Parents - Where are your kids?

[Marimaru 7]

I LOVE the little leash backpack things. I think they are brilliant. I don't have kids, but many other people's kids bug the crap out of me. The one I love is "I just don't understand why they wont listen to me/why they are so out of control". The answer is so obvious, but they can't possibly take responsibility for it.

I have a niece and a nephew that are both 1, and I just hope my sisters raise them to have plenty of personal accountability.

[kyteachjules 0]

BRAVO SUNSHINE 2!

BRAVO HEARTFIRE!

As an educator, I'm amazed by the entitlement of some of the students that I have, but more so of the parents. It amazes me that the people that bring children into this world actually feel that just because they've given birth (SOME, NOT ALL MIND YOU) makes them be entitled to have power in life. Guess what...? I am with your children in an intimate setting daily for 6 hours. Since I teach special education, I have a one-on-one personal relationship with your child. Do you know their hopes and fears? I do. Do you know their wants and desires? I do... Do you know what they want in life? I do.

I think one of the biggest mistakes that we are making is not communicating with children. They are the voice of our future. If we continue to force feed them entitled behavior and "stuff" to make them happy, are we promoting self growth and achievement?

It amazes me how many of the parents of students in my class mention to me that "you are as much of a parent to my child as I am!" No kiddin'!

I was at dinner with another teacher friend about a year ago. We were seated near a table of three couples and about 5 children. EACH of these children had an individual gaming device and each were so engrossed that their meals sat, untouched. They did not say anything to each other, while the parents were absorbed in their own conversations. I heard the parents mention as they left the restaurant, "Weren't the kids great? They were so GOOD." I tell ya what, what they were was entertained, not "good." Think about this though, were those kids engaged in conversation? Were they developing social skills and etiquette? Nope, but they were quiet!

I had another parent 3 years ago who allowed her child to miss an academic team practice. Now, had this been a regular practice, it would have been no big deal. However, this was a child who was an active member of my team and it was the day before our district competition. I have, in writing, a behavior and participation contract that states that if you miss a practice prior to competition, you are not allowed to participate (This is also our DISTRICT policy, not just my own). I know, if the child had been sick or etc, it would have been different. But, the child and the parent told me that the child had scheduled a "play date" and it was 'more important' to keep that play date than to come to practice. I reminded both the child and the parent that this meant that he would not participate in the competition (and my principal backed me up). Now get this folks, the parent actually said to me... "Please, don't punish my child, punish me." Now folks, I'm not a brain surgeon, but I know I truly cannot punish a parent. I was completely dumbfounded. My principal, at this point, excused himself and went into an adjoining room and had his self a good laugh. I, in turn, had to encourage the student and the parent to come to practice so he could participate. Needless to say, he didn't come and he didn't participate in the competition. The next Monday, the kid came up to me and apologized for not coming to practice and told me he made the wrong decision. It wasn't a good situation, but he truly learned.

Now, as far as the actual topic of this post, no, parents do not know where their children are. As I mentioned before, I do teach special education. I have kids who have IQs of 55 and below (the average person is somewhere around an IQ of 100). One of my kids has, this school year, left his home 3 times and been returned HOURS later by the police to his unsuspecting parent and grandparent. I'm truly amazed that it happened the first time, was blown away the second time and completely ear-steaming mad the third. At one point, this child (he's 11, but mentally... nearer 2 1/2-3) was on a bicycle alone at 1 am near a very dangerous river barefoot and in boxer shorts only. The sad part is that he was gone for nearly 6 hours. Another time, he left at a similar time, crossed a major 4 lane highway and walked 3 miles to another students home. AMAZINGLY, he could find his way there, but couldn't tell the other kids' mom his name. I FEAR DAY AND NIGHT that I will hear from his parent or grandparent that something has happened to him.

Sorry I vented a little bit. I haven't been blessed with children (not for lack of trying) and it makes me so upset to think that kids are out there who would be so loved by my hubby and me.... :redface:

Edited April 11, 2008 by kyteachjules

[Wheetsin 714]

The one I love is "I just don't understand why they wont listen to me/why they are so out of control".

Oh oh oh! Kind of like "ADHD" which should be more like "MPDGMEA" (My Parents Don't Give Me Enough Attention). :redface: Just throw some drugs at them, they'll calm down, so it must be some kind of actual disorder.

(Sorry, yes, I think we blame an awful lot on "things" that could probably be boiled down to remiss, lazy, inexperienced, etc. parenting). But I don't want this to turn into a throw down of people who disagree, so I'll just add the standard disclaimer that the above is my opinion only, and worth exactly what you're paying for it.

[anonemouse 1]

Oh oh oh! Kind of like "ADHD" which should be more like "MPDGMEA" (My Parents Don't Give Me Enough Attention). :tongue: Just throw some drugs at them, they'll calm down, so it must be some kind of actual disorder.

(Sorry, yes, I think we blame an awful lot on "things" that could probably be boiled down to remiss, lazy, inexperienced, etc. parenting). But I don't want this to turn into a throw down of people who disagree, so I'll just add the standard disclaimer that the above is my opinion only, and worth exactly what you're paying for it.

Oh, you don't want to get me started on so-called "learning disabilities," lol! I know there are a lot of people out there with legitimate learning problems, but unfortunately, many of the students I've had that have come to me with letters from the Office of Disabilities at my university have just been, well, not very bright, to put it nicely. I think that there are a lot of parents out there that just can't accept that little Johnny or Suzie isn't an exceptionally smart student that is being held back by a learning disability. They just don't want to accept the fact that their child might be simply average or below average, in terms of educational ability. Nope, there's gotta be something wrong with him, so let's throw a bunch of pills at him and tie his teacher's hands so that the entire curriculum is dumbed down.

*sigh* Ugh, I could go on, but that's a rant for another thread, I think. :redface:

[georgia girl 35]

I love the backpack leashes! I have one that I use for my 2 year old. I've gotten plenty of "looks" from other people, but I don't care. My son just turned 2 and he is into everything, lol. Very curious boy. I mainly use it for protection from him getting kidnapped or hurt.

Here's an example of why I use it: We went to the beach a few weeks ago for the first time with my son. We were walking along the beach, my son was holding my hand. He was absolutely fascinated with the Water. In a matter of just a few seconds, he managed to snatch is hand out of mine and he headed straight for the Water. He was in about knee deep before I could get to him. Needless to say, the next time we went walking on the beach, he was wearing the backpack leash! I truly don't care what people think about it, at least I know he is safe when he is wearing it!

Oh, and I ALWAYS use the backpack leash or the stroller when I go to a mall or anywhere that is big.

[PhotoEgor 0]

Wheetsin, I so agree with you. DD is NOT allowed to run around. She automatically goes in the cart. If it's not busy, she can walk but she MUST stay with us, (she likes to push the cart, it's funny and we have to hold on or we'd be out of Target in like, 10 minutes flat) BUT the instant she stops cooperating, she goes back in the cart, much to her dislike. I actually bought her a leash online. We just got it yesterday. It's a little stuffed monkey that has a harness system that buckles across the child's chest with a long tail that has a loop in it for mama or papa's wrist. She's really bad about holding your hand for a minute or so and then taking off (I have a huge fear of parking lots and will usually carry her or have her wrist instead of her hand). I'm hoping she'll get a kick out of it and this will give her a little freedom without actually getting any freedom. She actually had me put it on her yesterday and lead me around the house. It was funny. We'll see how it actually works out in public. I KNOW I'm going to get some looks but at least I KNOW where my kid is and she's contained!!!

Eddie Bauer® 2-in-1 Harness Buddy - Monkey : Target

This is all probably making it sound like my poor kid can never have any fun. She can, just in the appropriate places and at the appropriate times.

Okay, I think I'm done, again! :redface:

Let me tell a story that happened to us years ago. Our twin daughters were about 2 1/2, just beginning to feel independent. We went to the Galleria Mall in Dallas with a friend and 17yo niece to help the niece pick a prom dress. Being twins we had dressed them alike that day. Keeping track of them was a challenge on the best of days so my DW and I each took responsibility for 1 twin, the 2 older kids wanted to stick close to our friends. We were in one shop for about 5 minutes when we called the twins and only 1 responded. Long story short...we got security and when they asked us to describe her, we said, just like this one, pointing to the remaining twin. After the longest 30 minutes of our lives a security guard reported that he had found her. Down on the 2nd floor (we were on the 3rd floor near one end) and on the far side of the ice rink that is middle of the mall. She just wanted to watch the skaters a bit closer. We got leashes and vests for the girls the next day. We used them from then untill the girls refused to wear them (about age 7) and by that time they had learned to stay close by. Some people thought the leashes were barbaric, but we didn't listen after that experience. The clerks in the stores always knew that our kids would not be running loose and many expressed their appreciation for that.

gk

P.s. the twins are now 25 and will shoot me as soon as they find out I've posted this story on line.

[Gone4Now 4]

I saw that with my nephew. "Have you taken your meds?" Became my SIL's most used phrase. And it was only because he was an energetic boy! He was fine when he visited us, and never took his meds. I don't believe in them. You don't sedate your kids just because you can't control them. That's just nasty. You actually have to *gasp* spend time with them and have a *gasp again* relationship!

[anonemouse 1]

Dude, my grandparents used to leash my dad to the kitchen table to keep him from driving everyone crazy and to keep him out of the way (i.e., away from the oven) during holiday dinner preparations.

[missy4gordon 0]

Oh, you don't want to get me started on so-called "learning disabilities," lol! I know there are a lot of people out there with legitimate learning problems, but unfortunately, many of the students I've had that have come to me with letters from the Office of Disabilities at my university have just been, well, not very bright, to put it nicely. I think that there are a lot of parents out there that just can't accept that little Johnny or Suzie isn't an exceptionally smart student that is being held back by a learning disability. They just don't want to accept the fact that their child might be simply average or below average, in terms of educational ability. Nope, there's gotta be something wrong with him, so let's throw a bunch of pills at him and tie his teacher's hands so that the entire curriculum is dumbed down.

*sigh* Ugh, I could go on, but that's a rant for another thread, I think. :sad_smile:

Where I come from, it is more than less the teachers who tell the parents, "You need to have Johnny tested for ADD. He just isn't focused....." I hear this from my friends and two of my sisters who are in this type of situation where their kids have been tested due to teacher's recommendation.

So it is not always the parents pushing meds on their kids, it is a joint effort.

I too think this condition is way "over diagnosed", but I don't have any personal experience with this issue so that is just my opinion.

[anonemouse 1]

Where I come from, it is more than less the teachers who tell the parents, "You need to have Johnny tested for ADD. He just isn't focused....." I hear this from my friends and two of my sisters who are in this type of situation where their kids have been tested due to teacher's recommendation.

So it is not always the parents pushing meds on their kids, it is a joint effort.

I too think this condition is way "over diagnosed", but I don't have any personal experience with this issue so that is just my opinion.

Oh, I don't doubt it. I'm just a little irritated that I'm required to give quite a few special accomodations to a lot of kids that are really just not very well-equipped, mentally. Things like time and a half or double time on quizes and exams, etc. I just can't help but to wonder what these college kids are going to do when they get out into the work-force and are expected to have projects and stuff done on a strict deadline and their employers won't give them the extra time that they've gotten used to getting. I think many of them will have a very rude awakening, since they've never had to meet many of the same standards that other college kids have had to meet. I think that in certain circumstances, special accomodations are more of a handicap to the student than assistance. I wasn't really referring to ADD or ADHD, specifically, but rather generalized "learning disabilities." If it's authentic, that's great that the kid's getting help, but I think quite a bit of it is that there are parents out there that either can't accept that their little Johnny is just not quite as bright as his classmates, or they can't handle the kid's energy.

Edited April 11, 2008 by laurend

[kyteachjules 0]

Where I come from, it is more than less the teachers who tell the parents, "You need to have Johnny tested for ADD. He just isn't focused....." I hear this from my friends and two of my sisters who are in this type of situation where their kids have been tested due to teacher's recommendation.

So it is not always the parents pushing meds on their kids, it is a joint effort.

I too think this condition is way "over diagnosed", but I don't have any personal experience with this issue so that is just my opinion.

WOW! I'm amazed that any teacher has the guts to do that. If a teacher says that to a parent, it basically puts the ball into the parent's court, BUT it also makes the teacher and/or district financially responsible, according to special education law. I would NEVER tell a parent to take their child to go be tested for medication. I do, however, contact parents if the kids behavior changes while they are on medication. WOW. I guess there are some gutsy people out there!!

[pennyt 14]

As a juvenile probation officer, I see so many kids who have parents who don't know (and lots who don't care) what the children are doing. It's amazing to hear the stories that these juveniles tell.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day with one of my clients who has a problem following school rules. I sat right beside him in his classes observing. I told him that I have no problem coming to the school if the teachers contact me, but I guess he just didn't believe me. He should have believed.

[Telecia 1]

Wow I'm glad to see the leashes are still around. I used them on the older 2 kids. my MIL recommended it to me 20 years ago when my oldest was toddling around. Only we couldn't find them commercially we had to make it.

So that meant I bought as wide of a leather belt as I could find, dad had to add extra holes in it and cut it down to fit my son and we would put it on him backwards and buckle it and it had a sleeve that fit over the buckle even and a roughly 10 foot leather dog leash that fit around my wrist. And this is what we used when he didn't wanna ride in the stroller or shopping cart seat, or when he got to big for the stroller.

Around 7 or so he got to the point that he was getting embarrased by it. So he was told ok we will take it of but he was to stay with us at ALL times. He never wandered off.

Now his sister who was 5 years younger then him got the same treatment. then the time came to not use the leash anymore and she wandered off a bit. I was watching her at the time but she didn't realize it. I told my husband and the couple we were shopping with. (at the mall) to go on shopping and we would meet up in a bit. And I moved around and situated myself to watch her it only took about 10 minutes she wandered around in a toy store then suddenly looked up and realized she couldn't see us and she started to freak out. I got to her before the first tear fell but that was the last time she ever wandered off.

Shes 15 now and still stays right with me anytime we shop. But I also take the time to look at things she want's to look at also, as long as we have the time.

Son # 3 never really ran off per say but once walking back to the car he decided he wanted to run back to the car. He checked looking both ways and all. But hit his hand on one of the parked cars as he passed it and broke his finger!

after his second visit to the dr. to have it xrayed to check how it was healing he told me he knew better then to run in parking lots after that. Was a hairline fracture but it still swelled up real good and was really hard to use for him for a couple of weeks, and he had to keep it splinted for 5-6 weeks tops.

But yea its really sad to see kids running wild. I see it daily in our apartment complex. Technically we are not allowed to let our kids out without supervision but tons do anyhow.

Last summer we thought we would enjoy the complex pool for a while so me and my boyfriend and youngest son packed up some towels and put on our suits to go have a nice dip in the pool. Now in order to actually USE the complex pool you have to rent a pass each family can get 1. And you have to have this pass to get through the gate (electronic thingy) You even have to have the pass to get into the bath/shower rooms for the pool. We had about an hour of a pleasant stay with 5-6 others. Then some teens showed up. Wasn't a big deal till one of them started to get mean and downright violent towards the other teens. Then 5 kids, ranging from 3-8 showed up. ALL without supervision.

Now mind you there is NO lifeguard, no office staff nothing supervising the pool. Once the teens showed up all the other adults with their kids left.

I guess we should have took the clue but when the little kids showed up with NO adults, I couldn't leave. the oldest in the group was like 7-8. the littlest one only 3! OMG I kept telling my BF how can anyone let a 3 year old out alone! The one teen was picking on one of the others so the little kids got bored and left after about an hour.

And had wandered off. but not once did anyone show up looking for these kids.

We did inform the complex managers on monday about it. And they kicked out several familys because of their kids, So we will have to see if the pool is usable this summer or not.

[heartfire 4]

Telecia, you know exactly what happened. The parents of the young kids saw a couple of adults out by the pool and sent the kids over to get our of their hair and put the responsibility of watching their "precious babies" on you! I would have called management, demanded that they come to the pool and then I would have left once management got there. Like you, I wouldn't have been able to leave the little ones un-supervised. If one of them had drowned later, I would have felt horrible! Even though it's the fault of the parents, people like that have no qualms about forcing others to do the parenting and then suing them for not doing it!

DD is actually getting a kick out of using her backpack leash. I do have to remember to take her hand to direct her where I want her to go instead of just dragging the leash with me and expecting her to follow! I've owned dogs longer than I've been a parent!! :confused5:

[Jennie1976 1]

Okay, I had to respond to this thread on several levels.

First of all, I used to work at the Disney Store. I can't even tell you how many parents would ask us (COMPLETE STRANGERS) to watch their kids while they did a little shopping...including infants in strollers! Or, how many times the mall closed, we would have no adults in the store, but there would be kids (sometimes even under 5) who said their parents told them to wait in the Disney Store. Unbelievable.

Secondly, as a teacher, I can walk into a classroom and tell you which parents spank their children and which don't. Which parents beat their children and which don't even know who their teacher is. Which parents push every illness on their child (allergies, ADHD, etc.) and which parents have a much firmer view of reality. Which parents will reluctantly do SOMETHING with their child if I call them daily and which parents will just not answer the phone because they are still asleep. And this isn't even MY classroom...this is any classroom. After so many years of teaching, I think you can just tell about 90% of the time.

I can also tell you that my parents would always believe the adult. I can't tell you how many parents blame ME for their child not doing their homework. For their child making a bad choice on the playground. For their child (fill in the blank).

I had a parent call me racist for telling their child (who was born in the United States...as were her parents) that she was American. I've had a parent yell at me because their child had to call home for not having an assignment done and she didn't want to deal with it. I had a parent ask me 3/4 of the way through the school year, "What time do they get out of school again?" Now, mind you, I had called this parent DAILY before this to come pick up their child on time. I've had MULTIPLE parents pretend to not speak English so they wouldn't have to deal with their child. I had a parent who lived about 1/2 mile away have her children walk to school in pouring rain and forty degree weather with no socks, and in shorts and T-shirts. No jackets (even though they had them...I made sure of that earlier in the year). She was just too lazy to get up and give it to them. I had a parent yell at me because her daughter fell during basketball practice, got up, spent the rest of the practice running, but mom was convinced her ankle was broken. The kid spent 2 hours on crutches the next day, figured out that they were hard work, and decided her ankle was fine. I've been to a student's house (yes, I do several home visits a year) and have a john waiting outside until I left so that he could go inside where mom and older sister in high school were prostitutes (CPS did nothing).

I had another teacher tell me something very interesting this year, and I"m planning on using it in the future. Education responsibility has three parts. I am 1/3 responsible, the student is 1/3 responsible, and the parent is 1/3 responsible. When that child is at home, that means that the parent is now 2/3 responsible. Do the math!

Okay, enough of my ranting. I LOVE my job and wouldn't change it for the world. But, even after almost ten years of teaching (a pittance to many teachers, I know), parents STILL surprise me!