why cant i be happy...

[want_so_bad 0]

for my sil who today, as i type this, is getting a Tummy Tuck and Lipo. i should be happy for her! but i am not! i am having such a hard hard time with it. i am so jealous. but its more then that. well, prolly not really, but....

i am working at losing this weight. i am half way to my goal. it has been an incredibly hard journey, as you all know. she wakes up one day, decides she wants it done, and that is that. she is doing it. she didnt even lose the weight her doc recommended for her to lose. i am being so catty and insecure and just shallow about it! but at least not to her, just here and my mom and dh know how i feel....

i dont know if this is really it or not, but its like, i finally get to where i weigh less then her and bam, she takes that away. (so that is my own insecurities, i know.) my dh tells me not to get so upset/worked up. i am doing this the "right" way. our deal is i get to goal and stay for a year and then i get a tt and lipo and boobies. i KNOW i am doing it right. i know i will have great results and look good and its ok. it really is. its just so frustrating to watch her eat what she eats and i eat....ARGHHH!!! why is this so hard for me? i should be happy that she will be happy! i know what its like to be so unhappy with yourself and your appearance.

i guess it all just comes back to being insanely jealous. i just want to cry. and i have. i have bawled my freakin eyes out. what is wrong with me? why am i hate'n on her? i look at people here who have had these things done and i am like, right on! good for them! they are awesome! i want to be like them! but there are not these icky feelings.

ughh, just so frustrated with myself....:huh2:

thanks for letting me vent.

[salsa1877 10]

So here is the thing. You are doing it the right way, and you are going to find long term success. My guess is you are working on changing your lifestyle, eating habits, and types of food you eat. When you get your TT, you are most likely not going to gain the weight back. Have you ever seen someone that has gained weight after having a TT? They tend not to gain it in the stomach, but instead it goes to their back. Talk about the ultimate back roll!!! It is alright to feel jealous...after all we are human. But try to turn the jealousy into something healthy...like pride. Pride in what you have accomplished, and where you will be.

Good luck and keep up the great work.