I'm so ashamed and scared.....

[katie78 0]

As I sit here, (prebanded) eating a plateful of brownies...(I can't believe I'm admitting to this)(but I know we've all been here) and sobbing trying to type, I'm wondering....am I doing the right thing? My surgery date is 4-23-08, and I"m praying to God this is going to change my life. I don't want to eat this way anymore, but I DON"T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY OR COMFORT! I'm so tired of this!!!!!!!!!!! Will the band let me eat a pan of brownies??? I HOPE Not! I can't stop! I'm a HUGE emotional eater and I am in the process of getting a therapist to see once a week starting now, and to follow up with post op. I know I need help with some of the things inside me that make me wanna eat. Will the band really help control my portions????? I'm scared it won't, and I'll fail...once again, story of my life. I"m never full and find myself always eating. I"m scared of how I will need to change the way i eat, b/c I have such poor eating habits now, I'm scared I'll be banded and not know what the hell to eat! Can someone help, I"m REALLY struggling with this now that I got my date yesterday, I"m scared shittless, I don't know any other way than this.....please help me.....

[Wheetsin 714]

Answers in blue...

Will the band let me eat a pan of brownies??? I HOPE Not! It will until you're properly restricted. Even then it would still be possible if you took your time, and or did something to liquefy them, or ignored the pain/consequences, or.... There is a big element of having to own your weightloss & food choices with the band. I can't stop! I'm a HUGE emotional eater and I am in the process of getting a therapist to see once a week starting now, and to follow up with post op. I know I need help with some of the things inside me that make me wanna eat. Will the band really help control my portions????? When you're properly restricted, you will likely have to control your own portions or face the consequences - pain, having to bring food back up, etc. Most people find they reach a "full" sensation on very small portions. That doesn't mean the band makes you pay attention to this sensation, and stop then. This is a change you will have to make. It has a learning curve, for sure, but most people get there. I'm scared it won't, and I'll fail...once again, story of my life. I"m never full and find myself always eating. I"m scared of how I will need to change the way i eat, b/c I have such poor eating habits now, I'm scared I'll be banded and not know what the hell to eat! Your surgeon will (should) provide you with a detailed diet to follow after surgery, itemizing what you can eat until you reach the point of "as tolerated". Can someone help, I"m REALLY struggling with this now that I got my date yesterday, I"m scared shittless, I don't know any other way than this.....please help me..... Most people are scared for surgery, and full of doubt and second-guessing themselves. All I can say is that it's normal to have mental or emotional turmoil, and to go with the decision that you feel is right for you.

[Nursienicole 0]

I have to admit I am with you. Although I didn't have a plate of brownies today I have in the past and today while I am sipping my medifast the office was having a bd party and passing around cake I wanted to cry, but I keep reminding myself it is worth it. I am scheduled 4/28 for my band and still have 10 pounds to lose but I am trying hard. I understand it will get better and as far as I know, no you won't be able to eat a plate of brownies post op, and if you do you definitely won't want to do it again. Remember...you are not alone... I for one am right there with you.

[Brandy~ 2]

The band is a tool and only a tool. If you can't help yourself then the band cannot help you. Thats harsh but we all got here for bad food choices and for some bad life choices..

Put the brownies down, pick up the phone book call a therapist, then go for a walk (without food).

Helping yourself starts now not the second the bands on. You will be a sliming and PB mess if you try this once you're banded and have restriction.

[katie78 0]

Thank you so much, I know there is people out there like me, I just can't believe how much i rely on food, seriously it scares me! We'll just have to be there for each other! NURSE we are close in our dates huh??? Keep in touch!

[gadumplin 1]

I'm not yet banded but I know we only have two ways to go on the scale...... up or down!!!! Going down is the healthiest choice and will give us freedom from this extra baggage we are carrying. I see you with 2 beautiful children who will enjoy playing and running with their mommy more than you are enjoying those brownies and I bet you will to. I understand , too am afraid of failure but that is because we have tried so hard on our own...the band will be a tool to help us through the times when we couldn't or wouldn't stop on our own. Don't be ashamed we all eat too much or we wouldn't need a band. Hang in there and good luck with whatever you choose.

[GreenChrysalis 1]

As a fellow emotional eater I can relate to this. I really can. I have been there and I know how hard it is.

But here's the thing. Even after you're banded, you'll have a choice. If you want to eat around your band, you will find a way. The band can make you think but you can choose to ignore what it is telling you. It is only a tool. It is not a quick fix. It won't get rid of whatever leads you to eat emotionally.

That's why I am glad that you are getting a therapist and I hope this happens for you ASAP. If you choose to work with your band, it can help you with Portion Control. Your surgeon will give you guidelines as to what you can eat after you are banded.

You have to change how you think about food. It is no longer your best friend; it is there to fuel you. You can enjoy it, but you can't look to it for comfort, love and entertainment. You have to find new ways to deal with your feelings and hopefully therapy will help you there. I write a lot, read, take walks, call someone, come to LBT.

It is completely normal to be anxious and scared as the surgery date looms closer. Only you can decide that you want to take control. We are here to support you and many of us have been where you are. Take care!

[travelgirl 3]

You've gotten some great information already. The only thing that I will add is that most people are scared shitless before surgery, no matter what type of surgery it is. This surgery even adds another element of "unknown" because it WILL change your life afterwards, and we are creatures of habit. We don't like change. We find it hard to embrace change. So yeah, it's understandable for you to be scared. The day before my surgery, I cried all day. My family thought that I was scared of having surgery, but really, I was afraid of the "unknown" on the other side. Come to find out, it's just a new way of being normal.

I hope this helps.

[Danni 0]

Hi Im being banded on the 22nd April thats 3 of us who are so close in dates. Its so scary and exciting at the same time. I have my doubts also. My mum was banded 4 weeks ago and is doing really well. She was a huge emotional eater. She always used to feel hungary but the band has helped her tremendously and she has lost 18kgs so far. I cant wait for mine to be done.

Good luck with it all

Danni

[jayme 0]

I'm hoping my band date will be at the very end of April. Let's stick together! I have all the same feelings, fears and I've been obsessing about this decision for awhile. I know it's the right move and I could use all the support I can get!

[mstrina27 0]

Ohhh baby must I tell you that you are not the only one that goes thru this.. as you can see.. I have been there sitting there eating junk food like the cup cakes and chips not just 1 im talking about the entire box...and at the same talking about how fit i wanted to be, and could not find the motivation to get up and do something about it. But i had it out with myself. When i say that i had it out.. You would have thought i was going off on someone in the room but i was actually looking at myself in the mirror. Saying don't you dare complain about your weight and you are stuffing crap in your mouth. How hard is it to back the hell up. Are you really really tired of being left out, mistreated, and not noticed are you... then after that of course while crying my eyes out.. I had to realize the real reason why i loved to eat and over eat and act as if no one noticed that i had eaten a lot of crap like i wasen't gaining weight. I realized that my hurt was deeper than a cup cake.. it started from me keeping secrets as a child and never telling my mom of family members touching me when they shouldn't have and me thinking that i was going to get in trouble if i did tell, and that if they were going to be nice to me then hey i wont say anything. Of course that was the wrong thing to do, so instead of facing what i was going thru and or tell i would supress those feelings and try and make them go away by eating and thinking no one has noticed yet.. Now I have never to this day ever told my mother what happened to me as a child. She passed away the day after thanksgiving 2006 not knowing however i had to face it myself. I looked in the mirror and told myself that I am worth it. I did not deserve to be treated like that and that they were wrong for doing what they did to me, and the only reason i was forgiving them for violating me was so i could be released and move on with my life. Now don't get me wrong it was a process a long one however i can say that i did it.. it is much deeper than overeating because we love food there are always underlying issues to why people do what they do. Not saying that you were abused or anything but mental abuse is just as bad... Once you face those demons you can then cut the head off and they will no longer haunt u any longer...and what ever you put your mind too you will be able to acomplish it... Because at that point what will you be afraid of... everything is out in the open...

Edited March 27, 2008 by mstrina27

[DixyChixy1966 0]

You so are not alone - I am exactly the same way and know all too well how you feel. It is scary as all get out but worrying about "what ifs" sure is not going to help! Just focus on what you are working towards - a healthy new lifestyle and remain positive in this goal....I am right there with you...can't imagine not having food as my crutch but I'll be darned if I am not going to give this all I have got - I am a single mum and want to be around for years to come for my kids!

Don't let those demons get to you, just know we are all out here fighting the same battle and we will suceed if we give it an honest effort!

Give yourself a hug, tomorrow is a new day with renewed hope!

[Long2BFree 12]

I could've almost written this post myself. This morning I was getting stressed because I kept thinking that I'm going to fail one more time. I'm an emotional eater too and the nutritionist was very concerned with this came out at my appointment with her. Unhappiness in my job becasue of a negative atmosphere and feeling guilty for not getting to be at a stay at home mom along with other things that come along with that send me running to food after work on an almost daily basis. I go into the bathroom at work and cry everyday that I'm there. The nutritionist told me that I need to find a different release or else there will be problems with the band. I've been actively been applying for other jobs and have signed up for a class to deal with stress.

I hope you get in with with a good psycologist so you can start dealing with the issues.

YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

[jbflorida 1]

I imagine that a lot of the fear right before the surgery is really GRIEF. We are saying good-bye to our dear, reliable friend--not just food, but the kind of food we ate and the way we ate it. It may have been the one thing in life that we could depend on being there.

But it's kind of like when an abused child wants to return to the abuser. It's what we KNOW.

But I am a grown woman and food no longer serves me. As much as I do enjoy it, the way I eat is making me unhappy, matronly, shameful, and yes, it is killing me.

My mantra is--WHO AM I KIDDING? Could I have a stroke? absolutely. Could I gain another 100 lbs? Probably. Could I die from this way before my time? I'm already on that road.

I've had enough. I am ready to live a different way. I want to. I deserve it! I've been healthy (thinner) and I've been obese. I choose health now. I'm tired of having my weight "color" every aspect of my life, every thought. This just doesn't serve me!

And so, I am making plans for my life change. First, I will grieve and mourn the loss of the fat me and the way I ate....and ate and ate. I will cry and wonder and write in my journal and read LBT and learn from my new "family" here. And then I will begin my next chapter. When I feel a temptation, I will be ready with the thoughts of, "I used to be like that. Not anymore."

I also know that I am human, but I am going to try my best...when my mind is made up, I plan on being successful! So there!

Who's with me?

[rosforme 0]

You are definitely not alone......we have all eaten and afterwards felt the shame and disbelief that how could I have eaten an entire half gallon of ice cream in 24 hours....then comes the shame, blame and disgust which just makes you want to eat again. One word.......get a therapist .....find out how to think without food and to actually feel your emotions. I've spent most of my life disconnected and without someone to tell me whether I'm doing it right or n ot. Emotional eating is ironic because you aren't feeling the emotions - the food is the replacement - you will need to find new replacement - I won't tell you to take a walk (ha) - replace it with new adventures - for me it will be sitting in seats on airplanes, broadway or theater without the arms digging or getting wedged in. Post your date big and bold on the calender, get a therapist and ask God to bless you and give you the strength. I believe God placed the book Fighting Weight in my hands for a reason... to save my life. You are saving your life....:thumbup: