Funny Fat Stories

[jnbwilds 0]

I'm thinking one of the best benefits of weight loss is being able to look back on things that used to make me cry, and now are oddly funny. So perhaps we can share some of our funniest or most embarassing fat stories. I'll start with my worst one, just to get things going.

About 4 months ago, as I was happily eating my way toward 300 lbs, DH and I noticed that the toilet seat in our master bath was getting wobbly. I told him it was probably just old, because it had been there since we bought the house 8 years ago (although secretly, I knew the thing just couldn't handle my lardy arse anymore!)

So he replaced the seat. That very day, I went to use the potty on the new sturdy seat, and when I sat down, the thing actually cracked in half!! :huh2:

Imagine my embarassment, when I had to go tell my husband I had BROKEN it!! :ohmy: I tried to blame him, "Good grief, honey, did you buy the one on special for $19.99 or something?? That cheap thing probably wouldn't hold a 10 yr old child!!" He was very kind, and agreed that he had probably sacrificed quality for expense, and immediately went out and replaced it.

At the time, horrifying. But as I was cleaning the bathroom the other day, I remembered it, and now that I'm a lot lighter it was hilarious. I laughed out loud while I was scrubbing that toilet.

Anyone have the guts to share a funny?

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

Lets see...I was going to a ball game and being really short the turn entrances, you know the thing with three prongs that are supposed to catch people at the thigh and spin to count the people going in? Well they catch me on my tummy, I went through it and it came with me but I just ignored it and kept on walking thinking it would unstick, but no it kept going with me. I didn't know what to do, so I put my hands on the top of it and wiggled my butt out from the top looked back at the people staring at me smiled and walked away, leaving it out of line behind me.

Your story was great, becca!

[jnbwilds 0]

Ha! Beautiful! Who among us has not been filled with dread when approaching a turnstile? I have been to many a concert in which I had an awful picture in my mind of the fire department having to use the jaws of life to come get me out of the turnstile, while angry fans crawled over me to get to see their band! LOL!

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

When I see one I get the same feeling I get when I see a little bitty chair at a theatre. ahhh...

[Lori_K 0]

Ha! Beautiful! Who among us has not been filled with dread when approaching a turnstile? I have been to many a concert in which I had an awful picture in my mind of the fire department having to use the jaws of life to come get me out of the turnstile, while angry fans crawled over me to get to see their band! LOL!

ROFL!!! This made me laugh out loud here, Becca you are so funny! :eek: Yup, I've had that fear (and embarrassment!) of going through a turnstile . . . usually had to squeeze in sideways, and try NOT to look at the people around me . . . so embarrassing! I tell ya, I'm never gonna treat an overweight person bad. I'll havta think on a funny story I've had . . . right now I can only remember the rude things people have said. But I like the way you think Becca! It's so good to be able to laugh at our selves. :tt2: These stories are great!

[Gone4Now 4]

I got one...It's recent, too.

I'm on a bowling league with people from work. Well, the lane was a little sticky and I went to slide up to the line. My foot stuck and with my mass still in motion, I went flying down the lane. I was wearing low rider jeans and a thong - mistake on my part, since I brought the wrong change of clothes for after work.

So, my big ass goes rolling down the lane, which had been oiled, so I'm scrambling to even stand up! My foot is in the gutter, I'm trying to keep my shirt down - and I'm laughing the whole time. And, my big old body is just flopping around!!

It's worse when that happens and people get concerned and nice. I laugh at falling down, so I want people to laugh with me!

I got back to the table and the bf said, "Nice blue panties!"

[Jeanieg6 1]

LMBO, funny stories! glad we can laugh at them now. :thumbup:

my big problem i always felt was my butt got so big and sticking out and i never got used to it. seems like i'd go in stores and turn around and things would fall off the shelves behind me, surprised and i turn around to see who knocked the stuff off and i'm the only one around! lol i stayed out of skinny places after that. but i have knocked a lot off with my weapon, the butt! lol my fear was of breaking chairs.

jeanie

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

I have a recent one too actually. Speaking of little chairs. I went to see the Producers at the strand theatre where I live. I had been there before with no problem, but THIS waited to late and had to get the cheap seats...in the back....that apparently were made before man invented food. I went to sit down like I always do and the arm rest stopped me in the middle. I tried to look nonchalant as I slide slowly down the seat wiggling my butt. I finally get in there and I am just UNCOMFORTABLE but I am trying to deal. Well these three very old, very gripy ladies sat down in front of me. They felt the play was too loud, they felt the people were laughing to loud, the lines were too long for the bathroom, etc. etc.

So there I sat stuffed in my seat like a turkey, the arm rest on the side straining against me...I was at a really awkward angle and being it was a theatre the floor went at an angle up, making her head level with my belly when I stood, and my crammed knees when I sat, so everytime I moved I hit that gripy lady in the head, she would turn around, blue hair swinging and give me an awful look.

All in all, the show was good, I was miserable. That old lady hated me. I finally just started laughing louder ( "My ears hurt with all that cackling" she says when I was getting out to leave. I of course hit her in the head with my belly at that exact moment, accident I swear). Oh, I will never get the cheap seats again.

Edited March 27, 2008 by ReadySteadyGo
spelling

[coolcrystal 1]

Oh yes, I have tons of stories, but one of the funniest was when my ass knocked over my friends coke in her cubicle. It has a mind of its own I told her, but it got all over her computer and keyboard. I was so embarrassed, but we laugh about it now all the time.. My butt seems to knock over lots of stuff. Another embarrassing thing is when you think you can go through a space like at a restaurant, and you realize quickly you can't fit through two people's chair backs practically touching. lol. Oh, and never sit in plastic chairs. One time at a camp over I was sitting in my friends plastic chair and I went to get up and my pant leg got caught in the leg of the chair and it flung me back onto the chair and it did that whole sideways thing that plastic chairs do and BAM it busted. I was so embarrassed. She claimed it was an old plastic chair that had been outside for years.. BS.. I love how my thinner friends will make excuses for my fatness. It's very sweet.

[Apples2 19]

LMBO, funny stories! glad we can laugh at them now. :thumbup:

my big problem i always felt was my butt got so big and sticking out and i never got used to it. seems like i'd go in stores and turn around and things would fall off the shelves behind me, surprised and i turn around to see who knocked the stuff off and i'm the only one around! lol i stayed out of skinny places after that. but i have knocked a lot off with my weapon, the butt! lol my fear was of breaking chairs.

jeanie

Mine doesn't have to do with the butt...it has to do with the boobs in the grocery store. I am pushing my cart (my carb cart) and was rounding a corner. As I get around the corner, I had to quickly get out of the way of another person's cart. Well, my boobs get places long before I do. My right underwire caught on one of those metal price tag holders on the shelf. I am still on the go and didn't realize I was caught. It pulled so hard that it ripped a hole in my shirt and flipped my bra up over my boob. After an adjustment, things were fine but everyone around my stopped what they were doing and watched. I had a white T shirt on and when I got to check out noticed that the front of my shirt was bright red....had a one inch gash where the metal thingy had caught me. Not one of my prouder moments:blushing:

[aus_girl_1289 0]

they are all great!!!!!!

you know, its nice to know its not just me! i cant think of anything at the moment! but i know there have been times where i just want to curl up into a ball and die, or at ayounger age, had spent many hours crying over...

I must admit though...I swear that our local movie cinema was built by one of the Olson twins or something!! The seats are unbearable!!! i thought it was just me, so nautrally never said anything...just squidged me way in and got over it. But, when my much smalled best friend made comment on the small chairs, i was shocked! If they annoyed her..only knows what they were doing to me!!!!

[A lot less 1]

ROFL. My friend went for LB consultation before me. She told me how large the chairs were and they felt so comfy. Well, her descriptions didn't tell all. When it was my time to go, I was amazed that they had seats that large (wanted to ask if I could have the old ones). LOL

Needless to say now, not only can I fit comfortable in one, but my DH can sit in one with me. LOL

Edited March 29, 2008 by 2bmeagain

[Gibson 7]

Oh gosh, these stories are terrible but hilarious!

I just thought of one...the day of my high school graduation was the hottest day of the summer. We had our graduation ceremony on the football field and our folding chairs were sitting on the asphalt track around the field. I was so heavy that the legs of my chair started melting INTO THE ASPHALT!!!! I was getting shorter and shorter and shorter than the rest of my fellow graduates. It only happened to me and one other poor goober.

[sfeiner 2]

Well, I'm not ready to laugh at mine yet...maybe after I lose more weight.. I was at an indoor pool and had just got dressed. I sat on one of those cheap plastic lawn chairs by the pool tp put mu shoes and socks on. When I bent over to pick up a shoe the front legs of the chair just foldrd under and I got thrown forward out of the chair and right to the edge and half way into the pool. I might laugh about it but I seriously hurt my shoulder. It took about 6 mos. to get better. MY son in law and daughter had to pull me up and out. I haven't been back there since!

[jnbwilds 0]

Ok, this thread is stinkin' hilarious. Partly because we are on our way to never having to deal with these things again. And partly because it is so comforting to know that I am NOT the only person that has had to deal with this kind of humiliation. Since chair mishaps are the theme of the day, I've got a fun one.

Last year we took the family to an air show. We carried along our canvas folding chairs - you know the kind you put in the bag and carry over your shoulder. Hey - did you know those have a weight limit of 200 lbs? Yeah - I learned that the hard way. In a field full of hundreds of people, I plop down in mine, and with a spray of cracking plastic, the legs crumble under me and suddenly I'm sitting in the dirt on top of the remains of a nice blue folding chair. My husband, the gentleman does not laugh, but stands, helps me up and offers me his chair.

The real fun started when hubby and I went to replace the thing before our beach vacation last summer. This time, I check the weight limit. So...I decide I am stuck with buying the folding chair sold under the name "Big Boy". Nice - someone needs to fire the marketing genius at that company. This chair (with sturdy metal legs) and a wide canvas bottom carries a weight limit of 350 instead of 200. "Aha" I thought at the time, "This will work....I could gain another 70 lbs and still fit in this chair - certainly I'm safe for another year at least". So I picked one out (they only offered camoflauge colors - orange, brown, green - since clearly only burly hunters could possibly weigh over 200 lbs). I made my husband buy a matching chair, although he wanted a nice regular one with a foot rest. This lead to a fun discussion in the store.

Hubby - I don't want the Big Boy one. I like that one over there better.

Me - Um....do you think I'm going to sit in the 'fat arse' chair while you sit in the normal one.

Hubby - who's going to notice?

Me - I would, of course. Plus, did you see that 200 lb limit? Did you suddenly drop 20 lbs on the ride over here today?

Hubby - Hey now!!

I won in the end - so now there are 2 "Big Boy" folding chairs in our garage. This summer, I'll have room for me and my beach bag.