Anyone notice a difference on how you are treated once you start losing weight?

[jfran 0]

It seems I am still just as "invisible" (at least to the opposite sex) as I was before.

[KELVINSMOM 0]

I never had any real problems being heavy.. i was lucky that my weight was somewhat distributed evenly and many never even believed that i was 270 lbs.. my problem is that my sister is treating me differently now that i have had surgery. She had GP approximately 3 years ago and went from a size 26 to a 14.. She loves the attention and hates the fact that i am now starting to lose weight and have been getting compliments as well.

She says things like , you will not lose as much weight as me and even discouraged me from getting the band.. she also talks about food constantly now, in an attempt to see if I will break down!! - that is my sad story.. but I feel good about myself.

[Freetofly 0]

It goes for both sides, in the majority of cases, I believe. As we lose the weight, we start to like OURSELVES more, and other people "get" that about us. People naturally gravitate towards happy people, people with high self-esteem. Although society as a whole, without doubt, judges and categorizes and discriminates against the overweight, it is often not the sole reason we are treated like lower-class citizens - it is often because that is how we view ourselves: with disgust, self-hatred, hopelessness and helpless.

I know I feel better about myself. :thumbup:

[DesertRose 0]

Very good and thought provoking thread.

I was "skinny" up until my 4th child (14 yrs. ago) and quitting smoking and starting to work in at a desk job. Anyway, and I know this sounds utterly conceited, but, I was HOT. My measurements pretty much stayed around 38-24-36. I was constantly "hit on" by guys. Married guys, older guys, younger guys, you name it! It drove me crazy because, for one, my husband was VERY jealous at the time. Since I've gained weight, I RARELY get a second glance and my husband is not in the least jealous. Now that I am losing, albeit slowly, I'm getting the second glances again and I worry a little about my husband's insecurities.

Back in January of this year, I was passed over for a promotion. They gave it to a skinny pretty blonde who had only been on the job for a month. It did hurt, I will not lie. But, it also acted as a catalyst to my determination to lose the weight and start getting back into life.

I have no desire to be flirted with or hit on, etc. I only wish to be healthy, be a good example to my daughters, have a more intimate relationship with my husband, feel more energetic and be able to ride comfortably in a plane seat. But, I will tell you this, I've worked too hard for too long to be passed over any more. Once I get close to goal, I will find a better job then walk into my manager's office and remind him of the time he passed me over...hehe.

[DesertRose 0]

I never had any real problems being heavy.. i was lucky that my weight was somewhat distributed evenly and many never even believed that i was 270 lbs.. my problem is that my sister is treating me differently now that i have had surgery. She had GP approximately 3 years ago and went from a size 26 to a 14.. She loves the attention and hates the fact that i am now starting to lose weight and have been getting compliments as well.

She says things like , you will not lose as much weight as me and even discouraged me from getting the band.. she also talks about food constantly now, in an attempt to see if I will break down!! - that is my sad story.. but I feel good about myself.

OMG...I am sorry that you have to endure that from, of all people, your sister! She should want you to be happy and healthy. Pray for her.

[DesertRose 0]

JNBWILDS SAID:

So I guess I'd conclude that yes - others are mean to fat people. But a healthy sense of humor, self esteem, a confident smile and an outgoing personality go a really long way toward reducing discriminatory behavior.

JNBWILDS,

That is soooo true. In my previous reply I did not mention that over the last 12 or so years of being overweight, that during my poorlittlemeIamsofatandnobodylikesme times, I rarely got any calls from my friends, rarely got any invitations, etc. But when I was feeling more confident (like when I would lose 20 lbs or so from a fad diet)...people were more drawn to me. It definitely has to do with confidence, which makes us more friendly and outgoing, which makes us more likeable. :thumbup:

[whatakindgirl 0]

Yep, I was definitely treated differently when I was fat, as opposed to being skinny. The main difference is that guys talk to me or look at me a whole lot more. Especially, the guys at work!

You know, it is really easy to have a mentality--when your fat--to say "oh, poor me." This is my opinion, of course, that this mentality has an impact on the way people perceive you. As you become more confident, after losing weight, then people start to have more confidence in you, as well.

[Albacheeser 0]

Great Thread. I can speak authoritatively on this subject.

I am pre-band currently, but I was once very thin, unlike many here pre-band.

There is a huge difference in the way people view you.

On a superficial level, you'd think it would be basic attraction versus non-attraction, but it is MUCH more complex than that.

First, I am a highly intelligent and enjoy intellectual pursuits so the differences in how people treat a fat person are one of my pet peeves.

When I was thin, people:

1) Assume you are smart.

2) Listened to me more.

3) Never scrutinized what I ate.

4) Tend to prejudge you as morally pristine.

5) Look and Smile at you more.

6) View you as a more "serious" person.

After being fat, people:

1) Assume you are an out-of-control idiot until you prove otherwise.

2) If you eat a lot, they look on in disgust.

3) If you eat a little, they think you are doing it for show.

4) Tend to prejudge you as morally flawed.

5) Rarely smile at you unless you smile first or they are paid to smile at you.

6) Don't take you fully seriously.

Here is the IRONIC part: You would think you would be overjoyed at the positive responses by others, and you are somewhat. However, the differences in the way people "you already knew before" treat you can cause you to be resentful at times. ie. "Now they like me, but where were they then?"

This phenomenon has broken up marriages post-surgery. My brother had the old gastric bypass as a test patient in the early eighties. When he lost all of his weight, it changed the nature of his marriage relationship so profoundly that there was no way they could stay together.

The only thing I can say to people is to try to keep your emotions in check. I know my wife will begin to see me better as I lose weight post-op. I realize that I may initially resent it because she has been so hard on me over the years (she is effortlessly thin). But the key is just to try to enjoy the benefits rather than getting caught up in the petty pride issues. People are what they are and do what they do.

Edited February 10, 2009 by Albacheeser

[Emmersglue 0]

I am starting to notice the differences. Guys are starting to notice me. I'm afraid that anytime a guy talks to me, I will always wonder if they would talked to me pre-lapband.

[susan1961 0]

I'm sure there are those who won't like my response but....

Of course the world responds to us differently when we are more attractive! To deny the import of physical attractiveness in the world is very naive. It's not just human nature it's animal nature- it's why male birds have all that pretty plumage to strut around and attract the ladies.

I'm not attracted to overweight men. Sorry, it's true. Nor to blonde guys, guys with ponytails or pierced ears. And I'm sure everyone on here could make lists of things they do and don't find attractive. It's just a fact. Now, I would never treat someone unkindly because they didn't fit the profile of someone I was attracted to. And of course I've dated guys who weren't 'my type' because I got to know them first and found lots of other things to like. But appearances matter, to some extent, to all of us, and it's not unreasonable that when our appearance changes the world's response to us changes, too.

[Albacheeser 0]

WADR, it is not surprising susan1961 is from California. Land of the beautiful people. :ohmy:

May I say...

The common resentment people come to feel has NOTHING to do with a rational understanding of why people respond or treat you better when you are thin. We know they do and I am glad you recognize that.

However, the point is that the obese person looks out into the world and sees it exactly the way a thin person sees it apart from the people looking back at them. I see the world with the same 20-20 vision as when I was thin. People look at me, on the other hand, see something completely different between then and now.

Moreover, most people (whether thin or fat) like to think there is something to themselves apart from their physical bodies, whether you call it a soul or spirit or essence.

Thus, when people view them differently it can cause understandable feelings of a kind of perplexment similar when to someone wins the lottery and becomes, all of a sudden, everyones best friend.

I'm not saying it is the most "well adjusted" reaction, but to say it is not justified or that the person feeling this needs to be INvalidated is, well, an outrage quite frankly.

Edited February 13, 2009 by Albacheeser

[willowcat 93]

When people ask how much, often if they are the ones who only engage me in weight loss conversations, I say, it's just a number and I don't share it. But if you are a friend, and chat me up about my life in general, I'll tell you. Weird, I wonder what kind of power dynamic I'm playing there...

I don't think that there's any "power dynamic" that you're "playing." It just sounds like good, healthy boundaries! I love it and plan on tucking it away for the inevitable day--if all you want to talk about is my weight, then sorry. I'm way more than my weight. It really isn't important and is actually none of your business. Thanks so much for sharing!

[Kimmy in MD 0]

I believe there is a HUGE difference in the way you are treated as a fat person. I saw the change as I put on weight over time. Men less frequently held the door for me and certainly strangers stopped approaching me. Additionally, I lacked self confidence as I got heavier and maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I don't think so. It was also easy to chalk it up to "aging" but today i am older than I was 2-3 years ago and miracuously things have changed again. The only thing that has changed is my weight has decreased or maybe my self confidence has increased. Whatever it is, to me it is real difference.