This thread is going to be sooo inappropriate!

[Apples2 19]

Wait -- so does that mean it also:

• Gives us the bright idea that intentionally Fing up some responsibility will mean we don't have to do it anymore
  
• Makes us truly believe that running up and dry-humping our SO every time they bend over to pick something up is actually going to turn them on
  
• Means we can never comment on the attractiveness of someone of the same sex without it meaning we're gay, and
  
• Makes us think "I don't know" is actually some freaking kind of answer to a question?
  

Should also include that "honk and blow" thing they do in the shower

[ELENATION 0]

OMG ... i cant believe im sharing this story, but here goes...

ok... DH and I dated on the internet (met, courted, you name it ..) we met on a Saturday and married that next Wednesday. been happily married for over 10 years.

when we first lived together after marriage, i realllllly had to fart... reallly really bad but was just too embarrassed to do it in front of him ... this was 2AM. i woke him up from a completely sound sleep to go downstairs and get me some of the fruit we had cut up that night ... "i'm hungry - go get me some fruit" ... so i could do the deed without him hearing it. of course i probably could have done it and still not heard it cause he was sleeping... but anyway ... that's my story. now, ehhh, we dont really care.

:huh2:

THat is too funny!!!!!!!! LOL! that poor man probably thought that you were going nuts!:lightbulb:

But I would also go to any extreme to avoid doing it in front of him..... at least you have become more laid back about it, but not me... I just can't....:ohmy: after so long, maybe I have gas issues....:bathbaby:

[losingjusme 12]

LMAO Laura ... *crying im laughing so hard* i love this thread ... great therapy!!!

[Wheetsin 714]

Growing up, I remember seeing my father laying in the hallway in front of the bathroom, talking to my mother while she pooped. Every day. Like it was nothing. Now, that's love!

It took me a while to be willing to do anything around DH. I clearly remember the first time I farted around him. One time in bed he was spooning me (behind me) and had his knee pushed into my butt. I had to so bad it hurt, and couldn't get out of the bed without waking him up so I figured... what the heck, he's asleep, and try to delicately let it out. Which of course never works. Like 5 seconds later the bed starts shaking because he's silenty laughing his ass off. He can't even make noise, he's just shaking. Ends up he hadn't fallen asleep yet, and I farted on his knee. He thought it was "cute" but I wished I could just drop into the floor.

[Daisalana 33]

That is love Wheet, I don't think I'd ever be that comfortable!! I want to remain sexy to my husband hah hah..

I really shouldn't care about farting around DH, he does it all the time without a thought. And when I do HAVE to fart and he's around (watching tv, in the computer room), I light up a cigarette really quick and 'swish' it around the air. :huh2:

I hate 'sex farts'..again, not to be confused with 'rainbow farts'.

It's like out of a movie, I farted right on DH's face when he was goin down town once. :ohmy: It's hard to recover from that..

[Wheetsin 714]

Sex fart as in queef? (The result of getting "pumped" with air during sex).

DH and I have been married over 10 years. We don't share a bathroom. Even if he just has to pee he locks his bathroom door. If the door is unlocked, he's showering. Otherwise I know he's doing some body function. But he'll fart like no one's business and it doesn't phase him one bit.

BTW, I hate how guys sit there and grunt/push it out, then go "oh sorry" like it caught them off-guard or something.

And I hate that DH's farts are sometimes so bad they wake me up from my sleep and I have to go to another bedroom.

Now I'm mad. :ohmy:

[losingjusme 12]

I hate 'sex farts'..again, not to be confused with 'rainbow farts'.

It's like out of a movie, I farted right on DH's face when he was goin down town once. :ohmy: It's hard to recover from that..

OMG Laura, i think i would have just died right there...

[ELENATION 0]

Growing up, I remember seeing my father laying in the hallway in front of the bathroom, talking to my mother while she pooped. Every day. Like it was nothing. Now, that's love!

It took me a while to be willing to do anything around DH. I clearly remember the first time I farted around him. One time in bed he was spooning me (behind me) and had his knee pushed into my butt. I had to so bad it hurt, and couldn't get out of the bed without waking him up so I figured... what the heck, he's asleep, and try to delicately let it out. Which of course never works. Like 5 seconds later the bed starts shaking because he's silenty laughing his ass off. He can't even make noise, he's just shaking. Ends up he hadn't fallen asleep yet, and I farted on his knee. He thought it was "cute" but I wished I could just drop into the floor.

OMG! to freaking funny! seriously this thread is therapy....:huh2:

BUt you know, men don't care, they do it no problem!

The only thing I can do in front of him is # 1..... and that is if it's an emergency... but I don't enjoy it either... DH has told me that I passed gas while sleeping, but I tell him he is lying and tell him off... so he leaves me alone... I really hope he is lying....

Now, and listen Wheestin because you are a mommy to be....

when I was having my first daughter, and I was in labor was pushing.... the nurse left me alone in the room with DH to keep pushing every time I got a contraction... I wasn't quiet ready yet, so they were getting me there... well, on one of those pushes, there came the poop out! I thought I was going to die, I was embarrassed that the nurse will come right back and would find that I just pooped and I was so embarrassed that DH saw it too, and of course I had labor pains at the same time, not a pretty picture.... DH stayed there not knowing what to do or say, I asked him to clean me immediately! he came with a little tissue paper in his hand... and I told him to better go get the whole darn box, he did and he cleaned me up.... nothing was said at that moment, but later at home, he started teasing me about me pooping and him having to clean my butt and he still does to this day.... and I still get pissed at him... and not even after that traumatic experience I can bring myself to do # 2 in front of him....

With my second daughter, I specifically asked for an enema when I got to the hospital.... so I was empty when I had to push and thankfully, no accidents this time!:ohmy:

[Gone4Now 4]

LOL...In my relationship, I'm the one walking right on in and he gets embarassed. My mom has a picture of my dad doing the deed - so I guess I get that "potty humor" from her!

I'd love to have my own bathroom, though - just so that I don't have the little beard hairs all over my sink!

He wants his own so hair isn't everywhere.

****

Another note - dry humping when we bend over - OMG!!! I thought mine was the only one immature enough for that! What is that??? It takes all I have to keep from falling over, and he's there getting all hot about it. Um, no thanks....That does not qualify as foreplay!

[Daisalana 33]

I like to walk around in underwear and t-shirt.. and if I dare to drop anything, or even turn my back to him, I get molested! It does not turn me on, I am ticklish and it just makes me yell at him every time.. and he doesn't learn!

This thread is funny.. glad I'm not the only one with issues.

[Wheetsin 714]

You know, I've wondered about that. #1 and #2, because it's not like you're going to do all that pushing, but try to "hold back" enough that you don't throw out a little putt putt.

Like in gym class - it never failed. I could not do more than 8 or 10 situps without a little fart coming out no matter how hard I tried. And of course there was always another kid right down there, holding your feet. So I would cough and pretend to pass it off like a cough. *sigh*

And later in life I got really fat, and when you're really fat your thighs have this way of trapping air, so sometimes when I would sit down in a hard chair it would sound like I farted, even though I didn't, it was just air being pushed out from my thighs.

At my last OB appt she did a pelvic and when she removed the speculum it made me queef. I was just like "Umm, that wasn't what it sounded like, I promise." How do you save face after something like that, other than to trust it's not the first time it has happened?

[Daisalana 33]

Queefing.. happened a lot with one of my exes, happens rarely with my DH.. I had a friend who was a sex hound, he said it happens due to 'breaking the seal' of the wangy against the hooha wall. So I learned how to maneuver as to keep it from happening. It always killed the mood for me when I heard it, kind of like just sitting there farting, even tho I didn't do it!!

And Wheet, I wasn't going to burst your bubble, but I have heard crazy stories about pregnant women and their gas.. better get comfortable with husband really quick hah hah!!

I have a fear that I'll poop/pee on myself during childbirth. Mom said during labor with one of us she kept thinking she was going to pee or poop and they kept holding up the bed pan for her.. I would just die.. really.

[travelgirl 3]

LMAO, Jack!

What a thread to stumble into...

[Daisalana 33]

Hah Jack, who invited a man!!

Wasa- you were right! (Title)

[Ang1982 4]

Oh my gosh this thread has me giggling.

My fiance and I are very open, I pee in front of him but couldn't ever do #2 in front of him, he cant #1 in front of me though - stage fright. I have always been a bit on the gassy side and he has some stomach issues so he's VERY gassy so we're just like "meh whatever" if we fart, we fart.

And yes, he does the bend over dry hump thing *rolls eyes* men.