Cousin passed, had lapband now the family is freaking

[LosingIt08 0]

Hey everyone,

I have been missing for the past few weeks fromn this forum. I was really down because I was denied my my insurance company. It has been appealed and I am waiting waiting waiting.

So my 25 year old sibling cousin who had lap bad surgery mysteriously went into a coma. We found out she was braindead and unfortunately she is no longer with us on this earth.

My family is all freaking out because they are convinced that it was a complication from the lapband. They are begging and pleading with me that I do not have the surgery. It is heart wrenching, really to have her mother cry and beg and plead that she doesnt want me to die.

As of now I told them all that the insurance denied it and I wont be having surgery. They were not supposed to know to beging with, but my grandmother opened her very lovely but very big mouth when my cousin went into a coma, I am guessing out of concern for me,

To me that is not an option. As I have said to them, I would rather die than live the way I am living now. I don't go out, I have social anxiety because of my weight. I have no life besides work and home. Its like a am a prisoner of my own body.

I have considered switching to gastric bypass, I just don;t see how she could have passed from complications fron the surgery. She didn't exactly take care of herself and in that way me and her are very different.

WHAT DO I DO???:confused2::cursing::biggrin:

[VegasGrace 1]

Wow, that's some story. Hate your family is going thru that.

The docs have a reason, or suspected reason your cousin slipped into a coma. Wonder why they didn't tell your family. Or, if they did, why didn't they share it with you.

My first guess was potassium deficiency. I had/have that and was told at the most severe I could die...but a coma would be first.

It's so important when you have any procedure done WLS or gallstone removal.... you have to stay close to your doctor until he/she gives clearance for annual checkups.

I'm sure your cousin did and hate the doctor didn't catch anything. But sadly with these cases, the truth of what happens goes down with the patient.

You hang in there and our prayers are with you and yours.

As for continuing w/ WLS....that's something you have to decide. Weigh the risks and benefits. You cousin did and chose to take action. Let her go with dignity.

[LosingIt08 0]

I am still going to go through with surgery, just not sure which one.

We do not have a cause of death....

I do know she lost about 30 pounds in 5 weeks which seems awfully high. I also know she had red bull and vodka in her apt. I know that is a definate no no after surgery. Just because it was there doesnt mean she was drinking it at the time though, I don't want to make assumptions..

At first there was no autopsy, now I am hearing there was.. there are a lot of unknowns and it is driving me crazy!

[newimage 2]

Sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

[Wheetsin 714]

Did someone tell them your cousin's coma was related to the band, or is it just something they pieced together, like maybe if she'd had pudding for dinner that could also be why?

30 lbs in 5 weeks, unless she was like underweight when she had her band, is nothing terrible. I lost over 30 in my first 1 week.

Sorry to heara bout your loss, and sorry your family is reacting in such a knee-jerk reaction. It's easy to point your finger at "the only thing different," even if it has no connections to what's going on. Hopefully they will ease up on you a bit.

[socalgal3 4]

I am sorry for your loss. As you are considering your options, Lap-Band is generally thought of as less invasive than gastric bypass and a safer procedure. If your family is worried about the risk of complications, it is lower with the band. I also feel that there is too much you don't know about her passing. If she was already 5 weeks out, was she experiencing problems with the band? She may have had issues and the band is not necessarily to blame. Again, that doesn't make the loss easier to take, but it doesn't mean you should stop pursuing the band.

[Lana24 10]

Hi LosingIT08,

I am sorry for the loss of your cousin. But I also know the personal hell of denial by insurance. I was denied twice last month, my doc basically said I was not fat enough....lol I had the choice to loss 90 pounds on my own or gain 13 to have the surgery. Well unknown to me I had high blood pressure so I too am waiting, and waiting some more. I believe we all get our chance... and you will too.

[MerryHearted 20]

I hope the autopsy can shed some light on what happened. I'd be surprised if it's directly band-related. If you do decide to go through with it, it sounds like you might have to do so against the wishes of your family.

[BabyNicole 0]

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Please keep us updated when you find the results of the autopsy.

[Blund 0]

Sorry for your loss and lack of information. If your family believes it was band related, then you have a right to know details, don't you? If there's a Dr patient confidentiallity issue, perhaps your surgeon or PCP could contact her Dr and get the information. At least your Dr would be informed, in case there was a problem with her band, which would only be fair to him too.

Good luck.

[LosingIt08 0]

I feel like saying I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!! It;s like the lap band is the scapegoat at this point, they need something to blame it on so let's blame it on that!

If they think it's a band complication then FIND OUT.

Things are very scetchy, like I said first there was going to be no autopsy because it wasnt required and she was under the care of a physician (she was in the coma for a week before we let her go) Now I hear there might have been... maybe they dont want people to really know just in case it doesnt come out they way they expect?

I would think if they were so worried wouldnt they want to know if it was definately a band complication? To protect their daughter/niece/cousin (me) that has her mind set on things... I am not convinced that is was a lapband issue. She has had a hellraiser past .. she at one point was a coke and who know what else addict (went to rehab for that).. she was a drinker.. she was a smoker.. Rumor has it that she tried to kill herself more than once in the past year.. Me and her may be sibling cousins with the same genetics (my dad's little sister is married to my mom's little brother) but our lives were so very very different.

God rest her soul, but I thinking maybe she was tired and gave up? I just don't know. The human will to live can be a strong thing when someone goes into a coma (I just watched a special on a young man who was braindead and came out of it)

Maybe she was ready to go? Perhaps she was ready to be an angel watching over us and protecting us and bringing my family together?

I am having surgery no matter what, my mind is set and I am S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N. I will do what I have to do and just keep it a secret from the family, they were not supposed to know to begin with.

[JaxBandster 11]

I think you are doing the right thing. The circumstances of her death sound very suspicious to me. If she did finally succeed in taking her own life, her family may use the band as a scape goat in order to avoid the stigma of having a relative who committed suicide or who OD'd, etc. I've been on this and other boards for six months and have only heard of one band related death and that was due to a stomach perforation during surgery. There are thousands of people on these forums and that is the only one I know of. As with all surgeries there are risks. But I've never heard of a band related death that far out from the surgery itself.

Do what you feel you have to do to lead a happy life. The rest of your family doesn't need to know.

[Blund 0]

Having been through a family suicide, the lap band scape goat theory really fits. IF that's the case. Sounds like you have your head on straight about it though. As time goes by, maybe they'll chill.

[NanaRenan 0]

I'm so sorry for your loss and pray for peace and comfort for your family.

But it sounds like there were a LOT of extenuating circumstances surrounding your cousin that do not apply to you. And, I can't help thinking that keeping you band-free and possibly fat-for-life, your family would essentially be shortening your life, not prolonging it. Of course, it may take a long time for them to EVER realize that.

Don't be discouraged -- I was denied by my insurance provider FOUR times before they finally approved. (HINT: My surgeon requested the ins. co. have someone specializing in bariatrics look at my file....the approval was instantaneous!) I KNOW it has added years onto my life and as the pounds continue to disappear, my life expectancy rises!

Hang in there!

[Daisalana 33]

Sorry for your loss, but don't let that deter you from what's right for your health.

Just from what you've said, it is way more likely it was drugs/alcohol than.. the band. The band doesn't do anything to your brain to cause a coma.

And if you're weighing gastric bypass because it's safer.. statistically the band is safer.

Very bizarre situation, but I doubt it has anything to do with the lap-band.