Is it do able all by myself?

Thin4Anisha · February 26, 2008

I am still in the beginning stages, figuring out insurance and what not. The biggest fear that I have is that I am a single mother to a five year old little girl. I do not have anyone to help me with her or myself after the surgury. Is it something I will be able to manage on my own with my daughter? I was raised in foster care and have no family to speak of, no close friends and her father has never been in the picture. Any ideas or experiences would be greatly appreciated. She is a very good little girl, very smart and very advanced mentally. She has been very good in the past when I have gotten really sick and I have thought if we could just have a few quite days at home it might work.:biggrin:

Jachut · February 26, 2008

If she's five, you'll probably manage, but you're not going to be driving for a few days. If you can have few queit days you'll be OK, and of course, you probably dont need to lift, fetch and carry for a five year old like you do a toddler.

It wont be the easiest thing, but you could have to have ANY sort of surgery - maybe you'd have to get your gallbladder out or similar and you wouldnt have a choice, this is important and you will get through those few days till you're feeling better. Once the band is there, its just a lifestyle change that you can certainly do on your own.

Good luck, a bit of emotional support for you would be nice, but sometimes I find my little five year old daughter just the best company! A little TV watching and spoiling wont hurt her, prepare for those days for her as much as for yourself and it'll probably be special time together.

kjeter · February 26, 2008

Yes, I think it is. I had my surgery on Friday, February 1, and went back to work on the following Tuesday. I did lay around quite a bit over the weekend, but still managed to get up everyday and shower and such. The one thing I would NOT recommend is trying to drive yourself home immediately after the surgery. Some clinics offer rides to and from. If transportation is a problem for you, you should discuss that with the doctor or clinic. Good luck to you. It's worth it!

Thin4Anisha · February 26, 2008

That makes sense, if nothing else a cab ride. Thanks for your input. It makes me feel a whole lot better about this. She is the most important factor of this whole thing. I love this forum!

marylee · February 26, 2008

You'll do fine. She's old enough to understand.

My 20lb kitty is NOT going to be happy he can't get on Mommie's tummy for a while!

And we'll all be here for you.

coolcrystal · February 26, 2008

ANisha, I don't know...

I just got banded yesterday and I can't get out of bed without my husbands help and even walking around is very painful. You definitely won't be able to drive and the first day you'll be very drowsy and want to sleep the whole time. There's got to be some sort of support system your way.. maybe another bandster or friend that should try to come help you for at least the first two days. Please just consider that.

kbinaz · February 27, 2008

I think if your daughter is as you describe you should be fine. Do you have a girlfriend or two who could be there for you for one or two days? Even if someone could just stop by a couple times a day. I did fine - my husband went back to work two days after my surgery and I have teenagers,which is basically a lot like having a five year old!!! (: (what I mean is they were really no help but could understand I couldn't do a lot for them). I was allowed to drive 24 hours after my last dose of narcotic pain meds. I had my surgery on a Friday, took my last pain meds on Sunday (switched to regular Tylenol or whatever) and drove my daughter to school on Monday. I didn't do much but drive her to school (I came home and did nothing the rest of the day) but you are by no means just lying around (you are supposed to be up and walking the day of the surgery.) And I am pretty old...I'm 48! So you'll probably bounce back even quicker! Like someone said above, you will need someone to bring you home after surgery. Other than that, I think your daughter is old enough to be a good helper. Good luck and feel free to ask any other questions that come up.

heartfire · February 27, 2008

Questions: What is your daughter going to be doing while you're in surgery? What if you end up having to spend the night in the hospital? I don't want to scare the heck out of you but want you prepared. If she is being cared for by a friend, is it possible for her to be an emergency back-up for your daughter to stay with for a couple of days in case you're just not capable right after surgery?

I've got a toddler and know where you're coming from. I'm married but he's a fireman and works a 72 hour shift.

I don't know where you live or how financially solvent you are but could you hire a nurse/nanny for a day or two, or to come in for part of the day for a few days? Just a thought. Another thing, let your surgeon/office staff know what you're facing and find out as much as you can about what you'll be able to handle/not handle after surgery. They may even have some resources for a home care nurse.

I'd also be cooking for your daughter and stocking the fridge and pantry before surgery so you're good for at least a week, more would be better. You really don't want to have to go to the grocery store when you don't feel good.

Best wishes.

VegasGrace · February 27, 2008

Well, that depends.

When you had a baby...did you need tending to? Or were you one of those who pops the baby out and goes home to tend to the kids, do laundry, etc?

I was the latter as my last child I stayed in the hospital for 6 hours. I also had a Tummy Tuck years back...which killed me.

The banding was nothing compared to those two things. I was up and around doing everything. Got tired alot...won't lie to you. But if you've ever had the flu...it's kinda like that. You don't want to do anything but you keep going.

good luck

catzintj · February 27, 2008

where do you live. maybe someone on here lives close by and can help you.

malby · February 27, 2008

Well done you!!

I am a single mom too although my daughter is now 15. Not quite the same as 5. I am having surgery tomorrow but have told noone so am getting a taxi from and to the hospital on my own and plan to just veg out over the few days after.

I do have to stay in overnight though so this may be a problem if you dont have someone to look after your little girl. I have precooked lots of food so that my daughter will be well fed without me havign to make much effort and have done a big shop for the next week or so. I am hoping that just staying in the house under the duvet with lots of DVDs will be OK for a few days.

I hope that you can sort it all out. It is harder doing it on your own as I find it difficult having noone to discuss it with so am constantly worrying that I have made the wrong decision but this forum is really great and lets you hear all sides of the story. I am convinced that this is the last chance for me so I am determined.

Two years ago I had major leg surgery and was unable to do much for 4 months. We coped, as you will. It is amazing how ingenious and creative you can be when you have to.

kathystrick · February 27, 2008

Maybe you could find a band buddy? You know, someone who has already been through or is going through the same procedure you are who could not only be emotionally supportive, but lend a hand with your daughter. There are state forums on here, but if yours is as inactive as the one for my state, that probably woni't be much help. Does your doctor/hospital offer a support group? Or maybe they could help you find someone. Good luck to you!!

MOTOMOM · February 27, 2008

Absolutely this is do-able. 5 year olds love to help. Set her up with crafts, and movies in the same room as you. She will love to be your nurse. Get some Snacks she can do herself, juice boxes/ Water bottles she can get out of the fridge herself. She will be in heaven getting to be your caretaker. If you are on the couch and she is on the coffee table you can doze and still keep an eye on her. Don't worry about mess, you can fix that in a few days, just let her think she is your helper. She will love it!!

Kat817 · February 27, 2008

I agree with heartfire....what is your plan for your DD while you are in the hospital for surgery itself? If you can use that plan as an emergency back up plan if you should have a problem, then I see no problem in it being doable.

As for needing help in and out of bed, put a dining table chair next to your bed, you can use it to sit things on so they are close at hand, and it also works wonderfully as a leverage in and out of the bed. Your stomach muscles, where they stitch the port in especially will be sore.

Plan ahead. But new color books and crayons, a new movie or 2, maybe some play doh, or a little Polly Pocket set----small things she can entertain herself with. Buy up some small Water bottles, or juice boxes, have meals prepared and frozen....or have frozen dinners for her---you need to stock your broth, and Protein drinks up for you as well.

Have all the laundry done, and everything you can prepared before hand.

Then it should be pretty straightforward...veg out while you heal, you 2 can take short walks together. She does need to be taught how to dial 911 if she does not already know. There is risk of blood clots etc., as with ANY surgery. She needs to know to get you help if you fall or something.

I would discuss it with whoever you plan on having her stay with while you have the surgery itself. Maybe one of her little friends Moms could help you out in exchange for you watching hers in a couple of weeks. Or maybe someone from church.....look around and I bet you can find some support! Emotionally we are always here, the site is up and running 24/7!

Good Luck!

Kat

Thin4Anisha · February 27, 2008

I think the nurse/nanny idea may be a good way to go for the first day or two. Just to make sure nothing happens that would leave my daughter scared because she see's that mommy needs help.

I have discussed, with one of my daughters friends mothers, about the band and mentioned I was looking into having it done. She offered to pick up Anisha from school the day of the surgery (our daughters go to the same private school) and they could have a sleep over and that she would bring her home the next afternoon. I planned on taking her up on this so if I had to stay over night she would be taken care of and having a great time.

Having the meals already prepared and in the fridge/freezer is a WONDERFUL idea. That would make things so much easier and Anisha would get a big kick out having smaller versions of milk/water/juice that she could get herself. You guys have given me wonderful ideas and the hope that with some preparation and a little hired help that I really can do this!!!!