Seeking support - hurt feelings

[austinglobe 0]

My boyfriend of 4 years told me about two weeks ago that when he was trying to describe a hamburger that a friend was eating, my face flashed in his head and he called the hamburger "fat". He said this in front of me, and at the time I thought nothing of it. Later that night he said he had a "confession" that when he used the word "fat" that he felt gratified when he said it. He said that part of him felt like "see I told you (me) that you are fat."

He did it again the other night while ordering on a menu saying he would not get ribs because of the fat in them. He immediately "confessed" again that when he said "fat" he thought of me. I asked him - "do you have a problem with my weight?" And he said "yes, every guy wants to date a supermodel." I told him, "if you want to date a supermodel - go find yourself one." He gave me flowers later that day, but he hasn't said he's sorry.

When I met him, I was 225, and my highest weight while we have been together is 245 (pre-band), my lowest 212, and I'm currently at 230.

At first I was hurt, but now two days have passed, and I'm pretty pissed. I wasn't skinny when I met him, and now 4 years later he has a problem with me?

Has anyone faced something like this? I've been criticized for my weight all of my life, but I've never had someone this close to me judge me for it.

[confused 4]

you weren't a supermodel then, but maybe that's all he could get, maybe he's nothing to look at. He's scared though because he can see in his minds eye that one day you are going to be a supermodel, and that you may dump him for someone else that treats you better and may be better on the eyes. I believe that you don't need him around right now because you only need good support, and love. He needs to understand that.

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

I lived with a boyfriend for 3 years. I was 174 when I met him and climbed all the way up to 230 by the time we were married. Then all of a sudden, he started calling me fat. He put up a calendar of the incredible hulk and said it was because I am as big as the incredible hulk. It is really bizarre because I know there are guys who like thin girls, guys who like chubby girls, but how can a guy go from being attracted to you to totally being mean and verbally abusive?

I found that you need to be with a guy who loves you for you, whatever weight you are. I dont know him but I have a feeling your boyfriend is no supermodel himself. Lose the loser before you guys get married and you regret it. No guy should ever put you down repeatedly like this guy does and believe me, it will just get worse. You are beautiful and special whatever weight you are. Focus on the parts of you that are beautiful no matter what, your eyes, smile, hair, bustline, etc. Then get out of this relationship and don't commit to any other guy who puts you down. You are worth more than that!:eek:

My boyfriend of 4 years told me about two weeks ago that when he was trying to describe a hamburger that a friend was eating, my face flashed in his head and he called the hamburger "fat". He said this in front of me, and at the time I thought nothing of it. Later that night he said he had a "confession" that when he used the word "fat" that he felt gratified when he said it. He said that part of him felt like "see I told you (me) that you are fat."

He did it again the other night while ordering on a menu saying he would not get ribs because of the fat in them. He immediately "confessed" again that when he said "fat" he thought of me. I asked him - "do you have a problem with my weight?" And he said "yes, every guy wants to date a supermodel." I told him, "if you want to date a supermodel - go find yourself one." He gave me flowers later that day, but he hasn't said he's sorry.

When I met him, I was 225, and my highest weight while we have been together is 245 (pre-band), my lowest 212, and I'm currently at 230.

At first I was hurt, but now two days have passed, and I'm pretty pissed. I wasn't skinny when I met him, and now 4 years later he has a problem with me?

Has anyone faced something like this? I've been criticized for my weight all of my life, but I've never had someone this close to me judge me for it.

[snowbird 2]

My daughter tells people she lost 250 lb of ugly fat pre-op when she kicked her boyfriend out right before her lapband surgery . . .

She has since lost an additional 125 lb since the surgery, and is very happy.

Why would someone, who supposedly cares about you, tell you things specifically designed to hurt and humiliate? And why would you want to keep that person near you?

[RainyDay 0]

That was a terrible thing he said to you, and he doesn't deserve your love or company.

[austinglobe 0]

Thanks for all of the advice and kind words. You have helped me see the writing on the wall.

He was about 250lbs until may of last year when he started dropping a lot of weight quickly. Turns out he was an undiagnosed diabetic, and he lost 50 lbs by the time he was diagnosed in August.

Maybe now that he's looking better, I'm no longer suitable for him.

[tifferoni326 0]

umm Im sorry but a-whole...its bad enough for him to think it but to confess it..

sounds to me like he has self confidence problems of his own adn wants to make sure you feel fat, so youll stay w him.

funny thing is the cutest couples are those that are well matched in my opinion..two ugly people look better together then a cute one and a ugly one..sorry if this offends someone but ive always felt this way..anyways..point is every guy might want to date a supermodel, but not every guy looks like brad pitt or orlando bloom etc..so next time he says something like that, assuming you stay w him of course, mention yeah i understand, I mean Im not angelina jolie..but of course youre not brad pitt either! I mean if hes gonna insult you, show him what its like...or at least think this to yourself as you leave the table or it in silence in the car!

[saltlick 0]

:cursing:I am so sorry, I would kick that dude to the curb so fast. You don't need his opinion on your shoulders while you are trying to get lined out with the lap band.

I have lost quite a few friends- I thought they were friends anyway. They are happy as long as your their size, but lose a few pounds-from a size 24 to a 11/12 and they start bad mouthing you.:blushing: Just find NEW Friends that do appreciate what you have gone thru to better yourself and your HEALTH.

Just like that boyfriend. As long as he was your size it was all good, RIGHT?.

:angry:Get rid of him- find you a SWEETIE:tt1: that will be by your side thru this whole wonderful Lap band Journey. Show that a*# what he could have had "IF" he would have been a better more loving boyfriend. This gives you more of an insintive to stay with the program and show "old" boyfriend--nannie nannie booboo--look what you could of had-FOOL!!:smile:

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!!

ENJOY LIFE!!:thumbup:

IT'S A GREAT PLACE TO BE-- "it definately beats the alternative."

God Bless

[Wheetsin 714]

Not all men want to date a supermodel. Don't listen to him on that one.

However, just MHO, 4 years is a significant investment, especially if thigns are otherwise good. I think it's easy for people to say "drop that loser" but I don't think that a couple of rude comments about you, associated with food, are justification for sumping someone if he otherwise treats you well AND honest efforts haven't been made to fix the situation.

Him not saying sorry - yeah, sounds like a guy. To most guys, giving flowers is better than "sorry." Too bad they're so clueless. :blushing:

Have you tried talking to him about how it makes you feel? How about his feeling gratified by using the word fat in front of you? That's an odd emotion to tie in to something so weird. It might make you wonder if he resents you gaining weight.