I'm a wreck

[Jammin & Losin 1]

Vinesqueen~ What is your surgery date? Is it the 15th of March?

[vinesqueen 2]

I strip myself naked

Nothing holds the wolves at bay

Pain, a standard clutched

All protection gone

Gone are my shield and armor

Wit, my soul weapon

how will I to protect

my tender heart from cruel life

my size my armor

Facing my failure

Options fade like mist on fields

Facing my future

[Bright 9]

Crystal - sometimes it's really hard just waiting....you'll be banded before you know it - I'm thinking about you xx

[vinesqueen 2]

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I truly cherish the support I find here.

Megan, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it was exactly that I was mourning. Those meditations produced the haiku I previously posted.

I’m not really mourning food. I’m mourning the anticipated loss of power. I know that I will not be losing any of my physical strength, but in losing size, I loose intimidation power. I’m sure that makes me sound like a lunatic, or a megalomaniac, or maybe a little of both.

I’m sort of built like a prison matron. Picture Queen LaTefa in Chicago. I am fearless, I think, in part because I know that no one is going to mess with me. Mind you, I’m a fluffy bunny inside. While jerks in bars feel no threat in harassing slender women, they think twice about the situation if I have to get involved. This has happened on more than one occasion.

I also use my size as a shield and armor against the difficult times I’ve had to endure. My size was a buffer against the wolves that raised me.

And unfortunately, I had to take an ambulance ride today. A sudden and severe asthma attack hit me so hard I couldn’t get to my apartment and take a breathing treatment. The good news is that it shouldn’t affect my surgery on Monday. If for no other reason, I want this surgery to help me so I don't die from resperatory failure.

My surgery is the 14th, Monday.

Thanks again for listening.

[hagerteresa 3]

It looks like the whole troop has tried to reassure you but I wanted to add my hugs and advice. I felt TOTALLY like you do and was a nervous wreck. It all went fine and I'm beyond thrilled I had it done. You too will feel the same way later on. Best wishes and good luck, Teresa

[lapbander081004 7]

I also use my size as a shield and armor against the difficult times I’ve had to endure. My size was a buffer against the wolves that raised me.

Crystal, You'll have to use you brain more now against the difficult times. And from what I see in your post you'll do just fine.

Best wishes

[Iluvharleys 15]

Crystal - You will be fine, if any thing you will be stronger for it. Your confidence will soar!

Good luck on Monday, I know you are anxious and nervous, and that is normal. Just make sure you post when you can and let us know how things went!