Toxic Guilt

BeachBabe(soon) · March 11, 2005

There are two kinds of guilt: Healthy Guilt and Toxic Guilt.

Healthy Guilt is the kind of guilt we should feel when we have done something that is truly inappropriate or harmful. For instance, a man who beats his wife or children should feel lots of guilt. Healthy Guilt says "Hey, you made a mistake. Do something about it." It helps us acknowledge wrongdoing and encourages us to act contritely. Almost everyone (except sociopaths) feels Healthy Guilt some of the time.

But Healthy Guilt is not the problem when it comes to food. The culprit here is Toxic Guilt. Toxic Guilt is neurotic guilt. It is guilt that arises from dysfunctional thinking and beliefs.

I have created a checklist to give you a quick but effective way to identify the existence of Toxic Guilt in your life.

TOXIC GUILT: A CHECKLIST

These 25 statements are examples of thinking that causes Toxic Guilt. If you say yes to even one item, you have at least a small amount of Toxic Guilt. If you say yes to five or more, you need an inner revolution against the tyranny of Toxic Guilt.

I FEEL GUILTY WHEN…

1. I eat.

2. I overeat.

3. I eat "bad" foods.

4. I am overweight.

5. I say "no."

6. I feel angry.

7. I have sexual feelings.

8. I stand up for myself.

9. I go first.

10. I disagree with my parents (whether alive or dead).

11. I am thin.

12. I get attention.

13. I take time for myself.

14. I am loved.

15. I am needy.

16. I ask for help.

17. I spend time with friends.

18. I am not being productive.

19. I don’t live up to my parent’s expectations.

20. I don’t do housework.

21. I spend money on myself.

22. I do what I want.

23. I am not perfect.

24. I am happy.

25. I exist.

Not one of these items is "bad," but Toxic Guilt tells us it is. It twists normal needs and wants into illicit and forbidden desires. Thus, we are tortured by an irrational dictator that rules unchallenged in our own minds.

The thinking that produces Toxic Guilt was unwittingly taught to us by parents and/or religious organizations. Then, without awareness, we live our lives never questioning our adopted toxic thinking patterns. We now feel guilty because we are a normal person with normal needs, wants, desires and behaviors. We can call this kind of guilt toxic because it never leads to healthy reactions. It does not lead us to forgiveness and redemption. Instead, it drives us to self-condemnation and self-hate or we "eat everything in sight."

You are having a self-protective reaction to Toxic Guilt when you eat. You eat to feel better. The problem is, eating does not eliminate the cause of your suffering. When the food remedy wears off, Toxic Guilt returns.

If you are to find release and relief from Toxic Guilt, you must take it seriously and become an expert on it’s voice in your head. You cannot afford to deny or avoid it. The following techniques will help you get started.

CONFRONTING TOXIC GUILT

Make your own list of Toxic Guilt statements. Write down everything that even vaguely sounds like a Toxic Guilt thought.

Ask yourself these questions: "Do I really need to feel guilty about any of these statements? Does a truly healthy grown up person feel 'bad' when she/he thinks or wants these things?"

Make a decision today to stop being a victim of Toxic Guilt. Write a Declaration of Internal Independence and place it on the refrigerator. Example: I declare that today I am free of Toxic Guilt and all of its destructive thoughts!

Create some compassion for yourself. You have suffered at the hands of a cruel and irrational judge. Don’t compound the problem by beating yourself up. Use your energy to fight it.

I recommend that you print out this article and carry it around with you. Refer to it when you feel Toxic Guilt appearing. Share it with your friends. Everyone has a bit of it. Get some support and email me at Matt_Coyote@bellsouth.net if you want more tough-minded weight loss tools.

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