All you people do is complain...

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

And the alternate needs to be said, too: Demeaning others because they are now "thin" and you are "obese" is not something that should be done here either.

Both seem pretty misguided to me.

[brandyII 9]

laurend,

I believe that 100% also! brandyII.

[brandyII 9]

ReadySteadyGo,

In what context do you mean misguided? I guess I don't understand where you're coming from, thanks brandyII

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

Well, I think someone who used to be large is "attacking" someone who is large now because of a statementthat they didn't feel thin was attractive on themselves. They must have taken this a little personally. If I feel that a rounder butt or a little belly pudge is cute than I am not insulting the fact that you are trim and toned. Nor am I not acknowledging how hard you worked to get there. IT's just not for me. Too be "thin" now and bad mouth "obese" people seems pretty misguided. Chill. I can be happy for you without wanting to be you and feel that we are all on a journey here. I don't think you should call someone unhealthy because they don't want exactly the same thing you do.

I think that sometimes hostility directs itself at someone who is "thinner" or closer to goal might be a little bit of defensiveness from jealousy or self esteem issues.

Not accusing anyone. Just stating my humble opinion.

[brandyII 9]

ReadySteadyGo,

I see what you mean now and it's true. I just hate the "ex-smoker" mentality that some people get. I guess what you're saying is there is a "smoker" mentality too and both can be demeaning, am I right?

Thanks, brandyII, not perfect but trying!

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

totally.

The Ex-smoker maybe should stay out of the smokers bizz wax...but maybe the smoker doesn't smoke in the ex-smokers car.

I'm an ex-smoker. I was pretty obnoxious at first, but I've toned it down. Especially cause I relapsed once.:huh2:

[brandyII 9]

ReadySteadyGo,

relapsing only once is pretty darn good!!!

[anonemouse 1]

I guess what you're saying is there is a "smoker" mentality too and both can be demeaning, am I right?

Definitely. Take Chickie, for example. One of the reasons she may be so sensitive is that she's had to make her blog private several times because people from LBT would go and make anonymous comments in it, attacking her for being thin. Mean attacks, too (as if an attack can be anything but mean, but you get the drift). There's definitely a sort of attitude change here among some people when a member hits goal and tries to stick around and give advice. Several of the at-goal members have said that they get treated differently, that people (usually newer members) make comments about how they're at goal and really don't know what it's like, etc., as if they have forgotten. It really gets quite vicious.

[brandyII 9]

No one should be attacked personally or make anonymous comments like that. I guess I'm not familiar with the specifics of her situation. I know we all should be treated well and advice given in the right way will not upset the people looking for advice. Sometimes it's all the way it's delivered.

I've seen it in other forums, not naming names, where advice was given in a pompous way and the verbal fights start and then they get down and dirty and go into the private messaging and I've left a previous forum for just that petty reason.

I truly have no idea what went down with situation with Ch... and of course I love her avatar, best TV show ever, so I can't believe she would do anything like that. But people are sensitive on both sides and both sides need to communicate in a way that is not insulting. I know dream on but I do......

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

Bigger people face others treating them as if they are stupid or weak so much in the "normal" world, I guess when we come here some people want more sympathy and kindness and less "tough love".

I know I do.

Honesty doesn't have to be mean, and sometimes people should keep their opinions to themselves.

It's hard to believe that someone would attack someone else here for their body size. Be it thin, fat, flat, or round. Who cares?

[Turler 6]

Here Here! I agree with that! We (people with weight problems) deal with enough in the outside world. We don't need it here! :huh2:

~C

[Elisabethsew 50]

Well said. I am going to be healthy...I am not healthy now. If I am healthy at a BMI of 40, then I will be happy. If I am healthy at a BMI of 20 then I will be happy. I believe it is truely individual.

There are many ways to measure what is healthy and it's often best to evaluate several different methods and then average them. That said, it's equally important to know what healthy is and I applaud your willingness to strive towards that.

I bet we all know people who have a BMI of less than 25 and live on a diet of processed foods and junk food. Are they healthy? They may or might not be. I am often shocked when I get blood results back on a patient I think is the picture of health and then find they have high LDL cholesterol and triglycerides, an elevated Hgb A1C (prone to diabetes or diabetic), a dangerously high B/P, etc.

The people who have achieved their weight loss goals are the ones that I look up to and learn from. I'd like to see an end to the negativism and a return to supportive posts. Debate is healthy but when it turns evil, it's time to step back and refocus.

[brandyII 9]

Turler,

I couldn't have said it any better than you just did, in a nutshell!!!!! brandyII

[brandyII 9]

Elizabethsew,

I've also learned a lot from people who are still struggling and haven't reached their weight loss goals. I need as much information as I can get when it comes to working out the kinks in my lap band! brandyII

[anonemouse 1]

I think the safest thing to do, by far, is to avoid talking about bodies in negative terms, whether it's a larger BMI or a smaller BMI, whether you're talking about yourself or other people. Regardless of their size, people will get understandably offended if someone says a certain BMI is "bony" or "unattractive" or "gross," even if they're talking in relation to just themselves.