Negative people with negative feelings

[Little Debbie 1]

Thanks for all the support. Tara you remind me of my daughter, I can just hear her telling someone just what you said! I think we will all be alright. We have already made the brave decision to change our lives, and it IS NOT taking the easy way out, but for some of us it is now the only way out. God bless us all!

[mattintosh 0]

OMG! Don't tell a soul you are banded. If you do you will be giving to them the power to attack your self confidence and self esteem.

Some times we tell people private things and they react in a negative way and that hurts, bad!

Just don't say a thing until you lose 50% of the weight you want.

This is about you, not them. ssshhh!

[bigbonedgal 0]

Sometimes your friends are afraid that when you lose weight that you will become a totally different person, physically and mentally. I think it makes some friends insecure. Please don't listen to the horror stories - it's like when you're pregnant and everyone knows someone who had a miscarriage or a horrible birth experience. I told only my husband and children about my upcoming surgery because I felt that my friends and family really wouldn't understand. Good luck on your surgery - mine is scheduled for 4/21/08- I'll be thinking about you.

[ctcutie 0]

Big boned gal...Good luck to you and since your surgery is the day ahead of mine on 4/22....let me know how you make out. Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement.

[ywilson 0]

My band date is 04-09-08, I don't think I would have made it this far without you guys. I'm so happy to have found this forum. I was with my best friend today and she has such negative feeling about the band. She claims she know three people who have the band and they all have negative results. ( haven't produce none of their numbers) I don't even bring up the subject to her. I'm trying to remain positive.

I feel the same way. For the most part everyone has been supportive with the exception of one person. I wish I never told her. Anyway, just look forward to all the positive changes that are about to occur in your life. It ALWAYS makes me feel better and it overshadows the negativity.

[kossde 6]

I have a friend who is just as overweight as I am, and when I told her about my decision to have lap band, she swore up and down that surgery is going to be a mistake. I already knew what her opinion would be before this whole thing began - she's a person who is afraid of change and afraid of commitment- she knows it and I know it. So, from the beginning, I told her flat out that she didn’t have to be happy for me, but as a friend, she had a responsibility to at least try to be more optimistic. And, she's a good friend. She really is trying. She hasn't said anything to me, but I honestly think she's almost to the point of wanting to begin the lap-band process herself.

Sometimes you just have to be honest with a person who is being negative. No one likes or needs negativity in their lives. Especially when they work as hard as we all do to achieve our goals.

[texgirl 0]

Honestly, you know who those people are who will attack your self-confidence and undermine your achievments. Those people will find something else about you to attack if they can't find a way to attack your self-esteem. You just have to decide if it is worth having them in your life. Some people just can't feel good about themselves if they aren't making someone else feel bad.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Honestly, you know who those people are who will attack your self-confidence and undermine your achievments. Those people will find something else about you to attack if they can't find a way to attack your self-esteem. You just have to decide if it is worth having them in your life. Some people just can't feel good about themselves if they aren't making someone else feel bad.

This is probably the most true statement of anyone who is negative or rarely has nice things to say about others. The whole quote is great, but that last sentence is something that I deal with every day. What a shame that some people have to live their lives this way.

[mstrina27 0]

Honestly, you know who those people are who will attack your self-confidence and undermine your achievments. Those people will find something else about you to attack if they can't find a way to attack your self-esteem. You just have to decide if it is worth having them in your life. Some people just can't feel good about themselves if they aren't making someone else feel bad.

Wow this is a saying that I will always stand by... this is so true...

[texgirl 0]

These same people are the ones that will find something to say when we get to goal weight. I have one person like this that has to be in my life. She has such a knack for finding my insecurities. I know when I get to goal she's going to be talking about my sagging skin or something else. Maybe I'll be "too skinny" for her taste. Who knows, I'm prepared for it and after losing 21 lbs I feel like a freaking model!

[readytoloselbs 0]

It is so important to remain postive. It is funny how something like this brings out the true colors in people. I have only told my immediate family and that is it. My sister had lapband surgery last year and she told me that it is very important to stay around positive people and to go to the support group meetings. The people at work think that I am on a week's vacation and when they comment on my weight loss, I am going to tell them that I am watching what I eat and exercising...that is what I am doing :>

[jjsmiles 3]

My decision to tell a number of people was very personal and very consciously made. I decided that since I was having the surgery, for me and no-one else, I was also going to make the full committment to it, which included removing the fail safe of failing but feeling ok, because at least I didn't tell anyone!:biggrin:

I think the posters here have been so accurate in saying that some people need to be negative and some of our friends and family are threatened by the changes. I also think some are legitimately worried. I have received great support and curiosity (I am Canadian and WLS is quite new and not very common here yet. In fact in my City, lapband has only been performed for about 75-100 people in the last 1 1/2 years - gastric bypass is not available in my community).

For those that are curious or worried, I educate. For those who are negative, I recognize that as their own personality issue that is now directed at me. These are the same people who find negativity in everything! For those that are threatened, I provide support back (and honesty- if I don't tell them how I am feeling about their response, how can I expect them to behave differently). I know that as I go through this intensely personal journey, some of the people I thought were important to me will change and not everyone in my life will keep their same positions.

BTW, as supportive as people try to be, one thing you may find through this journey is that they equate support with weight loss only, which can be annoying (especially if the scale isn't moving as fast as you want). You need to be prepared for this (and accepting). They want to be helpful, but unless they are going through this huge change in your life (and the actual surgery is only a tiny part of the change), they CAN"T really relate.

For the posters who haven't told but wanted to know what to say to people who recognize the weight loss, I say "thank you" and "I am doing this with exercise and by watching what I eat" and I leave it at that (there is nothing inaccurate about that statement). I know lots of people who post here refuse to tell people how much they have lost. I am on the fence about that - I started out by telling people right from the beginning, so I am kind of stuck with it, but it does reinforce the concept that the journey is all about weight loss only. I am actually surprised by the number of people who are so happy for me and the comments and questions about how I am feeling now as compared to before.

Good luck to you all! :regular_smile:

[SanDiegoPhotog 0]

I haven't been banded yet, but I have made the decision to tell only a few people. DH knows . . . but no one else in my family. My relationships with the people in my family (ie, mom, sister, grandma, etc.) are some of the reasons that I use food as an emotional tool . . . so I don't feel "safe" sharing with them until my journey to end my emotional eating behavior has been changed or significantly altered (like 50% to goal, or something like that--I haven't decided).

The friends I have shared with are super excited for me, though. I can tell who my real friends are!

As I lose, though, I know there will be questions. And flippant answers or answers without significant details are simply not going to be satisfactory for the people in my life like my mom and my sister. I need to come up with a good response.

[Long2BFree 12]

I've told my immediate family that I'm getting banded, my mom, 2 of my cousins (who have had great success with the band) and four people at work. I wouldn't have told work but I'm the only person who does my job and felt it was only right to tell my employer that I am going to need approx 2 weeks off of work for surgery and all of the pre-medical appointments that will be coming up. I've missed a lot of work the past few years due to medical issues related to my weight so the boss is on me not to miss. So far I haven't encountered any negative remarks, but I can tell my mom is worried because my step-dad passed away in February from cancer and she's scared.

[ThinMinnie 0]

I was banded 4/2 and only my wonderful husband and son know from my family. They support everything I do and want me to succeed. I have about 3-4 friends who know who are all supportive. One of them has a band and she actually was part of my decision. Other than that I will decide as I go who I will tell.

I know my family would not be supportive so I chose not to tell them and so far I am happy with my decision. I have found some people who are negative because they actually want to do it also but for some reason they cannot.