good in school, she's respectful to the teachers and is advanced-placement classes. I don't think daycare does any damage, and I think staying at home is fine too.

I have always said, "I'm not the final influence in her life." I filter and shelter to an extent, but mainly I am there to teach and guide her into making good choices. After all, it's the environment in which they are raised that will end up defining them.

[georgia girl 35]

I probably should have put DD in daycare a little sooner, because she was so attached to me that it was tough. When they don't know better, it's just a daily routine. As long as their caregivers are happy and loving, I don't think it makes a difference.

I started taking my son to the YMCA a couple of weeks ago, for 2 hours a day, while I work out in the gym. He's 2 yrs old and really attched too! He crys every time I leave him. It's tough but I leave him in there crying because at some point, he has to get used to not being with me 24/7.

The ladies there are very nice and loving and they tell me he stops crying a few minutes after I leave, so that makes me feel a little better. Honestly, I wish I had started doing this sooner as well.

[Jennie1976 1]

THANK YOU!!!!! That's been a pet peeve of mine for a long time now. I don't know if they still do, but I remember a new thing called "failure to thrive" at hospitals. They were begging for volunteers to hold the newborns. When they didn't get enough attention, they didn't make it.

I think it's horrible that babies spend more time in what is essentially a big plastic box than in their mother's or father's (or whomever's) arms!

Car seats and stollers have their time and place. But it is not ALWAYS the time and place!

[heartfire 4]

Okay, Jennie, how do you know how long any one is holding their baby on any given day if you are only seeing that person and their child in a CARRIER in the grocery store for all of an hour out of that child's day?

I don't know if you've read ANY of the other posts (or not, since your post didn't indicate in any way, shape or form, that you've been reading the ENTIRE thread) BUT there are 24 hours in a child's day. What you see in an hour of the child's day (or 5 or 10 minutes) is NOT indicative of what is happening OVERALL in said child's day.

I'm getting so DONE with this thread! I posted the first time just to say what we'd done w/our DD and it's turned into an all or nothing with some people. Why is that? Why can't people do what is best for them and their families (within reason and the law, of course, (can't even believe I feel the need to even say that!)) and not get slammed for it by some sanctimonious... person... who thinks it should be their way only? Sheesh!!