Is it okay to be irritated about this?

[anonemouse 1]

I'm kind of pissed at my family right now. I was supposed to graduate from my graduate school in May, but I won't have my thesis finished in time. I've talked to the graduate school, and they said I could go ahead and walk in the graduation ceremony since I'd applied for it a couple of semesters ago and have everything but my thesis finished, and they'll just have the diploma mailed to me when I DO get the thesis finished and turned in. My parents are turning up their noses at it, saying that there's no reason to walk in May or send announcements to my relatives, since I'm "not really graduating."

Honestly, I just don't feel like going to the trouble of going to the registrar's office and the graduate school and filling out more paperwork just to move my graduation date (especially since I'm not sure when I'll be finished with my thesis), since the only reason I'm even walking in the ceremony in the first place is to make my family happy. If it were up to me, I wouldn't be going to a graduation ceremony, period. I had more than enough of standing for hours in uncomfortable shoes during my undergraduate graduation ceremony. It isn't like I'd get the actual diploma right then, anyway, even if I WAS finished with my thesis, since they mail them out 6-8 weeks after the ceremony.

So instead of being happy about going to my graduation ceremony, even if it is in name only, they're being fucking killjoys about it. :smile:

[Wheetsin 714]

Laurend - we're both INTJ so take this with a grain of salt, but I'm not walking in mine. I should graduate summa cum laude and was asked if I would be interested in addressing my graduating class and -- extra no thanks there. I don't want to be up in front of everyone on a stage. My family wants me to walk, and the only reason I even considered it would have been for them. Kind of like my wedding. I'd have been happy with a quick courtroom visit, but they really wanted me to have more (which means THEY wanted more). We do that crap for other people, we don't get anything out of it. SO if other people are going to be turds about it, fudge 'em, you know?

If I were in your shoes, I'd say f--- it, pretend like there wasn't even a ceremony, and if anything just send out FYIs when I graduated. If that.

[anonemouse 1]

Laurend - we're both INTJ so take this with a grain of salt, but I'm not walking in mine. I should graduate summa cum laude and was asked if I would be interested in addressing my graduating class and -- extra no thanks there. I don't want to be up in front of everyone on a stage. My family wants me to walk, and the only reason I even considered it would have been for them. Kind of like my wedding. I'd have been happy with a quick courtroom visit, but they really wanted me to have more (which means THEY wanted more). We do that crap for other people, we don't get anything out of it. SO if other people are going to be turds about it, fudge 'em, you know?

If I were in your shoes, I'd say f--- it, pretend like there wasn't even a ceremony, and if anything just send out FYIs when I graduated. If that.

That's what I really want to do, but I know I'll get a guilt trip if I do it. Of course, I'm getting a guilt trip now, too, so apparently I can't win. If they keep at me, I should just tell them, "Hey, you can either go to this one or none at all, 'cause if I have to go to the hassle of moving it, I'm just going to tell the graduation office that I'm not walking, period."

[Wheetsin 714]

Yeah I had to have the "quit being such a manipulative whanker" talk with my mom a few years ago. I used to get it bad over something as trivial as not wanting to go to a cousin's birthday party. It used to work when I was like 11, but now it's total BS. I hate manipulators, and I hate the parenting approach that making us feel bad about it is a valid way to get what you want. How juvenile is that?

(Heh, sorry, kinda went off on a tangent. You can tell I deal with the same thing, including over my own upcoming graduation).

I wouldn't go through the extra hassle. What do you get out of it? Tell them you're not changing the date, so they can choose to partiicpate in it as planned, or <insert your own maipulation here> they can choose to disregard the work and effort you put into this degree because of a technicality around the completion of a thesis, which for their info does not effect your graduate candidacy, just your graduate status.

[anonemouse 1]

Yeah I had to have the "quit being such a manipulative whanker" talk with my mom a few years ago. I used to get it bad over something as trivial as not wanting to go to a cousin's birthday party. It used to work when I was like 11, but now it's total BS. I hate manipulators, and I hate the parenting approach that making us feel bad about it is a valid way to get what you want. How juvenile is that?

(Heh, sorry, kinda went off on a tangent. You can tell I deal with the same thing, including over my own upcoming graduation).

I wouldn't go through the extra hassle. What do you get out of it? Tell them you're not changing the date, so they can choose to partiicpate in it as planned, or <insert your own maipulation here> they can choose to disregard the work and effort you put into this degree because of a technicality around the completion of a thesis, which for their info does not effect your graduate candidacy, just your graduate status.

Ooh, I like. *makes notes* :smile:

[snuffy65 1]

I didn't tell my family until a 6 months after getting my bachelors. They were pretty pissed. But I had a nice graduation party in high school so didn't want to waste people's time and money. I just don't see what all the hub bub is about graduating.

I rather Celebrate after graduating, when I got my high paying job :smile:

[travelgirl 3]

Lauren, it's YOUR graduation, if you don't want to walk, and your family is being a bunch of pissants about it, tell them this: I'm only walking for your benefit, not mine. If you would like to see me do it, this is the day. Otherwise, you won't be seeing me walk, because it won't be happening. YOU decide for me, since it's all about YOU anyway.

Congrats, by the way!

[anonemouse 1]

Lauren, it's YOUR graduation, if you don't want to walk, and your family is being a bunch of pissants about it, tell them this: I'm only walking for your benefit, not mine. If you would like to see me do it, this is the day. Otherwise, you won't be seeing me walk, because it won't be happening. YOU decide for me, since it's all about YOU anyway.

Congrats, by the way!

Thank you! I'll probably be teaching here through the summer (the department head asked me today if I'd be available if he can't get one of the profs with a PhD to do it), but I'm hoping to get out of this damn town ASAP, since I can finish my thesis from anywhere, as long as I have internet. Assuming I can find a job, of course. Which, so far, has been a problem. :smile:

[ELENATION 0]

I'm kind of pissed at my family right now. I was supposed to graduate from my graduate school in May, but I won't have my thesis finished in time. I've talked to the graduate school, and they said I could go ahead and walk in the graduation ceremony since I'd applied for it a couple of semesters ago and have everything but my thesis finished, and they'll just have the diploma mailed to me when I DO get the thesis finished and turned in. My parents are turning up their noses at it, saying that there's no reason to walk in May or send announcements to my relatives, since I'm "not really graduating."

Honestly, I just don't feel like going to the trouble of going to the registrar's office and the graduate school and filling out more paperwork just to move my graduation date (especially since I'm not sure when I'll be finished with my thesis), since the only reason I'm even walking in the ceremony in the first place is to make my family happy. If it were up to me, I wouldn't be going to a graduation ceremony, period. I had more than enough of standing for hours in uncomfortable shoes during my undergraduate graduation ceremony. It isn't like I'd get the actual diploma right then, anyway, even if I WAS finished with my thesis, since they mail them out 6-8 weeks after the ceremony.

So instead of being happy about going to my graduation ceremony, even if it is in name only, they're being fucking killjoys about it.

Laurend,

I don't like the whole walking in the ceremony either and I personally would love to avoid it, but we do sometimes all these things to please our families.... it gets old and we get tired of always doing things to please others, and I would tell you to just not walk at all, but if you do, which I can totally understand and I would probably do it myself, you should do it now, going through all the trouble of re-scheduling and everything else is not worth it, like you said, you aren't getting your diploma that same day anyway, so what's the point? just convince your family that it will be just fine doing it now and this way , otherwise there will be no walk at all and then maybe they will settle for that or nothing....:cursing:

[green 6]

I would take them at their word for this would be an excellent way of avoiding doing something you would not enjoy and would only be doing in order to satisfy them. Cancel your appearance, wear flat shoes, and have a drink instead.

Later on, when the family start bitchin about the missed graduation, tell them that that ship has sailed, and that they chose to miss the big event but that South Park is interested in the film rights to your graduation ceremony so they might get to see it afterall. Tell them that both Beyonce and Natalie Portman want to play you in the South Park version.

Green sez: There is nothing more fun than lying to family and you can do this while wearing comfortable shoes.

[green 6]

Elenation does propose a kinder, gentler way to manage the graduation question.

[ELENATION 0]

Elenation does propose a kinder, gentler way to manage the graduation question.

:cursing::lol:

Oh Green, when I read your answer I was laughing out loud! LOL! I LOVE your approach! and you know what, kinder and gentler don't work all the time, actually most of the times.... I can see Laurend going with yours baby!

[Marimaru 7]

I too think I would say "this day or no day" about the walk. You already conceded to do it for them once, I wouldn't bother with the effort to reschedule, because like you said, the ceremony doesn't *really* mean anything anyway.