Feeling Guilty!!

[JadensMomma 0]

I am not yet banded, but I'm hoping to get my surgery date in the next few weeks. I started thinking about getting banded last July, but it took me until January to actually get serious. My problem is I feel guilty for getting the band, I sometimes feel like if I just worked harder, or was more commited, and stepped away from the candy bowl I could it on my own. I am 30 years old, 5'5'' and 240lbs. I have been at this weight for 5 years (since having my son) I have done other things to lose weight but nothing worked. Has anyone else dealt with feelings of guilt over getting the band?? :confused2:

[TerriDoodle 6]

Yeah, probably everyone on this board!

On the other hand... should a diabetic feel guilty for taking insulin? Should a man with one leg feel guilty about wearing a prosthesis? Should a woman with high blood pressure feel guilty about taking medication?

.... you get the idea....

[Coco6399 0]

Ditto to Terridoodle. I don't think you should feel guilty about taking the steps towards becoming healthier and living a life free of medical complications that accompany being overweight such as diabetes,high blood pressure, sleep apnea, heart disease. Be good to yourself and stay the course to becoming healthier by losing the weight. Lots of hugs to you. :smile:

[MerryHearted 20]

Yeah, probably everyone on this board!

Ya took the words right outta my mouth! :teeth_smile:

I don't feel guilty now. It was the right choice for me.

[mstrina27 0]

Yeah, probably everyone on this board!

On the other hand... should a diabetic feel guilty for taking insulin? Should a man with one leg feel guilty about wearing a prosthesis? Should a woman with high blood pressure feel guilty about taking medication?

.... you get the idea....

OMG I could not have said it better.... That's why i have taken so long to get to this point because i never follow thru and i say well im going to go to the gym like i should and eat less...drink more Water.. but u know before i had my son i lost 110lb and gained bk about 85lbs being prego with him... If i had the band then after i had him it would have been easier to loose it because i would have gotten fuller faster.. which would have caused me to loose weight... if you are never full or only full for 15-20 minutes at a time.. that why we all eat and gain weight.. so no you are not alone... I have read more on the lap band, gastric, wiring your mouth shut, actupuncture, hypnosis, and everything else that has to do with loosing weight. The only thing is, is that I really could not get people to tell me the truth when it came to the up's and down's regarding the procedures... and on LBT you get the good the bad and the ugly...and like i said in another thread... the before and after pictures of those that have been successful is AMAZING.... You ain't seeing this on good morning america...lol...it is not a magic bullet you still have to work at loosing weight but i feel that it will be a little easier if you are not always hungry and if you eat too much or too fast or dont chew you food good enough you will throw it back up... so without the band you can swollow half of a hot dog and nothing will happen...lol.. so i feel that it will definately help you... If you could have done it on your own you would not be here. I am right here with you... I have talked my self out of it too many times.. and I am going to go thru with it and i can't wait until i get my band date...

[aladdinwy3 0]

I also felt guilty...I am in the hospital now and have done all of the preop work, met the internist, the surgeon and am going in at 10:30 in the morning. This is not a easy way out but a tool to get your life back and under control, no one should feel guilty for taking control. I am 5'5 and 210, barely there, so yes I understand what you feel-but know after going through this and meeting other people this is the best decision I could make. Hang in there and think of it as taking back your life. Best of luck!

[coolcrystal 1]

I've never felt guilty over this decision. Hell, if I could have worked out and exercised like people said I should/could, I wouldn't have been almost 300 pounds. I was addicted to bread products and fast food.

I have never once felt guilty about getting it, only lucky that my insurance covered it and that there is a procedure out there for me. We really are lucky. And, I would say with the band, you are still doing 70% of the work. I exercise an hour a day and I can choose to eat crap food, but I don't. When I had no fill and was starving I could have had pizza and all that, but didn't. That takes willpower, so, you are not selling yourself short with the band. It will still take work on your part. It just gives you that little extra oomph to not overeat, it changes you mentally too. I actually want to work out and eat right. I never did before. Good luck! you'll love the band and don't worry about the guilt part, that will subside quickly!

[sweetrepose 1]

I have felt guilty too, but I am moving forward with this. Just think of it as a "tool" to your weight loss. You still have to work at it!

[Irish76 0]

JadensMomma.

When I first started looking into the surgery my family extended family said that they weren't behind me because it is too drastic a move. They said that I just don't try hard enough and that if I put my mind to it I could lose it by myself. Well, I thought about that for 2 months as I dieted and gained. So, I have made the appt to start the process and feel that a huge weight is off my shoulders (not hips, thighs, belly, arms or anyplace else though :scared2:). I am very grateful to this site for helping me along...everyone is great.

Hang in there with us, we'll all get through it. Keep us posted.

[smgallop 1]

Don't beat yourself up over this. I've occaisionally had thoughts like, " If I just didn't eat this or that, I wouldn't have to be banded too." What I've realized is that beating myself up doesn't help. I'm, doing the responsible thing by getting banded. I want to see my daughter graduate from college, get married, have her own children and grow old with my husband happily. In order to do that, I need to take drastic measures. I'm getting banded this Thursday. I've done all of the diets before, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Atkins, etc. I need a permanent solution. That's why I'm doing this. You should feel good that you are making a decision to better your health, feel and look better. So again, don't beat yourself up, you are doing something very good. You are taking care of your health.

[jomarie 0]

Hi,

In the mist of me trying to find the courage to finalize my surgery date I struggle with feelings of guilt or rather more like feelings of shame and weakness over not being able to lose this weight on my own and all that surrounds this whole weight thing that I have struggled with for so long. I keep thinking that I should just try one more diet before doing something so drastic. The flipside of all that are the moments I flashback over all of the diets I have tried over the past 35 years or so which have not been successful. Even though I know what it feels like to be overweight and don't like it, it's familiar and somewhat predictable. I'm just so afraid of the unknown, the pain and having something in my body which I have no idea what it's going to feel like. I just wish I knew what the lapband was going to feel like??? I'm also afraid that my family and friends will think I took the easy way out which brings on feelings and thoughts of shame and being flawed. The only thing that I do know for sure is that I don't want to be this weight this time next year. There are so many lapband success stories I just wish I could trust with confidence that I too can be one. Good luck to everyone on this same journey.

[hopefulmom25 0]

I too am not banded yet and sometimes am experiencing feelings of guilt. Unfortunately, they are at my DH's suggestion. He agrees the band is necessary, but has made it clear that he feels I just won't "exercise more and eat less calories" to lose it on my own. So then I feel guilty and question myself. But I know this is right for me. I've been big all my life, and I've reached a point where my health has really declined. Sometimes we just need a little help. We shouldn't feel guilty for trying to be healthier.

[enjoylife 1]

I was just banded on March 24, 2008. I don't feel guilty. There are some that would have me feel guilty. My mom is against WLS. I'm sure that she has her reasons and that she is concerned for my health; but it didn't feel good to hear her say, "Well I'm glad it worked out for you" the afternoon after my surgery. My dad on the other hand has been very supportive. I weighed 314.2 lbs on the day of my surgery. I was miserable and insatiable. I was always hungry. My knees and hips hurt all the time, My acid reflux was a killer, and I had no energy. Now I'm only one week and one day post op - but I fell great - well I'm tired right now because I'm back at work. But mentally I feel great. I am down 10lb and I am ready to do the work to help the rest come off - I am walking more now and will begin an exercise routine when I reach six weeks post op. Hang in there and go for it. No one should feel guilty for doing something to better their selves. This was not a cop out for me. It was not an easy decision. I was terrified. On the day of surgery I friend of mine (who was banded a year ago) said to me, "I am so proud of you. You're 70% there; the rest is up to you." That's how I feel. I'm proud pf myself. I hope you will be proud of yourself too.

[Desdemona 48]

Hi Diva--

Yes. I started feeling that way when I was around your age. I'm now 56 and much more over weight (from all those times I lost and regained and added more weight). I also have several weight related medical conditions. Fortunately most of them can be reversed with my current weight reduction and the lap band. The spinal disc disease can't be reversed. After many years of learning about obesity I have finally come to realize that it is a very complicated thing. I also can see that getting a lap band does not mean that I don't have to exersise restraint or change habits. It's just a tool that helps me to change. We DO have to put a lot of effort in if we are to reach our goal.

[aladdinwy3 0]

Hi there. I too felt the same way that you did. I was right at the border of the BMI of 35 and went through the emotional roller coaster you did. However I decided after reading so many posts by people that I had to do something to prolong my life and be happier and healthier for my children and husband. I had the surger 3/29 and I believe that it was one of the better decisions I have made in my lifetime. I am 33 and felt 60. I am on my way and have zero regrets. I look forward to each day with a different outlook and am already seeing the results of something I have tried to for 5 years. You have made the right decision and as long as you know that do not think of the opinions of others. This will help you be the person you want to be by making you healthier with more energy and a better lifestyle. Hang in there and continue to read the boards as they have the best information and personal stories. The other person that really helped me was my Patient Facilitator. She became a real friend and someone that helped me through each phase of feelings. It will be wonderful and a positive experience.

:purplebananna: