Dating, geez, HELP.

[Unforgettable 0]

he loves big butts...i got a flat one..lol I like tall dudes....6ft and up...he's like 5'10 175...so it checks and balances out...he likes "thick" girls...but im almost 95% sure im the "thickest" he has ever been with ....he gets extremely pissed off when i talk down on myself......When I initially told him about this surgery he freaked out and still kinda is...he always say's he doesnt want a skinny girl..i told him i dont wanna be skinny i just want to be "healthy thick" where my body is proportioned and I dont have to shop in the plus size section anymore....

Girl you sound exactly like me and me ex! If you asked me my type it would be at least 6' (that's on the short side haha), solid frame, nice milk chocolate complexion. My ex? 5'10", skinnier dude, dark complexion. It balanced though because he liked thick girls with big ol' booties and the closest thing I got to a booty is just fat haha love is a strange and beautiful thing though!!

[Kayc7227 0]

Omg I am definately in the same place! I avoid guys because I'm always afraid that they're are thinking horrible things about how I look, and thats because I'M always thinking horrible things about how I look! But now that I've done something about my weight Ive decided that this is for ME not for them, and am hoping that as I lose the weight I will become more confident because I LIKE how I look. And hopefully when I can appreciate myself, guys can too. Also if you have to dumb yourself down for a guy, he must be pretty dumb himself! Talk about boring! Haha, good luck!

[andy343858 0]

I've always felt rejected from others because of my weight. I always feel. like people are judging me. I just try to be myself. I have often found that people you think are friends say things and either don't respond or follow thorugh. It's weird now that i've started to lose weight people are noticing. I've always felt rejected by others. I try to stay away from girls because even though I have a few friends. It makes me uncomfortable because i've gone through a lot with people in general. I understand how you feel. It's not fun feeling this way.

[gtbadkitty 0]

Amen Trish!!! I'm told, "You have such a pretty face" which is, of course, code for "...but you need to lose weight!" Occasionally, I will see a bigger woman with a boyfriend and wonder if she was big when they met or if she's gained while they were together. But if the guys that don't mind bigger women could wear T-shirts or pins stating such, that would really help!!!

HAHA!! Wouldn't that make it so much easier!!

[JustJoe 0]

I may be mocked for this.. but that's ok. (i know it's an old thread)

From a guy's perspective.. I did the exact same thing as the OP. I got fat while i was with my last GF and she broke it off. I kept getting heavier and heavier.. Until I basically felt I had to hide as I would be an embarrassment to any of my friends, and I somehow convinced myself nobody would want to be seen with me in public. So.. while I am sociable and a very nice guy.. I instantly somehow seem to go to the "friend zone" when i meet women now.

It's frustrating.. I am hoping some weight loss will help boost my confidence a little bit.. because for a long time I just told myself I'd be single forever.. as time has gone on I've come to realize I really don't like that option. lol

this is a good example of me: and a funny read in case you're never seen it! ODE TO THE NICE GUY when my friends, esp female friends, read it they just laugh and say hey it's Joe! :biggrin:

[Gracey 7]

Joe - I just finished reading your Ode and first, please let me say, "verrrrrry well said." I've been doing numbers for so long that I've lost all of my writing abilities!! I clearly don't know what your major is but seriously, very well written!

[Warning: I'm about to express what I've learned in my 42 years on this earth and I am saying this from a "good place," OK? I am definitely not in any way trying to be disrespectful! There are SO many things that I'd wish people would've taught me in my 20's!]

Secondly, if the things that you have written about actually happened to you in real life, I would suggest that you not put up with all of the crap that you have. Now do I believe that you should continue to open doors and have the wonderful manners that you were clearly taught growing up? Absolutely!!! However, please stop "apologizing" for being heavier by letting these girls flirt with you and "tease" you. They are clearly not your true friend(s) if they are taking you to a party and then blatantly flirting with you. Period. Perhaps they don't realize they're being bitches or perhaps it just makes them feel better...who knows. In my opinion (and one of which you did not ask!!), I believe you should sit down and tell your friend(s) that while you value their friendship, their behavior is unacceptable (and "hurtful" if you're feeling honest).

Lastly, while I believe that those of us that battle our weight definitely are judged visually (before getting to know us personally), I also am finally coming to the realization that having a good sense of confidence is attractive. I personally have a very strong personality and take no crap at work. However, I chased a co-worker for years (yes plural if I'm being honest) and I finally snapped and decided that I absolutely could not take another day. I ignored him for over a year and just this month have begun speaking to him again. I'm sure my actions lulled him into the belief that I would put up with his crap until the end of time. (Actions being texting, IM'ing, emailing way the H too much.) Clearly he now realizes that this was not the case. My girlfriends think he is interested in me but doesn't know how to approach. Who in the world knows; I'm just living my life. Having said all of that, I want and need a boyfriend, partner, husband that is stronger than I am and that I cannot run roughshod over. Getting my way all the time is just boring! (So don't be too nice of a guy....meaning a pushover.)

So longer story longer - have an opinion, speak your mind, and stand tall, o' eloquent one. If the current college twits cannot see what a catch you are, someone will in the future!!!

Now can we discuss the mixed signals of one co-worker.....:tongue2:

Edited July 26, 2009 by SickNTired

[christaO 0]

Oh men.

I have been fat all my life, and it has (in my opinion) really hurting my romantic life because I am AFRAID of being rejected, or being treated like the desperate fat girl, so I just stay away from men entirely.

I just sort of let the idea go, of being the girl that men wanted, I became the funny girl that hung around all the guys. The best friend you'll never want to date.

Now, here I am, on my way to being skinny, and I realize, I am LONELY. Its hard, all of the sudden, now that I am only semi invisible to men, its hard seeing them look at me. I am scared shitless of men. I dont know how to talk to them without instantly turning it into a friendship thing. I dont know how to act around them, and to make matters worse, my friend told me that I should 'dumb' myself down a little bit, because apparently, I'm intimidating?! When have I ever been intimidating!

I have a group of male bestfriends, and when they are single, I look after them, wax their brows, help them pick out clothes, things like that, it really freaked me out last night when I realized that all of these friends, they are sort of like pseudo boyfriends. I want a REAL one. I just have no idea how to meet men, none of my male friends will set me up with anyone they know, because they all have this protective big brother syndrom. I have a few female friends, but they seem to be in the same boat as I am.

I am so frustrated with myself. So, how does one go about meeting men, I am 26, a professional, I think pretty smart, and pretty funny. It shouldnt be THAT hard, right?

-A

:tongue2:

HELP I am new and can not figure out how to post a new thread can someone please help me THANKS

[JustJoe 0]

SickNTired - Ahh I wish I could take credit for that one, but unfortunately I did not write it. I found it online years ago while doing research for some random lit class.

As for the content of the ode.. yes a lot of those situations, or eerily similar, have happened to me personally.

office romances.. can be messy. Be careful, that's about all I will say on that off the top. The possibility to hurt someone, causing rifts, is too high.

But then again if you're attracted to them, life's too short.. be careful but go for it! :tongue2:

[Gracey 7]

SickNTired - Ahh I wish I could take credit for that one, but unfortunately I did not write it. I found it online years ago while doing research for some random lit class.

As for the content of the ode.. yes a lot of those situations, or eerily similar, have happened to me personally.

office romances.. can be messy. Be careful, that's about all I will say on that off the top. The possibility to hurt someone, causing rifts, is too high.

But then again if you're attracted to them, life's too short.. be careful but go for it!

Yeah I know they can but we've already been through a year of not speaking so yanno. I seem to get a LOT of attention for him not to ask me out. It's very puzzling. :tongue2:

[gone 4 ever 6]

I have actually thought about calling a man I have known for about 8 yrs. or so. he has asked me out several different times. I met him at 1 of the stores I used to manage. he was a regular customer. I knew when and why he got a divorce from his wife.( I knew her too because she was also a customer.) But him and I bump into each other every couple of yrs. He has asked me out at my heaviest and even talked about how much better I would feel if I lost weight. The strange thing is I never got upset with him when he talked about it. He had asked me out after his divorce and I laughed and said no. I kinda made a joke about it cause he would ask me every couple of weeks. Then I left that company. Ran into him at another store I managed. He started asking me out again. That's when I was my heaviest. But I told him I worked to much to go out. So he gave me his phone number. I am thinking about calling him now that I am 77 lbs lighter than before. I still have an extremely long ways to go. But what if he has finally settled down? What would I say? I haven't dated in 6 yrs. The time before that was 13 yrs. I used to enjoy dating. But a failed marriage and 2 failed engagements have made me extremely shy about getting hurt.

Oh well sorry so long. If I decide to call him I will let you know.

[Loving everyday 0]

Hang in there guys....When I was at my heaviest I had confidents stringing off of me but I never really got asked out. I had given up, I told myself "no more looking", "I can deal with being single", I had even convinced myself that I would be better off single. Then out of the blue this guy came out of nowhere he had blonde hair blue eyes perfect body great sense of humor and (ladies you know we all are looking for this in a man) a job. I brushed him off thinking here is just another jerk, but this jerk was chasing me, I couldn't believe it. He kept asking me out and so I went ahead and accepted. Three years later we are still together, I wake up some mornings and ask myself "is this for real am I still with this beautiful man?" He is in great shape, he runs everyday and has healthy eating habits (which has helped me out so much). He has stood behind me thru my whole band experience so far. Anyways, I just want to show that there is still hope out there just be yourself and be happy with yourself and that other person will come around just be patient. :thumbup:

[Gracey 7]

Hang in there guys....When I was at my heaviest I had confidents stringing off of me but I never really got asked out. I had given up, I told myself "no more looking", "I can deal with being single", I had even convinced myself that I would be better off single. Then out of the blue this guy came out of nowhere he had blonde hair blue eyes perfect body great sense of humor and (ladies you know we all are looking for this in a man) a job. I brushed him off thinking here is just another jerk, but this jerk was chasing me, I couldn't believe it. He kept asking me out and so I went ahead and accepted. Three years later we are still together, I wake up some mornings and ask myself "is this for real am I still with this beautiful man?" He is in great shape, he runs everyday and has healthy eating habits (which has helped me out so much). He has stood behind me thru my whole band experience so far. Anyways, I just want to show that there is still hope out there just be yourself and be happy with yourself and that other person will come around just be patient.

So, does he have a dark-headed brother?

[Loving everyday 0]

So, does he have a dark-headed brother?

Actually he does but unfortunately he is already married :tongue2: Don't worry that special someone will come sooner than you think

[flirtyangel 1]

I have heard if you just lost weight you would be gorgeous all my life. In fact my mom just told me the other night another 50lbs and you will really be getting the attention. I get told I am beautiful all the time by friends. Yet when I go out nothing. Now mind you I have lost almost 85 lbs. I feel much better and getting more confidence. But wouldnt you guess I have not had a date in months and my last two dates were horrible. I did the match.com thing and i have had the two worst dates in my life. One guy just wanted a hook up which I will not do. And the other literally left me in the middle of a movie. If that is not a confidence downer I dont know what is. I have really been struggling. When I was bigger I got alot of dates. But they were not quality guys. With my confidence I am not willing to settle anymore. Which leaves me with no dates. I just dont know what to do.

[steph_co 9]

I hate to be one to admit this, but the dating pool is a shallow place. As you get thinner, you will naturally meet more guys. That has easily been my experience. I was ALWAYS shy (and still am), but they approach me, now. I hate that, but as I told the guy I'm seeing now, I don't necessarily consider it shallow to have a body-type preference when you work so hard on your own. So I'm readjusting the way I think, in general. Just be open. :blushing: