Friends and Family attending the surgery

[Eat2Live 0]

My surgery is scheduled for Friday and the only aspect that has caused me stress is telling my friends and family that I do not want them at the surgery. If I was able to complete the process by myself, I would do it, no questions asked. I have a roommate, childhood friend, who is going to handle everything I can't over the next week and be at the surgery.

Over the last week, its been a huge discussion point in my circle of friends and some took exception (I think). Most have asked why I feel this way and my answer is simple. I've never has surgery but I've been involved in 3 big surgeries involving 3 of the closest people in my life. We shared "Goodbyes" on their way into surgery and 2 of them didn't make it. Their surgeries were much more severe but I don't want any goodbyes and its inevitable if they attend the surgery.

Just curious as to anyones thought?

Thanks

[pearlygirl 1]

It's certainly up to you. There is nothing wrong with requesting they not come. Maybe you could ask them to come at a different time - after the surgery, when you get home, once you've been on the mend for a day or two or whatever you are comfortable with. This isn't about them. Tell them you are uneasy and prefer to visit with them after the surgery but not before.

[Wheetsin 714]

It's entirely your choice. If you really don't want them there, make it clear. My parents came, I didn't ask them to - nor did I ask them not to. It didn't bother me, but if someone had wanted to come whom I really didn't want there, I would have made it clear/known. If I was afraid of hurting their feelings, I might've just said something like, "It's my first surgery and I don't know how I will react, I'd rather just see you in a few days when I'm feeling better and not have to be worrying about guests and visitors if I'm not feeling well."

[irideaqh 0]

This is your surgery and they should respect what you want. If they have a problem with that, then oh well, they will just have to get over it.

Good luck!

[Eat2Live 0]

Thanks for the insight. My parents were actually more understanding than my friends since they were involved the 3 surgeries I referenced in my first post.

I have very large circle of friends and I've been single pretty much my whole 30 years of life so I'm extemely close to most of my friends. I think they developed a certain level/feeling of obligation since I don't have a wife/girlfriend in my life to share these moments with.

[juliegeraci 7]

I would keep it small and simple. The least amount of people is the best.

[spoodles 0]

My whole freakin family wants to show up too, Eat2live...I hate it...cause no matter what I say they're just gonna come anyway...Expect em' to sneak up there anyway...sometimes there's nothing we can do to stop them.

[Sue40 0]

I can't imagine anyone being there. I may even take the bus into Boston and have DH pick me up later. If I could get away with driving myself there and home I would. It's only a 45 minute surgery. I haven't told many people, partially because I don't like drama. Only DH, father and sister know.

It may not be right, but I would tell them surgery is Thursday when it is really Wedneday, and then tell them after the fact that there was a cancellation so you got moved up.

[Eat2Live 0]

Again, thanks for everyones insight. As of a few moments ago, I now have one of my closest friends who's so upset at my perspective that he won't even talk to me and we're less than 48 hours from my surgery.

One would think I would be stressed about all the other aspects of the process but I'm extremely stressed out about managing this aspect.

Its extremely frustrating and I don't need it right now!

[ThinknHealthy 0]

Sometimes people just need to feel needed, or a part of the process. Maybe there is some important "job" or favor you could ask your friend to do for you while you are in surgery. Something that would be important and that he would be honored to do. This would keep him out of the process but still feeling useful. Remember he probably cares about you a lot and needs to occupy his fears with "doing" something. Let him know that you understand his need to be a part of this and that the best way he can support you is to ____ .

My family is so supportive that my brother (after I finally told him about it Monday) made me sign a promise that I would do it by the end of June or I'd have to pay him some money. For months my daughter (11 yrs old) has been nagging me about doing it and my Dad is paying for the surgery. I know that I'm blessed with a wonderful family. I've made the step of going to a seminar and have scheduled an initial consultation. I have to wait until JUNE however due to work and family scheduling conflicts and I'm taking a VACATION.

God Bless you and I'll be praying for you that you have a wonderful and inspring experience.

[jazma 16]

Tell your freinds and family that you would like them to stay home and Celebrate the new life you will soon be living. This is a special time for you and you prefer to be alone...

[Eat2Live 0]

I think I finally have everything calmed down but involved me giving in. So now 2 of my friends along with the orginal friend who is taking me will be in attendence. I guess I ended up feeling that I was somehow being selfish. The stress of dealing with people being there right before the surgery has to be less than the last couple of days of what has felt like "party planning".

At any rate, I'm less than 24 hours from surgery and I'm ready and excited!

Thanks for everyones replies!

[ponytail 0]

Ohhh, I couldn't have done it without my loved ones! My mom waited on my hand and foot (and still does 15 days post op), my boyfriend stayed the night with me in the hospital cramped up in a chair with little to no sleep...

They were the best!