My Friends/family need me to be overweight

[justicenyce 0]

:eek: Hi everybody..im new to the site and io wanted to pose this question becosue its dawned on me that my friends/family opposition to the band is stemming from their comfort with my obesity. I think my older sister who is overweight but cant get baned for other health issues enjoys me being overweight becouse she doesnt feel judged and has someone to to go to lane bryant with

My younger sister, is a dancer and thinks i need to simply go to the gym and diet but i have numerous health issues, im 5'6, 270 pounds and I need help. I know banding is dangerous and the natural way is best but i know i need help

My friends like me being their plus sized sassy friend but the moment i mention i want to lose 100 pounds they have an issue. They are starting to make me doubt banding ...does anyone else have a complete lack of support and still got banded :confused2:

[shortgal 5]

You're 31 years old, well past the age of consent and old enough to know what's best for you.

There are a lot of reasons others judge us or disagree with our decision. Heck, most of us struggle with the decision to have WLS and it's our body.

Many of us have friends, family, coworkers etc that don't understand. Is that a reason to stay fat?

They will all be the same people that later will see how much healthier, happier and how much better you look. Whether they admit any of this to you is their problem.

You can still go shopping with your sister to Lane Bryant for HER, but then you have to also go to the misses department in another store and shop for you! And you can tell your sister, you're sorry she can't be banded for whatever her reasons are and you will love/support her, no matter what her size or weight and she should love/support you no matter what your size or weight.

I think your family will come around and support you after you're banded.

just my opinion!

[JustinsMama 1]

I've finally gotten to the point where I'm saying to myself what has this lifestyle been doing for ME all these years? The answer is nothing but keeping me fat or making me fatter.

You need to ask yourself that question. You're family isn't going to lose the weight for you (no matter how much "helpful" advice they try to give).

You have to do what's best for you because nobody else can or will.

Good luck to you.

[KarenG. 0]

I carefully chose who to tell about the surgery. It was my younger sister's idea and she has been 100% supportive. The friendstold were all supportive too. I knew that there were people who would be judgmental so I didn't tell those people.

[justicenyce 0]

Thanks for replying so quickly. I really love this site becouse you all make alot of sense. It is my decision at the end of the day and making others happy or comfortable will not make me healthier. Its just frustrating becouse my support system does not totally identify with me. Anywho thanks again everybody and good luck

[Daisalana 33]

You're doing it for you, not them. Keep that in mind as you face the criticism. Good luck!

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Just wanted to throw my two, maybe three, cents in. :-)

I was banded 2/11/08. My family pre op were very supportive except my dad, who was just really worried about the surgery itself. Post op, I've found them to be... well, less than enthusiastic. They ask how I'm feeling, say they're supportive, but they tease me. We went to dinner for the first time, I ordered two enchilada's. I ate one and said I felt really full, they made fun of me. To be honest, I might make fun of me too. They say things like, "She's going to be the skinny girl saying, 'Oh, I'm so fat.'" or "She sniffs the food and says she's full." I don't think they realize how hurtful those small comments can be, particularly because I feel like no one understands my day to day struggle with the band. My whole family is overweight... no... obese- morbidly so.

All that information to say this... :thumbup: As I was thinking about my relationship with my incredibly close family, I realized that we're going to hit some bumps. There is no norm for this situation. Our lives previously revolved around food... and as my family and I re-adjust to life, it's expected that we'll have to relearn behaviors, ideas, and perhaps our relationships will change. I hope they do! Honestly, I hope my changing will help me encourage my sisters so that we can all be running around. I was a saboteur once too! I think I just need to keep a positive attitude, not be too sensitive, and don't change how I feel about them. I love them!

I keep comparing it to when I got married, we had to adjust life and family situations to make the circle bigger to accept him. Well, with my band, we just have to shift the circle to include that too. I think in the end, the waters will settle and the regular comfort will come back to place.

Good luck.

[Sunwyse 1]

If one of them had diabetes and needed insulin to help maintain health, would they not take it because you felt more comfortable with them being sicker than you? of course not!

Ask any of them to not do something they want to do because you feel uncomfortable about it (could be taking a trip they've planned or going to work one morning), see if they stop doing it just because you've said it makes them uncomfortable. I bet they don't. In the end, its your life, your health, your weight. Only you can decide and only you have the right to make that decision. If you feel their behaviour is going to affect you negatively, then just don't tell them you're having it done. Once its all over and one, then you can tell your family (if you live with any of them, they will know it during the weeks after). Apart from that, its no-ones business unless you choose to make it so.

[hnladue 7]

My mo is my support group, but it took her a long time to accept why I wanted to do this. I'm not yet banded but she still throws question bombs at me!! This weekend it was How will you poop?? Gheesh mom!! She doesn't understand portion size and all she thinks about is what she's going to eat next. It'll be hard with her around, but I'll just have to tell her to knock it off!! At least she agrees that the band will be a good thing for me and even she's considering it too.

[shortgal 5]

Well if there are any questions your Mom has that you can't answer for her, just ask here. Somebody here will give you an answer to give to her.

You'll "poop", don;t worry. In the beginning when you're on liquids, you might be loose with diarrhea, later you might get some Constipation from pain meds and then you might have movements less often. Less food in, less poop out! High Protein diets can make many people constipated and some of us add Fiber in our Water or drinks etc. Like benefiber.

Tell your Mom whatever it is, you'll adjust. Many times family members are just afraid of the surgery, they worry something will go wrong.

[jnbwilds 0]

It's so hard, this support thing. I'm sorry. Hopefully, if your surgeon is close, there is a local support group. If not, there are always local Overeaters Anonymous meetings, or Eating Disorder church groups. Find a group where you can be around people who can understand. And this forum has hundreds of friends. For your friends and family, here are some ideas.

*Be patient - when your results begin to show, the support will grow. My dad was skeptical until the weight started falling off.

*Often when your overweight friends criticize your decision, they are jealous, because you're escaping from the "fat girl's club"

*Remind your family that you're not doing this to get "skinny", but to get "healthy".

*Put your arms around your family members, hug them, and say, "You can't believe how much I need your support right now, could you please not say hurtful things?"

*Remember that sometimes family members are just misinformed - they may think this is dangerous (have them watch the Emmi's or read the literature) or they may mistake the band for GB surgery.

Good luck,

[Kat817 19]

Just wanted to throw my two, maybe three, cents in. :-)

I was banded 2/11/08. My family pre op were very supportive except my dad, who was just really worried about the surgery itself. Post op, I've found them to be... well, less than enthusiastic. They ask how I'm feeling, say they're supportive, but they tease me. We went to dinner for the first time, I ordered two enchilada's. I ate one and said I felt really full, they made fun of me. To be honest, I might make fun of me too. They say things like, "She's going to be the skinny girl saying, 'Oh, I'm so fat.'" or "She sniffs the food and says she's full." I don't think they realize how hurtful those small comments can be, particularly because I feel like no one understands my day to day struggle with the band. My whole family is overweight... no... obese- morbidly so.

All that information to say this... :drool: As I was thinking about my relationship with my incredibly close family, I realized that we're going to hit some bumps. There is no norm for this situation. Our lives previously revolved around food... and as my family and I re-adjust to life, it's expected that we'll have to relearn behaviors, ideas, and perhaps our relationships will change. I hope they do! Honestly, I hope my changing will help me encourage my sisters so that we can all be running around. I was a saboteur once too! I think I just need to keep a positive attitude, not be too sensitive, and don't change how I feel about them. I love them!

I keep comparing it to when I got married, we had to adjust life and family situations to make the circle bigger to accept him. Well, with my band, we just have to shift the circle to include that too. I think in the end, the waters will settle and the regular comfort will come back to place.

Good luck.

These comments do not seem to be made to be non supportive to me---or malicious in nature. When we are fat, joking about it is not okay. Seems like maybe this is just their way of being happy for you and maybe an uninformed way of showing it.

There are people on this site who find being called skinny, the equivalent of being cussed at----and in the next post you will find someone who is counting the pounds and days til someone refers to them as skinny. We all take things differently, and in this case, what your family is doing, would make me laugh at myself too!!!

Kat

[rharriet62 0]

Um...you WILL be losing weight "the natural way" as you put it! You will be eating healthfully and exercising! The weight will be coming off based on how much effort you put into it. Change is scary for people, especially when there is a role you fulfill in their lives. Keep the focus on YOU! You are doing the right thing for YOU.

[msmonafly 0]

Well, I just informed some of my friends and family that I got the band and they are all supportive. My cousin whom was always thin said, "Your gonna be my size" and maybe I will. I was very hush hush about the whole process until i got my approval. Now, I am telling more and more people about my band... I hope that eveyone knows that they have to do what is best for them, and changing your life will in fact change the comfort zones of those around you. but guess what??? Just like you will have to adjust to living with the band, they will have to adjust to the new found freedom from being overweight that you havefound. Peace...

[Bea1128 1]

I'm still waiting on insurance approval and therefore have not told anyone, except of course my husband. I haven't told my mom because she's a worrier and the longer she has to worry, the angrier and more aggressive she'll become. I also think she'll be jealous of my weight loss. She had me when she was very young and we've always had this weird competitive thing going on. Right now she's smaller than me, but she's still obese. When she feels anxious or scared, she gets aggressive. By that I mean she will try to come up with any and every reason why I shouldn't do this. "What if I die on the table?", "What if I can't ever eat again?". So my answer is always, "mom, what if I twist my ankle and fall into the street and get run over?". The more anxious she gets the more ridiculous her reasons will become. (Never mind the fact that she tells me on a weekly basis how worried she is about my health because of my obesity.) I had to have my gallbladder out years ago because I had gallstones and when she found out my doctor was a D.O., she told me "I hope you’re happy, he's just going to let you die". (She has an irrational problem with D.O.'s) She came up with all sorts of reasons to be mad at me and made my life hell while trying to recover.

So, the moral to that long, boring story is this: You have to manage your family and your situation to the best of your ability. I know I'll catch hell when she finds out (my surgeon is a D.O.! :teeth_smile:), but I'm taking steps to make sure she doesn't have very long to make me feel bad about my decision. It won’t matter to her that I’ve thought about this for a year, I’ve done my research, I’ve read books, and I’ve talked to people who have had it done. I'm having it done whether she likes it or not. I have to do this for myself and to make sure I'm around for a long time for my kids. Also, she is my mom and I love her. She has a lot of good qualities too, she's a great grandmother to my children. I know how she is and love her anyway. I do what I can to lessen her anxiety so I can keep my sanity. :crying:

I was accused of being dishonest a few days ago by another poster because I wasn't planning on shouting my decision from the nearest rooftop. Everyone has different feelings about this and in my opinion it's a very personal one. Our attitudes and feelings are shaped, not only by genetics but by past experiences. You have to do what you have to do for yourself and for your own reasons! Good luck to you and I hope you find peace and happiness with your decision.