Frustrated - Husband out of work for 6 months

[juliegeraci 7]

I am just really frustrated today. My husband was laid off due to lack of work in the automotive industry in November 07. He is an automotive Technician with 26 years of experience. We have been barely making it on his unemployment and side work. He is terribly unmotivated saying there are no jobs in his industry, etc. He hasn't looked in the industry for month. I make six figures but our savings has gone down significantly since being laid off. Living in CA it is very expensive to own your own home. He does a little side work here and there but it still isn't enough. I went so far as to hook him up with my old career counselor to work on his resume, job skills, passions, interview skills,etc. It cost $1200 but he worked on her Mercedes so it was a wash. Can someone give me some insight how to nicely motivate their spouse? I am just so frightened right now with his unemployment running out in 6 months. Any advise would be appreciated. Julie

[travelgirl 3]

After 6 months, I'm not sure how nice I'd be, but one thing that comes to mind is to make him be responsible for getting all the bills paid. Make him painfully aware of the cash flow in and out. If he already does this, it might be time for a very frank conversation about the situation.

[Southern Missy 1]

Also, Julie, you probably need to consider that he is more than likely depressed about the whole situation. I have only been laid off 1 time in my life but it was very emotional for me and regardless of the reasons for the dismissal, it was still hard to take (in my case, they were just downsizing to try to keep from closing the doors). With finances already being tight, I know it would be hard for him to get some counseling, etc., but even 1 session might be helpful.

Also, a lot of the colleges offer a test which will tell you what kind of jobs you would be interested in (the name of the exact test escapes me now but if you call an advisor at a college they should know). Most of the time, the fees for taking the test are relatively small. When I took one, it took about 2 weeks to get the results back.

So sorry for your troubles. It's not an easy place to be. I'll keep you both in my thoughts! :redface:

[juliegeraci 7]

Truthfully, I think he is scared to death. I come from a professional field at a high Tech company so he doesn't really know how to network, do informational interviews, etc. I want to stick by him really badly its just really scarey.

[babygrl1234 6]

I don't really know how to say this without being blunt but if you guys are hurting so bad and barely paying bills maybe this is not the time to have $20,000 worth of plastic surgery done. I understand you make a significant amount of money but if you are hurting financially right now it just might be a sacrifice you need to make.

[juliegeraci 7]

We don't barely pay bill. We are just dwindling down slowly. My PS is already paid for. I can't say how much I make on this thread but we do survive. I just wanted some input as to how you handle having your spouse at home 24x7 unmotivated. I work in the High Tech field and telecommute full time so we are home all day together as well. Not sure if I will cancel my PS or not. I have to really think about it.

[babygrl1234 6]

I am really not trying to be an asshole, when you said in the first post that you were "barely making it" it made the situation seem more grim.

[snuffy65 1]

I am really not trying to be an asshole, when you said in the first post that you were "barely making it" it made the situation seem more grim.

Thought the same thing here. Not many make six figures here. Especially spouses of people who got laid off in the automotive industry.

Course its hard and scary for him because like most manufacturing plants, they are leaving and the ones that do stay renegotiated lower salaries for new employees. I know most people at GM here in Michigan are making around $26 dollars. A new employee use to be able to make close to the same thing but now new employees are making $14 an hour. Almost half what they use to get.

The world economy is here and the USA has to change its economy to keep up. Unfortunately most politicians won't tell you that means longer hours, less regulations, and lower pay for all manufacturing jobs. We can't force other countries to pay their workers more.

Your husband will have to take the lesser of two evils. Going back to school and train for a better job or take the same job somewhere else for alot less pay. It sucks I know, but apparently no one is going to change this situation.

[Sue Magoo 71]

Julie:

Don't even think about cancelling your ps unless you absolutely have to. Try to forget about his being out of work and just try to enjoy having him take care of you while you are recuperating. Then, once you're feeling better, or even while you're recuperating come up with an action plan to get him back to work. Sometimes unemployment will give an extension to unemployment if someone is getting retrained in a new field. Check to see if they offer that service in CA. They do in MA. Another thing that might be available is outplacement services at the place he just left.

I was laid off 15 years ago and it can be devestating. I am an accountant, so I went and worked for temporary agencies to hold me over until I got full employment. It took a year for that to happen, but I worked temp most of the time.

Good luck with your surgery and with your husband getting back to work.

Take care.

Sue

[tapshoes 2]

I can SOOOO relate. last year DH's company went under at the same time I accepted a new job in a new city and we had a made an offer that had been accepted on a house. 10 months later after fixing the house (60 year old bungalow requiring lots of attention), I am working, DH is not. He is trying to find work though, and his resume has been redone a dozen times depending on the job he has applied to, he scours newpapers/websites etc, but after this long he is starting to spiral downward. He is 'older', and frankly most employers seem to want young people just out of school that can work cheaper and be molded to their way of thinking. Highly experienced older men are NOT the choice - despite the obvious benefits of skills/experience and maturity. With each week his enthusiasm is less, and the pressure is more. My job has now become somewhat tenuous - which is just adding to the pressure. I suspect another move to yet another place is in our future but I just can't worry about that now.

[Jennifur 0]

Hi

I have been laid off 2 times in the last 18 months and just found out today because of where I had been the last year that I cannot get unemployment from the company that just laid me off from lack of work. I did go to school after the first time but because no experience in the new career choice, could not get a job. After this last layoff - I have been extremely depressed and I take it personally and have to wonder what could I do different or what I did that was so wrong.

I guess just saying, it is not easy and there could be lots going through his head, but it is all about choices, sit around and do nothing or take charge and do something.

I got my last job with an agency and it was suppose to be perm and they have already have been working hard to get me a job, and I go for my 2nd interview and am the top canidate with a major commercial construction company (the job to go with the education I've been working on).

Congrats on the surgery!

[Wheetsin 714]

After 9/11 my husband was laid off. It took him exactly 1 month to have another job offer, but that month REALLY sucked. For my husband, his desirability to employers is a huge ego driver, and with what he does and his experience he usually has potential employers pursuing him, trying to lure him away from his current job. It was new to him to have to compete, and the thought of having to do an interview, vs. getting a cold offer... that was virtually uthinkable. This all really got to him, really really, and very quickly, and situational depression kicked in. Within 4 days he was "giving up" and not even looking at jobs. I'd call him from work to see what he was doing and he would have just woken up, or be playing a stupid computer game. Did you look at new Monster postings? No? Why not? (I don't take crap so I updated his resume and sent them out for him). Ah well.

I don't know much about the automotive industry, but I know that my father (jet/helicopter mechanic chief) loved getting guys with auto mechanic history. For a while he was a line manager at a local airline and would also look for "generic" mecahnic backgrounds with some specialized training (A&P license). Has your husband considering pursuing something like that, which might land him a different type of job, but in the same general field of mechanics?

With my husband, I told him not to freak out if he didn't get his dream job in a year, but that I would give him 3 months to look. After 3 months, if he didn't have anything, he was going to be a door greeter at Wal-Mart, even if he had to do it nights so he could interview in the day, because I wasn't going to work while he schlepped around the house not even trying to bring money in.

So - tell him to get his ass out there and get *A* job, because that's better than *NO* job, even if it's not *THE* job.

[travelgirl 3]

After 9/11 my husband was laid off. It took him exactly 1 month to have another job offer, but that month REALLY sucked. For my husband, his desirability to employers is a huge ego driver, and with what he does and his experience he usually has potential employers pursuing him, trying to lure him away from his current job. It was new to him to have to compete, and the thought of having to do an interview, vs. getting a cold offer... that was virtually uthinkable. This all really got to him, really really, and very quickly, and situational depression kicked in. Within 4 days he was "giving up" and not even looking at jobs. I'd call him from work to see what he was doing and he would have just woken up, or be playing a stupid computer game. Did you look at new Monster postings? No? Why not? (I don't take crap so I updated his resume and sent them out for him). Ah well.

I don't know much about the automotive industry, but I know that my father (jet/helicopter mechanic chief) loved getting guys with auto mechanic history. For a while he was a line manager at a local airline and would also look for "generic" mecahnic backgrounds with some specialized training (A&P license). Has your husband considering pursuing something like that, which might land him a different type of job, but in the same general field of mechanics?

With my husband, I told him not to freak out if he didn't get his dream job in a year, but that I would give him 3 months to look. After 3 months, if he didn't have anything, he was going to be a door greeter at Wal-Mart, even if he had to do it nights so he could interview in the day, because I wasn't going to work while he schlepped around the house not even trying to bring money in.

So - tell him to get his ass out there and get *A* job, because that's better than *NO* job, even if it's not *THE* job.

Well said, Wheetsin! I think it bears repeating, so I quoted the whole thing.

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Girls, thank you all for the feedback and support. I feel really good about it now. He is very hard working and I know he is employable. His skills are unbelieveable just given the job. Wheetsin, thanks for the tip on the airlines. We never really thought about that. Julie

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

I am just really frustrated today. My husband was laid off due to lack of work in the automotive industry in November 07. He is an automotive Technician with 26 years of experience. We have been barely making it on his unemployment and side work. He is terribly unmotivated saying there are no jobs in his industry, etc. He hasn't looked in the industry for month. I make six figures but our savings has gone down significantly since being laid off. Living in CA it is very expensive to own your own home. He does a little side work here and there but it still isn't enough. I went so far as to hook him up with my old career counselor to work on his resume, job skills, passions, interview skills,etc. It cost $1200 but he worked on her Mercedes so it was a wash. Can someone give me some insight how to nicely motivate their spouse? I am just so frightened right now with his unemployment running out in 6 months. Any advise would be appreciated. Julie

Hi there..

I grew up in this business. My family owns auto parts stores/repair facilities in small towns in Michigan.

I don't know if your DH worked in indendent garages or with dealerships, but I do know that technicians with BMW never seem to have trouble finding work and that BMW dealerships seem to always be looking for good employees. Is your DH a master mechanic? That makes all the difference in the world. Regardless if he is or isn't, I would encourage him to contact the BMW or Mercedes dealership closest to you. They have comprehensive training programs and reward their employees quite well. I have a friend in Hawaii who didn't go to college or tech school, but got all his training through BMW. He transferred to the mainland and makes around $30-35 per hour. He is a hard worker and wants to succeed, so obviously that helps.. but he has had no problem getting job offers from several BMW dealerships.

All my best to your and your DH.