pain ,surgery and men

[aubrie 6]

Iy your husband is telling you to look outside the marriage for physical satisfaction and love, then he is no longer committed to your marriage. why he's continuing to stay in it is beyond me, except maybe to make you suffer needlessly. He's already divorced in his mind and in his heart. Be kind to YOURSELF. Tell yourself you deserve better. You deserve to be loved, cherished and adored. You deserve happiness and security. Go out and find it. He's given you his blessing, what are you waiting for? But I agree with all above. Don't tell your man you know he's looking on match.com. Cover your ass first financially. Believe me, if he was cruel enough to tell you to look elsewhere, he'll be cruel enough to take you for your half of everything!! good luck sweeties. My heart goes out to you.

[Kat817 19]

I read this, and as I was putting things away in the kitchen just now, it was running through my mind. Picture this scenario!

Since you found his match.com, you respond to it as another woman....play him along, I mean after all this time, you likely know of his serious dislikes, and things, so you could play up being the perfect match. Then when the time comes to meet face to face....invite everyone you know to the restaurant, to watch as you hand over his divorce papers, and everyone sees him as the cheater he just proved himself to be.

I know it would not pull off so easily, but wouldn't it be fun??!!!

Kat

[Robin Bird 0]

Kat - you're such a hoot!

Robin

[chubbychecker 1]

I would be so worried and disgusted that your husband had no regard for your health like AIDS or VD. I believe in commitment, but there is a line that is drawn. Part your ways you will be so happy! There are plenty of men out there that respect human beings.

Chubby Checker

[Turler 6]

I am so sorry for you both! Please don't ever allow yourself to feel less than worthy in any way! You are on your way to healing, gaining confidence, self-esteem and pride! You deserve to be loved and have affection. There are a lot of changes in your lives right now, so maybe some counseling would help?

Best wishes to both of you. Take care.

[Turler 6]

My post sounds weird...I read page 1 and got so upset I just replied without realizing there was another page! Sorry! I was referring to Shelli and tmm42.

I think it's always good to explore other reasons rather than assuming you know why someone did what they did. However, I really like Kat's idea!!

[Apples2 19]

I worked in a bank many, many years ago, but I think we were always the first to know when a marriage was going down as one or the other spouse would come in and start closing bank accounts.

A week later the other spouse would show up trying to close the same account, you should see how surprised they were to find out they were already closed! Get your ducks in a row!

Just what you said, Shortgal. I worked at a few banks and that was one of the first things that happened. Account closed....money not there when the spouse came in a few days later. I think the bank employees figured out the divorce thing b/4 the spouse even knew it. Gotta look out for yourself.

[mnn2501 0]

Losing weight will not make a bad marriage good. I am a 51 yr old male (married) and think what your husband is doing is despicable.

[I'm still here 0]

I read this, and as I was putting things away in the kitchen just now, it was running through my mind. Picture this scenario!

Since you found his match.com, you respond to it as another woman....play him along, I mean after all this time, you likely know of his serious dislikes, and things, so you could play up being the perfect match. Then when the time comes to meet face to face....invite everyone you know to the restaurant, to watch as you hand over his divorce papers, and everyone sees him as the cheater he just proved himself to be.

I know it would not pull off so easily, but wouldn't it be fun??!!!

Kat

That is GREAT !!! :drool:

[shortgal 5]

Kat, That is so evil..... I love it!

[asherje 81]

Hello ladies. I sympathize with you guys. I am recently divorced as of 12/26/2007. My husband and I had been together for 7 ½ yrs, married since 1/22/07. I gave birth to our son on 3/20/2007, I found out he was having an affair on 5/21/2007 with a little young chippy he meet on line :scared2: (I know I’m young buy she was only 21) I had just given birth to our first baby and he said the main reason was the fact that I was too fat. What’s sad is that I’m not too over weight, well if you follow the height chart I’m 80-100lbs over weight.

To top it off I had started to lose weight from the pregnancy and it still didn’t matter…They now have a house together not to far from “our” home, sucks because she’s a little size 8 or something :drool: and now gets to be around my son.

I can understand the frustration of finding out that they posted online, mine had meet this woman on an online game and I found IM’s dated back to April when my son was only 4wks old. (I found pictures and videos of everything; he flew her in to my home while I was to my parent’s ranch because he had a “Business Trip” and didn’t want us home alone)

If you need anyone to talk to I’m here. I have made the decision to get banded so I can finally feel good about me for me and to be healthy for me and my son. Too bad my insurance doesn’t cover it, but soon as I finish refinancing my home (to get his name off it) I am going to finance the procedure.:cursing:

[Turler 6]

asherje-- I'm sorry for your loss...you are so young and it's not supposed to be that way! You sound like you are handling things well, and you are so smart to get control over your weight now. Think of all the fun you'll have playing/running/dancing and being silly with your son!

Good luck to you!

[njmike61 0]

How did you find his ad on match.com??? Were you looking or did

you have reason to be suspicious?

Either way there are a lot of problems here. He may be flirting to see if

there is interest in him. Is he insecure about you leaving him when you

lose weight? Has he had an affair? You need to confront him if you truly

love him and want to save your marriage. If not...move on.

The timing of this must be terrible for you. But remember, you just started

a life changing journey. He'll either share your triumphs or get left behind.

Stay strong and focused...you need to think about you as much as he is thinking about himself. Your life WILL get better, I promise.

[JerseyGirl2u 0]

I worked in a bank many, many years ago, but I think we were always the first to know when a marriage was going down as one or the other spouse would come in and start closing bank accounts.

A week later the other spouse would show up trying to close the same account, you should see how surprised they were to find out they were already closed! Get your ducks in a row!

If I were you, I'd post myself on Match.com... and wait for him to find it!