Don't mother's hold their babies anymore?

[newhope4me 0]

This is my pet peeve...I cannot stand that mothers do not hold their babies anymore. I used to adore holding my kids, there are times that i wish i could hold them again (but at 20, 21 and 12 little harder now).

Every where you go you see these mothers carrying these bulky, heavy car seat/carriers instead of just carrying the baby. It used to be a hassle to get the seat/carrier in and out of the car, so much easier to unbuckle the baby, wrap them in a blanket and carry them, than to unbuckle the bulky seat/carrier, then have to lug it, since it of course weighs more than just the baby. I think i did that a couple of times before completely deciding against it.

I would carry the baby while getting groceries, or visiting family/friends and the seat/carrier stayed in the car.

I believe these mothers, besides missing out on some blessed time with their children (o, the smells, the little sounds they made, to have those days back, lol), are robbing thier children of that little bit of precious "mother's touch"

ok, i'm finished, that's my rant!

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

I couldn't agree more! As a gay man who doesn't, unfortunately, have a womb... I am envious of mothers who are able to coddle their babies and bond with them.

I hope that mothers can wake up and realize how much they're missing out on! I know that babies can get heavy and that it is an inconvenience at times.. but that inconvenience can contribute towards some of the best parts of their lives.

[snuffy65 1]

This little horror story I am about to share probably doesn't have much to do with the core of your rant. But I also hate it when mothers bings into diners and stuff these huge car seats, crazy. Anyways, sorry for this bad story ahead of time if folks are sensitive.

Anyways, a lady that worked with my wife had a infant baby. Every morning when both her and her husband worked they would take their baby to a day care.

The day care was just someones house but was really nice and the people were caring. When they dropped off their baby they would leave them with the care takers with the car seat.

One morning the husband dropped the baby off, left the baby in the car seat in the basement where the main play space was for the children. Well a hour later children headed outside, for "outside play" time. The baby was still in the car seat. The supervisors spent 20 minutes getting kids ready to go outside and then went downstairs to get the baby.

Cutting to the chase, they found the baby dead in the carseat. Not sure how the baby was positioned but it was later found out the baby's circulation was cut off in the neck by the belt, passed out, and died.

Sad story. And to this day I freak out whenever I see my nephew or niece sitting in a carseat.

Edited April 13, 2008 by snuffy65

[Daisalana 33]

No kids here, but I think the point of having the seat with you, from what I see of mothers, is that you can put the baby down easily to... sign forms, pick something up, pay for something, etc.

[newhope4me 0]

Fairy, I understand what you are saying. However, I did those things, usually with a baby in my arms; it can be done. As I stated, I carried my babies while grocery shopping. I did that alone (don't get me started on thier deadbeat dad). Also, my boys were 14 months apart, so there were times when I held the baby and with the free arm, would pick up the toddler to put into the shopping cart.

One of the things i've also noticed is: the baby is in a seat in the grocery cart, mom cant hold the baby, however, she has an extra hand to hold a cell phone. She can sign her name with one hand while talking on the phone.

Dear West Coast, i feel so sorry for you. I adored my time as a mother of young children (and still now of course). I loved my babies, I was with them almost constantly until they began school (another thing i believe is that a mother should be with her children until they start school). Its so sad to know there are people who consider their children a burden, and here you are desiring to be what those children deserve.

Snuffy, that is awful. And kinda helps prove my point that people rely on those things too much-like its considered a portable babysitter.

[Daisalana 33]

...I did see a woman yesterday with a BRAND NEW BABY in one of those seats yesterday coming out of the gas station, with a 2 year old stumbling behind her. She banged the car seat into the gas station door, and then on the car 2x's. Brand new baby. Lots of jarring. I was gawking, I figured the baby won't make it to 1!! Then I reassured myself she had a 2 year old, so maybe I'm paranoid.

[snuffy65 1]

...I did see a woman yesterday with a BRAND NEW BABY in one of those seats yesterday coming out of the gas station, with a 2 year old stumbling behind her. She banged the car seat into the gas station door, and then on the car 2x's. Brand new baby. Lots of jarring. I was gawking, I figured the baby won't make it to 1!! Then I reassured myself she had a 2 year old, so maybe I'm paranoid.

Funniest story I heard in awhile,:biggrin: haha. My wife would have said something to the mother and embarassed me :tongue:

[blahblahblah 4]

I can't say I agree.

I have three children ages 4 and a month and 2 and 2 months...The twins are the 2 year olds.

Those infant carriers were my life. I am a stay at homer and I am with my children literally ALL DAY LONG!!!...When I was out, I HAD to have those children in their infant carriers. I had no choice. To be honest, at 2 years old, the twins are STILL in strollers when we go out. They barely walk anywhere. And, when they do walk somewhere, the sometimes wear tethers. Feel free to rip into me for that...I will fight it to my dying breath!!! :biggrin:

I'll be honest, when I only had one, I tended to use the bjorn instead of the infant carrier. But with the twins, they LIVED in those carseats.

Additionally, I nursed all three kids for 15 months and 20 months respectively. I was glad (sometimes) when we were out and I didn't have to have them in my arms. I felt free!!!

:tongue:

Rain

[Jachut 487]

I held my babies plenty, but I couldnt cope with doing the grocery shopping, paying the bills etc without the pram. Sheesh, I had no hands free. But they still got held lots. And breastfed for 2 years each, so I dont think putting them in the pram to do errands deprived them of much. And they're all very kissy cuddly now, even my 12 year old son.

[Angie4b1g 1]

It doesn't bother me so much that they carry them around in the car seats, because it IS much easier to be able to set them down to juggle everything else you do. I do, however, take issue with WHERE they set them down. I can't stand to be eating in a restaurant and see someone put one of those seats on a chair. That can't possibly be safe/stable. Yikes!!

[Wheetsin 714]

The carriers don't bother me either. No kids yet, still a few months away from that, but I help my friends with their babies and when it's sleep time, it's much nicer to remove the carrier seat than unstrap them from a regular baby seat. And in restaurants doesn't bother me either, the restaurant should be seating the people in a place where they aren't obstructing customers (e.g. don't put a couple + carrier at one of those tiny 2-man booths).

I've never seen a carrier put on a chair at a restaurant unless the chair was flipped over. Some restaurant chairs re designed so that the legs make a 4 point support for standard carrier sizes. Usually I see the carriers in one of those "hammock" type holders, or mom and dad will put it on the table with them, so they can interact with the baby as they eat.

I also don't care for it when people place the carrier over the children's seat of shopping carts. I've witnessed more than one tip over so I personally don't trust it to be a safe arrangement. Either the dad carrying, or cross-wise across the actual cart part.

I see mothers carrying their babies all the time, just not so much while they're doing tasks easier accomplished with two hands. We've started looking at strollers, carriers, etc. and I know we'll be buying a carrier, and using it. That doesn't mean I will never hold the baby.

Does it also bother you to see children who have outgrown their carrier, but aren't yet suitable walkers, pushed around in strollers? Do you think they should always be carried, too? Or is it just the ones young enough to still be in carriers?

[georgia girl 35]

I used baby carrier a lot when my son was a baby. I have been a SAHM since my son was born and he was held a lot at home. My son tended to fall asleep while riding in the car, so it was much easier to take out the carrier rather than wake him up by unbuckling him.

Of course, if my son was got fussy or upset, I would take him out, but if he was content, I left him in the carrier while running errands. I don't see any harm in it as long as the parent isn't putting the baby in it all the time, like at home all day long also. There is a big difference in depriving a baby of a mother's touch and carrying a baby in a car seat to run errands IMO.

[anonemouse 1]

No kids here yet (hopefully, never), but I see nothing wrong with a carrying the kid in a car seat, as long as the kid isn't in in all the time at home, too. IMO, it's an invention that was created to make a parent's life a little easier and more manageable, just like the lap-band was created to make weight-loss a tad easier and more doable. Doesn't make it less appropriate or more "wrong" than doing it the hard way, IMO.

[Lori_K 0]

I believe these mothers, besides missing out on some blessed time with their children (o, the smells, the little sounds they made, to have those days back, lol), are robbing thier children of that little bit of precious "mother's touch"

You can't always assume that the child wants to be held. Does that sound strange? I know it does, because I dealt with it - my son has autism. When he was an infant, he hated being held. He was perfectly content to be cozy in his car seat/stroller, but he did not like being held or cuddled at all. Children with autism have sensory issues. What might seem comforting to us, can be extreme torture to them. Trust me, I went through hell with this. My arms did ache to cuddle with my son. There's no counting the tears I cried. If he was picked up and held, he would just fuss, squirm, and start crying until I set him back down. He'd only tolerate being held while feeding (I really wanted to breast feed too, but he didn't tolerate that either). I think there was one time in my son's infant life that I was able to spend some precious cuddling time - he'd had a bought of colic, and was just wore out from crying. I picked him up, held him close and we snuggled in a rocking chair. He fell asleep in my arms as I slowly rocked and comforted him. It was bliss. I just wish there could have been more precious times like that.

Over the years, my son has made great improvements, after countless hours of therapy. I was determined (and still am) to help him. Even though he hated close contact when he was a baby, I still believe in the power of human touch, and it's importance in our lives. Today he's 11 years old. If I reach out my arms to him, and say "come give mom a hug!" he gets a big grin on his face, and he's happy to come over and wrap his arms around me and snuggle. It may have taken several years longer, but we both got our much needed closeness finally. :biggrin:

Anyway, I just ask that the next time you look at someone and their child, and something might not seem right to you . . . try and see pass your own personal experiences. Stop and think that maybe there's something there that you might not be seeing. Autism is on the rise, it affects 1 in every 150 children now. That's a huge epidemic.

April is Autism Awareness Month!

Autism Society of America:

[heartfire 4]

I have a 22 month old daughter, so have been through the infant carrier stage. I did both carrier and carry her. DH and I adopted our daughter when she was an infant (picked her up from the hospital when she was 2 days old!!). We are infertile (yes, both of us have issues, go figure!) and had been married 18+ years when we were blessed with our daughter.

One of the first things I bought when we found out about the possibility of her - a sling. Not having carried her in my womb, DH and I needed to bond with her and not let others hold her for at least 3-4 months (which was totally fine with me!). The sling was wonderful. I carried her everywhere and it prevented others from just scooping her out of my arms (DH is a lot taller so people couldn't reach her to do that with him!). We did use her infant carrier a lot b/c she would be asleep or it was a fast in and out and the sling did take some time to set up (I had one that's basically just a long swath of fabric w/D-rings for looping and tightening the fabric).

Our grocery carts here actually allow the back of the carrier to "lock in" like it would in the car seat base. We had to pull the release mechanism in the back to unhook it from the cart. So, even if it LOOKED like she was sitting precariously on top of the seat part of the cart, she was stable and locked in.

Wheetsin, think about getting one of these slings. I loved mine. I got it from here: Baby Slings - Baby Carriers - Baby Wraps

This is the one that I have: TaylorMade Solarveil? Baby Sling

They are wonderful! It's great to have the baby close and yet be able to use both hands if needed.

When DD was an infant, DH was working Sundays (he's a fireman) and I was an usher once a month at church. Well, I would sling DD and usher with her laying against me. People in church got a kick out of it! Sometimes she'd be peeking out at people and other times she'd be totally crashed!

Anyway, I can see both sides of the whole carrier thing. There were lots of times, it was just totally easier for whatever I was doing at the time.