Friends Question

[kimalicious 5]

Has anyone had the experience of the relationship with your group of friends changing? My friends are mostly the aquaintences I have had for years that I went out to eat with all of the time and we revolved everything around eating. Ex: We're going shopping, where do you wanna stop to eat?, We are going to have a Garage sale, who is supplying the lunch? , We are getting together to watch TV, who has the DP's and Snacks? My life revolved so much around food. When we go out we drink and eat or did at least before my band. I knew this band would change me and the people I am around would either like me or not afterwards. I had issues with these friends before the band and even more issues now that we don't have our food bond in common. All of these friends are overweight like me and they may get on a whim to try to workout or something, but are all just like me pre-band and fall off of the wagon once the weekend arrives. I just feel like my life is changing and I don't want to sound like a snob or anything, but I feel like I don't like the people they are anymore. They are bitchy, griping, cliquish, and all talk about everyone behind their backs and I just have no time for any of that in my life now. Do you think I am just having higher standards for myself because I have better self esteem from taking care of myself and my body??

I guess my question is how many of you had to give up friends because you no longer could do all of these pre-band things anymore if you are wanting to be sucessful with your band? Did anyone have fights or friends that were not encouraging whatsoever? Am I overreacting to this? I want to handle it by slowly walking away. Unfortunately, I am a very social person and feel like I am being left out of the loop with them now and know I need to just find some better friends, but that is easier said than done. It is so much harder to make good friends as you get older. I guess I should worry about me and my husband and that is it. It is just bothering me so much lately that I am out of the loop, but know I shouldn't even want to be in the loop as it is? God I'm confused!!

I'm sorry this was long...I just needed to vent and hopefully get some perspective to see if I'm just being bitchy myself.

[Alexandra 55]

Do you think I am just having higher standards for myself because I have better self esteem from taking care of myself and my body??

Yes.

A lot of people report similar changes in relationships with buddies, especially buddies who shared an affection for overeating. Once that activity is gone there may be little left to keep the relationship alive. People who stop drinking or smoking also find a change in their circle of friends comes along with the behavior change.

I don't think you're being bitchy, but maybe they are. Watching a close friend get a handle on a problem one shares can be very upsetting for some, and negativity or even hostility can be the result. There are all sorts of reasons why you and they may not be on the same footing anymore, but if you're really friends it will be worked through before too much longer. And if it's not, well, that will tell you something too about the nature of those friendships.

[La_madam 20]

I still go out with my friends and eat..actually it makes them eat healthier and better when Iam with them so in a sense it is good for them. Plus they get jealous I get all of the attention now...my turn has finally come and I am enjoying every single second of it!

How your friends are acting is out of pure envy or jealousy is how I see it. I have a co worker who out of 7 women is the only one who has not been supportive or encouraging, you know why? She is overweight, I am now smaller then her, I where a smaller size then her and now weigh less then her, she is jealous, Plain and simple ..all of my other co workers who are not overwieght have been so supportive and encouraging..Thats my take on it... You will know who your true firends are..the rest, kick to the curb!

[vinesqueen 2]

I totally agree with Alex. A lot of people find it really difficult to deal with change, and you are changing before their eyes. There may be an element of jelousy as well, because you are doing what they have not been able to accomplish.

[Vera 7]

I just go with the flow and have a snack. Hard to say.

The world revolves around food

But I do that with my kids cause they're on a schedule.

[HarleyNana 10]

I still go out with friends, I just always leave with a doggy bag. I've been blessed with good wishers, no sabotagers.

[the best me 6]

..Thats my take on it... You will know who your true firends are..the rest, kick to the curb!

Oh my gosh I'm cracking up!!!! Kick to the curb!!!! It's true though, sometimes, ya just gotta.

I feel so bad that you feel so left out of the group now. This could be a good thing for you, and time heals things. Always be kind and hold your head high. You will make it through this. They can either come with you on your new journey or you can go without them, either way, you are going. Don't turn back now! Good luck, and keep us LBT friends updated on how things are going. We're here for you!

[jqpublic 1]

I feel sorry for you..... It will get better maybe new friend's or the old will come around and see what they are missing your company! I had childhood friend's from grade school through age 18.they are still drinking, smoking & partying at the bar

two night's aweek, they always tried to push me into drinking... thats when I, desided

I' dident need them any more it's been nineteen year's now I still miss them...

Well good luck hope thing's work out for you!

Ps your health is the most importent.

[I'llsucceed 1]

Its true it is harder to make friend as we age. But that is typically because we have patterns that we conform to everyday. So I say "Switch It Up Girl" Change where you go grocery shopping, Change the route on which you take your walks. Find a different local park to go to. Take up a new class at the YMCA or local school. Try a pottery class once a week & open yourself up to new events. Maybe volunteer at the local fundraiser or walkathon. You'll have a new group of buddies in no time that will share something in common with you. As for the old group- why not ask one of them to join you in your new adverture? Good luck.

[DeniseG 3]

I am finding I am having this problem with my husband right now, and he is banded lol I have really been working on my weightloss, and he has not been as encouraged. He is constantly saying "Come on, let's go out to eat, one day of bad food isn't going to kill you" It has really been a downer for me. In the past I would have given in, but, now, even when we go out to eat I get something healthy. It is really bugging him because, I think it makes him feel better when I fall off the wagon when he does. Now, I am not giving him that power. (I don't want you to think he is evil or anything).

That maybe the same problem you are having, your old friends are not use to you saying no. It makes them feel guilty because they know they shouldn't be eating the junk, so they surround themselves with people who have the same issue.

I know for me, I am a closet eater--well was. I would want a piece of cake but, wouldn't eat it in front of anyone unless someone else was having a piece. Once they did...it was like I was a kid. She ate a piece that means I can have a piece too! If she hadn't eaten the piece, I wouldn't eat it then, but sneak it later.

[Guest MrsHumpher]

Odly enough this same thing happened to my husband and I after we had our son. We were the only couple in our group with a child and our other friends wanted to go eat really late or to a really late movie and didn't understand that we could not just drop off the baby at some family members house and run around all the time. We had to have a parting of the ways and our life has been better for it. We were stressing alot and it was hard on us to deal with it along with a new baby. Move on and you will find a lot more people who are positive and better for you mentally and phisically. You deserve better and your self esteem is telling you so.

Julie

[ladiebird 0]

Hi all

I have read this thread with great interest and have been nodding like mad in agreement at what people have written. Im a firm believer that sometimes we just grow out of relationships with certain people we meet during our lives. As we grow and age our way of thinking grows and ages with us. Our opinions change and therefor so do the people we spend out valuable time with. When we got banded we took control back over our eating and our lives. I know i dont seem to want to go with the flow quite so much these days. I seem to have more of an opinion about what i do and whom i do it with.

Love tracey

[Zoe 6]

Im a firm believer that sometimes we just grow out of relationships with certain people we meet during our lives. As we grow and age our way of thinking grows and ages with us. Our opinions change and therefor so do the people we spend out valuable time with. When we got banded we took control back over our eating and our lives.

What she said. . . Amen!

Most of us go through emotional growth spurts, I think, when a major event changes our perspective on life and ourselves. After such an upheaval, we just don't connect with some of the people in our lives the way we used to.

I've been lucky because my thin friends have been supportive and my fat friends are all dieting themselves. . . some are a little jealous, but we've been through enough together that it doesn't harm the strong friendship underneath it all. But like most people I've shed friends over the years either by accident (moving & just losing touch) or design, and I've been shed by others. It's rough, though, if you don't have many other friends around you at a time when an entire circle seems to be leaving.

Are there maybe one or two people in this group of friends that you still like a lot and feel you have something in common with? Maybe it's worth seeking them out. And if you're a cards-on-the-table kind of person and you think the friendships are worth saving, you could talk to your friends (probably one-on-one rather than as a group) to tell them what you're feeling and see how they respond.

I don't think you're being bitchy at all. Thanks for raising a serious issue shared by a lot of people here. Good luck, and let us know what happens.

[kimalicious 5]

I know i dont seem to want to go with the flow quite so much these days. I seem to have more of an opinion about what i do and whom i do it with.

Love tracey

That's mostly how I feel. I know this is all normal and natural and people change, it is just hard on me sometimes, mostly sometimes when they get to go out to eat and not care what they are putting in their mouth and it is so hard for me to watch and not be jealous of that even. Thanks for listening to me. I do agree with picking one or two I think will still be there for me and that is my plan now. This way I don't feel left out of everything. I know I'm just being a baby and there are brighter things ahead. The time in the middle is what is hard for me. Thanks for all of your thoughts on this!! I love finding the support we have on this board it makes me realise I will never be at a loss for supportive friends.

Kim