total failure, can I start over?

[mermaidpuppy 0]

I had my band placed in September of 07. I've gained about 20 pounds since then. I started out good, but quickly went back to old habits. Eating sugar, sugar, and more sugar. Too exhausted after work to walk. Drinking mountain dew at lunch to get a boost to make it to the rest of the day. Working another job part time to make ends meet, furthering my exhaustion. I feel like I need to go to food rehab for a week, to rest and detox myself from sugar and soda. I've had one fill. I feel some restriction in the morning. I always drink when I eat so everything washes down. I'm sure my pouch is super stretched. I've got 4.5cc in a 10cc band. I'm too embarassed to go back to my doctor (he is a jerk and intimidates me) so I think i'll go to a fill center usa for a fill.

My question is...............Can I start over? Whats the first thing I need to do? I know the answers......but I just need to hear it. I need tips. I am such a failure. Maybe I should treat my next fill as a starting point. Who knows if they can even find my port under the 20lbs of new fat. Help me?

[p3photogal 0]

I wouldn't get another fill to you set yourself up for success first. Maybe try going on a low carb or liquids, such as the pre-op diets some people have. It will detox your sweets addiction certainly!

Oh and why don't you have a diet mountain dew with some Protein mixed in (it will fizz out the carbination) and a little bit of OJ? That is what my nutritionist drinks some mornings when she needs a boost. There is still all the caffine in the diet dew, but not all the sugar!

[Shinyhappymommy 2]

You might try this website. They have a short five day program to supposedly help you get back on track. I think it's free.

All isn't lost, but you need to figure out why you're sabotaging yourself. Have you gotten therapy? There can be all sorts of reasons that we eat crazy things. Good luck. You can succeed!

[RinR 0]

It sounds like you never got out of old habits.

When I start to over eat or go straight for the suger I stop and make myself think about the day I had surgery and the weeks of recovering, I tell myself "who in thier right mind would go through all of that and then go back to the same old habits"

You really need to detox yourself like Kris suggested, go back on the 2 week liquid diet and start again. For sure go back to your Dr. Face up to everything and then put it behind you. There is noting you can do about it now.

You're not a failure, you're human.

hang in there

[slimmy120 2]

I sometimes seem to eat some of the bad bits and then think no got to get back on track, yep and the excercise, some days nothing really for a few days, then think nop cant put more weight on, i am going to check the site posted to.

[travelgirl 3]

First off, you are never a failure until you quit trying.

I'm not going to give you any food advice, because you already know what you need to do there, and you've already gotten some good info from previous posters.

I will, however, give you some exercise advice. If you're eating RIGHT, and getting in your exercise every day, I promise you that you won't need that mt. dew at lunchtime to get you through the afternoon. You'll be just fine without it. Exercise is SO good for the body, not just weight loss, but mood, heart health, strong bones, and a whole plethora of things. I understand that it's hard, trust me, I've been there. When I started, I could barely do 15 minutes a day, but I did it. If you can go for a 15 minute walk in the morning, and a 15 minute walk in the evening, or 10 in the morning, 10 at lunch, and 10 in the evening, then you've gotten 30 minutes in! It doesn't have to be all at once! Do what you can! You WILL feel better when you do it, I promise.

I hope this helps!

[juliegeraci 7]

Mermaidpuppy, there is hope for you woman. The first thing I would do is go get yourself a good fill. 4.5 is not a lot in a 10cc band. The second thing I would do is to give up your Soda. Try and drink Water or crystal light. The third thing I would do is try and give up sugar. Try a natural sugar like yogurt or fruit. Don't do all these things are once as it may make you feel ill. Giving up sugar can be very difficult so go at it slowly. You may also want to do some sugar free puddings and ice cream to help you. Don't be hard on yourself. We have all had some things happen to us during this journey. Restriction is key so keep going for fills until you can only eat 1/4 to 1/2 cup of food. Good luck. PS. I drink with meals too so that one is hard for me.

[EL1 0]

I don't know if this will help but before I got my band I got a cognitive behavioral therapist (my insurance pays). She has really helped me change my eating habits. I consider myself to be a true sugar addict. I can't touch refined sugar or I almost go into a trance where all I can think about is more sugar. This usually leads to a binge of about 2 weeks until I get off of it. I think I have figured out that I use sugar as a sedative. Stress really triggers the sweet craving, my therapist has helped me rewire my brain to deal with stress. Just a suggestion but just realize you are not alone and you never fail. Just like when you learned to walk you had to keep trying.

Elizabeth

[jjsmiles 3]

A fairly simple way to make some changes is to get a little coil notebook and start documenting everything you eat and drink. Carry it around with you and whenever you are ready to eat or drink anything, no matter what it is, document it, along with how much you ate and or drank. When you first start, you don't even need to calculate calories.

This was a very effective tool for me for a couple of reasons: 1. I became much more aware of how often I was eating and how much I was actually eating (gulp!) 2. I became much more aware of what I was choosing to eat instead of just stuffing it in my mouth with no real awareness that I was eating until I was done (and maybe not even then). 3. Because I made the committment to write it down NO MATTER WHAT (I was only lying to myself by not doing it), I found almost immediately that I started to question my choices - eg Am I really hungry or do I just want to eat?, will only the mountain dew satisfy me, or will something else do? 4. Writing everything down takes a little bit of time and distracts me - sometimes even long enough to change my mind or eat less - I was all about instant gratification

You can do this - you are not a failure. Make a committment to yourself and begin again!

[mermaidpuppy 0]

Wow! Thanks to everyone for the support, and the great ideas. It was 78 degrees here today, and everyone was out in their shorts and capris. That was even more inspiration to get going! As of right now. No more Mt. Dew, sweet tea, Diet Dr. Pepper. I did it for 2 years once and I know I can do it again. I think im going to try to lose some weight and then go back to my doctor instead of fill usa. That will be my goal, to face him! Life is too short to be miserable. Like my dad's doctor told him. It's not like you have cancer that can't be cured.........your just overweight, LOSE WEIGHT! I know its not that "simple" but it is in a way, if you compare it to a incurable disease. Thanks again to everyone. I know YOU all truely know how it is........ Good Luck to us all!

[slimmy120 2]

I write down what i eat , go through stages of doing this and calculating calories, some days i write how much excercise, i think will keep little note book with me, tends to make certain i don't forget or ignore how many times i at and what i ate, think i will put the times down to. Are you guys having 3 meals and Snacks? or just 3 meals?

[gkeyt 0]

You've got the right attitude now, MermaidPuppy. The great thing about the band is even when we don't do the right things for a while, it's still there ready to work when we are ready to work with it. You might not even need another fill...you didn't really say much about hunger control. It sounds like more of an emotional eating issue than a fill issue. The fill can't do all the work. And I doubt your pouch is stretched if you wash your meals down with liquids--the food isn't staying there long enough to stretch it out. So I'd cut out the liquids with meals ASAP. Go back to your band rules and follow them. You don't have to be eating just 1/4 cup or 1/2 cup, those are bypass rules (1/4 cup is only 4 oz). And you'll find once you stop eating so much sugar, you won't want it so much, and you'll have more energy--but you know this!

You aren't a total failure. You just need to get back in the right mindset and do this for yourself. You went through surgery for this, you deserve to get the benefit of it, so give it to yourself! The suggestion of taking short walks was a very good one. Your exercise doesn't have to all be at one time, it can be 15 min here and there. And often you may find that you stretch your 15 min into longer because it feels good to move. And it will make you feel so much better, trust me!

[Sades 4]

Wow! Thanks to everyone for the support, and the great ideas. It was 78 degrees here today, and everyone was out in their shorts and capris. That was even more inspiration to get going! As of right now. No more Mt. Dew, sweet tea, Diet Dr. Pepper. I did it for 2 years once and I know I can do it again. I think im going to try to lose some weight and then go back to my doctor instead of fill usa. That will be my goal, to face him! Life is too short to be miserable. Like my dad's doctor told him. It's not like you have cancer that can't be cured.........your just overweight, LOSE WEIGHT! I know its not that "simple" but it is in a way, if you compare it to a incurable disease. Thanks again to everyone. I know YOU all truely know how it is........ Good Luck to us all!

Good on you for your decision but why make it hard on yourself, go get that fill now so you have the help to lose the weight. I'm sure you're not the first person to have put on weight. Don't let your doc intimidate you... his job is to help and serve you... you do pay him don't you? :biggrin2: I have 7.5cc in my 10cc band and I can still eat lots so 4.5cc isn't much at all. Good luck and keep us posted.