Brigham and Women/Faulker Hospital

[thinkingaboutit77 1]

Hey everyone, just wanted to say hi.

I'm not doing so well on this journey. Life has been so chaotic. I'm in the process of buying a house among all the normal chaos of being a working mom of 2 kids. My dad and my brother have been sick and they are ok now but it was very stressful! I know it's not a good excuse but I eat anything and everything I want. The scale flucuates between 5 pounds every week but at least i know when I've been really bad, to cut it out for a few days and i come back down.

I know this is just a tool, but was really hoping it would be easier. I'm at 5 cc's and am terrified to go further even though I need to. I canceled my last fill almost 2 months ago and still haven't called to reschedule, basically out of fear. I can eat anything and everything and still feel like i didn't have surgery most days. It's just wrong.. ha ha

Not looking for sympathy, cuz i know I'm the only one that can do this for me, more of a venting note. I really should make it to the next meeting. I'm hoping to find my motivation again soon.

Hope you are enjoying this weather. :thumbup:

[nomadem 1]

Hey everyone, just wanted to say hi.

I'm not doing so well on this journey. Life has been so chaotic. I'm in the process of buying a house among all the normal chaos of being a working mom of 2 kids. My dad and my brother have been sick and they are ok now but it was very stressful! I know it's not a good excuse but I eat anything and everything I want. The scale flucuates between 5 pounds every week but at least i know when I've been really bad, to cut it out for a few days and i come back down.

I know this is just a tool, but was really hoping it would be easier. I'm at 5 cc's and am terrified to go further even though I need to. I canceled my last fill almost 2 months ago and still haven't called to reschedule, basically out of fear. I can eat anything and everything and still feel like i didn't have surgery most days. It's just wrong.. ha ha

Not looking for sympathy, cuz i know I'm the only one that can do this for me, more of a venting note. I really should make it to the next meeting. I'm hoping to find my motivation again soon.

Hope you are enjoying this weather.

thinkingaboutit sorry to hear about all the stress you are going through...that IS a lot to handle. And yes It is HARD. But guess what you can do hard things. :thumbup: Believe me we understand. It sounds like you do need that fill. Knowing that there is usually a wait for an ideal time for an appt, maybe you can call now and book it for when you think they house stuff will be over? Then you can have that to look forward to? In the mean time try to do follow what band rules (chew chew chew, no drinking with meals, Protein first, etc) you can, so that you will master those skills.

[singingintherain 1]

Well, it will be one year next month since I have been banded.

Has it been successful?

Would I recommend it to those asking me about the Band?

I don't think so.

Last visit to the surgeon I was refused a fill because my band was pretty tight..BUT I am hungry all the time.

So, of course I tend to eat high calorie foods.

I have gained back ALL the weight I lost and am now back to square one.

The band does work for some, but for me ...I still feel hungry. The food I eat is low carb and good and fresh, but since I am hungry, I up the amount. I can even hear my stomach rumbling not long after I eat and there is that physically hungry feeling in my stomach..

For months I have been following your journeys over this thread and salute you who have found success with the Band!

I regret not having RNY and definitely would if I could.

Regards and Best wishes to all the Faulkner/Brigh Bandsters.(hope to see Luv-2-teech running next Monday's marathon! You go girl).

Singingintherain

Edited April 13, 2010 by singingintherain

[notateechanow 7]

Singing,

I'm so sad that this has been your experience, but know that there are many like you---in fact, my primary care doctor warned me that I would likely end up in the same situation and strongly advised me to have GB instead. Would you consider having that at this point and having the band removed? I respect and more importantly, really appreciate your honesty about your experience. I'm wiling to wager that there are far more like you than will admit--many who just drop off out of disappointment.

You also sound as if you've got a full plate personally. I'm sorry your surgeon wasn't more supportive. Have you met with the dietician to see if maybe the "diet" you're following just isn't working for your body, in hope of adjusting it for you? I hate being hungry--I have days that I'm hungry but my band won't allow me to eat and I end up resorting to mashed potatoes and shakes from McD's. NOT band friendly, I realize, but it's what stops the hunger....

I won't be running any marathons. To be entirely honest, I've lost a lot of the wind in my sails and become rather complacent. I ran two 5 K's. I don't really want to do it again. I'm not gonna lie---it's pure torture. I haven't lost any more weight since last year, but maybe about 5 pounds. I still hate running. I'm having surgery on my foot at the end of summer and hope that it will at least make walking/running more comfortable for me.

I do have a little PSA for all of you---Laffy Taffy is NOT band friendly. Yep---had some left from the Easter baskets and it just smelled sooooo good. It looked like I ate the poor Easter bunny. Came out looking just like it went in, colorful and all! Gross!

Hope you're all having a good week. Singing, is there any chance that---when life stops being so complicated---you'll give the band another shot? If not, would you consider GB? A good friend of mine had it just last week and is very pleased thus far....but then again, we all had that honeymoon period. Keep smiling and be sure to make time for yourself. Sounds like you need it!! :thumbup:

[heidib 15]

Thinking~You said you were afraid to get a fill. Why? because you haven't lost weight in awhile?

outit77

[BlueSamurai 0]

I just want to say that I think it is incredibly courageous for people to come on here and discuss their troubles. Nobody ever likes to admit anything bad about themselves, let alone on a public forum. It shows great humility and grace.

To those that are struggling, I know I am new to the "scene", but I just want everyone to know that I am pulling for them to do well and get back on track. I am a big believer that things happen for a reason and that whatever does not kill us only makes us stronger. We have all made a major decision to improve not only our lives but our loved ones as well. You have done it before and I guarantee you most assuredly CAN do it again!

Take Care Everyone!

P.S. - Had my first fill with Dr. Robinson on Monday. Not as bad as I thought. No pain etc. Still losing weight 6 weeks post-op. Got 4cc's in my 14 cc band. I actually had no idea what size band I had. Everytime I went to ask, I completely spaced out and never did. He probably told me weeks ago anyway. Trying to schedule another appointment in a months time. Hoping to lose 12-15 lbs. before then........

[singingintherain 1]

Good to receive a reply from you, notateech, but I KNOW you are not where you were as your 'before ' photos show. You've come a long way.

Would I have GB? If I could have the band removed tomorrow and have GB the same day, I would grab a comb and toothbrush and hop in a taxi! Pronto! But, Harvard Pilgrim is not gonna do that if there is no cause like GIRD or something showing that the band is a failure for me. $$$$ that I don't have.

Diet. I have followed P's guidelines and get HUNGRY! So I eat.

I see her sigh (unconsciously)when I walk in the door of the waiting room and she grabs my chart..

I chose Banding because reports of GB being so 'high risk' and the severe hair loss but I made the wrong choice.

It is not my Dr's fault. He performed the surgery perfectly, put me in the hands of the dietitian and the rest was up to me. BUT...it doesn't work for me.

Don't get me wrong..there are MANY who are successful with their band (although I do believe that MOST are biting the bullet and living with that gnawing, hungry feeling throughout the day)

If I had my band removed today, my appetite and eating would be the same as it is now with a full band.

The thread is great for info on what to expect for pre band prep and immediate post op care,and I thank the gal who started it. I was prepared for my procedure and pre=op testing by these posts here. .........However,

I would LOVE to hear from others who have had success with their band..those who have had the band for a few months are doing fine. The weight comes off , support abounds at that stage, and all is well.

I am referring to those who are Post band about 10 months - a few years or more. What is happening with YOU?

Would I get the band removed and have GB? Yep..tomorrow if I could!

Edited April 14, 2010 by singingintherain

[nomadem 1]

sing I too appreicate your honest...most of the time all you hear is how great WLS is when the reality is far from the truth. Ive had a VERY hard road with major complications and I tend to bite my tongue bc people dont want to hear it. That being said I too thought the band would take my hunger away and honestly it only did right after surgery and a few times the day I had a fill. Every pound lost was a struggle and Im still not done. Whats the magic formula? Still figuring that out as Im sure most people on the weight loss journey are.

Keep in touch and DO NOT GIVE UP

[singingintherain 1]

Hey there tinywishes...great to hear from you.

I am not giving up..I can't as long as this band is in me....It still let's me know it is there at times in many ways.

Right now , I don't know what to do and am trying to decide whether I am going to eat foods that have little nutritional value and are like sawdust , yet filling, or to eat well and plentiful to stave off the hunger between meals and gain weight in the eating....

I don't know.

I quit going to the Support meetings because the topic was always geared to Pb-ing or pre band or immediate post band support. And that has it's place in the journey. Fine.

The Faulkner/ Brigh 'support' program needs TWO(2) monthly

sessions, IMO.......some reading will laugh at this , I know...but only IMO..at the hospital there needs to be a 'support' group for those who have been

banded for a while . Not just an extension and continuation of the informational session. An actual SUPPORT group where those of us not finding the success we were seeking for can freely share our honesty and add small tips to help each other 'fight hunger'. ..and not hold back for fear of offending someone who is pre-band (yet who may be successful after many months/years).

Through a craft blog I met another gal across country and I mentioned that I had the band and she also had one for a few years and was encouraged to go for a fill and is now back in the fight against her hunger finding renewed help from her 'dormant' band and is losing again.

It showed me that support AND HONESTY in the same post banded stage is critical if one wants to stay 'active'.

Hang in their gal.The Band is still a part of you.

still 'singingintherain'

[notateechanow 7]

Singing--

I "came" upon this website and really relied on it when I felt like I couldn't make this thing work. Tiny can attest (we talk about our frustrations....) that this has been anything but easy. The last 2 or 3 support groups have actually been about our frustrations and disappointments. I understand that the group wasn't meeting your needs, but please know that we've all been frustrated and disappointed by our bands at one point or another.

I don't often get hungry any more. I know that sounds so unrealistic to you, but it's true. My problem is that I love to eat. It's unconscious and completely out of control when I start bingeing. The band doesn't keep me from doing that. For a while I worried that the band has allowed me to be bulimic. While I have managed to keep a lot of my weight off, I EASILY gained nearly 20 pounds over Christmas when I didn't take the time to focus on myself---THAT is one of the things that really separates you and I....Singing, I'm single. I don't have many responsibilities. I come and go and do my own thing. I don't take care of anyone but me. People like me are bound to be successful because we have the time and energy to devote to ourselves, not our families, kids, etc....no one brings home food that I shouldn't eat. I workout because I feel guilty not doing it---certainly not because I enjoy it. I do it because otherwise I have nothing to do after work til it's time to go to work again in the morning.

One thing that really helped me when I was struggling was to start going to a counselor. I needed help with my emotions that drove me to eat. I ate A LOT. I ate when I stressed, when I was happy, when I was sad---and I turned to food when I thought it would make me feel better. Counseling is covered by my insurance. I realize it's not for everyone, but with all you have going on, it might be nice for you to have someone who HAS to listen to you.

The band will be there for you----when I suggested talking to P, I was thinking more along the lines of really picking her brain for a plan that works with YOUR body. She was super helpful when I needed to tweak the lap band "diet". It didn't work for me, plain and simple. I needed far more Protein (and if you're hungry, it's likely YOU do, too!) and more carbs. She's good about playing around with the different combinations to help find something that will work for your body. We're all here for different reasons, and one plan will not work for everyone.

Keep up the fight. Just be sure to make time for yourself. :cool:

[JayinMA 1]

I didn’t post this earlier because this board was a place for hope and optimism and I didn’t want my failures to bring the hopes down. Currently I find myself spiraling out of control and just waiting for the happy release when I hit the ground. I started this band process in October of 2008, today, I’m down 3lbs since then. That hurts, and what hurts more is that it’s not the band, it’s me. I eat the wrong things because they’re convenient and because they’re there. I don’t live alone, so there are things in my house that are easy to eat that are wrong and I know they’re wrong but I do it anyways, and then I hate myself for it. And I don’t know why I can’t stop doing that. I don’t want to admit these things at a group meeting because… what the fuck? How is that even possible? What kind of person knowing makes the wrong choice and gets depressed over it, only to repeat the cycle hours later? That’s psychotic and that’s what I find myself doing. It’s painful and stressful to sit and think horrible things about yourself after every meal. And I know, before you say it, I know that I should just make the right choice, but even I don’t know why I don’t. Please believe that if it were just that simple I would already have done it.

I’m exhausted all the time. I have one full time job where I have to work as hard as possible every minute to prove myself as there seems to be some kind of stigma against younger workers that they’re lazy and ineffective. I have two part time jobs so I can help out my parents, who aren’t doing so great right now. I take three classes so I can finish my undergrad degree, and I’m exhausted. I’m also exhausted from being disappointed in myself when food comes. I’m not giving up, and I want to win this fight, but I’m so exhausted that I don’t know when I can.

I find it complete bullshit that alcoholics and people addicted to drugs get sympathy and drug programs and get to take leave of absences from their jobs to work out their problems, but they can avoid liquor when they’re done and they can have prescriptions that keep them from detoxing, but overweight people face food everyday multiple times a day and the support is…. Only from other people fighting alongside you. We all have the people in our office who put candy on their desk or encourage us to make bad choices, and ultimately those choices are our own to make, but could you imagine finding out a coworker was an alcoholic trying to remain sober and you put out a little bowl of nips? Maybe the parallels are only in my head.

I have meetings schedule with Dr. R. and Phyllis and they frighten me because this struggle with weight is the one thing I’m not completely honest about. I want to pretend that I have it all under control and that it’s not controlling me. I need to control everything and this is the one thing I can’t and it makes me feel powerless and at its mercy. Beating this will be my greatest victory and sense of control, knowing that If I get it under control, I can handle anything, but until then it’s my biggest fear and insecurity. When we line up on the battlefield, I have my brain and my band, and the opposing side has found a way to neutralize my brain and the band just isn’t designed to win on its own. Until I can fix that, I will lose, and hate every minute of it.

I’m sorry this was so long.

[Tova 0]

I think what we all have to remember is that we did not get into this situation overnight and by itself. Everyone of us has different reasons as to why we look the way we do now and what our struggles are. Also, we all deal differently with our struggle.

As I can only speak for myself - I am a perfectionist!!! I am either perfect or not!!! I am counting the days to see Dr R in two weeks to finally get my refill. I am trying to keep my head above Water and not get upset that since my unfill I am starving and actually eating ( which is more than I have been doing since I got the band). Lets not mention that fact that I have weight!!!! I feel that this unfill that I got is teaching me not to take my band for granted and to stay focused and use it properly. I personally believe that when I stay positive it helps me stay focused and on track, so as hard as it is I am really trying!!!:thumbup:

I finally also made an appointment with Phyllis - seeing a nut keeps me again focused since I have to account for my weight to someone else.

I am also committing myself to being more vigilant about the gym and walking during my lunch break.

I am very proud of my success and how it has made me feel physically and emotionally. These are two main reasons why I am trying to stay positive and get back on track.

I am sorry about peoples disappointment and wish everyone alot of success, but unfortunately there is no magic pill or procedure. This is our lot in life and we have to do the best with it.

Tova:thumbup:

[notateechanow 7]

Jay, I'm so glad you finally posted. I was hoping Singing would somehow get your input. Let me begin by telling you both that this band hasn't changed--in any form--my compulsion for eating. The only thing separating my weight loss from yours is my ability to stop being such a perfectionist. During one of my many stints at Weight Watchers, I remember a leader telling me we're all perfectionists or we wouldn't be overweight---we all suffer from the "start on Monday" or "I made a mistake so the day is shot" syndromes. Jay, you've made a lot of progress lately that you failed to acknowledge in your post. Even if you've been able to keep record of your calories or kept certain behaviors under control for a little while, you've at least made those attempts. I hear both you and Singing saying something similar---that you both have huge responsibilities that are overwhelming. Let's be honest---none of us wants to be fat or we wouldn't be in this situation. You've made a commitment to yourself long enough to be banded---but other responsibilities have taken the focus you once had on yourself and placed it elsewhere. Jay, I'm really glad you've continued to go to the support meetings. Even if they haven't helped you lose weight, I hope they have helped you to realize that we're all very similar in most facets of this experience.

I wish I could give you all a magic potion and make this go away. Honestly, I remember so well numerous times in my life when I believed I'd rather eat myself to death than have to face this horrible fat life for another day. Jay, I know we've talked about counseling---and I do recognize many people don't believe in it, but I hope you'll talk with someone--if for no other reason than to understand why you're eating and maybe the triggers in that. If you can isolate and avoid a few of the triggers, it will at least give you a small sense of control. Let's not sugar coat this---we all have major control issues or we wouldn't be in this position. It's how you choose to address those issues that separates us. I found that staying on a nearly liquid diet for the first year worked for me. Yep....sounds drastic, but it worked. I needed results to keep me going. I couldn't deal with the frustration of having had this and not losing weight. I couldn't fail at this too. I've certainly failed at EVERYTHING else I've tried.

I just hope that Jay and Singing come to realize that we all have far more in common than things that separate us---but the thing that determines whether or not you're successful with this is whether or not you eat and the quantities you consume. It really is all mathematical. Sure, there are factors that will vary, such as how your body metabolizes food, but we were subjected to so many tests prior to surgery to be sure there aren't metabolic or physical reasons for our obesity. That leaves only 2 other reasons---psychological and behavioral.

I think you'd find---even if you had GB, you'd be patients who eventually gained the weight back. Until you change your eating behaviors, you'll never have success. You've heard it a million times, but the band is merely a tool to provide you some control. If you choose to circumvent it (consciously or unconsciously) then it won't work.

I share your frustrations and believe we all do. I have the utmost respect for your honesty and your willingness to put yourself out there and share your stories. Most of us won't do that. I appreciate it more than you know. Jay, I believe that acknowledging what is really going on is one major step in facing this demon---and you've been working at that. While YOU may not notice the change, the past few meetings have been progress. Every time we see you, your attitude has changed slightly. You can BS about what you're really doing behind closed doors, and only you know what's really going on. If you want support and help, we're here for you. I hope you'll come to realize we're not all about butterflies and smiles. We're fellow fighters in this battle who have had some amount of success with the same fight. Good luck---face this one meal, one hour at a time. You'll have far more success if you cut yourself some slack. :thumbup:

Edited April 15, 2010 by notateechanow

[singingintherain 1]

Jay..great to hear from you!

You say you lost 31 lbs. I consider that GOLDEN. If I could lose that and keep it off I would be so thrilled with my accomplishments.

Presently I am sprucing up the back yard. Lugging those huge bags of soil around is just what I am lugging around on my body in fat and I salute you as well as the others who have recently posted who have lost at least that much and maintain the loss.But that is not the goal by any means..just the beginnig with all my tonnage.

Tova, I congratulate you..keep on!

You have a very very busy life, Jay. I can see why you would grab fast food or something the eye falls on when you tumble into the house after work..or even during the stress at work. The workplace is so stressful now. And when others see that you are trying to lose weight, they seem to always have food for you. I get that at home.

Yes, I am also a perfectionist and if I don't do 100% I feel I have failed 100%. But as P said to me, when all is said and done,at the end of the day it is CALORIES.

My neighbor says..'stop eatin'. Period.

It is behavior.

Jay and notateech,what you are saying makes so much sense about behavior. I used to be a 12 stepper and am seriously considering going back. (I call them the Food Police..I had the sponsor from ($%#@). They are not that friendly toward those who have had WLS .But the program deals with behavior and that is what I need again it seems. I am back to step 0.

My dilemma.

Or shall I call '1-$$$-JENNY" ?

OK..my honesty is going to discourage others who are starting out or are doing fine..(there are those who are successful with their band and I envy them.,) so I will shut up. But I think dieters have lived an entire lifetime void of honesty with the self and others, so it is important to be honest..and it is risky to be honest. And my honesty is saying "I am working with my band filled to capacity and I am still hungry!".

Some may say.."misery loves company'. No.

The key word is not 'misery'(although that IS involved).

The wordS I think of this morning are HONESTY,

ADVANCEMENT(not the perfectionist word 'success'),SUPPORT,and

ENCOURAGEMENT(not happy-clappy- pom-pom either)

OK OK I will shut up 'cause I will get bounced from the board.

And today I will once again try to be true to my Band and work with it, trying to really 'catch' what makes me 'eat' before I cram it in..And live with the hungry feeling I have.

(one is to do Netflix at night rather than tv with all those food commercials)

OK off to experience the day. As long as this band is a part of me I have to try and work with it even though it has its limitations. It's an ongoing battle!

[nomadem 1]

thank you for the great posts my friends. I appreciate your honesty and I too share the same struggles.

I really like when notatee said " We're fellow fighters in this battle who have had some amount of success with the same fight."

Edited April 15, 2010 by tinywishes123
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