Relationships after Banding

[thechatrooper 0]

I was speaking with a friend who recently got banded, and she commented to me "Oscar (her boyfriend) acts sooo different towards me now! Just wait and see, your boyfriend will be all over you now... and he'll also get really possesive!"

As much as I try to fight it, I can't help but be insecure. I've been with my boyfriend for several years, but when our relationship began, I was much smaller. Plus, we're both in our 20's... so I guess I feel unattractive compared to other females my age.

I would almost feel upset if my boyfriend treated me differently after surgery & acted "more attracted" than before. I suppose it's a really good thing to increase attraction, but I guess it's just a product of one of those nagging insecurities deep down inside that many women get from being overweight for most of their lives.

It makes me wonder if our relationship will drastically change after I begin losing weight.

What has everyone experienced with this? Have your relationships changed? Has anyone felt this way about their relationships after surgery?

Has anyone experienced posessiveness or jealousy from their partner?

[Kyleighp 3]

So far my husband has been great, but he loves Big women, so he always tells me "I hope you never lose this" as he grabs my love handles or inner thighs! So I hope he is still as "into" me when I lose more weight. I think so, he says I loved you fat and I will love you skinny.

My relationship with my best friend has changed somewhat. I will start another thread with that issue later.

[La_madam 20]

Thechatrooper, there are other posts here on LBT about this same topic with lots of responses. I have been lucky, my husband has always treated me like a queen and very attentitive to me and loves me fat or thin and thinks Iam the most beautiful woman in the world, he just reaps the benefits more so now being 85 lbs lighter. I will see if I can find the old threads and bump them for you

[BeachBabe(soon) 0]

I know were your coming from.....I felt the same way. Past tense!! First of all, I can't let myself worry about something that might or might not happen. I'll be sad and dissappointed in my DH if he acts more attentive when I lose the weight. And it sucks that some people don't show appreciation for those they(suppose to) love until they think they might loss them. If your friends BF is all over her and is now getting possesive, then maybe he wasn't into her for who she is, and thats shallow of him.I personally wouldn't feel extra special if my DH/BF started paying more attention to after I lost weight, I'd sock him in the nose and leave.

Try talking to your BF about how you feel. Are you happy with the way he treats you now? Is he loving and attentive? Do you feel neglected?

Lossing weight will only take what issues ready there and bring them to the surface. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him.

Good Luck and things will turn out great for you...!

[Alexandra 55]

I think Tina's right. You'll hear lots of stories about relationships that did change, but those are the ones that weren't destined to be forever anyway. If a weight loss (or gain!) is enough to deep-six a long-term relationship, well, it was already in the cards.

[La_madam 20]

I just had the discussion with my husband about how many men prior to my surgery would not give me the time of day, now it is a whole different story, those same men want to be my friend and now notice me and talk to me, all I can say is to myself is " Shallow". Even if I was not happily married, do they actually think I would be interested in them after how they treated me when I was heavy? I think NOT!

[QWINNER 0]

I'm no doctor ruth, but is it terribly wrong for a BF or husband to find their other half more attractive physically after a weight loss? Don't you find yourself feeling and looking more attractive and feeling better about yourself when you loose weight? When very overweight people get thinner, our entire self image changes. We get more confident, more self esteem, we have a bounce in our step and we are generally happier people. You bet we change in many ways and why shouldn't our loved ones treat us more affectionately and lovingly. We are treating ourselves differently too. Just because they are more loving toward us doesn't mean they didn't love us for who we are or were when we were fatter. Perhaps, we weren't letting ourselves be loved as much 50 lbs ago. I know that my husband, although he never complained about my added baggage, finds me more attractive 30 lbs lighter and so do I. I can't wait to think how his eyes will sparkle when I am 80 lbs lighter. Do I think he loves me more now? No. But if he loves the way I am looking more now, well so be it. So do I. Let's face it, 80lbs of excess body fat isn't too pretty.

[hrv 0]

I have to say that I agree. I can't wait to see how much differently both myself and my husband will feel a few months from now. I know my self esteem will have to be better and that in itself will make me more attractive ( I think, I hope).

[Alexandra 55]

Qwinner, I know what you're saying and totally see your point. You're right that the physical side of a romantic relationship may very well improve after one partner's weight loss. And there's nothing wrong with that! But you hit the nail right on the head when you said "Do I think he loves me more now? No." That's the crux of the matter. You, and he, have successfully identified the line between physical attraction and romantic love. Lots of people think they're close to being the same thing, and that's where the problems lie.

[hrv 0]

I'll just agree with everybody, ok? My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years and have always loved each other no matter what. I think that is part of what makes a relationship successful, being able to grow and change with each other and accept the new and different people that we are during the different stages of our life.

[the best me 6]

The change is in you and in him, Qwinner is right. PLUS, men are just visually stimulated anyway. They HAVE to notice, and when they do, if it makes 'im frisky, all the better!!!

But I will admit, it kinda makes me mad to think that when I lose 50+lbs, he'll come on to me all on his own, say, when I'm doing dishes. Right now, I have to REMIND him to do that stuff.....hummpphh.

[QWINNER 0]

I do see your point about the physical aspect of a relationship. But I must say that our entire personality changes when we don't feel horrible about ourselves because our clothing is too tight or we ate too much junk the night before or we are angry because we have to "diet" again. Personally, I was cranky a lot of the time because I wasn't happy with myself and the person (both inside and out) I had become at 204 pounds. My husband was getting kind of sick of the moodiness, the anger and the depression I was exhibiting over the last 5 years due to my excess weight and self image. Basically, I wasn't happy with myself so I wasn't happy with many other aspects of my life. Did he love me any less because of that? No. But he didn't always like me that way and I think now that things are changing, he is liking me alot more and wants to be around me more as it is becoming apparent that I like being around myself more now too. Also, I might add that as I lose weight, my husband is gaining. He was always thin and now is getting quite the corporation up front. Do I love him any less? No, but I do wish there was less of that belly to love. lol

[Mariposa Bella 3]

QWinner, I think you hit the nail right on the head, a partners reaction to you might not be so much a change in physical appearance (althought it is a plus) but a reaction to your self confidence and new found self esteem, I personally know this because the times that I have been thinner I enjoy sex more, cause I look good, I feel confident and when I am heavy I hate myself so I don't want sex, I think that if someone loves you they love you no matter what, but if you don't love yourself, it might be difficult for others to love you too, and if your acting like a bitch half the time because your unhappy with yourself (which is my case) then its not surprising that once confidence is gained your attitude improves and therefore hubby is more interested in you, not so much for appearance but for your attitude change. It all about your new attitude not your new appearance. At least thats what I think. I don't even mind the light being on so much now. Can't wait to be my goal weight and enjoy it even more.

[Alexandra 55]

If weight loss creates a changed attitude then certainly, the changed attitude may change the relationship. That follows, of course, and changes can be for better or worse on either partner's part. There are lots of stories of the partner who lost the weight suddenly deciding he or she can "do better" than their current spouse.

My point is that whether the attitude changes for better or worse and the relationship itself can't survive, I don't think it's sufficient to "blame" it on weight loss. There are other problems at work there.

[QWINNER 0]

Alex, you are so right. I don't think relationships can fail due to weight issues and if they do, then there wasn't too much there to begin with. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have been through many ups and downs, some of which have come very close to what seemed like the end of it all. Other things have made us stronger and closer. Being over weight has caused me some personal struggles along the way, but to blame things on the weight issue is only a smoke screen to other problems as well. Relationships are funny. They are either meant to be or not. Hard work and dedication is the answer, just like the weight loss issue. Funny how things get tied into one another.