The patient who knew too much....

[Laineyjeanne 0]

I feel like I should start this like an introduction at an AA (Alcoholics Anon) meeting. "Hi, my name is Lainey, and I'm overweight.".....(Everybody): "Hi Lainey, welcome".

At one time I was 5'10 (well, 5'9 and 3/4, actually, but I used to round up). I am now 5'8 and something...I think my feet have flattened as well as some spinal compression. I stepped on the scale at the doctors office this Thursday and the scale read 239. I forgave it for lying. Hopefully soon, it will start being more truthful.

It wasn't too long ago I had little sympathy for fat people. Throughout my twenties and thirties I was a steady 128 lbs. I modelled, some print, some runway. My mom, who was heavy since her 40s was somebody I thought had just given up. She's 5'7, and fluctuates between 185 and 220.

I used to say: "Fat people should give me their bodies and I'll lose the weight for them." Losing weight was no problem for me...people would wish for my metabolism for thier birthday. Then I hit 40. My metabolism went in the crapper. I just started putting weight on....a few pounds a week. Diets worked only as long as I was on them and then I'd gain the weight back and some as soon as I went off the diet. My decision to band was bourne from my thought of taking myself to my death bed many years down the road. I don't want to have to say: "I've been fat since my 40's..."

Now, I marvel at how much self control my mom has. She looks just slightly overweight and is in terriffic shape for a 70 y/o woman. Perspective vs reality issues......but the fact is, just like me, she has been heavy since her 40's...and my grandmother before her. It's my inheritance.

I am a nurse anesthetist in my last year of clinical residency in Tampa. That's how I found Dr. Dietrick. He runs the Bariatric Surgery Center at University Community Hospital, where I have been on clinical rotation for the past year. I just did an emergency lap appy with him last night. He was about 20 minutes skin-to-skin. He is very fastidious..unfortunately with my pre-ops, too. I spent almost 2K in pre-op testing....and I'm a self-pay!

I've seen these operations up close and personal...from the head of the bed. The anesthetic risk doesn't change. Insufflating the abdomen with CO2 gas is a freaky thing...and we all watch the monitors like an episode of "American Idol" while the doctor stitches the lap band in place. But as far as anesthesia goes..an endotrachael tube is still placed and cuffed, and you pray for a good anesthesia provider....one that gives you enough pain control. I am afraid of waking up in pain.....If you do it seems like forever to get relief. All of a sudden everybody is moving in slow motion, especially the recovery nurse. I know this isn't true....but pain distorts your reality.

I am also an astrologer. I was certified to the intermediate level by NCGR, and just never went back to get my advanced certification. I want to book on the 26th after 11 am because before that the moon is void-of-course. What the heck is a void-of-course moon, you may ask? It's when the moon has made it's last aspect to the latest degree planet in ANY sign...it then goes void-of-course until it goes into the next sign. It's kind of like going through the Lincoln tunnel. You start out in Manhattan, and once you get in the tunnel, you don't get out until you're in NJ. You never know where you're going to end up at the end of a void-of-course moon. Now, I was born under a void-of-course moon, so that makes it a little different for me, but I just asked another astrologer and she told me her experience is that medical procedures booked under a void-of course moon don't actually take place. Now that would be a nightmare.

There are other astrological considerations, too....like not having any procedure done when the moon is in the sign ruling that part of the body (that would be moon in cancer for a lap band)....and you want the mars (surgeon) well aspected. All in all, I'm happy with the 26th as a date.

So deep breath, putting all my fears aside, I will soon join the ranks of the lap band of brothers. Hopefully, in the not-too-distant future, there will be a lot less of me. I want to go back to being a skinny bitch with attitude and confidence. I've been skinny, and I've been fat. Life's better skinny. It seems like just a dream right now, and it's more than 100 pounds away. Yet every day I feel myself drifting towards that dream with an all-consuming purpose. More later.....

[josephine 1]

People may lose interest if you are a story teller. Maybe you are just a lonely person. I don't believe in obesity as being hereditary. You are the only one who puts food in your mouth and it is you who makes the choices in what you put in your mouth.

Most people don't live in the stars and it doesn't matter to me that Jupiter rules me. Just look at yourself and ask yourself what you are doing wrong because there is something different if you have only started gaining weight.

[shortgal 5]

Sorry, but I am almost speechless. Good Luck with your lapband journey.

[To be free 1]

I think it is the Universe getting back at your for your attitude towards people that have had to battle weight all of thier life.

Good luck!

[Laineyjeanne 0]

To Be Free: I think you're exactly right!! I have often had that thought. I want to go back to when I was younger and school myself in tolerance....for more than my fellow man just being overweight! I think for me, tolerance is only something that came with time.

[Angie4b1g 1]

It's like when I used to say "When I have kids, they won't act like THAT!" and my grandmother would say "watch what you say...."

I have THAT kid now, and every time I battle it out, I hear her laugh at me from heaven.

[MacMadame 81]

It is interesting how our attitudes towards weight change as our circumstances change. I remember being given a hard time about my weight, nagged about every bit of food I put into my body as a child. Yet, I wasn't particularly overweight. I was 110 and 4 ft 11 inches at 13 and most of that was boobs and booty. According to the BMI charts, my BMI would have been around 23 and that is considered a healthy weight.

Yet I felt the pressure to go on a diet and did, thus starting a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and taking the first step on my journey towards morbidly obesity. I look back and I remember how dissatisfied I was with my body most of my life. When I was 110, I wanted to be 100. When I was 120, I wanted to be 110. When I was 135, I wanted to be 125. Yet, it wasn't until I hit 135 that my BMI truly qualified me as being overweight and even then only barely.

Now, I look back on 135 with envy. My goal weight is only 145, mainly because I have fat stores I know are never going away and I don't think 135 is realistic at 50. Sometimes I wish I could have those years back so that I could enjoy how I looked instead of constantly being critical of myself for not meeting some unrealistic standard.

As for the void-of-course moon, all I can say is

[hopeinapril 1]

Hi Lainey, welcome!

I never thought of the fact that the moon is void of course. I'm not huge into astrology, but I do find it fascinating. It is good that you have so much knowledge about what is going to happen. Of course, too much thinking can stress you out. (Speaking from someone who does think too much) Good luck with your surgery. Come see the rest of us March Bandsters on the March, 2008 support group thread!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I think it is the Universe getting back at your for your attitude towards people that have had to battle weight all of thier life.

Good luck!

I don't think that is fair. How many times have you done the same thing? Looked at a drug addict and wondered why they started drugs to begin with? Or an alcoholic and wondered why they don't just quit? There are a million similar examples.

We have an eating disorder in my opinion and just like alcoholics we don't get help usually until it is out of control. We all think we can do it on our own.

I didn't relate to fat people either until I was one. I did not understand why they didn't just quit eating. Typically in society we hear "eating disorder" and think anorexia. It goes the other way too.

I'll never relate to wanting to get another good drunk in, I'll never relate to missing cocaine. I wouldn't fully relate until I had the same experience. Same holds true for fat folks.

[amsderb 1]

Thank you for sharing! I think way too much too! I am working on keeping positive thoughts about surgery... as for weight...I was always compassionate towards others and their weight...no one is getting back at me...it is just how it is...I have struggled since college...in high school I was fine, but was told differently (138 lbs 5'5.75). Now I just want to be HEALTHY and then...under 200...155 is what the doc said...

Keep all your minds in the positive...we are taking control through this!!

[make33 2]

I absolutely LOVED your discourse!! Of course the moon-in-void was beyond my realm, but I got the idea!

I've been on this forum for almost a year and really have not yet read of anyone who's been skinny and actually admitted they had made fun of (even silently) us fat people--and it's refreshing to hear someone say they now understand. Bless your mother!

I wish you the very best in your surgery (glad it's on a good day for you) and I know you'll be offering up some hilarity in this forum...!

[LynneB 0]

so what kind of moon will I have? April 11th @ 5am???? So confused!!!

[Apples2 19]

God bless people that DON'T judge others but I think they are few and far between. When we truly do not understand someone else's plight, we tend to judge. I bet most of us have witnessed it multiple times in our "overweight lives". Having knowledge is the key to understanding the people in this world that struggle with various "disorders" and addictions. I am thankful to my LBT family. I can come here and talk and not feel judged. Welcome Lainey. I hope you continue to come to this forum for support and wish you luck and hope that all your stars align.

[Laineyjeanne 0]

Thanks Make33!! When I saw the first two posts I thought to myself..."Oh my, what have I done....I should have kept my mouth shut...." I wasn't a hater....I just didn't understand the struggle with yo-yoing weight, the bias towards the uber-skinny world, prejudice against fat people, etc, etc.

And yes, my mother is a wonderful, beautiful person. She has taught me much in this life, including self acceptance, and for that I AM grateful.

[shortgal 5]

Ahh! so you thought you were being judged. Exactly the point.

But we all do it. We judge the homeless... why don't they get a job? We judge the drug addict.... just stop doing drugs! We judge how people dress? How they wear their hair.

I think it's just part of being human. Rare is the person, that doesn;t make a judgement about another. And how about this one: well, I'm fat, but not as fat as THAT person! Kinda of funny, when you think about it. A fat person judging a fatter person?

I wonder tho', why is your "favorable moon surgery date" more important than the surgeon's favorable moon surgery date" or the anesthesiologist's. I would think I'd want to be sure THEY are having a favorable day, more than me.

Why isn't that important? Just curious?