Broken Hearted Again---Help!!!

[jlobyxmas 0]

Sitting here alone on a Saturday nite. The man of my dreams, my best friend for the past two years called tonite and told me that we are no longer "exclusive" and said he loves me but he's tired of all my responsibilities and he's tired of being lonely so we need to "just be friends"

I take care of my elderly parents 85 and 80 and my two children a 13 year old and a 19 year old. I'm a single woman stuck in the sandwich generation. How does the world expect us women to balance all of these things and still keep a smile on our faces??

And the worst part is I can't even drown my sorrows in a bowl of Ben and Jerry's cause of my band!!!!

I know you will all jump to my defense cause that what we girls do, and I love u all for that but can somebody please tell me how to turn off my head and the hurt in my heart when I can't turn to food anymore:confused2:

[favorite 3]

let him go, because if he truly loves you he'll be back. and loving you even more because you take care of your children and parents. i know that i admire you. nothing says more about a persons character than the way they treat the ones they love.

[lynners 0]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. The sad part is no matter what you do, it will still hurt. When I start to wallow these days, I have to get up and do something. I repot plants, rake leaves, try something crafty. Lately the best thing I have done is volunteer to coach soccer. It gives me such a warm, happy feeling. Just do anything to give yourself a feeling of accomplishment.

I alos think that when things get really bad, Ben and Jerry are still friends of mine, I just don't eat the entire carton(s) anymore. Half will usually suffice.

I hope your heartache ends soon. Remember that when things go wrong it often precludes something much better. There is a better man out there he just hasn't been lucky enough to meet you yet.

Lynne

[jlobyxmas 0]

Thanks ladies for your quick responses the encouragement is much needed.

The only problem is this was my "better man" he is the man I have waited my entire life for, we just "fit" if that makes sense.

Well at least I've had my surgery and on my way to the new me, I might be alone but at least I'll look good while I'm sitting at home by myself:crying:

[Kat817 19]

You will not always be sitting at home alone. Right now it may seem that way, and I realize how much you love your family---and how hard itmust be right now not to have some resentments. At being the one forced to care for everyone, and not being able to just throw up your hands as he has.

But, in a few years, when you look back at your life, you can do it with a free heart. You will know you not only did for your parents what they did for you.....you set the example and raised responsible children, who if ever the need should arise, would take equally good care of you.

As good of a "fit" as it was, he was/is not ready for that responsibility. He will not be able to look back with the same ease you will.

I am not sure how to say this....but even if he were to come back at this point, wouldn't you would always feel like it was an inconvenience to him?

At this point the staying busy sounds like your best option. Making life happy for your folks, and helping your kids get off to the best possible start. Take time each and every day to work out awhile, or do something for you. On your day off from working out, give yourself a pedicure, or go get your hair trimmed.

Make the choice to be happy again. For awhile it may well be an act....but your parents and kids are worth that act. And soon, you WILL be happy again, and also well on the road to healthy and thin!

Your time will come girl, just doesn't sound like this is the right time. And if it is....he will be back, ready to work with you to make those you love happy----including you.

So sorry you are hurting. Seeing our hopes and dreams fade away is hard---most of us have been there in one form or another, and remember the pain involved. I hope you can move forward and recognize the special person you are for making the choices you have.

Take Care~

Kat

[~Sheila~ 0]

This might sound a little nerdy....But, Id go to the bookstore and get some interesting and fun books to read. Whatever you're into, Id get something that would take my mind off of all thats going on around you, for a while. Sometimes drowning yourself in a good book can really let you escape for a bit..

Good luck...take care..

[jimmie a 0]

i am a male , my input is take care of your parents like you have, mine has passed on and i still think about things that i should have done. do not feel bad about putting family first. if he is a good man he will support you .

[jlobyxmas 0]

Thanks all, Kat you hit the nail on the head on more then one occasion with the things that you said.

Everyone around me says that I have to make myself happy, but honestly I think that may be what's wrong with our world right now---everyone only worrying about themselves and making themselves happy without looking at the big picture and how our choices impact those around us.

My dad is a fantastic person and it breaks my heart on a daily basis to see him deteriorating, but he needs me now and I only have a finite amount of time left with him.

I know I'm doing the right thing, and I thought he understood that going into this relationship. I honestly think that my BF is scared and intimidated by my weight loss and afraid that he's gonna lose me so it's almost like he's striking first, leave her before she leaves me.

I took all of your advice and went and joined the gym this morning, gotta put some effort into myself. Put a smile on and faced the world this morning as if nothing happened. Hurts like hell but my family does deserve the best of me. :regular_smile:

[snowbird 2]

The most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me in my life was not a guy saying he loved me. It was my daughter telling me that her choices in life were so easy because she always knew which way to go because she had good parents.

You only have a couple years left to raise your children before they are off on their own. You probably only have a few years left with your parents. I know it can be lonely, but use that time well, and some guy will see what a wonderful person you are, and the REAL Mr. Right will show up.

[luluc 6]

baby hijak - kat, i think you have to be one of the kindest individuals on this board....always direct yet comforting w/your advise. there's not many threads i read when someone is truly looking for advise & don't see a response from you. thanks!!

jlobyxmasm, as a happily married person - not sure how much i can comfort you other than saying, i'd personally much rather a saturday night alone, that w/someone who did not accept me warts & all.

i bet you find that perfect companion when you least expect it:smile:

[Kat817 19]

Awwww thanks Luluc! I could say the same for your posts, I always look forward to seeing your take on things!

I think Megan has received some really good advice, I cannot believe I missed the books!!! I always have a book (sometimes 3 or 4) going! I listen to books while I exercise! Keeps me moving!

Megan---please know we will be here for continued support.

When I read your post, I was SOOOOO proud of you. You held your head high, and used some of your incredible strength for YOU! You are already an amazing person, to step in and care for your aging parents as you struggle to raise your own children---the added work you are doing on you now---girl there is gonna be no stopping you!!!!!

Kat

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

I don't think I can add anything more... you guys are great at providing a pick me up! :Dancing_wub: I know how you feel... I mean, in the aspect of not knowing what to do when I am feeling so emotional and can't eat. I don't know what to replace food with... really food was my best friend!

My mom is really sick and I take care of her too, that alone is SO difficult to deal with. Something that has helped me cope with my mom, not only watching her at a young age of 53 deteriorate, but also taking care of her (and everything else- work, bills, weight, etc...), has been to talk to others. I post on a caretaker forum and have been looking for support groups in the area. I have two older sisters who also take care of my mom with me and talking to them... who understand the SPECIFIC condition that she has, helps so much. You're not alone.

I'm sorry about the BF thing. My husband had those same concerns about me losing weight and the thought about losing me. But I assured him, he loved me when I am big, he certainly deserves me while I'm thin. I'm losing weight partially FOR him. So we can have a life that involves other things besides the couch and food. :thumbup: My husband has been with me through all the middle of the night ER visits, week long hospital stays, hallucination phone calls, everything my mom has been through (her disease in unknown by the best medical doctors). Finding the right guy who will respect all you do and love you not in spite of, but because of who you are, is worth waiting for.

Be proud of yourself, you'll make it. I know it hurts and I'm sorry.

[Daisalana 33]

I say light up a doobie and take a long bath!

[Gone4Now 4]

Kat - you nailed it when you said if he comes back, wouldn't you feel like a burden? Good point!

I say, if he was a perfect fit, he'd have rolled up his sleeves and helped you. You are strong and able, and you put him to shame!

Hang in there. It took me forever to find my guy, but he rolls with the punches - and my life is crazy! I'm always surprised to look over and see him there, just hanging on for dear life!! lol

It sounds trite, but it's true: If it's meant to be, he'll rethink it and come back. If not, better that he just goes now and gives you time to find someone better suited for you.

[jlobyxmas 0]

What an amazing place this board is---you all are so thoughtful and willing to be supportive and offer encouragement. All my lapband cyberfriends really helped me through a tough spot the past two days. And the whole way through this lapband journey, THANK YOU!!!

Laura---great suggestion, only problem is he's the one with the stash..lol!!

UPDATE: He called yesterday and stuck his tail between his legs and kissed my ever shrinking behind. I always knew I was doing the right thing for my family but hearing all of u reiterate what I was already feeling has given me a peace about the situation. It is what it is, my parents and children must come first, that's the only way that I will be able to live with myself when they are gone. I'll be able to take a breath and say I did the best I could. If he's a part of that, beautiful, if he's not it will hurt but I've been through worse things.

Thank you all again---ur the best!!