Getting it off my chest

[K@t 38]

Okay, so this has been eating at me for awhile so I decided to post about it. I have had several pm's regarding my weight ticker and my surgery date. I have tried to explain the best I can in the pm's but before I get another one I felt like I might as well post everything. So here it is..the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I lived in Portugal for 5 years. My husband is Portuguese and I moved there, married him, and we had a nice life there. It was in Portugal where I first heard about the lap-band. It was a spot on a local news station and my mother in law called me and asked me to turn it on. I was very excited and I decided to do research, and then by luck, a guy that I met on a PC forum from Portugal had also had the lap-band. We spoke about it and I decided I had to do it.

I have always been borderline obese and I just barely fit into the required BMI limits. My husband was totally against the whole thing and I have never had surgery before so it was taking a big risk. The cost was 8,000 euro, around $10,000 at the time. The surgeon was a very accomplished laproscopic surgeon but I was to be his 13th lap band patient. (no I'm not superstitious :smile:)

I had the surgery in April of '06, it was very hard to get in to see my doctor because he worked in between several hospitals. It took me almost 6 months to get my first fill. I was seeing a nutritionist that kept telling me what to eat and do (while she put out her cigarettes!). I told her I didn't like fish, she said it didn't matter I needed to force myself to eat it, among other things she said I had to eat. She told me I had to eat dinner around 6pm, even though I was teaching nights and it was impossible for me to eat then. I asked her to help me make a different schedule and she refused telling me it was impossible.

When I went in for my 2nd fill, 3 months after the first (it took me that long to get another apt.) I told my doctor how unhappy I was with the nutritionist. He sent me to another one that cost me 120 euro a visit. She was great, and I lost 25lbs during that time, but I couldn't afford to keep seeing her.

I went for my third fill, 3 months later(again) and thats when the doc told me that my port was flipped, I needed port revision surgery. During the port revision surgery he put 3cc's directly into the band.

I was struggling a lot to lose weight and I tried to keep up with what my nutritionist told me, but I got depressed, the port revision caused another nasty scar (over the old one that had healed so nicely) and I developed a nasty reaction to the bandages.

It was also very difficult because I told my husbands family (if I had it to do over again I would have never told any one) They kept looking me up and down all the time looking to see how much I lost. It was very disheartening. So when circumstances in our lives changed and we decided to move back to the US I was excited to see a new band doctor.

I never really thought I felt restriction, but then again I was never sure what was restriction any way. When I got here to the US, I made an apt. with a Fill Center USA in St. Pete. The fill specialist there was excellent. She told me that my port was on it's side, not completely flipped (I broke out in tears in her office thinking I might have to have another port revision) but she managed to hit it with my on my side. She pulled out all the liquid in my band. My doctor in Portugal said I had 9cc's in my band and that I was totally full. Turned out I had just under 3cc's.

The fill specialist asked me when I actually felt restriction and I said the only time I could really remember feeling any thing was after the port revision, when he put the fill directly into the port (when it was sticking out of my stomach when he opened me up to turn it right). She gave me another 1.5cc and told me to come back in a month, when I got back I had 4.5cc so she determined that there was no leakage, the my doctor in Portugal had simply missed my port.

So, taken all this into consideration I have only actually had some restriction since this summer when I moved back here. So I have actually gained back the original weight loss I had over the year that I had no restriction, and I am now struggling to start losing again.

I actually have another apt. in 2 weeks for another fill. I had my first PB a few weeks ago. I am experiencing things as if I was just banded. I am not saying that is the whole reason I have not lost weight, I haven't followed all the band rules as closely as I should have. I honestly have no excuse for it, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Nor does it make me a failure.

Several times I wish I could rip this band out of me and eat whatever I felt like. But I am trying, trying the best I can. And I hope that with the support I receive here, and my own will power, I can make this band work for me...finally.

umm...sorry so long.:wink:

[Gone4Now 4]

K@t - Thanks for sharing your story. I hadn't personally noticed your ticker, but I appreciate your openness and honesty. And, it's uplifting to read what you're going through and knowing that you're hanging in there. You've had a tough break, and a lot of band mishaps.

I wish you smooth sailing and easy losing going forward.

Good luck! :smile:

[hollyberries 2]

I am so sorry that you had to even justify your ticker. You have had a heck of an ordeal and I wish you much success. It sounds like you have the support you need in the doctor and keep coming here for support. We are here for you.

Cindy

[coolcrystal 1]

Yeah, I honestly think that nobody has any fricking right to question your weight at all. It's none of their damned business. It pisses me off that there are people who feel they have any right to even question this about anybody on this forum. We never know what somebody has gone through with their lapband, in your situation, it seems you had a crappy unexperienced doctor; but again, there is probably 100 reasons why people don't lose the weight they want to lose and there are also slow losers... It's bad enough we have people in our lives looking at us up and down and asking us how much we've lost, should we expect it on here too????

Anyway, sorry for what you went through and sorry there are people on here bugging you about it. I'm glad you got a good fill doctor now and you feel the restriction finally. :smile:

[TerriDoodle 6]

Ditto what Crystal said!

I'm just glad you have not given up, Kat -- that's what many would have done in your shoes. I hope that you have a great band experience from here on out and love your band as much as I do (most of the time!:smile:)

[K@t 38]

Thanks for the support guys. I should just clarify a bit. The people who pm'ed me were not rude, just curious, but I got the vibe that they were judging me a bit, and it just bothered me a bit that even here we have to be judged. But the stress of it all has been weighing on me heavily for awhile and it feels good to put it all down on paper. (or um...webpage, forum, whatever...):biggrin2:

[TerriDoodle 6]

Y'know Kat.... we all reflect each others fears and issues. I hope it wasn't judgement that you were sensing, but perhaps it was their looking at you wondering how they could avoid such a situation themselves. I mean, we all undertook this surgery with very high hopes and there are so very many great success stories here! When i see someone who hasn't had "success" I admit I'm also curious....but certainly not judgemental. I realize that it could just as easily be me who is having a flipped port, erosion, reflux, .... or lack of weight loss!

You're among friends. :smile:

[allykat 1]

Wow, you sure have had a rought time of it! It is pretty obvious that your story would have turned out a lot different with a doctor who paid a little more attention to you. I really hate that you had to go through that, but I hope you are now on the road to success. You've certainly earned it!

[kbinaz 0]

I'm glad you were able to be honest and put it all out there! I really hope you have gotten things squared away and are on the road to success! Maybe you should change the date to when you finally got things under control - I don't think that would be dishonest because you really didn't have a band (or weren't getting optimum value from it) until recently.

I can honestly tell you that once you are at the proper restriction you will lose weight! Don't be discouraged, it will happen.

[ssdown 0]

We all have our trials in life and it seems that you really have had your share with your lap band. Hang in there! You are worth the effort. Oh, yes, what is a "pm"?

[georgia girl 35]

Sorry you've had such a rough time. I'm so glad you have found a doctor that can help you. I hope the road is smooth for you from now on and I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing your story.

[MerryHearted 20]

I'm so glad you finally are getting to feel some restriction. Keep going back for fills as you need them.

I'm sure there are newbies who might look at my stats too and :laugh: that I'm not at goal 2.5 years after surgery. But you know what? We all face challenges. Some people get right to goal and I'm thrilled for them! Others of us find that our head hunger challenges were more than what we expected, and so we slog away and work our butts off for each pound, backslide, and then get going again. :smile:

I will reach my goal, and so will you. So what if it's not within the first year of banding? So what if it's not within the second year of banding? It's not a race. We're each doing this for ourselves, not for anyone else.

I'll tell you this -- I feel GREAT at my current weight compared to my starting weight. :wink: And if people who are considering the Band are reading this: YES it was worth it, big time. By summer I'll be under 200 lbs. Eventually, maybe in couple years, I'll hit my goal or at least be within my normal BMI range. Without the band, I'd be well over 300 lbs by now and feeling hopeless about ever losing it.

And K@t, she'll reach her goals now too. Woohoo! :hurray:

[K@t 38]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the support, I guess I was just feeling really frustrated with the whole situation and it really helped to get it all out in the open. I am glad to know there are others out there who feel the same frustration. I just hope I have some more positive news to share in the future.

[Kalipso2 25]

thank you for sharing your story. it might sound strange but it's almost refreshing to hear of some negativity regarding the surgery. you're such a strong person to go thru this and i can only imagine how much it must have hurt to feel like you were failing! i can't wait to hear happy stories from you now!

[globally yours 0]

Thanks K@t for sharing your story, and your feelings. What a good role model in perserverence you are! Hope things will smooth out for you now.