Having second thoughts -- AACK!

[LisaB411 0]

I was all set to go for my Apr. 11 banding, and now all of a sudden I am terrified! I'm afraid of something happening during surgery, which I know is unlikely, and I am really sad about probably never being about to eat bread again, which I admit is pretty silly. All I can think about is no more bread, no more Diet Coke, no more pizza. I know the benefits of the lapband far outweigh ability to eat bread, but I just can't shake the feeling I am making a terrible mistake.

Anyone else feeling this?

[losingjusme 12]

ive been banded for about 17 months. i can still have a SMALL amount of bread - if i chew well, i love thin crust pizza and to be honest, i've lost my taste for diet coke (used to almost need an IV drip.)

the band is one of the best things i've done for myself.

good luck

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

LisaB411 - I am having my surgery on April 10th. To be honest I am nervous too. Scared that something will go wrong in the OR, or with the anesthesia. Then I stop and think about what brought me here to begin with. I am sick and tired of being fat and unhappy. I know the band will not fix all of my problems. To me it is a tool that will help me be healthier and feel better about myself. Also, to me the benefits of truly being a part of my kids lives, instead of a spectator; being able to 100% enjoy sex without feeing somewhat inadequate; and hell, wear anything I want (just to name a few) outweigh my doubts. That's just my two cents worth...we're being bandid pretty close together. I'm here if you need a hand to hold...I'm sure I'll need one or two!

[truckoholic 0]

I have the same basicly unreasonable fears about the not being able to eat the stuff I like if I have it done. Every year for my birthday my mom makes a special kind of macaroni and cheese that I just love!!! It is my favorite food aside from pizza. And I think about how that tradition every year would change and how sad it would be that such a long standing tradition would be so drasticly changed if I couldn't eat it, or couldn't eat much of it. And I think about how much I love thick crust pizza and how on special occasions I wouldn't be able to Celebrate along with everyone else and eat half the pizza like I usually do because it tastes soooooo good, and together with lots of root beer!!

But then I stop and realize how pathetic that is of me. I realize how much food has become an entertainment device in my life. How important food has become to me. So controlling of my life that my only fear about having lap band surgery is that I wouldn't be able to eat the food I love so much anymore, or not nearly as much. And I think about that, compared to how incredibly good it would feel to be 100 pounds lighter, and I sit here and day dream about all the stuff I could do if I got rid of all this excess weight and how all of those thoughts and times that I think about have nothing to do with food, and far outweigh the goodness of any of the food. I don't picture myself being able to eat more because I am skinny. I don't picture myself being able to fit better on the bench at Pizza Hut so that I can better enjoy the pizza. Instead I picture myself able to ride a bike again. I picture myself able to Water ski. I picture myself sitting on an airplane and not getting so embarassed and crowded when someone sits in the seat right next to me and my fat is blobbing over the arm rest onto their side. I picture myself running around and playing with my future kids. I picture myself better able to make love to my future wife. I picture myself just not being so parnoid that everyone is looking at me and thinking negative things about me because I am as big as I am.

So you see. When you really think about all that stuff, and realize how much more meaningful it is in life than the ability to eat what food you like, you begin to kind of forget about the food issue.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find the comfort and strength you need to succeed!

[Lizalee 1]

Truckoholic - I read your post and go "yep, yep" -- well, for most of it (don't plan on having any more kids, etc).

LisaB411 - I too fear the complications, and the 'never being able to eat _____ (fill inthe blanks, since I love everything). But, Like Truckoholic, I have started to dream about everything I've missed out on in the past years of being fat... I too want to ride a bike again (especially w/ gas prices today!) I want to run and play and garden. I want to shop and buy nice clothes.

It took me a year to decide to have the surgery. The first time I read about the life style changes I thought, NO WAY. I could never do that! Only eat a 1/2 cup of food? Never get my money's worth of an all you can eat buffet? Skip pizza? It seemed too radical.

But over the following year, It was sitting in the back of my brain... Last fall, I revisited the whole issue, and decided it was time. What was I waiting for? At 50, my life is probably more than half over! When was I going to start enjoying myself? Was food that important to me?

The past 4 months have required life style changes in preparation for the surgery. I've lost a little weight, and I'm finding that I really don't miss eating large quantities of food as much as I thought. I still cheat -- and need more food than I'd like to feel satisfied. But that's what I'm hoping the band + proper fill will help me out with...less hunger, less food = weight loss!

I already feel better just loosing what I have. I can only imagine how great I will feel next year at this time!

I read a lot of studies and statistics to convince myself this was safe. My surgery is in about 2 weeks, and yes, I'm scared about the possible complications, pain, diet changes.

Maybe you're not emotionally ready for the surgery - you CAN cancel it! But, maybe you're just having the normal jitters...

There is risk in everything we do, every choice we make. Do the PROS of having surgery outweigh the cons? Only you can decide for yourself!

Good luck!

[Bea1128 1]

LisaB411 - You are not alone. Like everyone else has said, it is a huge lifestyle adjustment, but one that I am so ready to make. I want to be free of the hold food has on me. I want to be able to say, "no thanks" for once in my life. I too have struggled with my choice. It's something that I have seriously thought about for the past year. I've tried to educate myself through reading books, this forum, speaking with those who have gone before us, and my docs. Yes, we have to understand that this is surgery and there are risks with every surgery, but they are small. You have to trust your doc. If you don't, find a new one. LapBand is all my surgeon does all day everyday. He is banded himself as is most of his staff. The psychotherapist I saw has also been banded by him, so I really feel I'm in good hands.

I actually have nightmares about having a heart attack. It's a very real fear as I have a huge family history of heart disease and diabetes. I find it so ridiculous that I should be so afraid of something just because of my weight. I can do something about that. I want to be a better wife and mother. I feel so bad most of the time I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I'm cranky a lot and my poor kids are suffering. I want to be the active mom. I'm tired of feeling intimidated by the other moms at my daughter's preschool because they are all thin and healthy looking. I've applied to nursing school and if I don't get this weight off I will never have the energy it requires to be a mom and nursing student.

I feel, like the others, that the benefits far outweigh any risks that might be associated with this procedure. I consider this a gift to myself, the gift of life. I've lost 15 years of my life to this disease, I'm ready to break free. I hope you find the peace you need to get through the next couple of weeks. Good luck!

[Jo Skinnie 0]

Being nervous is normal. This is a lot to think about. It is a big change for life. I'm excited, nervous and happy all at once. I keep focusing on where I will be in a year from now. I can't wait!

[carol422 0]

I think that if we didn't have some of these thoughts, we would not be human. It seems unreal to be able to eat only 1/2 cup of food and be satisfied. But it can be done as we all have seen from reading the posts of the band veterans. They have done it and so can we!

We have made a committment to ourselves to get healthy, get off medications and not live in the fear that we will have a heart attack,or a stroke, get diabetes or any other illness that is out there that the odds increase with being morbidly obese.

Sometimes I too think "what the hell am I doing?" but I know that I can do this and we are in this together. I too have thought about all those get togethers with all that food....but I also think, what if I were not here to enjoy those get togethers with my family? Who cares about the food, it's my family that I'm doing this for. I have 4 adorable grandchildren and another one on the way and I WANT to be here to see them grow up. I want to enjoy them in the same way I've enjoyed my children.

If we can keep coming here to support each other, we will all be able to do this for us! Let's keep together, share our fears, share our success, whatever helps to get each other over the rough times.

[magic1127 1]

LisaB,

Does your doctor require a preop liquid diet? I'm being banded one week from today-Yikes!-so I've been on the liquid diet for a week already. I've completely lost my taste for carbs and diet pepsi. I won't lie, it was REALLY hard coming off that stuff. I had the worst headache and I felt like absolute crap for about 2 days. I guess it must be kind of like a drug addict withdrawing. Anyway, I get the impression that you may be able to eat some of your favorite foods once you're a few months post op...you just won't be able to go nuts with them anymore. That's what I'm looking forward to. Also, I went to before and after pics thread. If you need inspiration that this is the right decision, look at the smiles on the faces of the "after" pics.

Kim

[losing it in ne 0]

It is so normal to have all those fears especially when they tell you 50million things that could go wrong and unfortunately do sometimes. None of us want to give up what we think is special but I agree with Truckaholic just think of all the new things that may become favorites. Oh what fun just getting to try them or do them again. I get banded 4/10.

I am more scared of not knowing how to be a normal weight because I have always been overweight. What will I do, how will I act and heavens how will other people treat me. Bring it on though I'm ready to do this!:smile:

[ImWkgOnMe 0]

This thread really struck a chord with me. I can so relate to what you have all said, and I'm so relieved to know there are people out there who truly understand how I'm feeling! God bless you all.

[CinniMae08 0]

Bea1128- i soo agree w/ u and everyone else, it is time we take our lives and crappy self image thoughts back, I am always so affraid of what ppl r thinking of me and i dont want my kids to b ashamed of their mom being fat....I know a few ppl who have had the band a few yrs ago and they all say that after u are banded food is no longer an issue in your life...maybe then we can just focus on cute clothes and health....as I have alot of skinny clothes that i have kept for years since i had my kids and WILL wear them again.....Good luck to us all and GOD Bless.....Cindy

[Lisa65 3]

Ditto to everything ImWkgOnMe just said. This thread has struck such a chord with me and I can totally relate to everything that has been said.

I also wonder about how it will be at family get togethers - we have always focused on food. But like everyone else, I will just have to focus on the company and think about the fact that I am so thankful we can all be together and be as close as we are.

We will all get through these changes and make the necessary adjustments to our lifestyles, and be SO much happier in the long run. We can - and will - do this!

[jomarie 0]

I totally understand where everyone is coming from. At times I have moments of peace and clarity regarding my decision to move forward and be banded (either end of April or beginning of May, waiting to confirm) and then at other times I go through the same thoughts and emotions as mentioned in the above postings. The fear of the unknown is scary especially since one has no idea how his or her mind, body and soul are going to handle all the changes.

I have a big question which I hope is okay that I post here and would love some feedback (sorry I'm so wordy) because the following occurences also play a role in my fears and hesitation??? My surgeon's office staff is what I would consider less than helpful, cooperative and really bad at listening and communicating. When I left my last doctor's appointment I was told by a staff member that someone would call me to discuss surgery dates at which time I let the person know that once I was given a few date options I would need to run them by my sister (who has a really busy schedule) to see which date she is available because she will be taking me to and picking me up from the hospital. I was real clear; however, when I got home from the appointment I received a call saying congrats on your surgery date for the following Wednesday. The call took me by surprise especially since I had been extremely clear when I left the doctor's office as to what I needed to do before scheduling surgery. I told the nurse over the phone that I had yet to speak to someone regarding surgery dates at which time she told me somone would call me back. Later that afternoon I had yet to hear from anyone so I called the office back to let them know that if the week following the date the nurse has discussed with me is open I can do it that day. The person I needed to speak to was in a meeting so I left a message with the receptionist and was told she would call me back in 20 minutes. Well a week went by and I had yet to receive a call back but instead what they did do is leave a message on my machine late in the afternoon informing me that they had scheduled me for appointments the following day. Well I wasn't home until the day of the appointments so I called them back AGAIN and said that no one has gotten back to me regarding surgery dates and that someone had scheduled appointments for me that required 4 hours without even checking with me first. And the story continues with one miscommunication after the next, one more never receiving a call back or even a return of an e-mail. I've ended up feeling so upset and also concerned that if they are this poor at dealing with the stuff which I would think they are used to by now such as schedule surgery, etc. what would happen in the case of an emergency. I just feel like an office whose sole expertise is dealing with obesity and WLS should be better at what they do then this??? Feedback welcome. Again, sorry so long.

jomarie

[ImWkgOnMe 0]

JoMarie,

I'd be looking for a new doctor/surgeon, and I would let your current doctor know all your reasons why.

Best of luck to you!