Frustrated - Husband out of work for 6 months

[shortgal 5]

It is very tough on a man's ego to be out of work. It happened to us once. Unemployment ran out and my husband ran a bread route for awhile until he found a job in his field. I was working four days a week and found a second job on my day off plus Sat.

We cancelled HBO, caller ID and we only went to cheaper matinees for the movies ( brought our own snack). Our daughter and son had part-time after school jobs and they paid their own gas and spending money expenses.

We had no health or dental insurance during that time,that was scary for us, always had good coverage before.

Once it was over, it turned out to be a character builder. I knew my husband would take any job he had to, to support the family and he knew we'd all pitch in and help. The true definition of a family to me.

The second part time job I took turned out to lead me in a slighly direction career wise, which ended up working out great for me.

Many people end up in a new or slightly diffferent career and sometimes it just takes a year or less of re-training.

Good Luck.

[juliegeraci 7]

The BMW dealerships are doing really well out here. He got a lead not too far from the house on Friday. He is going there on Monday to apply. They are Union as he is and they also have a bonus program. I really hope they hire him.

[*susan* 1,709]

Julie, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and dh!

[Kat817 19]

Julie, even if DH is unsure of himself with networking, he may be able to do it, without even realizing he is doing it!!! Hope that makes sense.

Back a few posts (another page, can't scroll that far!!) someone ask if he was a master mechanic. Even if he is union, if he needs a recertification on something like an ASE---he needs to go do it--it will put him in contact with other mechanics taking the same tests.

My DH runs a shop for a large (as in worldwide) oil/gas company. It is deisel mechanics---but overall, similar field. He no longer wrenches himself personally, but he got his master mechanic and Electronic Technicians ASE certifications many, many years ago. He continues to keep them current for a couple of reasons, it keeps the moral in his shop up for the guys to see him working it along with them, but mainly, he scouts future employees during the testing!!!

Sorry you are trying to deal with this---I can imagine it is hard. My best friends DH was injured on the job---and had surgery, was in a battle for a settlement for over 2 years, finally got a settlement out of them. When divided down he made squat for that amount of time. Well another almost 2 years have passed, and he is still not working. To hear him talk about work, he is unable due to neck pain etc. But about 3 months ago, my friend joined a slim down program at work, and joined the gym---and it kicked his competition gene into gear! He spends hours everyday now working out---but cannot hold down a job.

Like you, my friend makes good money, and has been able to keep the afloat through it all. But the free ride for him is coming to an end! He is going to find himself on a fast road to divorce--after 28 years, if he does not get with the program!

I listen to her, and watch her feel very unappreciated---and that is the kicker with their situation. He complains about cooking etc----I guess she is supposed to do it all. Today, she is cleaning house, he is out turkey hunting.......

I do hope your situation is better. But----you are NOT alone.

It does sound like time for some counceling sessions, or something of the sort--hlep him over the hump.

Good Luck Julie!!

Kat

[shortgal 5]

Kat, I so agree! Even if a man is not working, they can contribute to the household. When my DH was out of work, so much changed. I was working, so he shopped, cooked and did laundry.

Once he went back to work he had a whole new attitude. He now notices if there is dirty laundry and will start a load and every week, he removes our sheets and washes them.

It's not that I felt unappreciated before, because I knew he realized that I was doing those things before, but it was such a difference in his thinking.

He still does most of the cooking to ths day. He's much better at it and most of the time he enjoys it. If he doesn't feel like like cooking an egg or a frozen dinner or canned tuna is fine with me!

They might not be working, but not contributing in some way will only hurt the relationship.

[juliegeraci 7]

Paul is really helpful around the house. He typically does the laundry, lawn and various chores. I actually took laundry away from him last week so it wouldn't be his excuse not to look. He is talking to more people every day and hopefully with that networking it will help. On another note Kat. I had my PS unfill and I'm doing terrible. I have probably gained 5 lbs in a week. Make sure you get yours really close to surgery. I had min 2 weeks before and that was a mistake.

[Southern Missy 1]

Julie,

Don't be too hard on yourself about the weight gain. With all that you are going through, it would be unusual if you didn't gain weight -- it is a very stressful time.

Also, please let us know what your DH finds out today. You have been in our prayers.

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Southern Missy, My husband went to a dealership 60 miles away. It was BMW.

[juliegeraci 7]

He should know more within the next 2 weeks. They do have 2 shifts that work. One starts at 6:30 and the other starts at 3pm. Hopefully he'll get hired and be able to work days. Julie

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

He should know more within the next 2 weeks. They do have 2 shifts that work. One starts at 6:30 and the other starts at 3pm. Hopefully he'll get hired and be able to work days. Julie

I didn't notice until today that you were banded in San Jose. That means you probably don't live too far away.

The reason I am pointing out my "stalkerish" behavior is that I heard recently that the BMW in Pleasanton, CA may be hiring.

[juliegeraci 7]

Thanks for the tip. I think Pleasanton is a little bit too far. We live down in Gilroy. As it stands right now, Mountain View is 60 miles from us. Not sure how far Pleasanton is, probably about the same. I am a bit worried about the hours he has to keep but we will have to work through it. We have 2 kids so this should be interesting. Thanks for the tip though. Julie

[ELENATION 0]

I am just really frustrated today. My husband was laid off due to lack of work in the automotive industry in November 07. He is an automotive Technician with 26 years of experience. We have been barely making it on his unemployment and side work. He is terribly unmotivated saying there are no jobs in his industry, etc. He hasn't looked in the industry for month. I make six figures but our savings has gone down significantly since being laid off. Living in CA it is very expensive to own your own home. He does a little side work here and there but it still isn't enough. I went so far as to hook him up with my old career counselor to work on his resume, job skills, passions, interview skills,etc. It cost $1200 but he worked on her Mercedes so it was a wash. Can someone give me some insight how to nicely motivate their spouse? I am just so frightened right now with his unemployment running out in 6 months. Any advise would be appreciated. Julie

I'm sorry about your situation, I can see how hard it is, you know, with my husband, motivation works by me being harder on him... I know it may sound harsh, but I've tried everything and that's my best option.. and in this case specially after a long period of time that he hasn't been working, but not everybody responds well to this approach... and I'm sorry I don't have a better idea for you, and I hope things get better soon.

[juliegeraci 7]

Thank you for the post. He has definitely gotten the message and is more motivated right now. I hope he finds something soon. Life is good. Julie

[MacMadame 81]

Pleasanton is probably as far but up the 680 corridor and not the 101. So the commute should be more pleasant. My dh goes up 680 every day in that direction and it's against traffic.

They have a boatload of car places right along 680 in Pleasanton and then a bit farther up in Dublin they have two boatloads. :grin:

I'm assuming there isn't a lot of work that close to Gilroy though. (But, hey, at least you have garlic. Yum, garlic.)

[green 6]

I am pleased that things are going better for you. I was going to add that your husband may have been mourning the loss of his old job and going through a bit of a depression. It is good to hear that life is looking sunnier again.