No one know i have had lapbanding

[Chickie 15]

I wish I knew all these people you guys talk about that "dont care" about what you're eating....

I guess the people I hang with respect me and my space enough not to question what I am eating.

I don't have random strangers two tables over nudging each other, watching my every mouth full. And usually when I eat out it's a fairly social thing, and the last thing we talk about is portion sizes. I don't think that it's that unusual.

[wifeof46pilot 0]

Wait until the relatives visit. I didn't tell any of my family either and when my sister- in- law came it was tough. I just had a fill and was on liquids. I just told her that my stomach didn't feel well and that I would eat a little later. Then the next day came and I just said I wasn't hungry. By the third day I had to eat something in front of her so I put it on my plate ate some and then when she was done got up and cleared the table and threw it away. I am sure she noticed but didn't say anything. I just told her I was trying to cut back since swimsuit season was right around the corner.

[nicunicu2002 0]

not sure why you are having to 'hide' the fact that you had the lap band surgery? i remember when star jones hid the fact that she had surgery and then everyone just 'gossiped' about her. im just having a hard time understanding why anyone would want to hide this. the people that ive told have been incredibly supportive, not sure i could be doing this without people knowing. when i tell them that im going to have the surgery, i definately tell them the differences between the gastic bypass vs the lap band and the WORK that is involved with the lap band. I just think it would be so much easier to be honest than have people 'talking' behind your back....its not something to hide in shame over. Its about a life style change that we all should be proud and happy about ,not embarrassed or ashamed.

[mstrina27 0]

not sure why you are having to 'hide' the fact that you had the lap band surgery? i remember when star jones hid the fact that she had surgery and then everyone just 'gossiped' about her. im just having a hard time understanding why anyone would want to hide this. the people that ive told have been incredibly supportive, not sure i could be doing this without people knowing. when i tell them that im going to have the surgery, i definately tell them the differences between the gastic bypass vs the lap band and the WORK that is involved with the lap band. I just think it would be so much easier to be honest than have people 'talking' behind your back....its not something to hide in shame over. Its about a life style change that we all should be proud and happy about ,not embarrassed or ashamed.

You know I felt the same way as u did at first. But My mind has changed. It has taken so long and people have dismissed the fact that I said that I was going to have it done. They think oh well she's not going to go thru with it... The reason why i said that I am not going to tell anyone because people do just the opp. of what u expect them to do. They will talk about u behind your back say that u were not strong enough to just put the fork down. They will try to make u fail... but the main point is u are doing it for u.. Most FAT PEOPLE are good looking, but u just can't see it behind all of the xtra weight, and most naturally slimmer people don't want to see a person that has the potential to loose the fat to get more attention then them. So getting back to my point. I'm keeping it to myself as well.. I am not ashamed or embarassed I just don't have time for the haters....

[nicunicu2002 0]

i most certainly understand how you feel but even tho they are going to talk about you behind your back one way or the other, i want to feel good knowing that im being honest and not trying to hide anything regardless of the consequences...i guess its just how each of us want to 'deal' with it.....i suppot each of us in the choices we make, because bottom line is it is our choice who to tell, what to tell etc...

good luck!

[Just Banded 0]

No one understands unless they too have the band. How are you supposed to explain that you just had weight loss surgery while eating mashed potatoes? :biggrin: That is such a taboo food in the diet-glycemic-nutrition world! What do you say to people? "I am only eating this now because it is soft because my stomach is swelling, but then I won't be allowed to eat them at all" Whatever the case- until I am thin I will always have social anxiety eating in front of other people. I feel like I shouldn't be entitled to eat something other than a salad- because people would come right back in my face and say "see this is why you are fat- you don't make healthy choices" I seriously think that is why I had binge issues before surgery. All that deprivation and pretending in front of other people while I was secretly stuffing my face alone. I know some people would say "who cares what others think and tell them to shove it" but in my world- it's like everyone is always watching me like a hawk. Even this beotch at work- I was huffing and puffing after walking up a flight of stairs and she says " you better do something about that" and she is always asking me where I go to eat and what I like. She is in a position of authority so I cannot tell her to go f herself, unfortunately!

[Turler 6]

I believe it's a personal decision whether you tell or not. Everyone has their reasons. People can be cruel as most of us have learned being fat.

There are many on here who have a great support system, and there are those who don't. I don't think it's necessarily about being embarrassed or ashamed of the surgery. Why can't we do this privately? Skinny people don't have to explain themselves to us, so why should we have to answer to them?

Do what works best for you and your situation!

~C

[Ariel 1]

So when i started out I only told my immediate family and my best freind. I was soo scared about what other people would say about the band and about me. And what made it even worse was that my parents always keep telling me not to tell anyone else but you know what, now I feel like this band is a big shameful secret and I think I am ready to tell people just so I can find some peace with myself. I have gotten to the point that I absolutly love my band, and if they don't like it they can take a hike.

[MacMadame 81]

I'm not afraid of what other people will think. But I want to avoid making my losing weight into a public event with people asking me how much I've lost and questioning everything I put into my mouth -- even if it's because they care and not because they want to be mean.

I agree that most people don't notice what others eat and most of the rest are too polite to say anything. The people who are going to comment are the ones who are a) relative strangers, but rude, or :biggrin: close to you and so feel comfortable being that personal. You can't do much about the rude strangers, but for the people close to me, I think I will tell them eventually. But in my own time and as it comes up.

Most of the people close to me aren't going to be too awful about it. I've ditched all the toxic people long ago...

[shortgal 5]

I get a little tired of the "so how much weight have you lost now? question. But I think people don't know what else to say. They know we did this to lose weight, so the amount becomes the logical question to ask.

My friends have been supportive and ask "how's the new way of eating going" and "do you feel better" which are good questions to ask and much better than "how much"( unless we choose to share that number) But weight loss is a numbers game.

Oh, the only really toxic person still in my life is my SIL and trust me she would have been out my life a LONG time ago, but my husband loves his brother. So for that reason, and that reason only, I deal with her and avoid her as much as possible. She is personally weight obsessed as it is... so it's really a bad subject for us to discuss anyway.

I never really feel like people are watching what or how much I am eating and that became evident at Christmas. I was one month banded and still eating soft food and testing what would go down, so I was very careful. I thought I'd tell my brother and nieces, if they mentioned how little I took, but nobody said a word, so neither did I. They still don't know I've been banded. I won't hide it if there becomes a reason to mention it, but it could come out, as some people know and some don't so... if ever the twain shall meet, as they say!

I hated to hide it from everyone because let's face it, is there anyone that did not really know that Star Jones had bypass?

Would anyone that knew me really think that at the age of 56 after trying for years to lose weight that I suddenly did it all by myself? Nah! Sure, I could have left them guessing but I saw no point in that. After a while, people will stop asking about it anyway. It won't be new or interesting anymore.

But everyone needs to do what works for them, absolutely! No one should feel they have to tell anyone they don't want to, for whatever reason.

[mcottrillcpa 0]

Chickie,

Your before and after pics are amazing. Congratulations!!!! I got banded at 213 and my goal is 130. I'm down 20. I am becoming very worried about how my stomach and breasts will look, and although I said I would NEVER have plastic surgery I am changing my mind. I get LASIK in a couple weeks, and a Tummy Tuck and breast lift are probably in my future. Your Stomach looks AWESOME after the tuck. I actually didn't think it looked that bad before. Would you mind telling me if your breasts shrunk along with your body?? I am so worried about that part too.

I guess the people I hang with respect me and my space enough not to question what I am eating.

I don't have random strangers two tables over nudging each other, watching my every mouth full. And usually when I eat out it's a fairly social thing, and the last thing we talk about is portion sizes. I don't think that it's that unusual.

[4evrwild 0]

I have my own business and work in the field of Clinical Trials for cancer. I routinely take doctors and their staff out to lunch/dinners. I have told them ALL (also my friends) about the surgery and they have been nothing but supportive. None of them have been judgmental and they have given me more encouragement than I ever could have imagined.

Sure, I may run into someone that thinks that this is the "easy way out"... but to be truthful.. before I knew what the Lap Band was all about, I thought the same thing. How can I judge them for having the same thoughts as I once did?

All in all, I can't imagine doing this "in the dark". My support system has been incredible and I really don't know what I would do without them.

Put your faith in those around you and they will feel your faith and confidence. Doubt them and they will feel your doubts. You have made an incredible commitment by choosing the Lap Band. You DESERVE to have people respect you for it!

All my best to you on your Lap Band journey!

I really like what you said about we bandsters makiing an incredible commitment and deserving to have people respect us for it!!! I've only told my sister (and not her husband!) and my parents. I have a few new good friends who were banded at the same hospital as me and they provide me wonderful support. I think down the road I may not care as much as to who knows and who doesn't but I'm not there yet. You make a good point, we should let the world know how proud we are that we chose to do something to make ourselves healthier and happier.

[saqueen 1]

Well said. You have an amazing outlook, and a wonderful Doctor;)

[PennyLane 0]

not sure why you are having to 'hide' the fact that you had the lap band surgery? i remember when star jones hid the fact that she had surgery and then everyone just 'gossiped' about her. im just having a hard time understanding why anyone would want to hide this. the people that ive told have been incredibly supportive, not sure i could be doing this without people knowing. when i tell them that im going to have the surgery, i definately tell them the differences between the gastic bypass vs the lap band and the WORK that is involved with the lap band. I just think it would be so much easier to be honest than have people 'talking' behind your back....its not something to hide in shame over. Its about a life style change that we all should be proud and happy about ,not embarrassed or ashamed.

I won't be telling many people because I'm very aware of the common perception of weight loss surgery out there and I don't need or want people saying to my face or behind my back that I'm taking the "cheater's way out" or "too lazy to do it on my own" or what have you. I actually had someone who I consider a friend (and of course who has never struggled with weight for one single day) say that "we can work out once a week together and you'll be fine, you don't need surgery". Imagine strangers/unfriendly folk's reactions.

Also I'm tired enough of explaining over and over and over again to the few people I have told about the HUGE differences between gastric bypass and lap band and still most of them still not understanding, I don't need this from society at large. People pretty much only know about gastric bypass and lump all weight loss surgery in with that and because it's covered in the media a lot they all think they're experts on it, and therefore all weight loss surgery. Did you know that with the lap band they'll have to re-route my intestines? (Seriously, I just got this the other day AFTER I'd already explained the procedure).

Finally, the less I have to talk to people about weight, or food, or exercise in general the better. I'm super sensitive about the topic (I know most Bandsters are or were but I think I might be a little out ahead of the pack) and because I'd rather not talk about it, the easiest way is to just not bring it up.

I'm sick of talking to people who have never had a weight problem about what I "should do". They all think they're experts on weight loss because they "had to" drop 10 lbs once--not for any medical reasons, mind, but because they thought they'd look better in a bikini at a size 4 than a size 6. How people don't understand about metabolisms and the difference between wanting to lose 10 vanity pounds and needing to lose over 100 "medical" pounds I don't know. Gah. Frustration. Ending the rant now.

[Enchanted 2]

I'm still pre-op, but I have only told the five most supportive people in my life.

When I was low carbing and lost around 80 pounds (regained lots of that), people would ask how I was doing it. I was glad to say because I had such success, but some people would then want to debate the pros and cons of a low carb diet. I found myself defending my decisions at a birthday party and at a gathering of friends.

At this point, I really do only want support. I have done all of the research, educated myself, consulted with healthcare professionals. I know the risks and know that the benefits outweigh the risks for me.

So, for me, it's more a matter of privacy (at work) and not inviting negativity (from well-intentioned?) friends.

I also figure I can always tell more people -- but I can't untell someone who ends up being a goofball about it.