Negative people with negative feelings

[eigna 0]

My band date is 04-09-08, I don't think I would have made it this far without you guys. I'm so happy to have found this forum. I was with my best friend today and she has such negative feeling about the band. She claims she know three people who have the band and they all have negative results. ( haven't produce none of their numbers) I don't even bring up the subject to her. I'm trying to remain positive.

[sfeiner 2]

Sometimes it's best not to tell ppl . I wish I wouldn't have. I feel like everyone is waiting for me to lose a noticable amt of wt. and it's been so slow due to lack of restriction.

[mom2bbb 0]

I am so sorry that your friend doenst understand what you are going through. It *is* hard. BIG HUGS to you!

About a year ago, I had mentioned that I was *thinking* of WLS. The negative reaction I got from people (mainly my mother) was overwhelming. I was told, Im too young, Im not fat enough, its risky, blah blah blah :thumbup:

I have worked SO hard to come to the decision to go ahead with the surgery. I decided *not* to tell people (except for my wonderful husband) that I am getting the surgery. I had concerns about this, and talked to the psychologist that I saw. She said it was fine, as long as I *do* have people to talk to my feelings about. So, that would be my husband, and this board!

to negative people with negative feelings!

[Kalipso2 25]

i've told only a handful of people... friends and family... most are negative. why can't i just diet? do i really want to waste that much money? they just don't understand that i've tried it their way and it hasn't worked.

i've found the most encouragement from my brother. i asked him for his help during the process because i will need to stay with him after my surgery because i live 4 hours away from the hospital.

tonight he said to me... "some people need some extra help" and i love him for understanding but i have decided NOT to tell anyone else... ever.

[Dia 0]

I only have a week and half to go until my band. My husband, parents and 3 close friends know and I don't intend to tell anyone else for awhile. When I start losing weight and if I'm bombarded by the inevitable "oh my gosh, how are you doing it" I may tell then. I don't want people watching me like a hawk while I'm in the early stages of losing.

What I'm finding hard to not be negative about is the pre-op diet. All this sugar free stuff and liquids leaves a yukky taste in my mouth. At least I've gotten past the undying craving for my favorite foods.

[Brinabrina77 24]

It amazes me the number of people who have decided to not tell some of the closest people in their lives about this surgery. What is even more amazing is that I am one of those people!!

For my entire life, I have had to deal with my weight issue. Me...not my freinds..not my family..ME. On top of that, some of my harshest crititcs about my health/wetight/etc are those who are closest to me. Then i mention to a few of them that i was considering this and they flipped.

"you don't need that" "you are not that big" "just eat less junk" "we love you jsut as you are"

Oh. my. frickin. goodness. After that response i did not mention it again for MONTHS. I waited until I was sure that no one remembered that I had even mentioned it before i made my decision to get banded.

I think that alot of the negative impression was from people who confused getting banded with the riskier process of gastric bypass. Once I explained to a few what i had gotten done, they were a lot less worried. One of my "freinds" is no longer a close friend as a result of this. her reply (jokingly, but i feel there was some truth to it), " go ahead and get it done..just don't you dare get smaller than me."

So that "freind's" negative statemensts were her fear of being the largest one in the room.

Some of the negative comments were fear of change. They truly loved me and had no idea how this would cahnge me. Once I assured them that I would still be me...crazy as I always am...still going out to dinner...still acting like a complete fool in public...they were fine.

Regardless of how people felt, i was doing thsi for ME. They did not have to live with my weight and health problems. they did not have to did with all my emotianal issues tied to weight,. If people truly love you they will be supportive. Some may coem around once they see how much happier you are. Others may never. All in all, I am still glad that I made this decision for me.

One thing I have learned though...telling people will help you determine who your true firends are.

[sissyjean13 0]

It's best to take anything someone says in one ear and then right out the other! You're doing what's best for you and it's not anyone elses decision. I'm having the same problem with peoples negative comments. Especially my sister. Oh she knows 10 people (yea right) that have had surgery and they all gained weight back! I just laugh. I'm being banded on April 10th! That's one day after you. I'm excited! I've lost 46 pounds since November doing the treadmill everyday and LA Weightloss. I'm still doing the lapband so I have a tool to help me lose the rest and help keep it off. I've lost weight before only to gain most of it back. My husband is getting gastric bypass soon also. Just waiting his visit with his surgeon. We'll be eachothers support. Don't need peoples negative comments! Good luck to you on your surgery! Take care.

-Dawn

[tammygirl 0]

I am so glad to see this subject come up because I have struggled with whether to tell or not to tell. After careful examination of my life, I have decided to dispense with proclaiming, exclaiming, and explaining. My past observation and experience has been that it results in a a lot of tongue wagging and little support at a critical time. Only my husband, daughter, and a couple of tried and true friends know about my upcoming surgery.

Someone said "Every woman should have a secret that most people never find out." This will be mine. Love to all of you!

Tammygirl:shades_smile:

[jocarojo 0]

I attended a bariatric support group last week, one of the group members asked me why I was having lap band surgery. I told her that my knees hurt all the time and I can't look at myself in the mirror.

The weird thing when I started talking about my procedure I almost started crying.

All that self hate and shame .... I spend far too much time pretending that I don't weigh 230 lbs.

[jtorie 0]

I have pretty much told everyone, all my co-workers, most of my family (the ones I talk to) and my friends. All my co-workers are wonderfully supportive and of great assistance. A few of my friends have made threats like "if you get smaller than me then we can't be friends" or "I can be friends with you because my boyfriend will be into you instead of me, you'll be all cute and blonde and his type" (do I get any say in that, argh I don't want your boyfriend -- I can get my own and I don't have to be skinny, thanks) Besides that you (meaning my friends) should all love me for my personality not my appearance. Now my family on the other hand especially my dads side who in general have all been overweight and ironically take any sort of herbs to lose the weight Ie Enrich(Powertrim), now its healthy chocolates. My grandfathers the worst, I was telling my grandparents about my choice in having the surgery (they) are rather healthy and in their 80s and he basically told me the only way I was going to be able to lose weight was to tell my self that I don't need food and to exercise. (Okay granpops, you starve yourself and tell me how it works out for you) Most of my family is supportive, some are concerned and many don't understand and never will.

But I am not doing it for them, for attention, for a boyfriend, to lose friends or anything else along those lines.

I am doing it for me, to be healthy and to someday have a healthy pregnancy or pregnancies. Also I want to be more involved in sports, my neices and nephews lives and be the outgoing person I used to be. Thats all I want.

[TulipStar 2]

There will always be negative people when you are doing something to better yourself. The fact is that your friend may be concerned about your safety or she may be concerned that you will change or that you may grow apart. If she doesn't act more positive, I would say something about it. Tell her that you really need her to be supportive through this...you have made a tough decision that will change your life and can only succeed with a strong support network.

Good luck!

[eigna 0]

Thanks for sharing. I see u were recently banded, how long were u down? In pain?

[eigna 0]

This is so true,thanks.

[chica 2]

I, too, have had the "you can't get banded or you might get smaller than me" experience. You know who I got it from? My sister, of all people... who had gastric bypass a couple of years ago! I mentioned that I was thinking about getting banded, and that was her response. So I never mentioned it to her again or to anyone else in my family (yet).

I've told a couple of friends, my DH and kids, and all of them have been supportive since they've seen me struggle and work to lose weight only to fail.

I'm sure once my weight starts to drop, I'll 'fess up to those who ask, but I'm not sure the world really needs to know. It is nice, though, to have those friends who do support you and wish the best for you. :thumbup:

[triser72 0]

I have worked SO hard to come to the decision to go ahead with the surgery. I decided *not* to tell people (except for my wonderful husband) that I am getting the surgery. I had concerns about this, and talked to the psychologist that I saw. She said it was fine, as long as I *do* have people to talk to my feelings about. So, that would be my husband, and this board!

I'm with you on this one...I have chosen to share the experience with my hubby and 2-3 of my closest friends (all support the decision). I have researched this decision for 18 mos. and met with one doc in June that made me uncomfortable. That experience made me fear the decision even more and it's taken me this long to work through it. My psych has been a HUGE help. My family may not find out for a LONG time. And my hubby's fam - we see them 2x/mo. - idk when I'll be ready to tell them. The mil/sil combo have commentary for everything in everyone's life - it's best not to tell them. My hubby wants to know who's going to sit at the hospital with him - I told him the hospital was next door to a Best Buy, so he couldn't be that bored.:thumbup:

Not banded yet...initial checkup with doc 3/18....:biggrin2: