Post Op depression

[Alexandra 55]

I've heard others discuss this phenomenon but being the optimist that I am I dismissed it as not being likely to happen to me. Well, I think I was wrong.

I'm 18 days out now and am just about to start incorporating solid foods into my diet. But it's a mixed blessing. Prior to this point I could cling to my doctor's post-op instructions to help me make my food decisions. Now I'm about to re-enter the world of normal people faced with normal temptations each and every waking minute. I'm frankly unnerved by the prospect of being physically unable to indulge in a large serving of anything if I feel the desire.

Obviously my rational brain knows that's exactly why I got banded, and it's this precise behavior that needs to change if I am ever going to lose weight. But right now, in the early morning when I'm hungry and can't eat much, it just seems like a burden.

(And we're not even going to mention the fact that the scale is still stuck at -11 lbs, where it's been for the last 10 days.)

Can I have a pep talk, please?

[dishdiva 5]

Alexandra -- I know a pep talk from me (miss "too much, too soon") may not be what the doctor ordered....but here it is.

First, you are doing SO well. Do not ignore or minimize the success you've chalked up after nearly three weeks.

Also, I don't think you'll find the choices in solid-food-land to be all that difficult. The band will help you know what's right and good for you and what's not!

I would guess that a kind of "letdown" at this point would be normal. We have all the excitement and drama of pre-banding...then, we're focused on recovery. After that, it's more like getting accustomed to a permanent lifestyle change.

All we can do is take it one day at a time -- one meal at a time -- one food choice at a time. We will have great days and not so great days. But at the end of every day, we can know that by having the band, we believe we're worth it and have done something for ourselves!

Hang in there!

Elizabeth

[soon2bskinny 0]

I felt the same way. I wanted so bad to have a big plate of gravy and biscuits (I am from the South) for Breakfast. I knew it wasn't possible but it didn't stop me from wanting it. I had a list of what was allowed and what wasn't so it was easy to stay on track. I agree when you get to the solid stage then there is no list and the choices are unlimited it gets much harder. I lived on tuna and chicken salad for about a month. Nobody can guarantee that you make the right choices but you. My theory is that if you make the right choices 85% of the time (if your like me) then it is probably 75% more often that you did prebanded! I admit I slip up, maybe even too often and I have still lost. I try to balance it and make up for it the next day if I have over done it the day before. Perhaps if I have too much ice cream or I ate a candy bar then the next day I do a shake for breakfast and lunch. I felt very guilty the first time I did this and I was probably a month into solids when it happened. I dwelled on it for about three days just knowing this was never going to work, that I had already wasted money and ruined the whole thing. My hubby said, "Shut up whining and crying and just forget it and start again tomorrow." So I did. I went through a tough time about four months out when tomorrow never came. It all started with one doughnut and then went down hill. My sweet tooth was determined to be my cause for failure. After being miserable for about three weeks I just woke up one morning and said, "No more!" I have since gotten back on track and while I still don't make the best choices always they are most assured smarter and better choices then pre-banded. I still eat lots of tuna (for lunch mostly) because it is easy and I am always in a hurry (big problem for me). Hope this helps. I am sure this is not the only pep talk you will need or get. Good Luck!

[donali 57]

Hi Alexandra -

One of my biggest mournings before I got the band was that I could no longer do the "All you can eat" deals - Home Town Buffet, Olive Garden, Red Lobster...

I knew it was crazy, because that's exactly why I was getting the band! I spent some time trying to figure out what exactly I was going to miss about the AYCE buffets... I realized it was the actual act of eating something good for a LONG time, and then having the sedated, sleepy feeling of being full.

Then I realized that although I wouldn't get the gratification of the intense, long term eating, I WOULD still get the full feeling. I decided I was still meeting my goal, then - being full. I had to come to this understanding in order to not be resentful paying $12 for a meal that I could only eat half of. Mom was very apologetic the first several times, saying eating out couldn't be worth it to me anymore. I told her, "I met my goal. I am full. Whether I eat it all or not is not the issue." Just eating out for me is such a pleasure.

Only one time was I actually MAD that I couldn't eat more - fresh made breadsticks from Oscars. That was the week I had my only three PBs, and I was SO frustrated!!! I wanted MORE, and there was no room! I realized then that it's a good thing that we are not self-adjusting, 'cause I would have taken all my fill out that day! lol

But the above is one of the main reasons that it is important to be filled gradually - in addition to giving your physical time to adjust, the MIND really, really needs time to adjust.

Be gentle to yourself! You will do fine! Do not slip back into diet mentality and create cravings for yourself. You can have whatever you want - promise yourself that! But, if you're NOT really, really craving it, choose something more healthy.

Keep us posted, and put away that scale!

[kellymoos 4]

Hey everyone! I am Alexandra's Bandster twin; we got banded on the same day! And guess what I needed these pep talks too. I lost 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks; and have not weighed since; I am waiting till my appt on the 18th. The problem I am having is a adjusting to small bites. And when I eat just the hamburger patty off the hamburger I feel that I should have not ate that much. I know it is a daily thing and you don't just change overnite; but, boy I wish my mind did. Reprogramming your mind is not an easy thing; for the past 26 years I have ate what I wanted to; until I became Diabetic. I have only done this for 26 years; I am sure for the Bandsters that are older than me it is really hard to reprogam their mind. September 10 will be 3 weeks for me and I already feel discouarged. I am craving sweets just like every month around the same time (if you know what I mean). I ate a candy bar and then I feel like a failure; I think what am I doing??? I paid $1,300.00 to lose weight and I am eating junk!!! It seems easy before you get it done; then you feel like you didn't even have surgery and your mind tells you that you are better and you want to eat anything!! My dr. said I could start having whatever I want just to chew chew chew. I guess the "down" mood comes with the time of the month that I like the sweets...lol... Well enough of my rambling...Thanks for the pep talks...

[bbrecruiter2000 1]

Alexandria,

Post band, there are many things that will affect your emotions. SOmetimes I get depressed and other times I not sure if it is depression, but rather self discovery and not liking what I see in my immediate future. SOme examples are plateaus that may seem endless, cravings for foods that I want but absolutely should not have, things not moving fast enough and not reaching mini goals. etc...

Regarding the quantity (or lack of) issues you are having now, this will resolve itself once you get some good restriction. Up until a week ago, I had none and had trouble stopping when I felt full. I really didnt understand the chew, chew chew thing until I got the fill. You will view food differently, knowing that it will take you 20 minutes to eat 3-5 ounces of food. But you will also know that you will be full as well. My solution when I go out in the real world of restaurants and buffets is to fill the salad plate up with as many different items as I can of healthy food and this makes me feel like I have so many choices that I no longer feel bad about the quantity issue because I get a taste of everything!

Keep tons of healthy Protein Snacks easily available at your fingertips; pieces of lean ham, cheese, hard boiled eggs, Jerky, ready made tuna, pieces of fish and meats and nibbly things like carrot sticks, celery with a little blue cheese dressing, IF you are frequently eating lots of Protein during the day, 4-5 times, you will never be hungry and will not feel you are missing anything!!

Alex, keep you chin up! Yo u will get on the scale and suddenly see a huge drop. Ten day plateau is not much. I just came off a two and a half week plateau and wanted to scream, so I do understand.

Love from TX

Babs

6/23/03

334/294/180

[Alexandra 55]

Thank you so much for the replies, everyone. I really appreciate them and it's nice to know I'm not alone!

Part of what's eating me (ha ha) is the fact that the band *is* working and really limiting the quantity I can take in at one time. What I used to think of as a nibble--like three grapes at the farmers market--can fill me up for an hour now. The phrase "you'll ruin your dinner" suddenly has meaning. I have never in my whole life "ruined" my dinner by pre-meal nibbling, but now I've done it every night without thinking!

Donali, I've already said my mental goodbyes to AYCE buffets. I never went to them without hating myself anyway, and now that I have kids they're never worth the money. But every family has a pigout favorite and at my house it's Chinese food. I love it to distraction, but now I think it's mostly because of the quantities that are served. There was no guilt attached to eating an entire portion of whatever, even though it was really enough to feed 3 or 4 people. Now a half-cup of egg drop Soup is plenty, and I have to leave the table to keep from getting sad about what I'm missing.

Kellymoos, I'm glad to hear you're on solids now! After reading your message this morning before lunch, I was inspired to try some of my daughter's McDonald's (happy-meal-size) hamburger patty. Yum! in one way, and yuck! in another. Yum because it was the first really solid food I've had, and yuck because without the bun and all the Condiments usually on a large sandwich I really got to taste what the "meat" tastes like. Gads! I can guarantee I'll be sticking to salads from here on out.

You make a good point about there being years and years of behavior to un-learn. In my case it's 41 years of there being only my will between me and as much food as I cared to consume, and obviously my will failed me more often than not. But having an actual, physical barrier to major indulgence is an entirely new experience. Especially when it seems like it's a barrier to even minor indulgence! I have a lot to learn...

Another problem I'm anticipating is what do I do when I really have only five minutes to eat. That's going to take a major adjustment to some portions of my schedule, chiefly that I'll be eating breakfast in the car instead of before leaving the house on weekday mornings. I'm about to gag if I have to down one more Protein shake, though, and it's hard to eat cottage cheese in the car!!

I know it's just a matter of giving my head time to adjust to the change I've made in my body. I'm so glad I can come here to share these feelings--there is no one in my real life who can completely understand how big a change this is. My DH is trying, he really is--but when I asked him recently to pick up cottage cheese he came back with two 32-oz containers! I think I'll be working my way through those for a month.

[claraluz 2]

Hi, Alexandra. Well, you asked for a pep talk and I am not exactly the one to give it, being that I am in your same shoes, but a little bit behind you. But maybe it will help you to know that you are not alone. I know it helped me when I read the subject of your thread. I came to this board with the idea of posting something very similar.

I am experiencing post-op emotions that I am having to cope with in new ways. I am only 12 days post-op and still on liquids. I am getting in very few calories, no matter how I try - under 800. On Thursday I made a mistake at work - I am a social worker and I said the wrong thing in the wrong way to a client and made her feel worse instead of better. I think I probably erred because of a disturbed body chemistry and the stress of surgery. For three days, I felt depressed and demoralized over it. Probably an overreaction. I realized that normally, I would have gorged on carbs and gotten that tranquilized feeling and that's how I would have "coped." Instead I called three friends, crying, and talked it out.

My first post-op day of coming home after work, I didn't know what to do with myself. Usually, I would have stopped at the grocery first, then come home and prepared dinner, then ate and snacked the night away. Now I could do none of that and I was bored.

I think that our inner chemistry is changing and we are experiencing a sudden and dramatic forced change of a habit of overeating that really worked for us on some levels. I was prepared for some emotional turmoil, but have been surprised at the intensity of it. I did make an appointment with a therapist because I think I am going to need help and support.

Well, this has been a long post and I didn't mean to hijack your thread, but I just want you to know that I think the feelings you are experiencing are very normal. I am sure that in this early part of the journey we are going to feel a lot of negative emotions, some very strong. Luckily we have this board to come to for support.

Hope you are already feeling better.

Nancy

[shellyj 5]

i think its really weird how most of our bodies and minds are reacting the same way! i have been having alot of these same issues and it was such a relief to see this post this morning

as far as food goes i am still telling myself i am healing and can eat higher calorie/carb foods that i wont be eating later down the road and to enjoy it while i can! i am trying to weed out the carbs as i notice how crummy and cravy (not a word?) the make me feel.

and as far as the scale... i bought a really good one this weekend and as soon as i got home i jumped on and guess what!!! i gained 2 pounds. so no more scale until i have been filled and am *supposed* to be losing. i felt like a failure, like a pig. i totally forgot about the 15 i had lost. not fun. so its in the closet till i get filled. i decided i WILL NOT let the scale effect my mood!

DONALI- i though of you! not counting the regain unless it's 5 or more.

great job on all the pep talks they helped me too!

[mrwindt 12]

I can really relate to so many of the comments already mentioned on this thread. I'm having both good feelings about how things are going, as well as mixed feelings - knowing how much further I have to go. (I know, intellectually, it's only 2 weeks. And I've had an issue with weight for over 40 years. So it's not going to happen overnight. But, I've been so good. And it would be nice to have that magic bullet!)

Today is just 2 weeks since surgery. I've been doing really well. I was on one week of Clear Liquids and one week of full liquids. Tomorrow I start mush.

Basically, I have been satisfied with the amount I'm eating, though it has been very limited. I have been getting Protein through a clear liquid Protein Drink and some shakes, and have had very little calories. It' s my head that would like to eat more.

Today, however, was a real challenge. I had to go to a business luncheon and sat at a table with people I don't know. Since I knew I would still be on liquids, I had already made arrangements that I wouldn't be eating the catered meal. I did bring a Protein Drink and some yogurt - which I did get the nerve to take out of my briefcase and eat, while everyone else was having a full catered meal. (Oh, the beef filet and mashed potatos looked so delicious!)

I did get through the meal and felt good about not going off "program". But my mind really wanted to eat. Plus, I was hungry. So I came home and had some hummus - the 1st time I had something other than liquid. It was delicious.

Tomorrow I have another big luncheon - again it's with people I don't know. It's another business function. I did call the caterer to see if I could have some Soup. And I'll bring a yogurt just in case.

Oh, I can't wait until I'm back on some regular food.

These luncheons seem especially difficult because I'm with people I don't know. So, without going into a whole big discussion, I'm sure they're looking at the fat person, who's skipping the meal and eating yogurt, and wondering what's going on. I certainly don't look like someone who only eats yogurt for lunch! Thank goodness, I don't have these types of meetings too often. it just so happends I had 2 this week.

I hope that my 2 week doctor's visit tomorrow goes well and that I see some results on the scale. Perhaps then I'll feel better!

Thanks for listening.

[Alexandra 55]

Mary, I can so relate to the unpleasantness of business meals. But did you look around and check out what everyone else was eating? So many people these days are doing one food plan or another, I'll bet if you'd checked you'd have seen someone leaving their bread aside and someone else only eating vegetables. I'm sure no one noticed your yogurt/soup lunch, or at least not negatively.

At my first business lunch after banding I had half a serving of black bean Soup while everyone else wolfed down deli salads, sandwiches, and chips. No one noticed except me.

So how did your appointment go? Great, I hope!!

My latest challenge is dealing with someone at work who is scrutinizing me a little too closely. Not my body, but my personality! It seems she used to know someone who lost a large amount of weight, and who became difficult to deal with at the same time. So now she's projecting that the same will happen to me, and is constantly characterizing remarks I make as being snippy or sarcastic. This afternoon I made a crack that we've both used in the past--a not-really-funny industry joke--and she responded by rolling her eyes and saying "You're changing!"

I hate this! I feel like I'm constantly on the defensive against making remotely biting remarks. She's continually measuring everything I say, every opinion I hold against some pre-surgical standard she seems to have created for me. I've worked with this woman for two years and in the last year we've become pretty good friends. But suddenly I feel like I'm back at square one with her!

I know this is her problem and if it gets much worse I'm going to have to discuss it with her. But in the meantime, I just wanted to vent and oh, you lucky people, you get to read it!

[erikafroling 0]

alexandera, i so enjoy reading all your threads..you are such a insperation... i am calling 2 more dr.s tomorrow to find out about there location and avalibility... i am nervous i have wanted for this for so long and i will be crushed if it doesn't happen..i just want to tell you ..you are doing great ,you will have sucsess..keep your chin up, and ill pray for you!

[JC_GODOLPHINS 0]

Man, reading all your posts really hits home. I am feeling like a loser lately. My SUPPOSED great restriction from the beginning seems like it was only swelling. I am now 1 weeks and 5 days post op and can eat a horse. I've been having my shakes for Breakfast and lunch but then dinner comes around and I have a BIG bowl of red Beans or lentils Soup, then I start snacking. I know I shouldn't but I stay sort of hungry. Maybe it's just head hunger, but I continue to eat. I am hating myself for it. It feels like this thing isn't working.

Another thing, I know I should be walking, but after work, I usually feel tired and like crap, and since my staples haven't been removed yet, my incisions are a bit sore. Walking makes them more sore, so I am going to try and walk next week. Tomorrow I have my first post op appointment and they remove the staples. Can't wait, I need a fill.

[mrwindt 12]

Alexandra - Thanks for your comments.

I went to another luncheon today. I was a guest and had called ahead to ask for some clear broth. Long story, but... the waitress said the only thing they could give me was clam chowder. I passed and finally discreetly took out my yogurt. Just then, the head waiter comes to the table and loudly proclaimed that someone had ordered broth and did it come. Well, I was trying to be discreet, but now all 10 people at the table were smiling at my embarrassment. Oh well, I did get the broth! Luckily, I don't have any more business lunches for quite a while.

I did go straight from the luncheon to my doctors appointment. I lost another 4.5 pounds! So, counting the 2 weeks preop and the 2 weeks post op, I'm down 29.5 pounds! Now I really have to get used to the loss slowing down. But, this was a really nice boost. And tonight, I had some "mush" for the 1st time!

Alexandra - it sounds like the person at work is really dealing with her own issues. Just try to ignore her. I know that it's easier said than done, but it sounds like she's jealous of you - and she'll find some way to criticize. Just don't deal with it.

JC_GODOLPHINS - don't get discouraged. It's really too new. And don't knock yourself for not walking yet. It's only 1 1/2 weeks. You've got time. I had been doing really well with not feeling hungry and the last few days, I seemed like I was starving by dinner. Today wasn't so bad. I think you have to take it slowly and let your body adjust.

Mary

[Alexandra 55]

Oh, Mary, what an awkward moment! But it sounds like you got through it just fine. And what they hey--you don't know these people and who cares what they were thinking? There's nothing embarrassing about ordering broth for lunch. And what a way to follow it up! Congratulations on your great loss!

Yes, I know this person at work is the one with the problem, not me. She'll get over it as the novelty of my surgery wears off, I think. All along she's been the only person I told who had any sort of negative reaction at all, and that reaction mainly centered on her thinking that surgery was the easy way out. Of course, she's slender and has probably always been so, but she attributes that slender physique to her diet and seems to think I could do the same. During one of these conversations I sort of passionately told her that she's NEVER been where I am and has no idea what I have had to deal with all my life. I think that might have been what alarmed her about my personality "change." Oh well.

JC, I'm experiencing a loss of restriction at this point, too, and I know it will get worse before I get a fill. I'm using the time to enjoy eating solid food again, and working really hard on eating SLOWLY. If the scale stays where it is for the next three weeks until I can get a fill, I'll consider that a whopping success! Don't beat yourself up--we're all just at the very beginning of this process.