Parents - Where are your kids?

[tonya66 13]

Okay - I have to rant about this. I know that we can't be with our kids 24/7, but parents, do you know what your kids are doing?

I am appalled at all the stories I see on the News, "13 Year old steals car and has Wreck and kills family" - This happened at 3:00 am in the morning, the family was traveling thru town - the father was driving, the rest of the family were all buckled in asleep. The 13 year old is out with friends and steals another car and goes for joy ride. Its shocking, where was his mother? Why was he out at 3:00 am on a school night at that?

The latest, the girl out of Florida was beaten during the day by some other teenagers, they taped it all to put it on Utube, but now they are in jail. They interview one of the suspects mother, who places blame on the victim? The victim evidently said some nasty stuff on Myspace, so what do they do, they beat her and the parents places blame on others? Come on parents, take some control!!!!

I'm just outraged at the lack of control parents have on their children. I am by no means saying that all kids should be perfect. But these kids are commiting very serious crimes, which will effect them the rest of their lives.

I ask my kids these questions before they are allowed to do anything:

1. Who are you going to be with? (I also double check this to make sure they are telling me the truth) I watch their association very closely.

2. What are you going to be doing?

3. Where are you going to be?

4. When will you be home?

And they both know (one is 17, the other is 15) if they can't answer these questions, then the answer is NO.

I know that my kids sure are not perfect and have had their share of getting in trouble but nothing that required the law, and I promise you, they are not out at 3:00 am! Nor are they allowed to watch such violence on TV, Internet etc. Yes, I have our computer right out in the middle so everyone is monitored on it.

Some might feel I'm over protected, but my kids are not being arrested, they are not beating others up, they are not out stealing, they are both honor roll students and my son recently was faced with a situation and instead of peer pressure he called me to tell me he was not comfortable with what the other boys were wanting to do, so asked me to come pick him up. I didn't ask him any further questions, but later I found out the other boys were meeting up with some older ones to buy them some liqour, they were caught by their parents and it didn't happen. But it could have been a bad situation, they could have got drunk, drove, and killed someone or themselves.

I'm glad my son made the right decision and left the situation, I think it is our job as parents to teach them right from wrong, and monitor their actions until they are no longer under our roof. They won't always make the right decisions, but thats our job to help them.

Okay, I just had to get that off my chest! It is just so sad to see kids going to jail, parents, please take control!

[anonemouse 1]

I agree with you. A year or two ago, my 14 (almost 15) year-old cousin was killed in an ATV accident one night at midnight. He was out with friends and went riding with an 18 year-old girl that had been drinking. They hit a ditch or something at very high speed, sending both of them flying, my cousin into a porch (he was killed instantly). The girl, last time I heard, was still in a vegetative state. I feel so sorry for his mother because that was her baby, the youngest of three. At the same time, though, I think, "Well, that's what can happen when you let 14 year-olds stay out with their friends at all hours of the night, drinking and playing with large machinery." Sadly, it wasn't an unusual occurance to see my cousin and his brother flying down the road on their ATVs, in the dark with no lights on, no helmets on, and cutting off cars on the road.

[tonya66 13]

Laurend - That is so sad! I hate hearing stories like that, because they all could have been prevented. It just breaks my heart. So sorry for your loss.

[mstrina27 0]

You know I am Orig. from NYC, but now i live in Chicago. Things out here has been been down right outrageous... Too many teenagers, and children, young adults are being killed for no freekin reason... just being where at school, coming outside for goodness sake.. WTF are the parents? Don't they realize that their children are problems in the neighborhood? They know their children are not going to school because the school will call and leave a message saying hey your kid wasn't n school today r u aware? I have a 3-year old son. My brother was killed due to being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and I won't stand for my son being outside riding his bike and someone shooting out of the window trying to hit someone else or someone joy riding in a car and loosing control and runs him over... This is too much.. where in the hell do u have to move to.. To get away from all of the nonsense.... It's too much.. I totally understand. If we as parents take a stand and say hey i'm your mother or father and what i say go, and i don't care if u don't like it we can take our communities back. Seriously... I couldn't go outside unless my mother knew every turn i was going to make. My mother would stand on the porch and call my brother and myself, and if we didn't hear her no outside for us for the rest of the week no matter how hot it was... We all have to get "old school" again...

[Gone4Now 4]

I couldn't agree more! I have a nephew who just turned 16 and his daughter was born over Christmas time. My brother didn't have custody (after divorce) and his mother just let him do what he wanted to. Until, at the age of 12 he beat her up and ended in the state's care. After about 2 years there, he moved in with my brother. By then, though, my nephew had been so used to just doing what he wanted when he wanted, it was hard for my brother to control him. He tried to get the court's involved, but the court threatened to put my brother in jail if his son wouldn't shape up. My nephew was doing drugs and in a gang - at 14! So, what was my brother supposed to do?

After he met his girlfriend -and had a baby - he seems to be doing better. He complains that all his money goes toward diapers, and not playstation. But, there for a while, he was pretty scary to be around - and he was just a kid!

His older brother (who had my brother's influence 24-7, before the divorce) turned out great and is in college now.

What's with these parents who let their kids do whatever they want? Like my exSIL - WTH? Be a fricking PARENT.

[tonya66 13]

Here an example of somethig I did, I'm sure my kids will never forget it.....But my daughter, who is a talker, she is a social butterfly, was disrupting class. I got a call from the teacher saying she has been talking during class and would I please talk to her.

Well, I did better than "talk" to her, I took off work, and drove right to the school, I enrolled with her! Thats right, I told the principal I would like to be a student for the day, the princiapl LOVED it. So, my daugher was totally mortified when I walked in her class and set right next to her. I even raised my hand and asked the teacher a question. She was in 4th grade at the time, and totally embarrased by my action. I told her how embarrased I was to get a call and if she can't pay attention at school, I will go to school with her.

Wouldn't you know, I never had another problem from her again!

The teacher and principal both said that they wished more parents would do that and they would have less trouble with kids at school.

I tell my kids it is my job as a parent to teach them how to be the best citizens they can be, it is up to them to take what I taught them into the world. Once they leave me, they are on their own but I'm hoping they will learn from the lesson I've taught them.

I just wish parents would be parents and quit having kids if you are not going to parent them!

It angers me to no end when I read about kids taking guns to shool and killing fellow students. Then when the police show up at the killers house, they find all kinds of stuff in their rooms, right out in the open? Parents didn't even notice they had guns laying out on their dresser. This is when I almost think that the parents should be charged with murder too! I know that is harsh, but they need to pull their heads out of their rear and notice what is going on.

I could go on and on about this, but it is something I'm so pasionate about and I honestly don't understand why parents have no control over their kids!

[ELENATION 0]

Then call me over protective too! and I'm proud of it!

I agrew with you 100%. I believe that a high percentage of children's bad behavior now a days it's the parents's fault.

I ask the same questions that you ask your kids to my teenage kids, actually I ask even more questions. I think that you have to! and I find extremely irresponsible parents who don't know what their kids are doing at 3:00am and parents that don't make their kids responsible for their wrong actions, instead they blame others, parents need to be stronger, stricter and be parents before they are their kids's friends, they have plenty of friends out there, they need real parents at home, nothing wrong with getting along with your kids and having fun, but I believe they need to know that we are the parents and they are the kids and that they must respect and obey, maybe I'm old fashion... oh well, I don't care, like you said, at least my kids are not stealing or driving in the middle of the night or hurting anybody...

And I'm proud of your boy! he made the right decision! that's what good parenting does!

Edited April 10, 2008 by ELENATION

[ELENATION 0]

I agree with you. A year or two ago, my 14 (almost 15) year-old cousin was killed in an ATV accident one night at midnight. He was out with friends and went riding with an 18 year-old girl that had been drinking. They hit a ditch or something at very high speed, sending both of them flying, my cousin into a porch (he was killed instantly). The girl, last time I heard, was still in a vegetative state. I feel so sorry for his mother because that was her baby, the youngest of three. At the same time, though, I think, "Well, that's what can happen when you let 14 year-olds stay out with their friends at all hours of the night, drinking and playing with large machinery." Sadly, it wasn't an unusual occurance to see my cousin and his brother flying down the road on their ATVs, in the dark with no lights on, no helmets on, and cutting off cars on the road.

Oh Laurend, I'm sorry! for your loss and for his family too, it really is so sad, and like you said, it could've been prevented.... that's probably the saddest part...

[Wheetsin 714]

I don't understand how "loving" parents can let their kids run to hell and back. With today being like it is, how does it not scare the crap out of you? Tell you what, I won't even address the kids running around after hours, vandalism, etc. I'll narrow it down to stores (more confined spaces).

How can parents be ok with just knowing their kid might be in the store, somewhere? I can't tell you how many times I've seen parents shoo their kids away so they can gossip with someone they ran into (the two of them now blocking the freaking aisle with their carts, btw). So the kids start trying to beat each other with loaves of bread, or they go to the toy area and trash the place, or they're trying to play hide & seek in the furniture department.

I can't tell you how many times I've hit, or come very close to hitting, kids in stores because they're running around like banshees, not watching where they're going, and I turn an apparently clear corner... and then mom wants to get mad at me for "running her kid over" with my shopping cart.

How are you in a store the size of the stores we have today, not know where your kids are (I'm not talking about teenagers, I'm talking 3 and 4 y/o), and BE OK WITH THAT? That just doesn't register to me

[heartfire 4]

Sunshine, I love you! That is sooo funny! I'll have to remember that if something like that ever happens with my DD.

My own personal pet peeve is the lack of personal responsibility and an extension of that would be parental responsibility. If people don't start taking responsibility for their own lives, actions, etc. where does that leave society? Not in a very good place.

DH and I are already working on our daughter and she's not even 2 yet (will be soon). We've been told that we're old-fashioned (complimented) and told we both have old souls. I guess. We've both been raised in certain ways and we are teaching DD in the ways that we were taught.

Even as young as she is, she is not to act up and if she does, she is removed from the situation. Period. Don't care if we leave a cart of groceries or have to make a quick exit out of a restaurant. One of us takes her out while the other one deals with the bill and getting food containers.

DH was getting his hair cut at one of those $15 places and DD was acting up so I took her out while she was screaming bloody murder. On the way out I heard one of the hair dressers wondering what happened. I found out later DH explained that I probably told her no about something and she had a melt-down, so she was removed. ALL of the hair dressers in the place thanked us for doing that. They were shocked b/c it never happens for them. They've got parents who come in to get hair cuts and bring their kids and let them run around the place while everyone is trying to work. It's crazy.

It is sometimes embarrassing but I won't put up with that behavior and I have noticed that if the staff sees that we're trying to do something about it and get out, they bend over backwards to help us. Of course, part of that just means she's out of their range of hearing faster but they are very gracious about it. My post is making it seem that she does this a lot and she doesn't, but at almost 2, we have had our moments! The other thing is if we see something starting to happen with her, we get out faster so she DOESN'T have a melt-down in the middle of where ever we happen to be. We'll let, say, wait staff know that we've got to get out quickly and they assure us she's fine but we tell them no she's not, we're on our last straw and we're trying to get out before the big melt-down and they'll expedite the bill for us.

There have been times that we know she's tired and we're all hungry and we know she's going to be a pain in the behind at a sit-down place, so we'll go through drive-thru somewhere to get a snack to hold us over til we get home. She gets a little something to eat, falls asleep in the truck and has an hour-long nap on the way home and we're in a better place later and none of us are over-stressed. Hungry maybe but not over-stressed.

I'm not trying to say that DH and I are shining examples of anything, (God-forbid, I don't want to be held up by anybody!), I'm just giving examples of things we believe in and won't tolerate. We're only doing what we know how to do and that's how we were raised. But my point to this VERY LONG POST is that a lot of what we were raised knowing and are trying to teach our daughter has gone by the wayside. It's sad.

And I'm really sorry this is so long. I talk to much even in cyber-space!

[Blund 0]

I agree. I say, error on the side of discipline! My DH and I get compliments on our kids' (5,7,9 yrs) behavior. We taught them good table manners & behavior from day uhhhhh...300-ish!! Anyway, they know they better behave in public BETTER than at home, or else! They are pretty good at home most of the time.

The other disturbing thing I've noticed, is the sense of entitlement a lot of kids of all ages have. Teenagers dont "feel like having a summer job" then have a cell phone and ipod, etc! Don't give them money! My daughter came home from school telling me her friend got a ton of stuff (not just candy), and an ipod from the Easter Bunny!!! ( Our kids get the candy & egg hunt.) OMG! I told her the Easter Bunny IS NOT SANTA CLAUSE! WTF? No wonder they feel so entitled! I know where some parents are. They're throwing cash at their kids, instead of interacting with them.

[heartfire 4]

Wheetsin, I so agree with you. DD is NOT allowed to run around. She automatically goes in the cart. If it's not busy, she can walk but she MUST stay with us, (she likes to push the cart, it's funny and we have to hold on or we'd be out of Target in like, 10 minutes flat) BUT the instant she stops cooperating, she goes back in the cart, much to her dislike. I actually bought her a leash online. We just got it yesterday. It's a little stuffed monkey that has a harness system that buckles across the child's chest with a long tail that has a loop in it for mama or papa's wrist. She's really bad about holding your hand for a minute or so and then taking off (I have a huge fear of parking lots and will usually carry her or have her wrist instead of her hand). I'm hoping she'll get a kick out of it and this will give her a little freedom without actually getting any freedom. She actually had me put it on her yesterday and lead me around the house. It was funny. We'll see how it actually works out in public. I KNOW I'm going to get some looks but at least I KNOW where my kid is and she's contained!!!

Eddie Bauer® 2-in-1 Harness Buddy - Monkey : Target

This is all probably making it sound like my poor kid can never have any fun. She can, just in the appropriate places and at the appropriate times.

Okay, I think I'm done, again!

[tonya66 13]

I don't understand how "loving" parents can let their kids run to hell and back. With today being like it is, how does it not scare the crap out of you? Tell you what, I won't even address the kids running around after hours, vandalism, etc. I'll narrow it down to stores (more confined spaces).

How can parents be ok with just knowing their kid might be in the store, somewhere? I can't tell you how many times I've seen parents shoo their kids away so they can gossip with someone they ran into (the two of them now blocking the freaking aisle with their carts, btw). So the kids start trying to beat each other with loaves of bread, or they go to the toy area and trash the place, or they're trying to play hide & seek in the furniture department.

I can't tell you how many times I've hit, or come very close to hitting, kids in stores because they're running around like banshees, not watching where they're going, and I turn an apparently clear corner... and then mom wants to get mad at me for "running her kid over" with my shopping cart.

How are you in a store the size of the stores we have today, not know where your kids are (I'm not talking about teenagers, I'm talking 3 and 4 y/o), and BE OK WITH THAT? That just doesn't register to me

Wheetsin - I 100% agree! Control starts at birth, you can't let them run all over at 3 & 4, then at 15 decide you are going to be a parent. YOu have to take control the second they are born.

If more parents would watch their kids, their would be less kidnappings too! I am not trying to blame parents for kidnappings by any means, the bastards that kidnap the children should be hung by his freaken toe nails and shot, but what I am saying is they will have less of a chance of kidnapping your child if you don't let him run all around the store, or go to the park by himself or whatever they are doing. It's sad that kids can't do this, but its the world we live in today. Its just a fact, their our criminals out there who doesn't care, and your child is a target.

I know some parents have no choice but to send their kids off to the school bus, but that is when you have to teach them, if a car even comes close to you - RUN. Don't even give them a chance to ask you a question, RUN. I think I've got the fear in my kids about strangers, and when I say stranger, I mean anyone. They also had a code that if someone showed up to pick them up that they knew, like aunt, uncle, family friend, neighbor, that person was to have a code word that only me & my child knew, if that person didn't tell them the code word, then they were to run for help. Most kidnappings happen by a family friend or someone the child has seen before. So, I wanted to make sure they knew NO ONE had permission to pick them up.

We've never had to use the code word, because when something happened that one of the grandparents or aunts were going to pick them up, we made sure they knew it before hand.

Its just a scary world out there these days.

[ELENATION 0]

Here an example of somethig I did, I'm sure my kids will never forget it.....But my daughter, who is a talker, she is a social butterfly, was disrupting class. I got a call from the teacher saying she has been talking during class and would I please talk to her.

Well, I did better than "talk" to her, I took off work, and drove right to the school, I enrolled with her! Thats right, I told the principal I would like to be a student for the day, the princiapl LOVED it. So, my daugher was totally mortified when I walked in her class and set right next to her. I even raised my hand and asked the teacher a question. She was in 4th grade at the time, and totally embarrased by my action. I told her how embarrased I was to get a call and if she can't pay attention at school, I will go to school with her.

Wouldn't you know, I never had another problem from her again!

The teacher and principal both said that they wished more parents would do that and they would have less trouble with kids at school.

I tell my kids it is my job as a parent to teach them how to be the best citizens they can be, it is up to them to take what I taught them into the world. Once they leave me, they are on their own but I'm hoping they will learn from the lesson I've taught them.

I just wish parents would be parents and quit having kids if you are not going to parent them!

It angers me to no end when I read about kids taking guns to shool and killing fellow students. Then when the police show up at the killers house, they find all kinds of stuff in their rooms, right out in the open? Parents didn't even notice they had guns laying out on their dresser. This is when I almost think that the parents should be charged with murder too! I know that is harsh, but they need to pull their heads out of their rear and notice what is going on.

I could go on and on about this, but it is something I'm so pasionate about and I honestly don't understand why parents have no control over their kids!

Good for you!!!!!!!!! I LOVED what you did! and it paid of! no more talking in class!!!!!!!

I also don't believe in giving my kids "privacy" by letting them have their bedroom door closed all the time, unless they are changing or getting dressed, the door must remain opened at all times, even when they are on the phone, I want to hear what they are talking and who they are talking to... no privacy for them and I've told them that too! I'm involved in every single move they make, even the smallest....

I can't believe when I see parents knocking on their kid's bedroom doors and asking for permission to come in and kids refusing to open because they are "busy" WTH???????? that doesn't fly with me.... I have girls, maybe it would have to be different with boys, not sure.... but those are my rules...

[tapshoes 2]

Heartfire...be prepared for more than 'looks' from people. I was subjected to lots of comments such as 'treating the child like a dog', 'she probably ties the kid in bed too', etc. The kids though did not run amuck in stores, hide in clothing racks sending everything to the floor, get lost, ram carts into the back of people's legs, knock over displays of cans, and other pleasantries I've been subjected to by other little darlings.

Funny thing too...I work for a national professional association, and I have parents calling me asking why their son/daughter didn't pass the certification exam, or demanding that their child be granted status because of XY or Z. Usually the call ends with the demand that I do something or they are going to go to their representative or someone. Uh-huh, yes indeedy, threats demonstrate maturity, and the public would willingly accept uncertified professionals as long as it was your child!! This is incredible to me - your child, who is probably 24/25 years of age, has mommy/daddy calling??? :eek:University educated people have their parents calling on their behalf? Is it possible these are the same people who had children completely out of control, and these same children never grew-up? Never learned to be mature responsible ADULTS?

Sorry - I seemed to have segued into a different rant....