Hostile Work Environment Or Just Another Excuse

[MollyBrown 0]

Hey Bandsters

It has been a while since I last posted. I was banded on 11/09/07 and lost 30lbs within two months. Since then I have not budged on the scale... I have been so stressed out by my job I have not had the mental fortitude to work out, probably a bit depressed, and eating to feed the stress. The good news is, I have not gained weight, but I have not lost any either.

A year ago I started working for the US Government. I was told I was being hired for one position, but literally the day I showed up, they changed my job to a supervisor in a skill area that is not my strength. It has been a tough year. I have had to learn my job, teach others their job while learning my own, and whats worse, working for a Colonel who is passive aggressive and has a track record for writing employment actions against people at the drop of a hat. At first I was on his good side, but a month before my surgery, things really got bad. So much so, I took 3 weeks after my surgery. True, I did not bounce back like I thought I should have, but truly the third week was trying to mentally prepare to go back to that hell hole.

Since being back, I have gone from being the Colonel's star pupil to being public enemy number one. Six weeks ago the Chief of Staff (woman) requested to be removed from the office due to a hostile work environment. Today, after suffering this mans verbal abuse, I requested to be removed due to a hostile work environment. Although I feel peace for once in a very long time, I know next week will be hell, with all of the mediation sessions and interviews I will have to participate in.

Bottom line, I like to think I have not used this hostile working situation as an excuse to not be successful with the band, but unfortunately that is the way it is turning out. Somehow I need to shake off this grey cloud, pray that I will be released from this organization to find a new job within the Government, and take control of this band, take control of my life...

I really need some prayers from this network. Not just prayers that this asshole will get what is coming to him for treating women so badly, but prayers that I make it through this process without defeating the good I have done so far with the band, and prayers that I will pull it back together to make the band work for me again.

[Cadets71 1]

Molly,

You hang in there!!! I worked in the government for 21 years and for the government for another 17. I know how uniquely tough it can be! You are strong and you are ding all the right things. Just take care of you. This guy is just a blip on the radar screen of what's really important.

Sending you hugs and lots of positive thoughts!

Mary

[Hess 1]

Molly I'm Retiered DOJ file with EEOC that will get him off your back

Hess

PS I was a manager we did want to get filed on

[LauraD 2]

Molly, you have my prayers. You also have my congratulations for getting through such a stressful situation without having regained any weight! I hope you are as proud of that as you should be!

You've been having to focus on your emotional health; I'm betting that as soon as you are reassigned, you will get right back into the groove of focusing on your physical health!

Take care, and kick his ass.

[Jachut 487]

YOu can have my prayers, you CAN do it.

Its as if we think the world will end if we simply take some time out to focus on ourselves. I have this argument with my husband over and over, its nowhere near the scale of stress that you are facing, but I am a full time student with 3 kids and a part time job, so I am pretty darn busy. I will ignore housework to get my exercise in, and yes, THAT causes problems too because then we're not organised for the next day, nobody has clean socks, the lunches arent made. There is simply no way to do all that I do without something falling behind somewhere, so rather than focus on what society tells me a *good* obedient little housewife would do, I focus on myself. Of the two, I am more important than clean socks.

That is what you need to do too. Yes you are stressed, and you are probably working long hours. So set yourselves some achievable exercise goals, not superhuman ones. Three times a week for example. You have weekends right? You do go home sometime? You can either choose to use that time winding down, having a drink, watching TV or you can exercise - which in the end will turn out to be FAR more relaxing and destressing than veging out will be. And being stressed and busy really isnt a reason why you'd choose to put more, or lesser quality food in your mouth is it?

This is the greatest skill we have to learn, how to still look after ourselves in the face of obstacles. Dont call it making excuses, becuase its human nature to not want to focus on something that takes such hard work. But it is possible to do it, and it neednt take a lot of time.

When the stress levels reduce, you can take a bit more time to focus on it more thoroughly. But dont revert to your old ways of managing stress.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Molly

I am sorry you are going through a rough time, but you can get through it.

I am a military wife, and my aunt works for goverment so I know what you are going through. I am glad you are taking a stand for yourself and truly any other woman who has to suffer with him!

Good luck and my prayers are with you!

[shortgal 5]

Working WITH the band takes mental commitment and you just haven't been able to concentrate on that because your mind is busy contending with the work situation. That's understandable and actually is wise, for your mind. Your brain knows it would be overloaded if it concentrated on both things, so it choose one.

You haven't gained weight, so you've just stalled until your head is ready to get back into the game. When this is all behind you, your mind will be clear again to get focused on you and your band.

[Sue Magoo 71]

Molly:

I'll pray for internal peace for you.

While you're going through this why not try to turn your anger for this man into a positive thing. I know this is going to sound kind of whacked, but why not hang a punching bag and put his picture on it and work out your arms? Or, when you're out walking pretend that bastard is 100 feet behind you and you cannot let him get any closer so you have to walk extra fast. Silly things to do to focus your anger into an activity that benefits you physically, instead of internalizing the anger and covering it with twinkies.

Good luck.

Sue

[MollyBrown 0]

Thanks so much for the support.

I have withdrawn from a lot of things in my life because of this situation. I have distanced myself from friends because I perceive they are getting tired of me talking about this issue, but the situation is so difficult, I am finding I can think of little else.

This week will be rough. My Colonel will be lashing out because my claim is the second he has received in the last two months. The thing about this guy is that he intentionally send emails saying "excellent job" and stuff like that, but in person he is extremely harsh, overly critical, condescending, and chauvinistic.

I hope this week isn't as bad as I am anticipating. I have finally gotten down to 255, and am hoping to get to 249 within the next week or so. Unfortunately when I am stressed and worried, all I want to do is eat sweets.

[MicheleK 8]

I didn't work for the gov't but I did work for an ass much like the one you are describing. I'm glad you're getting yourself AWAY from that situation. I stuck mine out for 3yrs, until finally it was taking such a toll on my health I had to leave.

I'm sending good thoughts your way!!!

((HUGS))

[girlie2shooz 0]

I am curious, who is putting the food in your mouth? Take control of your situation and deal with issues head on. You have a support system in place to deal with him. If there is retribution then make a daily record of what you feel is retribution and let the HR/EEO rep take care of the issue. Do your job to the best of your abilities and focus on you and not the drama. if you are doing your job IAW your work performance standards then you are right on and have nothing to fear. And just a little note from military back ground, he is your supervisor, not your Colonel if you are a civilian. You make your life what it is and it is your choice. If you feel he is harsh in speaking directly to you, then call him on it. Ask him why he feels he need to speak to you in a demeaning manner? There is no harm in that. Stand up for yourself and move on. You are allowing him to control you with yoru constant obsessing. Live your life happy every chance you get. g2s

[MOTOMOM 0]

You have lost 30lbs, congrats, keep up the good work it will come, when it is ready to come off. Hang in there with the job and focus on the support not the harsh remarks. You are in control, you can do it.

[Katgirl 0]

Hi, there. You are definately in my prayers. You really need to remove yourself permanently from that situation (pray and ask for guidance) and focus on yourself and your new lapband. This should be a time for you to be excited about a brand new start. Don't be discouraged.

Kat

Hey Bandsters

It has been a while since I last posted. I was banded on 11/09/07 and lost 30lbs within two months. Since then I have not budged on the scale... I have been so stressed out by my job I have not had the mental fortitude to work out, probably a bit depressed, and eating to feed the stress. The good news is, I have not gained weight, but I have not lost any either.

A year ago I started working for the US Government. I was told I was being hired for one position, but literally the day I showed up, they changed my job to a supervisor in a skill area that is not my strength. It has been a tough year. I have had to learn my job, teach others their job while learning my own, and whats worse, working for a Colonel who is passive aggressive and has a track record for writing employment actions against people at the drop of a hat. At first I was on his good side, but a month before my surgery, things really got bad. So much so, I took 3 weeks after my surgery. True, I did not bounce back like I thought I should have, but truly the third week was trying to mentally prepare to go back to that hell hole.

Since being back, I have gone from being the Colonel's star pupil to being public enemy number one. Six weeks ago the Chief of Staff (woman) requested to be removed from the office due to a hostile work environment. Today, after suffering this mans verbal abuse, I requested to be removed due to a hostile work environment. Although I feel peace for once in a very long time, I know next week will be hell, with all of the mediation sessions and interviews I will have to participate in.

Bottom line, I like to think I have not used this hostile working situation as an excuse to not be successful with the band, but unfortunately that is the way it is turning out. Somehow I need to shake off this grey cloud, pray that I will be released from this organization to find a new job within the Government, and take control of this band, take control of my life...

I really need some prayers from this network. Not just prayers that this asshole will get what is coming to him for treating women so badly, but prayers that I make it through this process without defeating the good I have done so far with the band, and prayers that I will pull it back together to make the band work for me again.

[shortgal 5]

Molly, Would you considered joining our November Nymphs group? We check in with each other and start little weight loss challenges to encourage each other.

I remember seeing your posts when I first came to the forum and didn't see you for awhile. Now I know why.

Anyway, if you want to join the group that was banded in the same month, that would be great, we'd love to see you there. No pressure ( you have enough of that) but we'll be there when you're ready.

[MollyBrown 0]

THanks for inviting me to the November Nymphs group. I will definitely join. And you are right, I have not been on this board much since January, which is when the things at work REALLY started getting bad. And, if I am to be completely honest, I was a little embarrassed that I have only lost 30 when some of the other November folks are at 45 and more lost.

Girlie2shooz, you are right too, I am the one stuffing hershey's kisses in my mouth, not A-hole. I think I will refer to him as A-hole instead of "my Colonel" or any other reference that would infer respect for the man. Plus, it is easier to type.

I flipped the switch on Thursday, reporting a hostile work environment claim, They removed me from the office on Friday at about noon. They pretty much have to do that when a claim is made. I will continue to perform the same functions, but just from the offices of the A-holes superiors. Thankfully, another woman was removed about a six weeks ago for the same claim, so hopefully they will not return me to work for him. At least I am praying to all that is Holy that I don't have to.

Thanks for your support.