March Bandsters: MASTER THREAD

[ajoneen 0]

Hi all

I will be incommunicado for a while. I just got a call from my Dad in Ca. Mom was taken to hospital and is asking for all her kids to fly in. Doesn't sound good. Im flying out in 3 hours. Stress + flying = restriction.

Im just not ready to say goodbye.

[lynnt1215 1]

Hi all

I will be incommunicado for a while. I just got a call from my Dad in Ca. Mom was taken to hospital and is asking for all her kids to fly in. Doesn't sound good. Im flying out in 3 hours. Stress + flying = restriction.

Im just not ready to say goodbye.:scared2:

Sorry to hear about your mom, All the best to you and your family, prayers for all of you

[k_podski 2]

Howdy fellow Marchers! Happy 2009, and Congrats to everyone on doing so well:)

It has been a very long time since I have been on here.. And for good reason. Errr I guess not so good... I need to vent and beat myself up a bit, and hopefully move on to a happier place:).. So here it goes~

Back on September 21 I decided I was going to quit smoking. And I did. Kind of. I have been pretty smoke free for almost 4 months now. I have kicked a habit I have struggled with since my early teens. Yay, right? Not so much.. Out the window went the cigarettes, hello excuses for eating badly.. I found that quitting made me "feel" hungry all the time. I used food to supplement the craving for cigarettes. And whatever else it has ever done for me.. (Read on..:scared2:

So here I am, 4 months later, 16lbs heavier, and ready to smoke again. I have taken a few drags here and there to help me get along on these dreadful fat days where I just can't stand to be myself. What have I done?! I am now in the 200's again from 192. I could taste 180- my second mini goal- my high school weight.

The thought of a mirror makes my heart pound with anxiety.. I know what I've done to myself. I can't bear to look. I am miserable with these 16lbs I've tacked on. To the point that I think I may be depressed for the first time in my life. It is horrible. I am irritable, angry, spiteful and so sad. I can barely stand myself.. So much for my husband.. I've put him through hell. And continue to. Misery loves company I guess?? This is not who I am, nor ever been, and this feeling of failure is sooooo frustrating and embarrassing. How could I have lost myself so quickly?

I've always looked for excuses to eat. Birthdays, holidays, weekends, camping, socializing. You name it, I ate to it. Before sugery I ate bad for a month knowing the day was coming.

Now here I am, wondering if in some crooked crazy way, I decided to quit smoking to give myself permission to eat? Subconsiously was I thinking "I can snack, eat candy and chips, and lose the smoking?" Surely eating these bad things would be better than smoking...

Gosshhhh.. I just don't know what to do with myself. Where do I start? 16lbs seems like so much. And now I am in the 200's again. What a kicker. Ugh.

Ok, ok, I am sorry to ramble and be so negative! I think it is important for me to get this into the open somewhere.. I am so ashamed, I can't imagine saying this out loud to my family. Maybe I'll start blogging to help me along.

I am calling the office tomorrow to see if I can see a nutritionist there who is also a counselor that specializes in eating disorders. I hope I can get into see her. Soon. I hope she can help.

Thanks for hearing me out guys..

Edited January 20, 2009 by k_podski

[BrandNewLisa 0]

Hi all

I will be incommunicado for a while. I just got a call from my Dad in Ca. Mom was taken to hospital and is asking for all her kids to fly in. Doesn't sound good. Im flying out in 3 hours. Stress + flying = restriction.

Im just not ready to say goodbye.:scared2:

Awww, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom ajoneen, you and your family are in my prayers.

[SugarBean 0]

ajoneen - I am praying for you and your family.

[SpecialK 22]

Kpodski--- you took the first huge step -- admitting you have a problem and asking for help. We are here for you girl. Do this one day at a time and if you need a band adjustment to tighten you down, go girl, go.

I know how powerful smoking is not from me personally but I have a sister who has smoked since her teens and she is past 40 and now needs neck fusion surgery and her surgeon has told her she has to quit smoking at least 3 weeks before surgery and stay off smoking after forever or else he doesn't want to attempt the surgery -- he feels that strongly that her life and healing of her neck surgery needs that healthier air/lungs etc. So, congratulations on the quitting smoking, I know that is really really hard. My sister used to say losing weight and keeping it off for me was just like quitting smoking for her. She agreed to quit smoking once I had my lapband surgery but that was 10 months ago, and alot happened since then and she just couldn't quit. I pray now she can.

Are you writing down what you are eating? Getting exercise? Pick back up and get in gear girl! We're here for you. Tough love and all ..though.

[BrandNewLisa 0]

k_pod, I am really sorry that you are in a dark place. We have all been there, and I am really glad that you turned to us.

I know that it is easier said than done, but it is time to let the past be the past. Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life. Wake up tomorrow, decide that you are a Bandster, and then live the life. What is already done, is already done, period. Look at how you can move forward, no matter how small the step. Walk on the treadmill for 5 minutes. Turn down one snack, one sweet. Just remember that you started this journey for a reason, but also remember that you are human. To err is inherently human, just accept your frailty, and figure out a way to make it change.

I say this all not from on high, but from familiarity with being low, just like you. I live so much of my life there, that I want you to rise above it! As much for you, as for all of us. You can do this! Keep the faith, remember and turn to us, and know that we are here to catch you when you fall. Good luck!

Edited January 20, 2009 by BrandNewLisa

[Tess415 1]

Amanda- prayers and hugs for you and your family at this stressful time.:scared2:

K-Pod- Quitting smoking is a fantastic step in your health, but its time to face the truth of why you smoke and make bad food choices. I struggle everyday with wanting to eat to feed the stress monster, the emotional monster, and any other monster you want to name!!!! The first step is identifying the problem, next is the plan... which it sounds like you've got an idea of where to turn for help. Next, would be to execute your plan. Hang in there. Just like Oprah, you've said it, got it out in the open... you (and no one else) is perfect!!! One foot in front of the other and you will get back on track!!! 16 pounds isn't terrible, its a sign you need to change something and you are going to do it!!!!!!

[Tess415 1]

I got my third fill last Tuesday, and holy smoke is it tight!!!! I have never had this much restriction before... I hope it isn't too tight. I am still trying to figure it out. Had my first PB episode ever...not fun... very painful and anxiety causing. I don't think anything got stuck, I think I misjudged the amount of intake at lunch and had a frozen yogurt which is a liquid technically, I think that put me over the top. Never had a problem before... back to the basic rules and today has gone well with soft foods. I am down 6 more pounds:) The scale is finally moving after a huge stall for last 2 1/2 months!!!!!!

[k_podski 2]

Thank you soooo much for the replies!!

I wish I didn't wait so long to come on here. I guess I didn't want to look like a failure or give anyone that was looking forward to getting the band bad energy...

I'm going to call the office tomorrow and get my butt in gear. I can do this. Thanks again for the tough love and pointers:) You guys rock!

[k_podski 2]

Amanda,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this tough time.. Hang in there, and take care of yourself!

[Fenton 3]

Amanda, hang in there. We're all thinking of you.

[HarleyGirl 1]

Amanda.....take care of yourself.

you're in my thoughts.....not an easy road to travel.

[HarleyGirl 1]

KERRI!

I've thought about you and wondered how you were doing! I'm delighted to hear about the smoking cessation....now, let's get back on track!

Making a doctor's appointment is a great start....get in to the shrink, the nutritionist, the hypnotist, WHOEVER it takes....you've come so far and just have to make it the rest of the way WITH ALL OF US!

No man (or woman) left behind!

[SpecialK 22]

I got my third fill last Tuesday, and holy smoke is it tight!!!! I have never had this much restriction before... I hope it isn't too tight. I am still trying to figure it out. Had my first PB episode ever...not fun... very painful and anxiety causing. I don't think anything got stuck, I think I misjudged the amount of intake at lunch and had a frozen yogurt which is a liquid technically, I think that put me over the top. Never had a problem before... back to the basic rules and today has gone well with soft foods. I am down 6 more pounds:) The scale is finally moving after a huge stall for last 2 1/2 months!!!!!!

Tess, that is so great that the scale has started moving again for you, I'm in the same place kind of bouncing up and down around the same 2 lbs but I know I'll get there if I hang in and hearing you are now moving down, gives me hope too. Congrats.